Benie's General Blog

The VRChat friend threat
I knew something was a bit fishy yesterday night, when I logged into VRChat and noticed two friend requests of people I don’t think I ever bumped into. I declined their
requests, and it’s a really good thing I did… as there’s a new threat now going on, of people using bots to mass-spam invites to people using VRChat.com. If you friend them, there are reports you cannot remove them as they have ‘latched’ upon you to grab your IP and use it to DDoS the servers (making you an unfortunate threat and possibly banned from the game).
I have no opinions relating to the current status of VRChat security.. at least, nothing helpful and positive. So yeah, if you receive ‘ghost’ friend requests from people you know aren’t in the world, decline them (as they’re likely bots).
Now then, onto the main event.

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When your mind’s too clouded to think right
Ever had one of those days you get on VRChat, and you don’t know what to do with your virtual life? ..Where not even friends seem to interest you? This is when you know, you got something on your mind (but you don’t know what it is yet). I want to do things I need to do in Unity (to fully remove Cola’s avatar), but my mind keeps getting bothered by something, and it feels like I’m better off removing all BTD 4.0 versions from VRChat and re-uploading only the basic ones.
So what’s going on? Well, two things. The first is how I feel emotionally drained eversince Christmas ended (where for some reason I just want to be alone in a world, only waiting for specific friends to show up).
And the second… it’s obvious: ‘da purple one’ as he calls himself. I wanted so much to be with what’s left of the group (if I can even call it that anymore). To me, it’s now a love battle between Blue and Fluffy for my heart (yet neither of them know about it). And honestly, I would rather be alone than go through it.
You know about Fluffy, how I can’t really stand him at times to where I wish I could
say: “Fluffy I’m sorry, but this just isn’t working for me.” But I know the serious repercussions that will come with that. As I said before, it would be like a ‘death
sentence’ to him… as in, he doesn’t handle breakups.
I’m having serious doubts Scooby would be able to help me, for he doesn’t know how Fluffy acts (and will likely give me wrong advice).
–
As for Blue, I would be his BF. Problem is.. Cola really likes him too. This was happening last night (that only made me depressed);

—
And Red, I don’t even know about him. I don’t think he would even mind if I disbanded the group. He never speaks to me in Discord anymore (kind of like someone I once knew that I refuse to disclose their name).
Yesterday when I was with him, he said he was going to get off to buy some gifts for his family. Yet when I said “I love you”, he said “bye” a few times as he was leaving and left. It’s possible he had to rush out the door… but how hard is it to say “I love you too”?
Saying “bye” gives the wrong idea… so you can see why it feels like that someone I
knew.
I personally feel, we should just be friends. If he truly wanted to make something work, he would be speaking to me. He’s too busy with work and RL for a relationship, and it honestly never really worked out in the first place.

Overall, the group as it stands now

..it isn’t working for me, and I don’t need to be doing this. I need to find someone I can call my own again (like Ninja).
Yet Ninja also indirectly reminded me just how hard it would be to find someone that wouldn’t mind that I would prefer an online relationship (for many years). Fluffy (and maybe Blue, I’m not sure) are the only ones that don’t mind it. But I have a feeling one
day, Blue’s going to get into a position where he would just become too busy to talk anymore.
I honestly should just drop the whole ‘love’ thing (it really isn’t for me) and stay as a bachelor. I’ll still hang out with them, but I wouldn’t be calling this a ‘group’ anymore. …Yet I’m forgetting that I can’t do SHIT until I deal with Fluffy being inlove with me! I rather not love a childult. :/
But I don’t think there is anything on God’s green Earth that I could say which would let me go, and him to look for someone more his age (that would show true love to him).
…And even that, is a problem. Fluffy’s too inexperienced with love to hold down a relationship. He’s tried, multiple times (and doesn’t understand why they fail). …He TOO needs to stay away from love, even more than myself!

I’m not perfect either when it comes to relationships. My mind feels I have to be with them every. waking. moment and hardly give them any ‘me’ time (or they’ll leave me).
I rather just not deal with ‘love’ anymore (it’s too frustrating and forces change), and I wish Fluffy was the same.

What a very interesting Friday I had, another one of them ‘highs and lows’ ones.
I’m going to pre-start by saying I played some more Beat Saber today, playing 10 songs before feeling I was going to collapse from exhaustion. The bottom of my feet were aching while it felt my heels were asleep. …Welp, I have diabetes for sure! Just wonderful.
#IHateMyLife
Anyway…

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Ladders are a bitch (and can cause you to lose friendships)
Played some BONEWORKS after I felt I had fully rested up (having feeling to my heels again). I’m now on the next to last level of the game, and my god the Headset enemies are annoying AF. But it feels so satisfying when I can grab one and take the full force of my frustration out on them with a crowbar or a pipe wrench in my other hand, beating the ever-living SHIT out of them– how they jump in your face to blind you, and I’m scrambling to pull the fucker off me.
–
Meanwhile, I’m also in the voice chat at the time and Kovo’s now on. He’s trying to arrange something in VRChat (inviting people). Curious (and feeling frustrated as a turret kills me in three hits from being full health), I got on and saw we’re getting ready to do the world Scooby and I did a week ago. I was going to ask Kovo to invite Scooby, but Scooby was in a private world and I didn’t want to bother him.
When we felt we were ready, it was pretty messy with how Kovo didn’t know that dialog is global. And then there was the ‘star of the show’.. the first ladder you have to climb.
See, ‘someone’ (totally not me) activated the elevator. This caused Kovo to constantly get stuck in the wall while trying to climb.
Then there was Dusky_Fox, who got nearly to the top, when his computer froze completely and we were forced to do a new instance. And that was fun too. DG created the
instance (invite+) yet no-one could invite me (as I was stuck in the previous instance). Kovo managed to invite Dusky, but not me. So Kovo had to make yet another instance just so he could invite me. The process took 10 minutes until I FINALLY was able to get out of the instance! lmao.
—
Second attempt to do the world, this time with more people. We had Stylez, Nova, and a very drunken Vale. Hahaha.. woo boy. Kovo put himself in charge of making sure Vale followed him, constantly saying “Marine, to me!!” Was funny.
We finally past by the first ladder (myself helping Vale and Kovo up by getting a flying avatar with a seat). The climbing rope ones, some of them cheated while the rest of us did it legitimate.
The final ladder of the world… things got pretty sour. They’re all yelling at me to take the stairs, but I was determined to ‘do it legit’ and take the ladder. But everytime I enter the area with the hatch, I too was getting stuck in the wall. Hearing them saying “we’re going to leave you if you don’t get up here soon”, I switched to a smaller version of my avatar and was able to get up. Apparently the RL version of my avatar is ‘too fat’.
I decided it was best to let them lead for now on, while making sure Vale was following them. It was a good thing too, as he was really, really drunk at this time and walking into walls.

Finally the world was over, we got a group picture (credit goes to Dusky);

And we went to Kovo’s world… where I felt bored (and annoyed, and not knowing why).

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Why am I like this?
Fluffy joined the world while I was bored and annoyed and not knowing of what. I kind of wanted him to leave me alone. I.. just, I dunno. At times I love him, but at others I.. wish I never knew him. I think it’s his voice, how it makes me… I can’t explain it, except it sounds very ‘childult’, and I wish they weren’t part of me. He sounds like he’s split from a 15-year-old and an 18-year-old.. it’s just creepy. The way he speaks, the way he acts.. is so cringe to me!

Ok.. I’m going to say something that I just got reminded of (the moment of typing this as Scooby explained someone else): Fluffy is simply, inexperienced when it comes to relationships. He thinks love and sex are the ways to go, when there’s so, so much more. The problem with Fluffy, is he doesn’t follow through with what I tell him.
Like, what is he interested in? What does he like and dislike? …Why am I even having this conversation again? Why don’t I just block him and be done with it? Because Ruffy’s going to question, and so will Aftershock, and so will a lot of others.
I still don’t feel any true connection with Fluffy (as I would with Blue and Red.. even
Cola), yet I also know it’s too damn late to call it off. The moment I tell him I’m just not interested (even if I try to tell him in the kindest way that has ever been done), it will feel like a death sentence to him.
How much I wish I could go up to someone that would solve my issues, and get Fluffy to go find someone else (closer to his age). I wouldn’t mind just being friends. Yet how would I ever be able to explain Fluffy to someone who’s never dealt with him? …Where would I even start?
–
While this was all going through my head, I noticed Vale suddenly freaking the fuck out over Fluffy.

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#WokeVale
“You can SPEAK!! Holy fuck! All of this time, I thought you were silent!” -A surprised Vale. He was surprised so much that it actually made him sober, and wanted to drink it all
away (not caring of the potential damage to his body). It was quite hilarious. And at the time of I write this, he’s still talking about it.
Apparently all of this time, Vale thought Fluffy was female. WTF!? Lmao! He claims no-one told him differently.. he never asked. And this was a theme for hours on end.
Everyone but myself and Vale were on, and he was STILL talking about it, saying he’s going to wake up in the middle of the night and be all “the fucker SPEAKS!!”
Hahahahahaha….

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Fun with Scooby
Before you ask, no it’s not that kind of ‘fun’.. more like the evil “cause chaos and laugh my head off at his expense” kind of fun. ….I was bored, OK??
Anyway, I went to go see him (as I had an hour and a half until it was bedtime). He was in a public instance of a large world that I remember having some fun before (as a
sniper)… and I literally did this. I saw Scooby in the house and was preparing to get to a dark area, with a friend of his saw me and was running over. Respawned and tried to get away, but the person kept coming over. I kept running, getting to the invisible wall and going past it (where the person couldn’t see me).
There I saw two on the pier, and switched to the anti-tank cannon. I fired off a shot, and hit them point blank… laughing my fucking head off as I run away while watching the two run towards me (yet they can’t see my nameplate)! BAHAHAHAH!!! HOLY FUCK… I can’t believe that WORKED!! I thought for sure the invisible wall’s collider would keep me from doing that! …Ohh DAMN!! 😀
Switched to the sniper and started sniping them. Simply beautiful how they couldn’t see me. Yet at the same time I had a feeling I should stop, feeling anytime I would be kicked out. So I decided to ‘let them live’ for awhile. Looking through the scope, I could see Scooby hugging someone on the pier.
–
Time passed and I was kind of getting bored (sniping Scooby and watching him run around like a chicken with their head cut off). I’m so evil, I love and hate it. I then lost my bearings and respawned, trying again to snipe them, when the friend caught up to me. This time I didn’t fight it. I had enough, hearing Scooby was looking for me. Still laughing my head off, remembering he was running around trying to find me. Finally we meet
up, and he’s all “Benie, you DERP!!” with me still laughing (but apologizing for scaring the shit out of him).
Asked “did you see the fireworks heading right for you?” (showing him the gun that fired it). He’s all “YES, YOU DERP!! I was enjoying time with Sora, then I see this thing coming for me!” More laughter coming from me. Ahhh man.
Then he tells me more about a conversation we had about a week ago. All I can safely explain is he has an (unofficial) BF, but please.. please don’t harass him or myself to know who it is. He trusts me on this. One thing he does say is this person is ‘inexperienced’. This is why I hope he might be able to help me with Fluffy, as he’s more patient with this. Maybe he can give me tips on how to deal with “the purple one” as Fluffy calls himself.

Then he tells me about how much he appreciates me as a friend, and how I helped him out when he was pretty depressed. Awww.. that’s really sweet of you to say that, Scooby. 🙂

“Ask (to be bi) and you shall receive (someone showing their dik to you IRL)”.. can I
pass? *barfs in mouth* …Wait, what’s that? I allowed the person to do so, just so they’ll be happy? Crap, I forgot. 😛 I really need to stop being so nice.
And that’s what happened yesterday, and early this morning.

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Dinner and a(n unwanted) Show
Pretty slow afternoon for the day after Christmas, and how it sucks when you got two bills coming in, giving you less than $100 for the month and knowing you have to survive off of it instead of buy more Steam games.
…Where was I going with this again? Oh yes, the title. Was preparing my typical Thursday dinner (always taking my phone with me) when I get a DM from Fluffy saying he feels “bad and upset also guilty about something”. Does this have to do with how I wanted the group to spend either Christmas Eve or Day with me? I wanted to ask, but I held back on it.
He wanted to ‘show’ me something, and asked if it was OK. I felt “mmm, well, since you’re 18 now, and Ruffy can’t do shit to me… do whatever makes you happy. :)”
While trying to eat dinner, he shows me the picture. To protect the eyes of the innocent who are watching these words, I’m not going to comment what the picture was.
–
After, he said that he wanted to show more later tonight and kept asking if it was OK. All I said was “do whatever makes you happy”.

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What I wanted.. somewhat
Moving on to something more ‘PG’, I was playing Beat Saber (the actual game, not the VRChat versions). Beat Saver is still a thing (to avoid paying upwards of $100 to get all of these song pack DLCs). Paid for the full game, why should I have to pay more?
I also introduced a few friends of mine to songs that Ninja had showed me (that are Expert+ and are insane… like ‘RAISE MY SWORD,’ one of the hardest songs ever created). And their reactions of “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” were priceless! Hahahahaha!! Ahh man.
Mmm. I was mainly trying to tire myself, to say “hey Fluffy, sorry but I’m too tired to do what you wanted to. I’m going to bed.”
-=-
So what I mean with the title, is everyone but Red joined the world I was part of (almost like a ‘group reunion’). I just wish it happened Christmas Eve or Day.
-=-
Anyway, after I felt ‘done’ (as my body was hurting all over and I could barely hold my controllers.. feeling I may’ve pushed myself a bit too far), I went in VRChat for a bit. Blue and Fluffy were on (but both were in a private world). A bit suspicious, but I
thought “they’re probably watching a movie”. Sent Fluffy an invite request, then went to go see another friend while I waited for an invite. The other friend was busy with other friends, talking about the Sonic movie to even notice me. Then the invite popped up. It wasn’t a movie world, kind of odd.
When I arrived, I heard very familiar music (but with a different world). Saw Blue on the ground (laying down on his back, with Fluffy booping him). I left the two alone and explored the world. Obviously this world was created by the same one that made ‘The Home of the Time’ (which used to be one of my chosen homeworlds for sometime).
Infact, a lot of the features of that world have been brought here (including the day/night cycle).
Cola joined too, which freaked me out as I haven’t seen him online since… that unfortunate Friday. I was able to talk to him for awhile. He’s doing quite alright, telling me that he’s been having to work a lot (and misses his freedom). Hasn’t had time to “shoot anyone” because his work schedule cuts right into it. Poor thing.
Cola then wanted to talk to be in another area of the world (when Aftershock wanted to join) and was allowed to. As I talked to Cola, Fluffy teleported over to me (which I didn’t really appreciate). Could only assume he was avoiding Aftershock, but I told him “I will talk to you and Blue later, OK? Now please go back.” He did this a second time, really got annoying.
–
Found Aftershock, spying on us (claiming Fluffy doesn’t even know he’s in the world). He also tells me of a concern he feels for his BF, and how it could be the same as it was for Lunar. Says he let Lunar go because she didn’t really spend a lot of time with him, and he feels his BF could be the same way.
Says his BF has two brothers and hardly has time to himself (and also lives in the middle of nowhere). They have met eachother IRL, but it’s once a week (and for half the day).
At least they’re doing more than I ever have (seeing eachother IRL).
Told him about Cola and the group (how it’s a poly), and he gave me his honest
answer; said how it’s “fake”, that I’ll never truly be happy with multiple people. Dude, you read me like a book. I reminded him about Ninja. He said “I know what you were trying to do, Benie. But you also got to realize it’s too late to disband it.” Sadly agreed.
“I would give it all up to call someone as my own. I miss those days so much.” I said to him. He understood me. I also said “dude, I’m kind of like Fluffy in ways”. He
questions “desperate?” “Yes,” I responded. He claims he was desperate too, when he found his BF. Hmm.. you know my pain then, Aftershock (and why the group exists). 😛

I end this segment of Blue being drunk and talking weird shit, like how.. “balls are dick titties”. Plus of him not wanting to go to bed (and spending 10 minutes to get him to do
so). Was funny. Fluffy went offline to upload something he bought from Patreon.. I assume the model that Blue (and a lot of others have) of the strange long eared bunny-cat thing.

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“…I can’t fap to THIS!!” -God
I say this in humor of Fluffy’s status in Discord: “God loves you no one else” After what I allowed Fluffy to do (in a video call), I’m pretty sure God will turn his back to me and shake his head in disapproval, then pull a level marked ‘HELL’ that causes the floor to drop from under me.. no matter how much I would be pleading “I wanted him to be happy!”
Virtual dick, I don’t mind (doesn’t bother me). RL dick…

I think, only the gayest of the gay could ever ‘fap to this’ of what I saw. To me, I wanted to throw up in my mouth. …I don’t know why, as it’s a natural thing. But I felt like I want to clean my brain with bleach to get rid of .. ew. Plus he wanted me to turn him on by moaning for him.

I guess this proves I’m still in the middle when it comes to being bi. And I made the stupid mistake by saying “we can do this again”. …I just want him to be happy. I don’t want him to be upset.
Plus I feel like I have to “get used to it”.

Happy Christmas Eve afternoon, everyone! Tomorrow is Christmas.. the (IMO) most depressing time of the year! And there’s nothing like waking up at nearly 1 in the afternoon feeling like I got a hangover (my head is spinning, as if it thinks I’m still in VR or something). I also woke up to five DMs; most were wishing me a Merry Christmas, one was questioning wtf I was doing in my sleep (probably why I’m dizzy), and the other  seems to have an issue with one of my Kovo Quote recordings (asking me if I made it without giving further context).
Pretty much all day yesterday (after finishing up other blog posts), watching movies of the new movie world.
Much to my surprise, they have two movies not in the other one: Wreck It Ralph 2, and Captain Underpants. Saw the first movie, tried to hang with Kovo.. but he left to go play another game. Seeing I had nothing else to do, I watched the second movie (then tried spending time with Kovo again, this time actually spending time until he went to bed).

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…So much of wishing for a week of no VRChat drama!
Usually whenever Fluffy’s doing something, this comes back at me to deal with it. And sadly this was the case when I was trying to enjoy some time with Kovo, Jusper, and
Nova; getting DM’d by Ruffy and Aftershock both wanting me to deal with him.
Ruffy’s a bit annoyed that Fluffy’s not talking to him (feeling he hates him), and Aftershock is annoyed because Fluffy told him to change his status about having a BF.
They seemed to let me go so I could complete this adventure world with the three. Saw Fluffy in a joinable world (but wanted to wait ’till something happened with the three). All of them went to bed, and I joined Fluffy.
–
It’s a public instance of the same world, with him and a random. The random started the adventure while I tried to tell Fluffy to let the past go. Like, there’s this one time when I tell him that Aftershock’s got a boyfriend now.. he freaks out and tells me not to say that.
Fluffy, you’re dealing with the same thing I dealt with Jero. Do NOT make the same mistake I did!!
Having felt satisfied in myself (at least I hoped) that Fluffy understood me, I told him to “fix it” by apologizing to Aftershock. Yet that’s all he did; saying “I’m sorry” to
him (without anything else). WTF?? Fluffy, do you suddenly not know how to take responsibility? You’re 18 now! I shouldn’t be having to teach you how to fix your issues!!
—
I went to go see Scooby, who was hanging out with a bunch of Shiba friends of his (all busy talking to an obvious mirror that I didn’t see the button, or want to interrupt their conversation to ask where it was). Instead I went off exploring. The world looked a lot like a game I saw IGP play quite a lot; Osiris: New Dawn. It has a ship I swear was in another world, that has crash-landed (and went to go investigate). Garruk and this random wolf guy were in the world and they tracked me down to the ship to ‘attack’ me with licks. Hehe. Ok, I’ve been defeated with cuteness. 🙂
I friended the random wolf guy (who’s friends with Garruk and Scooby). Fluffy joins the instance and… teleports to me after the two respawn. Ugh. Fluffy.. WHAT did I TELL you about using Teleport?! You’re lucky no-one saw you! Now I really don’t care if he gets banned from VRChat for this (it’ll be on him), what I do is I like to explore ALONE!
But whatever. Fluffy, please talk to Ruffy now. He wants you to talk to him.. and all he says is “hello”.
So you literally did the same thing to Aftershock; saying one thing without anything else.

My GOD! It’s one day until Christmas and I’m dealing with a childult!! WHY ME?!
God, what have I done to deserve such a punishment?!
I wanted to go explore the world more, so I respawned and went in another direction. Fluffy’s following me, which I don’t really mind. Find an underground area with a campsite. Kind of cool. Seeing nothing else I respawned again.
Fluffy’s asking me “is there something wrong?” I said “no” followed by “I just want you to talk to Ruffy”, and he leaves. Ugh.
I tell Ruffy what just happened, while Fluffy’s DMing “Sweetie pls love me…” How can I love a childult who can’t think for themself?! Ruffy’s now telling me that Fluffy’s with him. Good, I’m going to go back to the movie world and try to get my mind off of– and you’re sending me an invite to join you!

Now in The Box, I see Fluffy with Ruffy. Fluffy then teleports over to me and.. seems to forget why he’s doing here. So I have to remind him to.. talk to Ruffy about the whole thing with him claiming you hate him.
“Oh, ok” he says.
..
If I may quote a line from The Angry Beavers, and have Norb as myself and Dag as Fluffy.
Benie: I just wanna know why, Fluffy. Why. why. why. why. why. WHY!!
Fluffy: Um.. which, why in particular?
Benie: PICK ONE!!

…I wanted a week of no drama after what I went through with Ruffy! And I can’t fucking have it! I stayed at the spawn area, hoping to not talk to Ruffy (as I’m still.. you
know).
Then they start to be annoying, which I’m already annoyed at Fluffy for the way he’s acting. Then I finally lash out at Ruffy about what happened last week (after he
wanted ‘snugs’); “You scared me half to death with the whole police thing!!! You really think I’m going to forgive you?!”
He starts saying that he’s sorry for what he put me through, and talking to two people in a group call of them convincing him to do it. I’d like to know the names of these two.
I tell Ruffy “I kept feeling you were going to do it even when this was all supposed to be over with. I was.. scared of you.” Says he would never do that, because he loves me too much as a friend to be that cruel.
I took a huge sigh and said “I forgive you” (wanting to forget about all of this and move on), yet he tells me he can never forgive himself for what he did. He also feels Fluffy will also never forgive him. So I had Fluffy make sure he would. But Ruffy still feels he should blame himself, telling me he’s been blaming himself for something that happened three years ago (and what happened a week ago isn’t going to be any better).

That night (sometime after bedtime when this was fresh in my head and needed to be
typed), Fluffy wanted to call me just to hear my voice. I just.. don’t know how to handle him. And Aftershock doesn’t either.
He just seems so.. needy. The way he said “pls love me…” really bothered me. You got something wrong with you, pal.

First off, Merry Christmas Eve Eve! How are you fine folks doing this abnormally warm Monday? I hope your Christmas will be filled with love with friends and family! As for
me.. I just hope to not see VRChat drama this week.
Still remember last year, Christmas in Wurm (Wurmxmas as I called it, during an Impalong); not enough time for VRChat. But how I’m bored with that game, this year’s gonna be different.
It already is, as I said earlier… being the first time since my grandmother passed away of not putting my tree up. I swear I would honor the memories by always putting my tree
up, but the drama was way too much for me to handle… and I feel like I let my grandmother down. Yet on the other hand, I know she knows I still care for Christmas.
–
So, let’s get to the news that happened yesterday. Been playing BONEWORKS most of the day… and hated it. I have discussed it in the Games blog. And after I felt “done” with the BS I was going through, I saw Fluffy online (but in a private world). Got on VRChat and asked for an invite. Red was also on, so I went to go see him. Less than a minute after I arrived in the world, I received an invite to join Fluffy (who’s in the movie world).

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Trying to celebrate Fluffy’s birthday
Arriving, ShyGuy is also there. I remembered Fluffy talking about ShyGuy before (how he helped him with something).. hearing Fluffy calling him “cutie”. Mmm. I decided to watch the movie on the upper roof (alone), to let them be alone.
Seems to me, Fluffy’s doing the same thing I am– the whole ‘friends-with-benefits’ thing.
The movie was Birdbox. You know, that really weird movie about invisible evil things that make humans that see them want to commit suicide (or to make others “see” them), and the only way to avoid that is using a blindfold. It was pretty alright.
–
Before the movie was over, ShyGuy came up to me and said he was going to bed. There Fluffy stayed with me ’till the end of it.
We were planning of watching another movie, when I’m getting invites for Scooby to join me. Hmm, probably thinks I’m doing another adventure world. Since Fluffy’s the obvious instance owner, I ask him if he wants Scooby to join. And Fluffy’s all “up to you sweetie”.
No Fluffy, you’re the instance owner, you call the shots. And we kept on debating. I’m checking my quickmenu and seeing Scooby spamming invites at me. Damn, he really wants to see me!
Scooby then DMs me, saying he wants to talk to me in private. Still asking Fluffy if he’s going to invite Scooby.. still debating.
Then he says something about going to get off to play on something he got for his birthday. Tell him see you later, love you, etc etc, and go see what Scooby wants.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Unfortunately I cannot say what he wanted to talk about in private (as I had to promise him not to tell anyone, including in here). All I can say is it was something he really needed advice on, that could potentially affect his RL (and hopefully I was able to help him with it).
But after I made him feel a lot better about himself, he really wanted to do something (like see Christmas movies). Told him about the movie world (even read what I saw on their Discord server). So he looked for another world that may actually have movies.
–
After going through a few, we found a very promising one– this ‘Niyah movie theater’ (and it was doing Christmas movies). Went there. Really nice selection. They got a lot of the really old Disney and Dreamworks animated movies. They even have a selection of the Studio Chibi manga’s…. ohhh I’m gonna have fun with this. 🙂
Scooby wanted to see the original The Grinch. Sadly they don’t have it here. But they have Avatar (which we watched).
One of the coolest things about this world, isn’t because you can resync the video (to prevent those annoying ‘audio lagging behind the video’ issues), but how you can quite literally take the entire UI with you (which means you can pick any movie you wanna see without having to get up). That is SO COOL!!! 😀
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Scooby thinks I have a life..??
Originally, what I said above was going to be its own sub-title. But this is the reason why I even made the blog post. 10 minutes ’till bedtime, I sadly have to tell Scooby I gotta go to bed soon. He’s asking why, wanting me to stay up longer to watch the rest of the movie. But (of my own fault) I’ve been going to bed at like 5:30am (mainly DMing someone on my phone while in bed)… and I really wanted to get my sleep.
Then he asks me something that makes me stop talking for awhile: “do you got work tomorrow?”

Uhhhhh… well I uhhh…, and Scooby’s all “You don’t have to work! Good!” I tried to get myself out of it by saying “well man, I just wanna get my sleep. That’s all.”, and he seemed to have bought it. Told him that “we can watch this another time!” And he tells me how he’s going to be working late and stuff like that.
Wanted to say “well I can’t help with that” but I kept quiet, feeling this would switch it around back to me of having a ‘job’.
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I mean, I literally told him (when I was telling him how him and myself are
alike), that “you got a job and I don’t”. He apparently didn’t hear me when I said that. lol
I just, the reason why I made this blog post, is I feel it isn’t going to end there. I have a feeling it’s going to be brought up again (which may jeopardize our friendship when I’m forced to tell him the truth).
Hopefully it won’t. But.. yeah.

One of these four that happened yesterday, is love drama. The first is regular drama, so let’s get started as there’s a lot to talk about.
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Someone’s a Grinch. 😛
A day after what I went though with Ruffy (and having issues with BONEWORKS), I wanted to relax and get my mind off of what happened.
Went to the movie world, just to see if there’s been any new Christmas movies that have been added (it has been awhile since I’ve been there)… and I stopped breathing when I saw this on the movie board;

…WHAT THE FUCK?! Ok, who’s the scrooge who told the world owner to get rid of the movies?!

…..WHY?! It’s nearly Christmas! I can’t believe this! …Fuck! Oh well I guess.
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EDIT: I now know the reason (found out from going to their Discord). It wasn’t by
greed of the movie corporations, but from an argument with a person who was encoding the Christmas movies, and providing the server the Anime/Manga movies were on.
From the fallout of this argument, the person removed everything they worked
on (including the movie request and voting area of the board).
The creator of the world was forced to remove the links to these movies (and the movie world itself), to prevent malicious content from being uploaded (and hopes to make things better next year).
This is very troubling news. I mean, what the world is doing right now is illegal
anyway (allowing anyone to watch these movies). And I hope it doesn’t get any
worse (to where they’re ALL taken down, including the world).
I know it’s gonna happen; corporate greed’s gonna getcha. But hopefully it won’t happen anytime soon (and hopefully the Anime/Manga movies will return sometime next year).

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Hanging with Scooby more
Title says all, I have been (mainly for the fact he’s doing these adventure worlds). A day ago, we did Dead Station: Trident 4. Well, I did as there were syncing issues (and was able to help Scooby and his friends out).
Yesterday, we did Metro 2033 Part 1, and it was pretty good for it being made in VRChat. It captured the fear aspect of that game, and even has brutal climbing sections. I’m just glad they left out the annoyance for oxygen filters of your gas mask. The other thing I wish they improved on is the AI. It feels so.. static. I mean if BONEWORKS can do AI that actually walks around and shoots you (and how it was made in Unity)…

The last thing no-one really liked was when you finally get weapons, there are areas where it won’t let you take them with you. Seems kind of BS.
But the world itself, the atmosphere. Perfect. Simply, perfect. Like I said before, it captures the game so well. …I want to see a S.T.A.L.K.E.R world now. Someone PLEASE make Shadow of Chernobyl in VRChat!! I want to be spooked!

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Using self-control (learning to say “no”)
While I was with Scooby, Fluffy was DMing me. He wanted to do something ‘special’ with me when midnight hit (and it would officially be his 18th birthday). When asking him
how (since he can’t get on VRChat), he said it would be in a voice call.
Hmm. I kind of was OK with it. But the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. I feel Ruffy is still watching me.. somehow. Fluffy told me that I won’t regret it, that it won’t be that extreme (it’s “just going to be the dick ;3”).
…lmao. “Just the dick” huh!? And you don’t feel this is.. you know..

to say this, when you’re still 17? But to tell you the truth, even if you were close to my age, I still wouldn’t do that. So…

As long as I’m still living under my parents’ roof, I cannot go that far. I’m sorry.

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Latest on Kovo
After we finished with the adventure world, Scooby saw that Kovo was on and we went to go see him. But it was a very short visit before Kovo wanted to see me (in private). I feared it was possibly related to.. Ruffy. It was so bad (to him) that Kovo felt we had to talk in another world.
Once I arrived, it was about Nova of her saying how she isn’t going to friendzone
Kovo (and asking me if I had recorded her saying it). I dunno if I was recording or not, but this is troubling. He still doesn’t know if Nova’s just playing games with his heart at this point, but he feels he’s done with this mess.
And about Kovo himself, he hasn’t been able to sleep right; only getting an hour. Seems similar to Cola (though I don’t know if that’s still a problem with him as I haven’t spoken to him in days). Plus it seems Cola’s gone to Sweden (probably to spend Christmas with family).
Back to Kovo: he can’t really see a doctor until after the holidays are over. Said he would have to go on a two (to maybe two and a half an hour drive to see a good one.
WOW.. Texas is a huge state.
He tells me of a doctor that’s a half an hour away, but how he knew someone who went crazy from pills that were prescribed from them (and understandably doesn’t trust the doctor). So, how’s this guy still have their license to practice medicine? Very odd.

A hell of a week
….What the FUCK HAPPENED to this week?! Was hoping for a quiet week after what I went through with a certain green-eyed British guy who had once melted my heart everytime he spoke.. lying to me and his BF (by not coming clean of why we broke
up), and the headaches that lead up to a certain wolf-rabbit hybrid with a paw on their forehead (and a love for pineapple pizza/shooting people with Airsoft guns)… leaving the group (probably over the drama that he caused me).
Managed to remove their avatars from my project folder. Though the other one is a bit harder as their files are pretty much everywhere.
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So this has to do with something that has been going on for at least a month now, with Fluffy, Ruffy, and myself. And the 20th, is a day I probably won’t forget for a very long time; for it’s the day that I have never been so scared (by a single person in an online game) in my entire life. Yet at the same time, I feel he was feeding off of my fear.. which is really fucked up.
Started on Sunday (the 15th). Fluffy’s acting strange, and Ruffy tells me that Fluffy’s wanting to get back with him. Fluffy tells me how I wanted him to find someone his
age. That is true, but I haven’t said that any time recently.
Since then, things went quiet for a day. The day after that, Ruffy’s calling me a pedophile and telling me to stay away from Fluffy. This is when I told him how I was doing Fluffy “a favor” and how I wanted out of this mess. I assumed Ruffy would do something about it to help me out with it.
Friday, Fluffy’s still calling me a cutie. Uhh.. Ruffy. I thought you were going to help me. You want me to get away from Fluffy, then please help. I say this when I’m at Burger King trying to enjoy my dinner. This is getting quite ugly, and then he does something that chills me to the bone; threatening to call the authorities if I don’t block Fluffy… I had no choice, I had to block him and then rush home as he only gave me an hour until he would do it (to get on VRChat.com and block him there).
After I told him I blocked Fluffy there, and asked if we could “walk away from this” as I was living in pure fear that I’ve never felt in my life. Told me to not talk to Fluffy ever again that everything would be fine.. but I couldn’t think straight after that. I had contemplated on suicide. That’s how absolutely terrified I was, fearing it would still happen.
I was able to speak to Kovo about it (ingame in a private world). He feels Ruffy is
unstable, and that they forgot Fluffy’s 18th birthday is a few days away. Said I did the right thing by blocking Fluffy and to give it a few days, but I still felt very scared. Then I suddenly felt to forget I ever talked to them and pretend nothing ever happened. Yet Kovo felt I should be “prepared” incase Ruffy decides to lie and screw me with how unstable he is.
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I tried to play BONEWORKS to get my mind off of this, managing to get a level further than I was (Ninja’s two levels ahead of me). I’m in the voice chat with Kovo and others. Kovo has to go talk to someone else. 5 minutes later, Fluffy joins the channel (and I leave
it in order to keep my forced promise to Ruffy). I come back. 20 minutes later.. he joins the channel again and I leave it again.
It’s obvious to me, Ruffy never told Fluffy about this. Very odd… like he’s been lying to me about how Fluffy doesn’t like me, how he’s scared of me.. etc. Then Ruffy asks me “are you 43”. At that moment I knew my life was over, and felt like I had to get on my knees and plead for mercy that he doesn’t call the police. Now he’s telling me that Fluffy’s yelling at him while talking to me, while I’m begging for my life this wouldn’t get any worse than it already is.
Doing my best to defend myself for what felt like hours, suddenly there was a stoke of luck. Suddenly he says “unblock him, friend him. Idc. He wins”. Fluffy stressed him out to the point it broke him.
I friended Fluffy, and.. I felt like an absolute mess, hugging him and crying in his virtual arms (that I couldn’t see as this was in a DM). Fluffy cuddled me, told me that Ruffy will never bother me again. Ruffy never even told him why I was forced to block him. Wow.
At the end, this just makes me want to love Fluffy even more than I ever have.. for literally saving my life from a manipulative ‘friend’! Fluffy showed up when I needed him the
most, and I can’t thank him enough. He truly loves me, when he’s willing to fight for
it. And I should appreciate every moment I can with him.
But I can’t block Ruffy for this. I fear if I do, he’s going to call the police anyway as an attempt on revenge. However, since his birthday is tomorrow.. Ruffy wouldn’t be able to do shit to me.
At the same time, I dunno. They could still arrest me for “doing it while he was 17”.. even though it was always consensual. But the greatest problem, is my age.

Going back to Fluffy, he’s taking a vacation to Mexico in a few days (and won’t be back ’till next year). He also has moved to a new house, so he won’t be getting online either.
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Scooby actually understands me
I said it before (back in March), and I’ll say it again; Scooby is just like me when it comes to relationships, that it’s scary AF.
I didn’t expect Scooby to even ask to see me ingame, but I was in my homeworld trying to talk to Fluffy about things (while he was AFK) when it happened. I semi-feared he would be acting as ‘a messenger’ for Jero, sending their regards. And for some time I felt he would mention it. Instead he’s almost acting as if he asking me if I would be interested in dating him. Um… not after what Jero, Wufy, and several others have said about you, dude.
I had to remind him about this whole thing with him asking for money and not paying it back, yet he acted like he just now was informed of it. He was shocked to hear this news.
Interesting that this is the first time he heard about it, but I hoped he would let it go and not ask who are these “well-known individuals” that I trust to tell the truth.
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Yet he did, and I’m thinking “FUCK!! I did it again!! ..Ok, think. Think. *sighs* God I hope he keeps his word!!” and asked him not to tell anyone about this, or ask the ones I was about to tell him. He promised he wouldn’t, he just wanted to know.
So I started with what Jero told me about him, and he does confirm that they wanted to give him a fridge. Then he changes the topic around to say how he’s still struggling to survive. Funny thing is he never said anything about paying back the money (or is planning to).
Then I told him about the drama with Jero and Chris (how I got myself involved). And he even agrees with me about how Jero didn’t really show true love (with all the doubts).
He also said that Jero didn’t even tell him about the doubts that caused me and them to separate (how Jero friend-zoned me).
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Finally, after a long hug he did, he could understand why months after we broke up, I still had feelings for Jero; it was their personality that I (had) loved. And he literally read my mind of wanting more than just friendship.

Hopefully I can find someone else with that personality (that doesn’t mind being in an online relationship, and can understand why I can’t make it more.. at least not right now).
Also I found out, Frost unfriended (and probably blocked) me. But whatever, I don’t care. I have no need to speak to him, since I’m done with Jero.

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EDIT: An update that Scooby is trying his damnest to pay back the money to Jero and everyone else he dated (and asked for money). Wufy has confirmed it (asked
him)… however, Wufy also told me he had to convince Scooby to do it. He goes
from “when did I say I don’t pay back what I borrowed?!” to this.
I think Scooby’s lying to me (about this). So I need to talk to him about it.