Jero’s ‘unhealthy obsession’ of public instances / Malice and Jelly’s imminent breakup.. this will end well

Posted on 06-11-2022 by Benie

So this is going to be an interesting blog post for me to write, as both things were happening at the same time. All I will say is Jero.. I have mixed opinions of.
But how it started was me prepping to get on and seeing Jero once again in a public instance… with 65 people in it. I wanted to join since I totally wasn’t wasting time working on JeroWorks and getting distracted by YouTube videos the day before, and I wasn’t going to because my computer wouldn’t handle it.
I asked him why, and he told me his otter friends were there. Alright, that makes sense. But I hopped on anyway, thinking he would join me eventually. I went to go see a friend of his who was in LS Media. They changed the upper floor where the wall I hid from the others back then has been removed. There’s now a nice lounge area, and they moved the mirror to be where the wall used to be. In addition there’s now an ‘Upstairs TV’ button that you can watch the screen from the 2nd floor. I really love this change as it’ll support more people able to watch and not be cramped up like a sardine can downstairs.
Plus it’s easier on my neck, not having to tilt my head to see the screen. I did go to my own instance to really check out the changes.
–
Now Malice is messaging me, saying Jelly “doesn’t believe” he could get good at doing dirt biking. I found that quite harsh what Jelly said to him, and wishing I could do something to help him. He wanted to join me, and I’m thinking “OSHI– what if Jero joins. I have to tell him” and did. He ‘thanked’ me for the heads up, and I was about ready to say “you’re welcome” before he said “I almost joined lol”… that hurts. I would had rather spent time with you than Malice. It really made me mad, but I learned from the last time I stated my opinion, and did the opposite (don’t want to lose him yet again as a friend).
Really wanted to, but I resisted. Malice tried to join but his wifi kept having issues. And these issues kept persisting when trying to watch a movie (buffering issues). I felt “well since we’re both here, maybe we can… you know. Since we haven’t done it in awhile.”
He on the other hand wasn’t really in the mood. Instead he wanted me to make the world as another instance, to let his friends in. I didn’t like this idea and never did it, and Malice eventually left me (I do believe why he just suddenly left when we snuggled).
–
I waited awhile as at the time I thought he crashed again, while I also feared by me saying nothing to Jero that he would unfriend me again.. thankfully my fear didn’t come to fruition. Jero was still joinable, in a Friends+ world (for once). I assumed he was
with Ferret and his friends. Joined while still laying down in my bed IRL. Gotta say I love the new IK 2.0 of how well it saves your calibration between world loading, which is something IK Tweaks failed to do at times.
Saw Jero with a huge crowd on the other side of the world. Otter friends. Went over and booped him to say hi. He said hi back, happy to see me. I stayed with him, leaning up in bed. Then Jero went deeper into the crowd. I debated if it was worth staying here or leaving and working on JeroWorks. Decided to stay here… which honestly I should had picked the ‘work on JeroWorks’ option.
Staying away from the crowd a bit, suddenly Jero comes running up to me and
says someone tried to crash me. Said he saw someone stare right at me and saw them shoot particle laser beams at my eyes, and “I thought for sure you crashed”. Then he walks away. I stood there, very confused (as I didn’t see anything resembling a crasher) but also a little annoyed of who in the fuck wanted to crash me. Not to mention the way Jero acted. Didn’t at all seem concerned that I was almost crashed, or even asking if I’m alright. I did feel a bit uneasy, but also thankful I got mods that keep me from being crashed.

Some time later, he comes up to me again and wants me to “hang out” with his otter friends. “I don’t ‘hang out’. I observe” I said. And it’s like he had completely forgotten what I said of how I don’t like being in large crowds. He even wanted me to use the awtter model that Mibit did. ..Are you kidding me!? Absolutely not! But he kept on insisting, not wanting me to “feel left out”. I said “I’m used to feeling left out. Why I solo multiplayer games” I said.
So he went over to his otter friends and started dancing. I stayed in the world, jumping up on a roof overlooking them, and playing music. 10 minutes later I saw him waving at me. I waved back, and then he beckoned me to come down.
Someone’s trying to open up a public instance portal. I look at Jero and say “if you’re going there, I’m going somewhere else”. Clearly he didn’t hear me as he asked if I want to join. “I don’t do public instances!!” I said, and he.. it’s like he completely forgot that I don’t go to those type of instances anymore. “If you change your mind..” he said before going into the portal. Ohh don’t you worry.. I won’t. As you just wasted my fucking TIME. ..Wow.

To be fair on him, he did want to be with his otter friends. I should had just let him have his fun. ..Yet why did he say “I almost joined lol” after I told him that Malice was going to join me? Just for him to state his opinion? …I dunno. He should had just left it as “thanks for the heads up” and that’s it. Or say “sorry Benie but I won’t be joining you. I want to be with my otter friends. Sorry”.
Anyway when I tried to pull up my menu, VRChat crashed. So yeah… I worked
on JeroWorks for the rest of the morning. And Mr. “If you ever change your mind” went offline around 3am hopefully realizing I wasn’t fucking kidding with my hatred towards public instances.
I’m not joining a world with 30+ people. Not anymore. My PC is starting to show its age.
—
A footnote here: the next day I talked to Jelly about what happened, and he feels the relationship with him and Malice needs to end on a positive note. I dunno if that actually happened or not, but he knows Malice deserves better.

Posted in Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Jero’s ‘unhealthy obsession’ of public instances / Malice and Jelly’s imminent breakup.. this will end well

The Fairly OddJero / I want to meet Ferret’s avatar coder! / Never ‘love’ severe weather.. / Why I actually feel thankful for my computer

Posted on 06-08-2022 by Benie

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The Fairly OddJero
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…Please don’t sue me, Nickelodeon, or Disney, or whoever owns the rights to the show with a similar title of this gag blog post title. It’s to be seen as a gag and is not to be used for anything else. Thank you.
With that out of the way, the reason why I made this title is Jero’s been spending time with other friends a lot more than normal. However I’m not even sure if I can even call
this ‘normal’ as he’s likely been doing this for awhile, but usually he tells me he’s “with the otter group”. Recently he’s been telling me he was “with a friend” instead.
So what’s odd about this is me and him where talking about random things. He had sent me something that apparently made him horny (where he was saying “bite me
daddy”). Was a bit awkward but funny at the same time.
At the end I said I was going to strap in and would be on soon, and how I was testing things in JeroWorks 3.0 first. I was hoping he’d join, but the only one that wanted to
join (three times) was Draconianate, who was obviously lonely and wanted attention. But I was busy and had no time for him.
Anyway, like I said Jero never joined. After doing the testing I needed, I went to LS Media to watch the rest of DragonBall Super. Wanted to watch the rest with Jero like we did the night before, but he wanted to be with friends. So I ended up just letting him and was able to see all of Season 1 of that show.
After that was done, I decided to go see what Jero was up to. He wasn’t in a Public instance like he typically is, but in a Friends+ one: called ‘Ferret’s Photo’s’. Hmm. Interesting title for a world. Went there.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It was literally a world with photos. No mirror, just photos. Cool idea. Also I remember meeting a person named ‘Ferret224’ (Jero introduced me to them). So anyway, I looked at the various pictures he took (mainly of locations and friends). Eventually saw three people in the distance. Jero (one of them) comes up to me.. walking sideways. Um dude, heh. Your avatar is broken! He was quite aware, saying he was using his feet trackers but his hip tracker still needed charging. And there’s no way to switch out of FBT (even though the new IK 2.0 system has a button for this) unless you completely close out VRChat. But Jero did his best to fight through the broken mess to stay there as Ferret did a tour of his photos, with me apparently being the one he was doing the tours for.
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I want to meet Ferret’s avatar coder!
==============================================================
The tour was reaching its conclusion and Ferret was showing us his pictures of all
the times he was in the world of Furality 2000, Luma and others. But I got to say what really blew my mind was his pictures of Furality Legends. Okay, not bad for a $15 ticket to see things like this (still wouldn’t pay to join a world though).
He also showed something that really interested me; able to make a weapon through particles and then grab it as if it’s an object in the world. He said he “knows how it works but not how it was made”. He kept mentioning the name of the coder that did it, but I forgot the name.
So why did it interest me? It serves no purpose for JeroWorks in its current setup. Especially with how he was able to switch the grab point to a part of his body. I just found it really cool. I could find uses for it. Like making a bat with the words “NO HORNY’ on the side.. that I can smack Kovo with. Hahahaha.

I’m sure though if I ask enough, I’ll find out how it was done via the VRChat Discord. They helped me achieve something some don’t know how to do (grabbing the pose).
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Before the tour was done, Ferret wanted us to check out a world he made that was “stolen by vikings” (he says), called ‘Viking Great Hall’. The story of the world is he originally made it for two people to get married in VRChat. However the marriage didn’t go as planned (I didn’t ask him what happened by the way, but he “didn’t want to go into
detail”) and he assumed the world would disappear (memory wise). But someone came up to him.. who is an actual Viking (and apparently lives quite close to Jero) and wanted to repurpose the world (but wanted Ferret to make changes to it). And this is what he met by it “was stolen by vikings”.
Before we left though, he stopped suddenly and said “that’s thunder. ..I heard thunder”. He had storms approaching his house, and he talks about how he “loves the sound of thunder”. I was going to respectfully disagree with him with how I feel, but what I didn’t know is karma will do that for me.

In the world. Was pretty cool. Ferret showed us around, having us click various things and watching what happens. There was this one time where I had to speak up about a global reset button for props, but Ferret feels it wasn’t needed with how he’s never seen trolls enter the world.
==============================================================
Never ‘love’ severe weather.. for karma will bite you in the tail
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Ferret was going over this artwork of what actual vikings used back in the day. Damn
man, you should make a fucking Museum of Natural History with how well you do this! It really impressed me he went out of his way to do this. Then he talked about this glitch he did of the settings window of this world being behind one of the pictures.
Suddenly he stops talking. I wasn’t aware of this until the others started saying “oh
no Ferret crashed!” They started asking eachother “this is the first time I’ve seen Ferret crash”. I stepped in saying “maybe not a crash but something else”.
A few of them had Ferret on their phone , and it seems I was right: he ‘crashed’ from the storms that knocked out his power. Not to toot my own horn but “ha-HA! That’s what you get for loving severe weather!” ..Though, there’s loving, and there’s also “being respectful of Mother Nature’s fury”. And I’m sure Ferret is.
Jero (who also has Ferret on his phone) says Ferret “hears sirens”. Oh shit. I decided to check Radarscope and saw two Tornado Warnings east of Kansas City. So if he hears sirens, he’s likely somewhere there. But from what I saw, thankfully (for Ferret) it was rotating in the clouds but not on the ground. So, ‘radar indicated’ (and we had a small discussion over this).
Jero asked if Ferret “could see it”. “No”, I quickly said. “Not at 1 in the morning anyway.”
We all didn’t really know what to do at that point. With Ferret gone due to a power
outage, all we could do is wait. Jero then gets another text from Ferret, that his power won’t be on until 3 in the morning. They all freak out thinking it’s going to be hours. Um you guys know what ‘time zones’ is? I said “relax, that means he’ll be back on in two hours.”
Jero then asks me if I wanted to go to another world. Felt that’s kind of wrong
leaving Ferret’s friends behind like this, but ehh. Pretty sure he already knows this and feels it won’t be a problem. So we head to LS Media to totally not re-watch Season 1 again.
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Why I actually feel thankful for my computer
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We restart on Episode 11 of Dragon Ball Super. Did my best to resist the temptation to say things like “watch this” and act like I haven’t watched it yet. We were in the process of watching Episode 13 when VRCX said ‘jeromeah has gone offline’. I said “ohh no” then looked over on my left and.. he was still here?? WHA–?! He walked around to show he was still there. Started thinking it might be my internet connection, yet my ping was
fine (bouncing around 40-50). He felt his connection would die soon, but we just kept watching. Then at 4am I saw him stiff as if I had an object next to me of his avatar. He messages me on Discord with “……”, then a few seconds later he leaves. ..FUCK!! I checked his next message of him saying “guess who joined the no power party”. Dag nabit!
Says the reason for the outage was an “electric key ran out of credit”, and “that Alienware is verry power hungry”.
Makes me thankful for my computer. I dunno how many amps mine takes but damn. He should’ve done the math then to make sure he could afford the power draw. But I get it if he was hyped to get a new system, wasn’t thinking.
Though I kept watching (now Season 2) until I was interrupted by my mother at 4:58 in the morning. She wanted me to let the cat in and I did, and decided to just turn everything off.

.
I might have to contact catboy again about JeroWorks. At a complete loss of what could be the reason why.. whatever doesn’t like my idea of having some of the poses on the ground instead of floating in the air. I dunno if it’s World Constraint, the framework, or Unity itself.
But I do have an idea that might work.

Posted in Drama, Personal, Weather Alerts | Comments Off on The Fairly OddJero / I want to meet Ferret’s avatar coder! / Never ‘love’ severe weather.. / Why I actually feel thankful for my computer

Newton’s 3rd rule of law happened this weekend / Fate of the “Kovo’s dead” / ‘SAVE BUBBA | SAVE JERO’ / An easy decision

Posted on 06-06-2022 by Benie

First off, just wanna say I decided to not even try a 3rd time to redo JeroWorks 3.0, just to fix the Rex’s ears and tail. It’s just.. too idiotic and dumb effort to try for a 3rd time, when I already have the project (what really matters to me) working. Just have a few residual bugs I need to fix, but I’ll go over that later in this post.
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Newton’s 3rd rule of law happened this weekend
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“For every action in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction” -Issac Newton
What is Newton’s 3rd law of motion, and more importantly why does it play to what happened this weekend? Well Newton discovered that you can take two objects and one object will cause the other to move.
Aka (for me), Saturday’s good luck caused Sunday’s horrible luck to smack me in the fucking face. And what I mean by that, was getting food.
Saturday, we asked for food to be delivered from two restaurants and they arrived a minute apart from eachother, and we got what we wanted.

Sunday however.. completely different story.
1. Mother wanted me to go up to Burger King. I expected no issues from this until I went up to the door and.. it was locked. Um.. EXCUSE ME?! You guys shouldn’t be closed!! There were two people in the building, who I at first assumed were customers and I for some reason got the big “fuck you”. I was half right.. I definitely “got the big ‘fuck you'”. They weren’t customers, they were workers. And one of them was the manager. I knocked on the glass to get their attention to figure out why in the fuck are they closed.
I could barely hear the woman through the glass, only thing that I heard was “you can use the drive-thru”. ..And I yelled back “I HAVE NO CAR!!!”
WOW. I knocked again trying to tell them that I have to get my food to go and I don’t have a car to go through the fucking drive-thru. A guy came to the door, and he made absolutely no sense. Couldn’t hear him at all through the glass doors.
I’m already embarrassing myself infront of everyone around me and decided to just “fuck it” and head back home. Wow that pissed me off. Guess Burger King doesn’t want our money when they won’t open up their doors.
Guess I should assume ‘worker shortage’ being the reason, but if that’s so.. why are they
serving drive-thru anyway? Are they using a skeleton crew? That’s possible. Not enough workers came in to manage.
And that seemed to be a recurring theme the next two times I tried to order my
usual Sunday dinner. This first one was a restaurant that we had issues with
last Friday, when the driver called and stated the reason being “technical difficulties” with the restaurant. Mother suggested I call said restaurant to make sure there won’t be an issue this time. Got a woman who assured me the order will go through no problem, that she doesn’t foresee any issues whatsoever. So I held them to that promise. It was
nearing 6 and a driver came to the restaurant. I was expecting a call once again to let me more of more “technical difficulties”, instead I see ‘Your order is now delayed’. That’s different, but promising. What I didn’t see is the driver left and a new one arrived in their place.
And then… I got the dreaded “we have to cancel your order” phone call. However the driver said “we tried twice to get the order submitted but they didn’t accept it”. Called the restaurant again and said “so I’ve been informed by Grubhub that the order got canceled because you guys didn’t accept it?” And the woman (a different one I believe) said “yes”.
And hoo boy did I open up a can of whoop-ass on her. The woman’s like “what do you mean?! We don’t do the orders, Grubhub does! You have to contact them.”
What do you fucking MEAN you don’t do the orders?! You get the orders from them which you guys failed to do! You cook the orders. Grubhub comes and grabs the orders and delivers them to the customer. Do not play the victim! You’ve LIED to me, saying there won’t be any issues. .. You’ve lost my business. And then I hung up on her lying ass as she continued to say “this isn’t Grubhub!! We don’t control this!”.
Doesn’t matter if they ‘control’ it or not, I was lied to, and I hate liars.
–
2. So I wanted McDonald’s (as what I originally wanted). And that, nearly failed as well with it also being delayed. But holy fuck they finally got it, and I finally got to eat.
—
Time to talk. This, is bad. Very bad. And I do believe it’s a sign of what’s to come. Mother gave me a story she told me some time ago but I forgot: of her and a neighbor of ours taking her to McDonald’s on a Sunday, and they were in the drive-thru. And they noticed how abnormally slow it was taking.
Claimed they heard the manager telling the workers through the spot where you go to say your order “if it gets too much, deny the customers” (or something like that). And the neighbor wanted to speak to this manager, and the manager confirmed he did say it. And the neighbor asks “what about the customers who just want to get through
the drive-thru?” And the manager said “come back another time”.
This is sadly to be expected. They can refuse service if they’re overworked and understaffed. Plus this was during COVID’s worst time. Now, now it’s workers using ‘get out of having to work free cards’ (aka stimulus checks). And in two or so years it might not even be possible to do delivery orders anymore. And when it comes to that, I still have a bike I can use to get to these restaurants. While mother says that’s a great idea, she says it won’t work if they’re closed on the inside (and it’s drive-thru only, and they don’t allow bikes). I’d be screwed again.
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Ohh Kovo… / Fate of the “Kovo’s dead”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Let’s talk about what happened yesterday. I was working on fixing issues
with JeroWorks when Kovo messaged me, asking if I “knew any good game worlds”. I told him “sorry no. Try asking Jero. He checks out worlds.”
Five minutes later, I see him on VRChat. Ask Jero if he’s going to join while getting myself strapped up. I join Kovo and Nova in Putt Putt Quest. I’m expecting Jero to join
us, instead he goes to another world. Ask if he wants to join and he does. So Kovo says we’re expecting a 5th person, for a world that apparently requires five people, and showe3d me via a portal what the world was called: Fate of the Irrbloss. Ah yes, I heard it’s a pretty cool world.
Unfortunately due to VRChat bugs, Kovo couldn’t get the 5th person to join (as to not seeing them being on, but actually was). The person then requested us to join, however Kovo said it’s Invite+ and Jero likely wouldn’t be able to join. I joined anyway and it was true, I couldn’t send him an invite. So we still didn’t have our 5th.
So the person (who goes by the name of ‘Bubba’) friends me and then says there are people that are underage. I message Jero and tell him about this but no response. My guess is a friend of his wanted to talk to him.
We wait and wait and Jero still hasn’t responded. Guess he doesn’t have his phone near him? Hmm. Anyway, Kovo goes and says hi to the other people, also reminding me about how these people are underage. While I keep my mouth closed, Kovo however… doesn’t by accidentally saying something NSFW infront of them (TWICE mind you). Had a lot of hilarity of Nova running after him while he was shouting “I SORRY!!”
Hahahahaha.. classic Kovo.
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At this point Kovo wanted to get out of there as he felt bad over something else. Something about sexuality and how Nova doesn’t mind. I’m not sure what happened so I stay out just to see the world we’re in, and we’re in that Fate of the Irrbloss world.
I try to get Jero to join, but again nothing. Kovo decides we should try to three man it, and I’m quite curious how things work. So this world is based off of games like FTL, where you have crewmates who are assigned to various tasks like weapons, shields, etc. Kovo wanted me to be the pilot as apparently that’s a full body thing, yet I haven’t seen a real requirement. All the pilot’s job is to start the missions and plot the courses.
After finally figuring this out, we leave dock and head for the first sector. There we come up with an alien race, where it’s also my job to initiate peace talks. ..Except this one alien wasn’t peaceful. They wanted what we had, and were willing to destroy us for it. Since none of us really know what we were doing, the ship started catching on fire. Kovo tried to put it out while I went to Weapons to try and destroy this fucker.
The fire wasn’t going out, so I had to deal with that as well. Finally back on Weapons I finally figured out how to activate them. Then I noticed Kovo’s blip wasn’t showing anymore and I used the comms and asked “where did Kovo go?” Nova said “Kovo’s dead”.
..Shit! This is the first mission and already we lost a crewmate! I also wasn’t paying attention that the entire ship is now on fire.
Wow did we fail hard. I once again asked Jero to join and finally he did. But I did my best to be respectful and not say “I thought you were going to join us!”… it was very difficult not to say this as I was very annoyed. So now Jero wants to try this thing. Then Bubba joins but he has a friend who’s in Desktop, and Kovo wants to be respectful.
I’m forced to also be respectful while Jero looks for the world he says he found that’s really cool.
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‘SAVE BUBBA | SAVE JERO’
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Instead we play Haunted Asylum. It was quite fun running for our lives, getting the keys and stuff. Then one time we’re all in this room except Bubba, who’s being chased by the monster. Kovo is ‘forced’ to make a choice to save Bubba or be with us, and he
chooses Bubba with opens Jero for an attack of the monster, and ends up killing him. I jokenly blame Kovo for Jero’s death, but use Jero’s flashlight ‘in his honor’. The round continued and Nova died. And like true Kovo fashion, he cared about Nova dying more
than Jero. Glad to see where your priorities are.
When we completed the map, Kovo wanted so badly to be with Nova while I was willing to get a picture of us four being the survivors. Even Bubba wanted a picture of us. …What
a freakin’ simp. lol
–
It was getting late for everyone. Kovo and Nova went to bed. Jero did his usual Jero things of knowing he needs to go to bed but not actually going to bed, but he finally listened to me and went to bed.
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An easy decision
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With Jero in bed and seeing noone to really join, I went over my options and found an interesting world called ‘Cyber Seduction’. I assumed going by the name, it would be some sort of an NSFW themed world. However that wasn’t the case. It looks pretty
interesting (and small), but what was really interesting is it was a very unique world: one that you can actually buy on Gumroad and customize it to your liking. This is perfect for people looking for their own personal homeworld and not knowing how to make one, but willing to pay for one (much like an avatar).
With the world I was able to check the rest of my fixes to JeroWorks 3.0, and saw more issues that need fixing. However I was at an impasse: I wanted to watch more shows
at LS Media, but I also needed to work on JeroWorks. …Which one do I pick?
While I kept trying to think of an option (which eventually was going to be to work
on JeroWorks), Malice (who I haven’t seen on since what happened that lead to temporarily losing Jero as a friend) had other ideas that involved himself joining me. Looks like he made my decision for me.
–
Started off alright. He invited two of his friends, but I noticed he never invited Jelly. His Index is dead, as in RIP. He’s had it for a year and a half, and now is forced to use
a Quest 2. Thankfully he has the link cable, so he was able to see my avatar. He also has his old Index controllers and hoped to get them to be compatible with the headset, but it wouldn’t work and he was understandably pissed over that.
He also was pissed at people were in a voice chat that “didn’t help with the situation” by discussing drama. Mmmm. I dunno, I wasn’t there. But I would’ve just left the call at that point if they didn’t really care that your Index broke.
I obviously never said this to him (as that would be a bad thing). So I’m stating my opinion in here instead.

Then he talks about Jelly, who he says still has not truly shown that he loves him. …It seems my lessons I gave to Jelly that one night, have fallen on deaf ears. Jelly is literally doing the same thing Blender did. Except Blender IMO, is better than Jelly. I still remember the day Jero and I became friends again, he showed up just to say hi. And that was really thoughtful of him. He actually remembered to do that.. unlike Jelly.
Malice says that he has never told Jelly how he feels, that he only shows with emotion. And then his head suddenly tilted back and stayed like that for the remainder of the
morning.
I told him that he needs to actually tell Jelly. This will be the only real way he’ll understand. Doing emotion explains nothing (to me), honestly. Jelly can’t read people like a book through emotions, and I wish Malice would realize this instead of expecting others to do the talking for him.
—
His two friends overheard my conversation and wanted to help Malice out, but didn’t know how. I explained the situation to them and what Malice has gone through because of it, and how “he deserves better than this”. Both of them agree greatly.

.
So yeah, what a weekend that was. Can’t wait to see what the week has in store.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Personal, Politics | Comments Off on Newton’s 3rd rule of law happened this weekend / Fate of the “Kovo’s dead” / ‘SAVE BUBBA | SAVE JERO’ / An easy decision

Having to literally re-redo JeroWorks 3.0 (to fix Drex avatar bugs), causing unusual ones

Posted on 06-01-2022 by Benie

/thread
Honestly. But that wouldn’t explain the unusual behavior I’m seeing with Unity. From last night to today I’ve been off and on busy manually re-adding framework to the base
model, and recently JeroWorks 3.0.
At one time I wasn’t fully paying attention when I accidentally was working in the wrong scene instead of the one I copied/pasted from the base project folder. When I finally realized my error, I started again making sure to pay attention. This sadly meant I had to literally recreate the entire project all over again. If I had just remembered to make backups in the past, I could’ve avoided this costly mistake.
One problem I’m encountering (that I cannot fix due to the way World Constraint
works), is the transforms aren’t lining up exactly as they were before; mainly
the ‘Y'(Up/Down) transform.
This lead to two issues;
1. The clones were 1/4 into the ground (when they’re not in the original project).
2. The clones aren’t being properly lined up with the proper Standing/Sitting/Laying Down etc transforms (of my avatar’s left hand).
Fucking hate this transform inconsistency between two projects. Still worked around it and was able to set most of them.

…Except I think those transform inconsistencies are causing five very odd bugs.
1. When setting World Constraint to a specific transform and then enabling the clone, the position numbers start moving by themselves. It’s like the clone is moving by itself, yet it’s also not (physically) moving.
When I move the pose to the World Reset, I notice the numbers stop moving. Like it’s trying to ‘pull’ the pose to that point.
2. When using Av3 Emulator, I get a completely different issue. I see the clone spawn for a split second then it despawns.
2a. The poses are doing ‘something’ to the Drex’s tail.
The tail droops down as normal when a pose is spawned, but when switching to another pose the tail ‘resets’ itself. And when despawning the pose (not picking another pose) the tail goes stiff. This sadly further proves it’s the age of the VictonRoy model (and/or the fact I’m trying to pull a 2.0 avatar into 3.0).
2b(or not 2b, that is the question). In World Constraint’s Container (where all the transforms are listed), it shows a value of ‘3’ instead of a ‘1’ for World Reset. Also it’s not switching between transforms when picking different pose types.
3. The animations seem to have auto-added themselves to the FX Controller, when looking at it through the Animator tab. ..I never added them.
…Ugh I might have to get catboy to help me with all of this. Hopefully he might know the source of these oddities. Deep down I feel he might tell me I have to re-re-redo the
entire thing (due to not properly installing World Constraint when I had started).

EDIT (June 2nd): Well it’s worse that my pessimist side thought of. Apparently, moving the files from the Base to the new JeroWorks 3.0 project was a bad thing. Problem is, it’s unsure if doing it ‘the correct way’ will even work in my favor. All catboy knows is
this should be working as it did before, but the FX Overrider might had gotten corrupted from the porting.
And the way I have to fix it, is possibly one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard when it comes to Unity. …I have to throw everything in a FUCKING .unitypackage file
to ‘properly’ import it. What. the. FUCK. This was never, ever ANYTHING I’ve had to do in my life! And apparently this has been a thing with Unity since the start. This is not ‘just a 3.0 thing’. ..FUCK!!!

I dunno…. ma0ybe I got lucky somehow?? For how long I’ve worked with 2.0, this was never an issue for me. The only time I made a .unitypackage file was to send files to someone, but NEVER between projects!! I’ve always done it just like how I did it
before, and Unity didn’t bitch (too much). ..So HOW is this not a 3.0-only issue?!
*sighs* 3.0 issue or not, this may or may not be the problem. And according to catboy it’s how he’s prevented said issue from happening to him. I have no choice if I want to try to fix my Drex’s ears and tail (while also making it compatible with this project).
Acting like a spoiled 10-year-old isn’t going to solve these issues. If this is the only way, so be it.

But I still have the working original version, that I… look, I didn’t think it was going to
take THIS long for JeroWorks 3.0 compatibility + fix the issues with the Drex (and they still aren’t fixed)! I mainly put the blame on Novice, who I was very worried about and stayed with him. But he decides to abandon me (for what would’ve been hours) while talking to a famous Twitch streamer.
The hell, man?! Got off and that’s when I’ve stayed off, trying to fix both issues. Again I never anticipated for it to take days (or having to ask the VRChat Discord once again as if this is ‘Day 12’ (and still counting) of the project.
–
Anyway.. as I just said I still have the original version I can try to fix up from the
latest VRChat update. Just get the latest SDK installed and stuff. And this was ‘fun’ as well. So the ‘Right Side’ and ‘Back’ poses were all rotated the wrong way. ..How in the fuck did the VRChat update cause this to happen?! I still remember the update that
broke BTD 3.0’s jaw bone (that Kaelygon helped me with), but this is something else!
*sighs* I’ll take back my take back that the VRChat Team is incompetent. They ARE. They really are to fuck up this bad that it messes with my transform settings.

On the side, catboy had a brilliant idea to fix the PhysBones from shaking around when I grab the poses. Infact it was such a brilliant idea that it must’ve blinded him with how brilliant it was, to forget I’d have to do this with every single clone.
He came up with a ‘script’ that I recreated… the catch is I have to add every. single. PhysBone from every. single. clone, into two animations to make it work.

As much as I hate the fact I have to make idiotic .unitypackage files just so the FX Controller doesn’t go “I’m 🤪 so I’m gonna do THIS instead of what you want!”, going through that… I think I’m better off redoing all of the poses into one clone instead
of 11 clones.
In other words..

…Yeeeeeeeah no thank you. I’ll deal with the ‘glitchy’ PhysBones. They don’t bug me that much anyway. And I kindly reminded him what I went through when I did this in 2.0, how the pose would ‘shake’ a bit when I moved. So I’m used to it. 🙂

Posted in Computing, Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Having to literally re-redo JeroWorks 3.0 (to fix Drex avatar bugs), causing unusual ones

Welcome to Depressionville / Jero’s true opinion on my addition to him

Posted on 05-30-2022 by Benie

Can’t really use the term ‘one of those days’, so I’ll just say.. I wish I just stayed in Unity. Not only did I listen to depression for an hour and 1/2, I also shot myself in the
foot (figuratively) last night, and it really hurt.
Started out of joining at 3 in the morning. Didn’t think anyone would be on but I saw Novice and Baddee both joinable. First I joined Novice, hoping I’m ‘not too late’ for him wanting to cuddle (and then some). The reason why I joined him first was his status
of ‘wiping friends list’, and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t included in that.
I also thought of titling the blog post to ‘And I thought I had it bad..’
–
Anyway, I found him in Desktop mode. He starts off by telling me how he hasn’t been on for a month. He recently moved the furniture around in his room and he hasn’t had time to set up his VR. But as it went on he told me that he really has no interest in doing
that, and saying he’s “ghosting someone”. The reason being is almost constantly into ERP and being disrespectful to him, yet he doesn’t want to block the person. I can’t fully remember (and this is bad as I pray I don’t get my words misinterpreted as something not so serious), but what I remember is him saying how he “wishes to disappear”. I also do remember he said “this has nothing to do with suicide”. What I think him saying about disappearing, is to disappear from social media (and VRChat).
He also mentioned about how life doesn’t want him to be happy, possibly referencing what happened to our relationship.
He feels no remorse for friends to feel it’s their fault of him suddenly leaving. He just seemed “done with life”. It definitely hints at suicide yeah, but.. I don’t feel that’s what he meant. Because I also said to him “I can’t stop you”.
Finally he told me he “definitely will be on, broken avatar or not”. Hopefully he’ll keep his word and hopefully I’ll be able to hopefully undo any “..I dunno” in my head about what happened.
—
He got off around 4:35am, which is later than he usually gets on. I then tried to
join Baddee, mainly.. for some reason in my head to try and have him see this entire thing from my perspective.
When I joined the world he was in, apparently it was “the afterparty of a Bear Meet” one person told me. Woops. Didn’t mean to barge in. But they didn’t seem to mind. Infact they wanted me to hang with them. However I had different ideas and found Baddee in the crowd.
I brought him to my private world as I wanted to talk to him, and then.. I froze. Not as
in VRChat crashing, but my brain not knowing what to say. Eventually did the words out that I wanted to, and he still held onto his beliefs that what I’m doing is ‘unhealthy’. And he was not making it any better for me. Sure I needed it but not this brutal.
Referring to JeroWorks here with my statement below…
“…but Jero just says “it’s OK. It’s comforting”. Yet I feel he might be lying to me”, and he says “he.. most likely is. To make you feel better”. FUCK that hurt, to have my fears becoming reality. This is why I took a long time to get up the will to post this. And I just feel I was ‘being punished’ by Baddee’s words. He’s glad I’m admitting it’s a problem, saying it’s “the first step to overcoming an addiction”. But as always my stubborn brain wouldn’t let it go.
This lasted until 6:02am (exactly). I knew it was very early before, but I just kept hoping if I say a certain phrase that Baddee will finally realize. Had enough and told him I needed to go to bed.

==================
The next day: Monday evening, I messaged Jero saying I “wanted to speak to him”. I wanted to be absolutely sure if this is truly a problem I need to fix, straight from the one I’m addicted to. Surprisingly, he picked today to do the talk (and within the
next 5 minutes). Knowing I forgot to charge everything as my mind’s been messed up by Baddee’s remarks, I went on VR with just my controllers.
With Jero now in my private world, I tried explaining what I told Baddee. He thought really hard on it and felt that no, he wouldn’t call what I have an ‘addiction’. Said all I really want is comfort, someone that will hug me and said “there’s nothing wrong with that”. I said “are you being perfectly honest with me, and not just saying it to keep me quiet?” He hugged me and said “does this look like I’m lying to you?”
I trusted him. I felt his much more supportive response. Told me not to be ashamed in enjoying what I like.
And of what I said how he “doesn’t need a doll of me to get by”, he said “if I knew how to do what you did in Unity, I’d do it too”. Plus he wishes he had a RL plushie of me.
What can I say except.. that’s so sweet of him. 😊

I then told him how I felt like a ‘stalker’ over what Chris (his former BF) said (which lead to this addiction), and he told me “noooo no! You’re not a stalker. The guy was a narcissist and you’re not that.”
I really have nothing else to say, except THANK YOU, Jero! Thank you for telling me you’re not ashamed of what I’m doing, and sharing how I feel about it. But most importantly, thank you for keeping your word to “always be there”. Even though you’re not always there, you try your damnest to be there.
Honestly it felt what happened (now three weeks ago), never did.
Oh, and he’s glad I didn’t go on with the video apology.

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Welcome to Depressionville / Jero’s true opinion on my addition to him

…Why it’s important to do backups, nomatter how annoying they are

Posted on 05-29-2022 by Benie

This Saturday night/Sunday morning, I would be enjoying it with friends or watching a movie by myself (since Jero is… wow no shit, extremely tired). Maybe he should had listened to us instead of pushed his luck. But I could hear him chuckling and saying “I know! 😂”
Instead this (now in its second day as I’ve been updating this post since Sunday afternoon), I’ve come to the unfortunate realization, of why it’s always important to make backups of your projects, when doing a major change… such as JeroWorks. However I refuse to take the fault in this, as I was under a lot of pressure by Atherian to start the project earlier than I expected (as he wanted to do it instead of just telling me how to do it myself).
But I don’t really blame him either. The true being to blame here, is Unity.. for not being compatible with my wants and needs!!
I’m mainly blaming Unity on the issues with the Drexouium’s tail being stiff, and the ears/face not properly animating. I believe the VictonRoy model is the reason the issues happened. Actually, I dunno if this fixes the ‘ears/face not properly animating’ issue
with the version I made for JeroWorks 3.0.
But it does fix the tail. The latest VRChat ‘patch’ broke PysBones where lifting up the tail it causes a twitching motion. But I was trying to counter the stiff tail issue by setting Gravity. Unfortunately the below video doesn’t do the issue justice (it couldn’t capture it quick enough), it was causing the tail to twitch like crazy.

However the true oddity amongst all of this, my ‘Normal Size’ version exhibits no issues of this tail problem. Even more so when I dupe this ‘perfect specimen’, the dupe has the issues. It came straight from the original and it bugs out… what the FUCK?!
I tried to ‘re-convert’ the PhysBones back into Dynamic Bones, and no fix there either. So clearly it can’t be the avatar itself. It’s got to be something within the project folder.

So I used the new project as a new (literal) base for BTDrexouium, to be far away from this obviously fucked up project. I had to re-set the textures, and thankfully I was able to get a perfect 1:1 ratio of copy/pasting the wing settings. Those wings are what kept me
from ‘being inspired’ to start JeroWorks as they were always a PITA to do
with the old BTD era (3.0 and 3.5). But praise the lord, these new 3.0 wings attached beautifully. As I said, exact 1:1 ratio of the other project.
If I had known this a lot sooner, doing a backup would had prevented so many headaches right now.
Anyway, after doing all of that and then making a dupe of it to do the ‘RL Sized’ version, I uploaded it as a separate avatar and… was both happy and annoyed at the same time when I saw the tail was drooping down normally. This.. sadly proves the tail stiffness isn’t the fault of VRChat (and its PhysBones). So I’ll take back what I said about them “being incompetent”.

So what now?
1. Wait until tomorrow to take care of the rest (as I’m tired of Unity’s antics right
now). For now I’m hoping on FBT and going to enjoy early Monday morning with my friends (or watch a movie by myself with the Jero doll).
2. Apply tongue fix, then move the animations and other things Blender (and I) did for BTDrexouium (to make it 1:1 of what I currently have set), then make backups of
the FX Overrides, ExpressionMenu and StateParameters files.
2a. I’m also going to use this as an opportunity to see if Atherian’s changes to the StateParameters caused the tail stiff issue.
3. Make another backup just for JeroWorks 3.0 and manually move the changes
over.. being careful what I overwrite when importing the VictonRoy model (by only allowing what is needed for the avatar itself). This way the base avatar (which is not part of this project) will not break by whatever the fuck I did to cause it.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Personal | Comments Off on …Why it’s important to do backups, nomatter how annoying they are

My eternal nightmare has finally ended / “I’m surrounded by horny!” / “Go to bed, Jero!”

Posted on 05-27-2022 by Benie

I could start this on a really positive note, but this is one of those instances where I want to write the ending of the blog post first, instead of the start.
Anyway, in the afternoon after I gave Mibit the new plan, he needed time to fully understand it (kept getting it wrong). So I explained it as slow as I could and he finally got it.
A half an hour later, I saw this in our server’s tech-talk channel.

Half to say, that’s a nice looking rig. Looks like a Small Form Factor build. Mini-ATX case. AIO for his CPU. ..Probably costed him close to $2,000.
But enough of the build. My mind wasn’t on the build at the time. It was the fact this is the first time I saw him post anything since I saw him on red status. Kovo responded and thought it was cool.
…But I..I started having a ‘insanity attack’ (especially when I saw Jero offline). I said
to Mibit “You might have to start pinging him after 8pm EDT if he’s on and if he wants to join” and “He might be trying tricks of his own to deter you from watching him.” I was seriously convinced he was delibertly trying to tell me “don’t try anything, just let me go.” And that’s where the ‘insanity attack’ happened. Began losing control again, saying how he’s my everything and “why am I like this?”
Mibit said “long term friends ships can screw up a person mind for a while”. You are
right. ..You are right. But the attack wasn’t done yet when I saw I could ‘Add Friend’. I wanted.. I wanted to do it, but I could hear “NO!! DON’T DO IT!! You will fuck yourself even further!!”.. clearly I’ve lost track of reality.
I slapped myself, telling myself to wait until Mibit handles this. Finally my mind became myself again. Felt better. Just relax, and wait. Relax.. and wait. You got this.

Around 4:41pm, Jero thanks Kovo for his comment. With my mind still mine, I decide to take a gamble to see if he has blocked me in Discord. I say “Nice system, Jero.”
10 seconds later.. he says “Thanks Benie 🙂”

It was hard to really, truly describe how I was feeling when I saw that.
I went to Mibit, and said “…DUDE!! THERE’S HOPE!!!” and showing him the shocking response.
My hands, where fucking.. shaking. “I’m..I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna try to friend him. ..This PROVES he didn’t block me on Discord!!”

Sent him the request, seconds later he accepted it. After two weeks of zero contact with him, he speaks: “Hi Benie. Sorry”
My left hand wouldn’t stop shaking from the adrenaline rush. Had to use my right until I finally felt comfortable using both hands again. We discussed and discussed, and.. look I did get my answers and I am happy, but I can never forgive myself for how I’ve been acting since what happened.
My mind is filled with ‘what if’ scenarios, wanting my mind to tell me how would I respond. Such as “what if he decides to stop posting for a very, very long time? He never comes on Discord. He never messages in Telegram. What are you going to do?! Fucking kill yourself?!”
I still feel so ashamed with how.. obsessed I am to him. It is true what Mibit says, that having a long term relationship suddenly end is going to drive you insane.
….*sigh* I just, I’m always scared of losing him as a friend, because he truly means a lot to me. But where’s the ‘danger’ area to avoid crossing from ‘worried’ to ‘can’t live without him’?

I asked Kovo and he actually did help. Helped me to understand what I’m going through should not be seen as ‘obsessive’ behavior… as he’s not exactly the best to be asking
over being ‘obsessed’ himself to Nova (aka having a Nova body pillow IRL).
But he doesn’t feel shame for what he’s done. He sees it as “peace of mind” and a “safety zone”, and he wouldn’t had known all of us without that.
The 3rd thing, that all has to do with fate. Not exactly this. I could never had met Jero and still had met the others I call friends.
But maybe I’ve been thinking about this all wrong. ..Actually yes, I have. Because I
got ‘obsession’ mixed with ‘addiction’. An ‘obsession’ is badly wanting/needing something or someone you can’t have. An ‘addiction’ is wanting more of something or someone you have. So clearly this is an addiction. There’s a big difference. The fact Jero hasn’t told me to stop, maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned about this.
Plus I’m not really hurting anyone for being addicted to Jero. You know? Though a certain bear would disagree, who told me it’s “unhealthy”. By the way I’m not mad at Baddee for his opinion. I just, can never join him. He’s been on Ask Me for awhile now.
Wanted to hang out with him for awhile but, I tend to avoid people on Ask Me (unless it’s someone I really want (or need to) see).

Well, time to talk the more funny (and not really funny) stuff that happened after this thing.
==============================================================
“I’m surrounded by horny!”
==============================================================
I really, really wanted this to be a segment title as it was so funny. Jero was AFK for a long time and Mibit decides to start jacking off infront of the mirror. So I run upstairs not wanting to hear it, and.. there are two people near spawn ERPing. Omg. I couldn’t escape the fucking chaos Told Mibit there’s two people ERPing and all he did was laugh. God what a mess that was.
==============================================================
“Go to bed, Jero!”
==============================================================
It was approaching 11pm and apparently this is Jero’s new bedtime. I had to use the bathroom and thankfully I came back at the perfect time. I hugged him and did what I usually do to wish him goodnight (and also glad we’re back together as friends).
But Jero started doing his usual “let’s see how far I can stretch this” headgames of not going to bed, making excuse after excuse why he couldn’t click the ‘EXIT VRCHAT’ button. Kept telling us how tired he was getting yet “ahh man, I can’t click the button! It’s out of reach!”
Also there were so. many. people in the world!! Of course it was a Friday night, so it’s to be expected. But Jero kept refusing to go to bed. We kept promising him the moon and it seemed he was getting ready to leave.. but he wouldn’t. At this point.. “the exit button has changed to ‘X material’. I cannot click on it.”
But nearly an hour later when we’re both getting fed up trying, Jero finally hops off and I’m all “he’s GONE!! :D” and Mibit celebrates. ..But little did we know as we were thinking of hopping off ourselves (as I have issues I need to fix with my Drex thanks to the big update and the two ‘patches’),

…yes, he came back on! Here I thought it was another blue and black faded otter until I heard the voice and saw the name. What a fucking TROLL!! Dag nabit Jero, GO TO
BED!! 😂🤣 If I had Join Notifier on, he wouldn’t had been able to troll us so well. 😛
But he finally (and I do mean finally) went to bed. Mibit and I weren’t so sure and I had this thought of going to spawn and waiting to see if he shows back up. Thankfully he was true to his word.
But instead of myself applying the fix I got from Blender (who was in the world with me at the time) as the tongue is broken yet again for the Rexouium. Hell I haven’t had time to apply the fixes. There’s also grab issues with JeroWorks 3.0 I need to address (that I hope just updating the SDK should fix).

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on My eternal nightmare has finally ended / “I’m surrounded by horny!” / “Go to bed, Jero!”

Benies-Blogs.com denounces the Uvalde, TX shootings / Talking with TJ’s BF (for once) / Script finally ready.. time to pick a day we can both do this

Posted on 05-27-2022 by Benie

==============================================================
Benies-Blogs.com denounces the Uvalde, TX shootings
==============================================================
I really NEED to bring this up, with this whole mess with Jero and how I feel about
him, my mind has sadly overshadowed the horrific tragedy in Uvalde, TX. But no more. Now I must talk about this. ..Where 19 innocent children and two teachers were gunned down in Robb Elementary School.
I read about this on Twitter when I was writing my script, and all I could feel was “..ohh god. Those poor people!! ..They were BABIES!! And now they will never be able to become what they want to be!”
And the surviving children.. what happened will forever be burned into their minds. They don’t fucking DESERVE THAT!!! Schools are SUPPOSED TO BE SAFE!!! ..WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?! And WHY in the fuck aren’t our Senators DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!?!
This senseless killing of babies and young people needs to stop.. NOW!! Gun control needs to happen NOW!! ..Not until more innocent lives are destroyed by bullets!
We need to demand change, or demand their resignations if they’re not willing to do the fucking jobs they AGREED to do! They need to be held accountable!
==============================================================
Talking with TJ’s BF (for once)
==============================================================
3 weeks ago when life wasn’t an absolute fuckfest for me (and a small town in Texas), TJ had changed their nickname to ”benie’s good girl” Now I’ve addressed this before and I just want to add to it.
A few days passed since telling everyone there about the whole Jero situation. TJ thankfully left me alone to my thoughts. But Kovo wasn’t aware of this. After messaging me info of Destiny 2’s changes to their crafting system (which at this point I have completely lost interest in the game, but I digress), he also showed me TJ has yet changed her nickname again to ”benie’s good puppy girl”, I said “Her idea. Not mine. I just go with it.”
He surprised me when he said “not a bad thing adorable” “Lady man” “Lol”. I guess you’re no longer going to care what TJ does anymore? ..*shrug* But I wasn’t happy with it by saying “And apparently her BF is ok with this.” I was trying to say this in a “I don’t believe her” way, but he said “I guess so open relationship”.
I kept on, with “Personally that’s not really how open relationships work. You can’t
really ‘claim’ another unless it’s a poly. But, that’s just me.” And all he said was “She to cuddle with you”. About a minute later, TJ messages me. I say to Kovo “And there she is.”
He says “there you have fun tonight”, “I think you need this”.
I tried to say “I already had fun a few days ago”, but I didn’t have the time to before he posts info of another VRChat update (the IK 2.0 one).
A little later I did go on a small rant about how TJ “won’t replace him(Jero). Noone
will”, but also how it “doesn’t feel right” for TJ to be using that nickname. “It’s sweet what she’s doing, but it feels.. wrong. Should be the ‘puppy girl’ to her BF only. Not me.”
–
Telling TJ just didn’t feel like the right thing to do, as I’ve tried this before and kept forgetting to not tell me things like “love” and “I’m Benie’s X”. I have to confront
her BF about this. But the last time I confronted someone’s BF in this way.. was Chris when it came to Jero. I was scared I would get a similar response to “stay the fuck away from him”, which is why I’ve been avoiding this for weeks, months even.
But now, when I feel at my lowest point.. I feel I have nothing left to lose. So I swallowed what dignity I had left in me and started typing in a professional way. After I was
finished, I sighed and hit Enter.. praying he won’t instakill me.
And the guy responded back in a professional way.. but one that tends to forget how commas and periods work. Now I see where TJ gets it from.
Overall he told me not to worry, and what TJ is doing is “a joke”. She still sees him as his. So that’s good. This is also what TJ herself would say, but I wanted to hear this from
her BF directly for my brain to stop overreacting, that it’s OK. And now I have the proof I wanted.
He adds on to say that she only ERPs with people she’s comfortable with. Just like me it seems. Feeling a bit better after finally getting the answers my mind wants, he wanted to be my friend and I accepted, and said he can add me in VRChat.
And then I told him “TJ really did hide the whole ‘having a BF’ thing for the longest
time. Of course this lead to a lot of.. questionable moments (especially between TJ and Kovo). But hopefully all is OK with that now. I do trust TJ of making the right
decisions. Kovo.. didn’t really though (which caused me to also feel the same). Which, lead me to my original discussion with you.”
He understood the situation completely, saying he too “made some bad decisions involving me and TJ. It really had an impact on us but we always try to work it out.”
And then he said that surprised me: “I do have to say I question our open part of our relationship sometimes.”
…Oh? Do tell. Of course I was a lot more considerate than to just say that, I assumed it was him backing Kovo’s claim where he(Kovo) had told me to “be careful”. But it
wasn’t TJ messing up and causing jealousy to happen. He has concerns TJ’s being forced to ERP with certain people. ..I really don’t see why THIS would kill the relationship. This wouldn’t be TJ’s fault if it happened! Why in the hell would this be a factor at all?!
However I never looked at this like that. There’s just no way this would even be considered a reason to break up with her.
It’s more likely the obvious that can destroy an open relationship. And that, is no longer joking around about being someone else’s ‘good puppy girl’. It’s something I’m going to have to keep monitoring when it comes to TJ. If she one day decides to say after
asking if she still loves her BF “I love you, not my BF”, I’ll be forced to tell him. I won’t care how “sorry” she claims to be, I’ll be doing the right thing and stopping a cheater.
…But I doubt that’ll ever happen. 🙂 I’ve spoken to her way too many times and feel zero chance she’ll do this to her BF (unlike Kovo who’d feel she might, knowing him).
==============================================================
Script finally ready.. time to pick a day we can both do this
==============================================================
I lost count on the times I’ve added/removed and rewrote this script I’ll be using in my video to Jero. But I’m keeping the intro intact and the part where I explain how he isn’t looking for an apology and how he just wants me to forget about him (if it does actually come to that).
But everytime I go over this script, I keep feeling… why doesn’t he just try to refriend me and we can explain this like adults, without needing this stupid video? And I think it could be similar to what happened between the second time we broke up and when I discovered Mibit talking to Jero (and realizing he never blocked me). It might be possible he hasn’t blocked me(again).
So maybe we should change the plan. Have Mibit bring him into a private world, wait some time and be all “oh a friend of mine wants to join”. He’ll see his reaction to it. If it’s cool then I’ll join, and then make my way over to them.
When he sees me, either he’ll be pissed at Mibit then leave, just leave, or the best outcome of him wanting to either hear me out or want to apologize as well.
I mean if he’s going to block Mibit for trying to help me, he’ll do it right then and there. This is better to know if he chooses to be an asshole now, than feel he has with the video ignored completely.

Now I was going to do the video yesterday, but bad weather has skipped that plan. And today (Friday) is another day for bad weather. If Mibit decides he’d rather go back to the video idea and thinks it’ll work, it can be done Saturday.
Problem is, I haven’t sent Mibit my script. And if he dislikes it… I can’t ask him to “do it yourself” (as the words wouldn’t feel genuine to me). I’ll just tell him “screw the video then”.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal, Politics, Weather Alerts | Comments Off on Benies-Blogs.com denounces the Uvalde, TX shootings / Talking with TJ’s BF (for once) / Script finally ready.. time to pick a day we can both do this

A ‘warning’ from Jero? ..Or is it just me overreacting?

Posted on 05-25-2022 by Benie

So this is going to be a ‘brief’ post. As I was typing the post for what happened that night of being surrounded by good friends, I was writing the script. Been rewriting and editing it the best I could.
I’ve also been trying to think of how I’m going to do this thing (in VR). I can dock my monitors to my controllers.. however I cannot scroll them in that mode. Mibit had suggested I’d get OVR Toolkit for that. But I’ve thought of a much cheaper way to do this using what I have. And that is prerecording the script through Audacity, and then using my Alexa’s passthrough to play it through my Index’s mic. This way it’ll look like I’m talking, and all I need to do is ‘play act’.
Though I dunno if I can even do this. I’ve never tried it. Going to have to test this first. The other problem is.. the mic quality won’t sound legitimate (as I would be talking through my wireless headset instead of my Index’s mic). He might know the difference, and think it’s not genuine enough to be considered for an apology. Though, I can just be honest with him.

…But, this whole thing might be a waste a time. Tonight I just happened to look at who’s online on our server and saw..

It just.. popped out of nowhere in the sea of green and yellow statuses. My mind started going places. Such as: did someone.. message him about me?! Could’ve been Kat. She wanted to help. Though she never messaged me on Telegram saying she got blocked by him. So… maybe not?
I dunno why my brain wanted to point at fingers of ‘who angered the otter’. Could’ve been noone. But why I feel worried, is to me this is him saying “I know what you’re trying to do. Don’t  even try to apologize to me. I won’t believe you. You are a racist, for hanging out with racist people. And I don’t want anything to do with you. You will be wasting your time. Let. me. go.”
Yet, I could’ve sworn in the past, I’ve seen him on red status. He likely was doing something that he doesn’t want to be bothered. Maybe went on Discord by mistake. And who’s to say he wasn’t on red status before what happened yesterday? He could be avoiding someone else. Maybe Fluffy. …OSHI– Fluffy! He’s the reason Jero rarely checks his Telegram! I remember him telling me that! …That’s not really gonna help me right now though.
–
Think I just need to relax and tell myself I was only overreacting. This is JERO I’m talking about! Why would he get this pissed off?! This entire thing isn’t that big of a deal, honestly.
Actually, I dunno why but I no longer want him back. I feel more annoyed than scared of seeing him go on red status, where I truly feel like it’s not worth it.
I think it was myself just saying “this entire thing isn’t that big of a deal” that made me realize it’s the truth. I have been nothing, but obsessed to Jero all of this time. Ever since I met him, my mind refuses to get him go. That, is not normal. That, is a problem. It’s unhealthy. Nothing but posts about Jero this and Jero that.
How can one random guy on the internet, cause my brain to not let these thoughts go? Jero is my drug, where I just keep wanting more of him. And now he’s gone, it felt I was going through ‘drug withdraw’. And hmmm.. what are the symptoms of drug withdraw? Let’s see…


“Agitation”? Literally what I’m doing right now, so CHECK!
“Crying”? Check!
“Irritability”?  Check! ..As it’s happening more often than usual.
“Self-Harm”? Slight check, however ‘Thoughts of suicide’ is more like it.
“Depression”? All the time! But not really anything new, so.. uncheck.
“Racing thoughts”? Check!
“Boredom”? Most of the time! But not really anything new, so.. uncheck.
“Feeling detached from self”? Check!
“Lost of interest or pleasure in activities”? VRChat mainly. So ..CHECK!!
Interestingly, I don’t see ‘Insanity’ in these lists anywhere. Or ‘not letting go’. They should really add these to the drug withdraw list.

Anyway, I talked to Mibit about it, and he feels I should completely rewrite my script to be more of a half-apology.. and half preparing for closure if it absolutely comes to Jero just not giving a fuck about me anymore.
That would definitely help my mindset to focus on that, to prepare for the realization that I might have to force myself.. to let him go and move on (for my own mental state). I hope that doesn’t have to happen. But if it does.. I’m gonna have to do it. I’m not going to go through another 6 long months thinking about him. I refuse.

I have completely rewrote my script, including about the whole ‘can’t let him go’ thing. And at the end I gave him a choice of what he’s upset more of: the way I didn’t see this from his perspective or the fact I’m friends with ‘racists’.
I’m curious what his response would be.. if he’s even going to respond at all. But there’s one of five ways he’ll respond.
Best outcome: Refriends me in Discord and all is forgiven.
Good outcome: Reads and responds to my messages in Telegram and all is forgiven.

-OR-
Worst outcome: Deliberately ignores Mibit’s response for days/weeks/months/years just like he’s ignoring me in Telegram.
Bad outcome #1: Blocks Mibit in Discord and VRChat.
Bad outcome #2: Tells Mibit to “fuck off” then doing Bad outcome #1.
(Really) Bad outcome: Messages me in Telegram, only to say “fuck off” and then
does Bad outcome #1.

Which do YOU think would happen? I have nothing to hide and I want to make that perfectly clear with this script.
Well.. there is one thing I am hiding that I must. And that was my opinion about Mibit to Jero. Even if I was to do the recording myself, Mibit would still be editing it and see my message about him. ..Rather not have that on top of this. However I had secretly put in the message, by saying “So despite what I’ve told you in the past, we’re working together for this.” ..What worries me is Mibit might ask to know what I told Jero about him. Though I could lie by saying “it was nothing big” and hope he buys it.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Personal | Comments Off on A ‘warning’ from Jero? ..Or is it just me overreacting?

A night of pain. A night of awkwardness. ..A night of finding my true friends.

Posted on 05-24-2022 by Benie

Last night, was very noteworthy. Since the day I told Raccoongamer about what
happened, Kovo said he was planning to get on Monday and we could watch a movie. Thought “sure, that would help to get my mind off of Jero for awhile”. But I prayed he wasn’t going to use the LS Media world… the world where I saw Jero unfriend me. I figured he instead was going to use one of those chill words that has a movie player, and that would’ve been better.
Monday evening came and it was dinnertime, when Kovo told me he’ll be on “around 7 or 8”.
7 or 8? That’s 8-9pm my time. That’s an hour earlier than I wanted to come on! Still I set an alarm to let me know when to get on my FBT trackers, and went back to eating my dinner.
Just over an hour later (after finishing my dinner and getting back into Planet
Crafter, Kovo said: All right we going to try to get on”. And I’m all “Now?! But you said ‘7 or 8’.” “Well I want to see everything working or not,” his reason was for doing it even earlier than he said. Ok, fair enough. Kept playing my game and waiting a bit, then asked him “So.. you good now?” He said “maybe”. And I took this as an answer to get on ASAP.
And so I did.
–
Kovo and Nova were in private worlds, for some reason. Guess they were deciding on a world to go to. I finished calibrating my full body and then sent Kovo an invite
request, then sat down and waited. I once again figured, surely they’ll pick a chill world that has a movie player.. one that doesn’t remind me too much of Jero.
Then the invite came in. ..No. NO!! It was LS Media! I sighed, trying to calm myself down. “Ok, ok. Just.. relax. Try not to make a scene. You’re only there, for them.” And I went in. Soon as I entered the outside lobby, I lowered my head down and sighed, once again feeling “why… why LS Media of all worlds must you do this?!?! The very world.. Jero brought me to.”
I heard voices ahead of me: Kovo. Mibit. and Nova. They sounded like they were in the bedroom viewing area, so I thought I’d just slip by undetected. I went in, and then realized they were at the main cinema area. Mibit sees me and I back away, trying to hide in the bedroom viewing area. I hear Kovo asking Mibit if I’m actually here and Mibit saying “I saw Benie”.
Damnit. I knew any second they were going to come around the corner looking for me. Thought of trying to B-line it to the upstairs area where they won’t see me, and.. somehow it worked?! They never came up. They were too busy watching the movie. Phew. That was close. I did see the movie they were watching… and the painful memory I had
seeing ‘jeromeah is no longer your friend’. show up on my screen. I kept myself
muted, wanting to cry. Then I thought “ok… time to use this project for its intended purpose” and switched to my JeroWorks 3.0 version. Surprisingly, noone complained of lag when I did. Interesting. Maybe I’ll use this more often. I picked the appropriate pose for me laying up on my bed, but sadly the grab point of ‘Lay Down (back)’ seems to be malfunctioning again (it’s rotating 180* and grabbing its origin point). Gonna have to fix that. Debated if I should fix it now, but I can’t exactly do that in VR. Plus I don’t want them seeing me when I walk to my computer. I’m trying to keep a low profile here.
Did find a pose that worked for me, and snuggled it as if Jero was actually there. Except we wouldn’t be looking through angled wooden boards, trying to hide from the others. At least it provided good cover to hide me being up there.
I reached the point.. where I remembered Jero unfriending me. Still had myself muted and sighed very loudly, but then I looked over and saw the Jero doll was still there. “This is the new Jero now” I told myself, and hugged it. Thankfully I didn’t break down and cry as that would be embarrassing.
3/4s into the movie, Kat shows up but thankfully never comes up here. Good. Of all people I’d rather not have.. her see this. And then later on Chibi_Dragon shows up.
He, unfortunately does come up. I kept muted, and just waved when he saw me. I prayed he didn’t see the doll.. but he saw something. He kept moving over to my feet, trying to show me something. Was very confused what he was talking about. If it was the Jero clone, it wouldn’t be there. It’s next to me. And he just kept doing it. I turned to him, thinking he’s talking about my avatar’s feet (like he’s into feet).
Then I hear him say “hold on, hold on” and he does something, and I get a message
in Discord. …I knew he saw the clone by then. I heard him asking “who’s Dutchie?”
Opened up Discord and saw this;

He kept asking me “who Dutchie?”… I didn’t know how to answer him. Started to
panic, going through my menus in order to despawn the clone. Finally did, and then I
said “it’s noone”, hoping he’d buy it and leave me alone. But he said something about “no, still bugged” and then went back downstairs and left the world. I did feel bad I didn’t want to tell him the truth…, but that picture definitely raised a lot of concern.
Since noone’s really bothered by the lag, I wonder if I can make the clones invisible for others (yet still visible to me). I’ve wanted to do this with JeroWorks 2.0, but I was told I’d need SDK 3.0 for it. ..But now that I’m using it for this project, hmmm. Definitely worth checking out again.
He comes back 30 minutes later. Just incase, I do ‘Reset Avatar’ so he won’t see anything amiss. That seemed to had worked. He comes up to me and then gets between my legs (not in that way), then looks at me and says “cute”. Then he heads back down and watches the rest of the movie with them.
–
The movie’s now over. I turn around and then grab my phone, and start typing in what I want to ask the VRChat Discord (as they’re down below trying to figure out what movie they wanna watch). Little did I know.. Kovo was coming up here. As I was texting what I wanted to say on my phone, I heard him asking me if I was OK. Not putting my phone down, I told him “physically yes, mentally.. no”. He said he was sorry for bothering me and left to go back down. I said “no, no you’re fine. I don’t mind you up here” (I was being honest with him).
“Remember what I told you in Telegram, how someone told me I’m ‘selfish’? And how this person was my closest friend.” I asked him. He asked “do I know them?” I said “yes. You know them. Their name starts with ‘J’, but you definitely know them,” I said with my phone still in my hands.
Kovo started going over all the names that start with a ‘J’ that he knows in his head. He first says “Jedi?” I said “nope”. Then I hear him say “Hero?” I paused, and asked him to please repeat that. Then I heard “Jero?”…I slowly nodded. Put down my phone and looked at him, knowing I can better explain this when he sees my body movement.
“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh… I see what’s going on” he said when I told him how I have ‘racist’ friends. I said “I told Mibit this story”, and I hear him doing his usual “Yaaaahhh”. The others come up to join Kovo and me, gathering around me as I continue to explain the situation.
Kat also was there, and I told her how Jero sees my friends as ‘racist extremists’. And she laughed her head off, saying she sees this hard to believe. “How come Jero hasn’t unfriended me too?” she asks me. Huh.. good question. Kat likes to joke a lot about racist stuff and Jero seemed OK with that.. yet not with Malice and Jelly? Maybe there’s something more to this than just racism. I dunno.
But I tried to explain the entire thing, while Kat left to go get into her VR. I should’ve waited for her to get back but I was in ‘the zone’ (sort of speak). Plus I knew when she did get back, they would just leave to see the other movie.
And that seemed like what was about to happen. But Kat stayed. She saw me upset and asked me if I was OK. I tried repeating myself but as I continued.. I started breaking down and crying. I couldn’t control it any longer. I felt her hug me. I felt, what true friendship was like.
She asked if she wanted me to contact Jero. Then Mibit spoke up and said “I’ve been helping him with it”. I said “I’ll accept any help at this point… I just want to talk to him again.” Kat said “we can go to another world”. I shook my head no, said “no. I’m good.” I heard Nova ask “are you sure?” I nodded, not wanting them to go to another world because of me.
Then Mibit had an idea: myself doing a video apology. Thought about it as he continued to explain it. “Jero might block me but I’m willing to take the risk” he said. I said “no, I don’t want you to jeopardize your friendship with him for me.” But he was willing to do it.. for me. I take back everything I said about him to Jero. He’s alright. He’s willing to sacrifice his friendship with Jero to help me out. That’s honorable, and it did make me feel better.

We watched a movie I watched with Jero, but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to ‘ruin
it’ for them. Kat was next to me, and I snuggled with her. It felt nice to finally feel love since what happened, knowing what I’ve done wasn’t ‘the end of the world’ for me. That I don’t have to ‘off myself’ because of the way I am.. caused Jero to leave me. Though I don’t know if that was truly the reason, it just makes sense with what Raccoongamer told me.
After the video, I needed to go use the bathroom. When I got back, everyone but Mibit
left.
We talked about how we’re going to plan this out. I need a few days to write the script and perfect it, as this is my only chance. Mibit would be my cameraman and we’d go to a green screen world. I could do this myself easily as I have OBS, but Mibit’s worried it’ll be too taxing on my computer. Once done, he can do the rest and then upload it to Jero. And then he kissed me, maybe to show that if this doesn’t work, he could try to ‘fill in’ for Jero.
That’d be interesting, and probably quite awkward.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on A night of pain. A night of awkwardness. ..A night of finding my true friends.