Benie's General Blog

I’m sure you guys have heard of the term “a positive action has an equal and opposite reaction”? — so says Issac Newton’s 3rd law of motion. Well I’m here to take that completely out of context, and rewrite it to “a positive weekend has an equal and negative week”. And I’m sure you people who hate Monday (you know who you are), can relate.
A day after meeting Telephone, I’m suddenly having a case of bad luck. Some minor, and some.. that still bug me. Though none of them (thankfully) affect the Best Boi community. Just myself. And I attend to keep it that way.

First (major) case, affects my future of working on my world. Ever since what Oliver told me, I wanted to figure out why the trees I have, were letting me walk through them. I thought for sure this time (since this is a current feature in Unity (aka not ProBuilder)), I would get the help I need.
Instead… I get ignored. And once I do get help, I’m told that I would have to manually set up the collider — yet I wasn’t told why. There’s supposed to be a ‘tree collider’ when you mass-place trees (using the terrain tools). Yet it’s not working… and no one’s telling me why!!
Of course this made me yell out loud (IRL), because I was so frustrated that (it felt to me) they were ignoring the problem. And this.. this got my father involved (who wasn’t too happy, thinking I’m “yelling at someone on the internet”). I told him it was a problem with a program. Yet instead of wanting to sit down and attempt to help me (like a father typically would when they see their son like this), all he wanted to do was make sure he wouldn’t hear me yelling about it. And then proceeded to escalate the problem further by saying “you’re sick in the head, you need help” saying I need to see a psychiatrist. And I’m all “Then take me up to see one!!” (yes I wasn’t helping the situation either).
And before you say “wow, your father is a dick!”… he has every right to be. Because I treat my parents like absolute shit. All I want to do is ‘be alone on my computer’, and refuse to help when they ask. But this is what happens when I’m a spoiled brat.
I’m the dick here, not him. But this isn’t going to make me change. All it did… was made me think of opening my mouth, stick a gun in it, and pulling the fucking trigger. Because for some reason, I think suicide is the only way to “reset my life”. Yet I don’t have the guts to follow through with it (which is why I’m still alive).
I’ll admit, I tend to get worked up over the stupidest of things, and yell at things that have no voice (thinking they do). I can’t help myself when I get pissed off like that.

Eventually did get help, explaining the reason why they were telling me I have to set up the collider.. because apparently the ‘tree collider’ needs an active collider of the tree (and won’t just automatically place one for me).
Dumb. Dumb. DUMB! What is the purpose of the tree collider then, if it won’t automatically create the collider when the tree is spawned (so I can be lazy)?!
—
And that’s not all, when it came to world building (also major). The next problem, is a previous problem. But a problem I wanted a positive response to. The problem of terrain scaling, and ‘getting the best of both worlds’ (with a realistic-sized river, and to be able to fine tune any paths I make).
Instead; “NOO!! Unity terrain BAD! Laggy (in VR)! BAD!!” They’re also telling me to use advanced techniques that I care not to use (as I want to keep things basic).
One of those techniques, did peak my interest though; ‘terrain stitching’. I remember my friend telling me about this (when I was in the same subject before).
Yet when I asked “so if I do this, what would be a good size to be able to do both?” When being referenced to someone else who possibly would know the answer, their indirect response (after showing what they did) was “use Blender”.
And this made me react to the bestest of sarcastic ways, with “See? Blender solves everything, even world hunger!”
And this is where I am today, unsure if I should just delete what I have, and forget about ever getting into world building. Because apparently, it’s Blender or nothing. And that doesn’t help with trying to get my friend to convince me not to give up, after arguing with him about not wanting to learn Blender (just to learn ProBuilder).
As I said before, and I’ll say it again… “the future SUCKS!!”

—
Finally moving on from talking about world building, is four things that happened in the Discord. One is minor, and the last three are semi-major.
The first minor one, was between two people in the Best Boi Discord. One of them was talking about another of when they’re going to be getting married (ingame). This isn’t the important part. What was, when the other person mentioned “her cult” could be coming to the Best Boi server.
Feeling it was ‘the right thing to do’, I said “as long as they don’t do anything, it’s OK in my book”. Yep, doing the same thing I said I would stop doing. Perhaps I should remain banned, as I obviously can’t help myself.
I wasn’t prepared for the harsh backlash that followed (as typically I receive none). Lu is now in my face, saying to show them respect (and to not criticize people). I was too ashamed to retort or defend myself, and told Creepery… who didn’t make the situation any better, saying to “be careful”. In my eyes, I wasn’t criticizing.. just doing what I can’t fucking seem to stop doing; defending a community. He’s also telling me “you deserve to be in here”.
Told him “don’t bullshit me”. Eventually I got over it, and did apologize to Creepery.

First semi-major thing, BestBoi suddenly had to leave the Best Boi Discord server for an unknown reason. For the longest time, I tried not to talk about it, fearing my words could be used as ‘evidence’ that I caused him to leave (over ‘revenge’ of being banned). Yet I also felt (at the same time) for not saying anything, that would still feel suspicious of me (thinking for being quiet, I was causing it).
Eventually, I spoke up (and tried to sound as innocent as I could), stating “he probably left because something happened in his life, which happens to 80% of people who leave something they enjoy.”
To me, this is true, and I hoped they would think as such (and that would be it). Then Kaz says to me, that he spoke with BestBoi and how he doesn’t want to talk about it “for the sake of preventing more drama”.
I found his words quite offensive to me, and said “I never asked to know, I was just giving what would be a reason for his departure.” And then he’s saying I’m making assumptions. On top of that, Ginger was in the room… and he wasn’t paying attention (at all) as to what was going on, just ranting about something happening in his life.
It was one big clusterfuck when I told Creepery, who couldn’t believe I was still seen as the enemy (after trying so hard to clear my name to them).
Another “I should leave this server” moment. I still couldn’t believe Ginger wasn’t paying attention!! That literally proves Charms’ claim that most of the mods are only there due to their rank, and not their responsibilities.

Here we go with the second semi-major thing. This happened in Creepery’s Discord server (in his ‘sad discussion’), where he’s talking about his life story of before and after he became a Best Boi. As much as I feel for him, I got my own issues to deal with (such as wanting to defend a community). I decided to take this time to tell them, just why I’m like this (in hopes people would actually understand what I’m going through, and at least give me some respect for it). Creepery was the only one that cared, while the others were on ‘Team Creepery’ (of respecting him more). Meh. Whatever. At least I tried.
Later on, one of the Best Boi mods (Impulse) was in there talking about all the drama in general (how “it won’t stop”). For some reason, I have to chirp in about the mods not doing their jobs (to lessen the drama). And Impulse jumps at me, saying “we fucking do”.. yeah, PROVE IT by stopping things like what happened with me! But I said “Woah, chill. I wasn’t talking about you directly, just all the mods”.
Creepery on the other hand, seemed like he was asskissing the guy (and I have to get on him about that in a DM).
Then Impulse starts showing a side, that I’ve never seen of the other mods. He’s stating how he’s tried things to better the community, but the other mods aren’t listening. I suddenly feel compassion for him, and wanting him to speak up (and DO SOMETHING about this). But instead of saying “you’re right, Benie. I’m tired of being ignored by the other mods. I need to do something”.. all he does is apologize for saying what he said to me. And when trying to say “don’t be, you have every right to be enraged. The mods aren’t listening to you”.. all I get is more apologizing.

His compassion for the community, has clearly been dwindled from the months of being ignored (and has given up the fight). I wish there was something I could do (and say), for him to get that motivation again. But sadly, I can do nothing for him.
Just like Wurm… what the hell is keeping the community together (when it’s like this)? Yet the answer is clear as the nose on my face; Kibble. The fact he keeps updating the world every week, people enjoy this enough to stay.
But for how long, until Kibble gets bored and stops updating? Who knows. It could be several months, or even several years. The community isn’t going to die out anytime soon (unless something major happens, such as a war against the Best Bois (that ends in defeat)).
Though I see nothing of the sort happening within the near future. The only time a war would start, is if Ashi starts it.
—
And speaking of Ashi… the final semi-major (yet also minor at the same time) thing. He’s back, and he wanted to talk to me. Tried to ask how I’ve been. And when I didn’t respond (due to fear of people watching my every move(when it comes to our conversations)), he said how “I’m not mad at you”, and “I left to protect you”.
Ohh.. ‘protect’ me? Riiight. And you totally didn’t want to get revenge by framing me, you lying asshole! Even though I have no solid proof (apart from what John said), I’m going to go all Ginger and not believe a fucking word he says anymore (and blocked him). And it felt good afterwards, not giving into his lies — never again.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, it’s not going to happen. And I’m not even going to tell the mods about this (as it’s not a big deal). He’s not trying to start anything up. And even if he does, I won’t believe him!
But unfortunately, this story doesn’t end here. He also joined the Telephone Fan Club (which has placed me in quite the predicament situation). Talked it over with Creepery (who I invited to the server a few days ago, and also didn’t know if he should stay or go). But at the end, I decided that we’ll stay (for now). Just as long as no one DMs me (or him) saying “Ashi wants you to unblock him”, there will be no problem.
But knowing Ashi, he’ll eventually get someone on his side to bug me. And when that day comes? We leave! No big deal. Simple as that! Ashi can’t harass me in the Best Boi Discord, as his ass will be blocked!! 😀
You guys can’t see it, but I’m grinning IRL. This is probably the first time I got to smile since meeting Telephone, and it feels so good. There’s not a fucking thing he can do to me!! And if I knew this (way before I got banned), things probably would had been better for me.
Well that.. and I grow tired of being neutral. It’s not fun, and has way… way too much risk of pissing off one or the other community (or even both). And just like learning Blender, it’s not worth the effort.

So I said I wasn’t going to talk about it, unless something major happened. And something major happened… something I have wanted to have happen for what felt like forever.

I…I am absolutely speechless, right now. But I’ve been brought back to the Best Boi Discord server (after speaking to the one that Creepery said I was ‘a disgrace’).
Just eating dinner, as usual. Suddenly, I get a friend invite from Charms. I tell Lu and Creepery, both of them are confused as to why.. but maybe, just maybe, could this finally be when I’ll be able to clear my name?

Hell, I’m done with the whole “corruption” crap.. I don’t fucking care anymore! As I said, I just want things to go back to before this whole mess started. I.. want to be a Best Boi again. And if I can finally get my name cleared, I’ll be happy with whatever.
—
Charms spoke to me about what happened, with myself and John, and I got to speak the truth that I have never sent pictures to Ashi. He said the reason it took so long for a mod to address this, is.. they actually forgot I was banned. Wow. Charms was doing some archive work, and saw my name as being banned. And while he was talking, my hands were actually shaking in fear. I could not type right, due to it.
Moving on, after finally pulling up my entire DM with Ashi (from the start), we did a video call (and began to record our conversation for his records), and I showed him the entire thing. But as I showed him, he was telling me things about Ashi doing this and that (though I forgot most of them). My dinner’s starting to get cold, and I tried to eat it as quick as I could (while he talked, as I couldn’t scroll with my right hand holding the plate). But soon, I was able to show the end of the conversation, proving I did NOT send any pictures to Ashi.

With that, he ended the recording, having all the evidence he needed to clear my name. He also told me (now that he’s no longer recording), that some of the ‘mods’ aren’t really there to be a moderator (no shit, dude.. I could’ve told you that). He states that himself, Dragon Nuggets, and Twitchin are the only ones on long enough that would be classified as moderators.
I told him about how Ginger was ‘out of the loop’ when John and myself spoke to him. He claims the reason for that, is all he does is say the code and attend the meetings (aka, Charms also feels that Ginger isn’t really a mod).
And finally, when I mentioned what ‘someone’ (to hide Creepery’s identity) had told me about him saying I’m ‘a disgrace’, he cleared it up by saying “it’s a disgrace to know this. Why would he go back on us after telling me all of this?”
He wasn’t insulting me, he was confused. Perhaps Creepery didn’t hear everything.. which Lu had told me not to jump to accusations. For that, I apologize (to my blog post) for typing what I said.

Then Charms says “right, I’ve sent it all to the mod chat”. I took a deep breath… then I heard words that nearly brought me to tears. But it wasn’t tears of pain, it was tears of joy! “He is to be unbanned immediately, this was a huge misunderstanding. His rank is to be fully reinstated”. I wanted to say “THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!!” to him (but to save myself from embarrassment, I never held down my push to talk when I said it).
Though I never received an apology (from what I’ve been through), hearing “it was a big misunderstanding”, is pretty much the same thing as saying “we’re sorry” (but without being formal).

And with that, he gave me an invite link, and I came back to the Best Boi Discord server. Immediately, my ‘welcome back Benie’ party wasn’t a good one. It’s just how I felt; the feeling of disappointment staring at me. It feels cold, and unwelcoming.
But it’s something I’m going to have to power through (such as ‘convincing’ people who still think I’m a traitor). I have to earn that respect back, one person at a time.
As I told Charms; “I’ll do whatever it takes”.

It’s been one week since the ‘punishment’ of trying to defend a community, costed more than just my reputation. I actually thought Ginger was going to tell me that I was unbanned. But that wasn’t the case.
Last night I was talking to Lu, who was actually worried about me (and said he’ll always support me). However, he’s talking about something other than what’s been going on with the community (and it makes no sense to me).
I then spoke to Creepery, asking him if the drama is still ongoing. He said it’s stopped, and he also tried to get me back into the community “and they said no”. He unfortunately doesn’t know when he asked the mods, but it doesn’t look like he asked during the meeting.
Then we spoke in voice chat, where he was able to tell me more. And apparently, Ginger isn’t the problem anymore… it’s Charms. So hopefully he’ll apologize to me (eventually) and let me back in. Now I would’ve thought of that, until Creepery told me some quite shocking things. According to him (of trying to get me back), Charms has said to him that I’m “a disgrace”, and how I’m “always starting drama”.

Yep, nothing like being called a disgrace by a moderator, that I actually had respect for. Yet it’s also funny at the same time, with the insane level of irony coming from him. Telling us he won’t hold anything back, and won’t treat us like kids. But what does he do with me? He’s acting like a child, with this untrue bullshit. It really is hilarious.
But as pissed off as I am, and wanting revenge, the mods have clearly made their decision about me (which completely explains why none of them have DM’d me). Which means, the best, most mature thing to do at a case like this… is to move on.
It’s going to take a very.. very long time to get over this, but I will eventually. It also goes to show (to myself), what happens when I care for a community too much.

And as to you guys, I will no longer be talking about this (unless something major comes up). It was a ‘fun’ ride, but all things must come to an end.
But if I was to look at this, in a positive note? I won’t feel I’ll have to attend another meeting, for the rest of my life. That’s literally the only positive note I can think of.

Editor’s Note: I felt this blog post deserved a complete rewrite, given everything that has happened. It’s an attempt to clarify (and bring light to) the situation that’s currently unfolding… and why I’m powerless to stop it.
But at least I’m with a new community now, who welcomes exiles from both communities (as long as they remain neutral). And I definitely promise to do so. It’ll take some time to forget about what has happened to me, but I’ll ..eventually adjust myself to my new home, even though I don’t know if being neutral is right for me.
And now, on with the blog post.

Since the days I was a moderator of the MRT Server, Frumple (and some of the other mods), kindly informed me that not everything needs to have action taken on it (no matter how serious it might be to me). And that (plus getting fed up with WorldEdit requests), is why I resigned as a moderator. And it’s also why Frumple had said to me; “if I knew who you were in the past, you would had never been a mod”.
But as I told Frumple: “whenever I join a community, my thoughts are to defend it from any threats, no matter how small they may be. As even the smallest threat (if left unchecked) could grow into a much larger threat.”

Four years have passed, and I’m doing it again with the Best Boi community (in VRChat). Though I’m not a mod this time, I sometimes feel I have to be forced to be a ‘backseat mod’. Because it seems the actual moderators aren’t doing their jobs (to how I would like them to). And this is especially true, with the handling of the drama going on with Ashi’s server. Most of the time, there is no transparency with members of the community. And one time, I felt there should’ve been an emergency meeting (it felt serious enough). But it wasn’t done.
But finally, the mods managed to do something.. but what they’ve done, is completely counter-productive to the survivability of the community. Their way to ‘address’ the issue, is to silence anyone (with a week-long ban) for even mentioning the word “drama”! Tell me that is not fucked up.
And that very reason, is why I got banned. It was not because I was a ‘traitor’.

How did I find this out? Well, remember that thing I said about wanting to see Lu-c, and seeing Ashi by mistake? But instead of seeing Lu, it was Creepery. And instead of Ashi.. it was John. And he wasn’t too happy to see me, saying “I still don’t like you”. But I was FINALLY able to convince him that I did NOT send pictures to Ashi! At least, I hope.
John also told me who he got his accusation from; BestBoi, who got it.. from Ashi. Which pretty much proves, ASHI IS THE ONE WHO FRAMED ME!! He’s been fucking pissed ever since finding out I’ve been a spy for the Best Bois. And he wanted to make sure I would never recover from it. Which explains why he hasn’t responded to me, and asked if I would like to come back.

The thing is, I never wanted to be a spy. I never even wanted to get involved in this! But the mods forced my hand — all I wanted to do, was defend the community. All I wanted, was peace… and this is their way of ‘thanking’ me; a fucking week-long ban, for reporting it to the mods!!
Looking back at it (and remembering what Frumple said back then) ..I should had known Ashi was lying about getting the Warhammer 40k clan involved in it. Yet why should this be my responsibility to make that call? CommanderCharms is the one that told us to be nice to them, so I thought he should be the one to be notified. It makes perfect sense to me!
—
In addition, if we weren’t supposed to talk about drama (ever since the new rule Crazy Ginger put into place during the meeting).. then why was Charms telling me to “put Ashi in a position to ‘reveal his true intentions'”? He’s not even enforcing the new rule, and he was there during the fucking meeting!! He’s letting the drama continue! And for that, he should be removed as a moderator.
THIS is the shit I’m talking about, people! The mods are NOT. doing. their. jobs! Plus, Charms was supposed to inform the other moderators.. and he never did. He just goes offline. He didn’t even THANK me for giving him that info!
And John has been affected by the same thing that happened to me. On the 3rd, he told me that he got ‘ghost banned’ from the Best Boi Discord server. They gave him no reason, though himself (and I) believe it might have to do with the private conversation we were having with Ginger (who is 100% anti-Ashi). And not only that, we learned that Ginger has been kept in the dark since the past week. Yet all he told us is that we need to chill, and Ashi is the reason why we have so much doubt with the community.
BULLSHIT!!

So this seems to be restarting what Jrock was tying to tell me, that there’s corruption going on within the upper ranks of the Best Boi community.
But I have denied this. There was no proof (back then). …Yet now, that I’ve seen it with my own two eyes (including damnable info from ‘Covita’ (who was with us during our private meeting (during the ‘plaque incident’) who told me something similar), it is true to me now. And now I feel that there needs to be a major shakedown. Persons involved in the toxicity, must be held accountable. And this should even involve Kibble. I want to see them all on the hot seat.
This should had never happened, and this needs to never happen again. But it’s unlikely (at this time), that it’ll ever happen. And that’s sad.
But this puts me in a position of where I can have a neutral stance. And part of that stance (though I know it’ll make me tear up), is to say NO to rejoining the Discord server on Saturday (when my temp ban ends)… there is also the feeling of embarrassment of returning — the feeling of ‘:|’ with everyone looking at you with shame. And honestly, if the mods were doing their jobs.. I would had never been banned in the first place!
And there’s also one major flaw, of when it comes to being neutral. I’ll also have to hide from people that have likely taken a side. And that’s pretty ridiculous.. but that’s what Covita told me (from what he’s gone through).

There’s also a neutral way that we might be able to end this. If any of you have ever played Skyrim (if not.. you’re seriously missing out), you might know what I’m talking about (which happened later in the game).
I propose that we do one of similar stance, but this time.. actually get the two communities to work out their differences. And since Ashi may still want to continue the fight (according to what I hear), someone needs to convince someone else to get both parties to meet under a neutral playing field. Not to mention, it could be used to easily expose any corruption in both communities.
If either of them have nothing to hide, then they should have absolutely zero problem why they can’t defend themselves.

And I feel the person that could get the ball rolling on this, is DarnHyena. Yes, I know he wants nothing to do with this. But I feel he’s the only one that could possibly pull it off. Both parties would listen to him (at least I hope the Best Bois would).
If Darn cares for peace (as much as I do), then he’ll do it. And I feel it should be held in the Hyena world, under a ‘Friends’ instance, and under strict rules that only members (not friends) of the community can join (including rules making sure no one interferes with this special meeting).
—
Yet I have my doubts that my hope to bring these two communities together again, would even start. And if my doubts are realized… well, guess I have no choice but to leave VRChat for good. Because I refuse to speak of this toxicity, ever again.
I honestly feel this is likely my only option. Because, to hell with being neutral. It’s not for me. I hate feeling powerless to stop something I care about (and trying to hide from people that have chosen a side).
It’s NOT RIGHT! We shouldn’t have to be DOING THIS!!
VRChat is not like a game (such as The Elder Scrolls, or even WoW), where having wars is how we find out the victor is! THIS is SUPPOSED to be a game of real life communities (in a video game based around VR). And we shouldn’t be fucking acting like spoiled children (and I do mean this.. even though I am one IRL). We should be acting like mature adults, and realize the consequences of getting into an argument with another community.
It should be dealt, with a tough (but firm) punishment (depending on the severity, and/or how many times the individual has done it). But instead, they have resorted to banning you from the server.. for just saying the word “drama”. It’s an abuse of power, and the wrong way to handle the problem.
It solves.. NOTHING (except used as a crude scare tactic to keep people quiet). And sadly, it’s quite effective at its task. But yet you even get banned for reporting drama to the mods?! That is fucked up (and I can not say this enough).
And the same goes for getting banned, just for being associated with the ‘opposing’ community.

*sighs*
All I got left is the Hyena world, with the hope none of that damn drama comes to it. If you two children (aka communities) want to throw your toys and have a temper tantrum, why should I stop you? Plus I have a world to work on, that I can use as my personal salvation from this stupidity.
I don’t even know why I’m getting myself worked up about this anymore. This isn’t my fight. I just hope the friends I have (that still trust me), will feel the same.
That’s right, I give up. It’s not worth it. I’m my own dragon now.

Today was supposed to be a day of happiness (of feeling like a kid again)! Easter, and April Fools Day; a rare event of having two major holidays merging into a single day. But sadly… there would be no laughter on this day (nor was it an April Fools joke). Only a feeling of being framed, and ended with being banned from the Best Boi server.

Most of the day, was me ‘working’ on my world. Though it was more like, trying to figure out how to make a chair that’s both sittable, and throwable. As I stated in the post made in the Games blog, I have future plans – and most of these ideas, are being inspired from the world: ‘Ferret Lake’. The sloping terrain (to the large lake). The log cabin. The trees. And of course, the lawn chairs.
Those chairs are what I’m talking about, and I managed to get someone from the VRChat Discord server (named ‘vampireofh8’) to help me with this problem. And let’s just say, it’s a lot more complicated than I thought it was going to be. Yet it works!
However, it was short-lived. I personally feel that a key component was removed, but I continue to wait for the person to get back.

In the meantime, I’ve been fiddling with it the best I can (and not having much luck). Then Kibble chirps in and says he’s made changes to the Best Boi server (in the form of Easter Eggs being added). This was mentioned during the meeting, but with the drama (and hearing you guys don’t really care to see what happens in these meetings), I didn’t post it.
Came into the world, partially excited (as I said about WoW’s event with Easter, this is probably going to feel quite childish). But it was actually pretty cute. Some were able to get bunny ears and a bunny muzzle of their Best Boi.
As I’m clicking on eggs, someone I met in Ashi’s server (named ‘James’) attempts to call me. However (as I’ve heard this person speaking before), I can barely understand him. Only a few words make sense, but the rest sounds like it’s another language.
I discover that he got banned by Ashi, for no reason. My assumption falls on the “you’re siding with the Best Bois! GET LOST!!” reason (as he claims one moment he was talking to Ashi, and next minute he was kicked).
I told him to come be part of the Best Bois, how we’re a fair community who only want peace, and he liked the offer.
And I thought that would be it, and we would have fun clicking colorful eggs for the rest of the day… but then things got dark quite quickly for me. And sadly, this was no April Fools joke.
‘John’ (a member) DMs me. A few days ago, he almost got himself banned from the Best Boi server over being pissed off that someone was messing with one of his friends.
But now…now, he’s calling me a traitor, sharing pictures with Ashi. ….Unfortunately, I never once saw the “sharing with Ashi” part, and thought he said I was “sharing private messages about Ashi”. I ended up wrongly defending myself, for not paying attention. And it came to a time where I said “Then stop talking to me, if I’m such a ‘traitor'”.
A bit later, one person asked me to follow him into a private area. I did, and saw John. Immediately got out, as I didn’t want to hear the berating. I felt like “you already spoken your mind! Leave me alone!” And all of this, was when I was still in a conversation with James.
Speaking of that, I got out as I didn’t want to be bothered by this, and asked James to come to my world to discuss this. I also felt that soon I was going to be kicked from the Best Bois……. and it happened.
Now I’m A FUCKING REFUGEE!! What’s worse, I started feeling that John may had been right, that I deserved this. I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!
Yet when looking back at what was said, I then noticed “woah Woah WOAH!! WTF?! He’s saying I shared pictures WITH ASHI?! NOO!! I NEVER DID!!” Yet it was already too late. No one would believe me. Everyone was blocking me, before I could clear my name.

Clearly I’ve been framed, but by WHOM?! I can only think Ashi. He may’ve used my inability of dealing with pressure, against me.
I talked with my friends (who still support me), and one said to give it a few days (and then talk to a mod).
But I feel beside myself….
On one hand, I NEED to clear my name! I NEED to gain my respect back! I DID NOT DO THIS!! | Yet on the other hand, I feel “why bother? I’m done with this bullshit toxicity.” Yet that other hand doesn’t realize the serious repercussions of not clearing my name. No community (that are friends with Ashi and/or Kibble) is going to welcome me now. No one will ever listen to me.
If I do this second thing, leaving VRChat for good might likely be my only option.

Yet at the same time, I feel that attempting to say “I didn’t do this”.. would be a lot more strenuous, than just leaving a game full of toxicity (as I would likely have to provide proof that I never once sent Ashi a private discussion about the Best Bois, which would require several hundred screenshots).
My best option, is to wait a few days for things to calm down, and then talk to a mod that would (hopefully) know me enough to realize, that I would never do this. Doing it now, would only make things worse on me.

And there are also the “what if”‘s that are plaguing my mind. “What if the mods have all blocked me?” “What if they refuse to listen to me (by not accepting my proof)?”
But NONE of this shit is going to help me right now. Hopefully, time will. As someone said; “time heals all wounds”.. even emotional ones.
Yet even from saying this, I can’t stop thinking about it (in order to do something else for a change). Part of me feels it’ll only get worse, before it’ll (eventually) get better. And the person trying to help me (with the chair issue in my world) is somewhere else, and it’s unknown if they’ll be able to help me anytime tonight.
I know I need to find something else to occupy my brain, but the anxiety is so strong right now.

In closing, if I find out who framed me, that person will pay. And it’ll be in the form of notifying the VRChat admins, for toxicity.
And also, if I do manage to clear my name, I’m going to want an apology from John.

.
Small Edit: It’s been a day since what happened to me. I did manage to get the chair working (with help), and then some. I’ll do an update on that in the other post.
I’ve also been speaking to PainKillerGP, and his name definitely suits him (as he managed to ‘kill’ most of mine). He also suggested that I DM Charms, in order to clear my name. I’ve wrote down what I’m going to say to him tomorrow.
I asked Lu if he would read over my attempt of redeeming myself, yet he wants me to join him in the Best Bunnies world to do some kind of new Easter maze that Thresio set up (almost as he forgot I’ve been banned from it). Not to mention also forgetting he told me to wait a few days for this to blow over.
He tells me that I’ve only been banned in the Best Boi Discord server, and not this world. But I greatly hesitated, knowing if I join, I’ll hear “…You have a LOT OF NERVE showing your face here, traitor!!”, and be kicked almost instantly.

But he talked me into it, yet I still felt like I was being dragged into the server (by him) while kicking and screaming, fearing the worst. So I tried to do the maze, still feeling someone will see me and ‘alert the others’. Not only do I suck at being a spy (for the good guy), I suck at being a ‘bad guy’.
This maze was really pissing me off, too. You’re supposed to find an egg and click on it. I found one egg and spammed my left mouse button, and then went in a complete fucking circle for a good half an hour, trying to find this second fucking egg! I was also (at this time) semi-focused on my world in Unity (after having posting my latest work to my private world). Eventually went back to it, after getting super frustrated (and telling Lu about it, who agreed).
It felt like the first egg was bugged, yet I’m hearing that people have taken 2+ hours looking for these damn things. What a waste of time.

(The rest of this blog post has been made into a new post, found here)

(HUGE, IMPORTANT MUST-READ UPDATE… most (if not all) of this drama will soon be OVER! 😀 See the update written below all of this)

“Drama keeps ticking, ticking, ticking, ticking, ticking… iiintooo the fuuuuuturrreeee!”
When I thought we’ve finally moved away, more drama rears its ugly head. One of these is related to myself, but two more serious ones are related to one community taking action against another crumbling community (with the server owner causing it).
On top of that.. against my will, I’ve become a moderator of this crumbling community.
All of this, is starting to make me think…. that Jrock might had been right all of this time. However, not for Kibble, but for Ashi.

So… shall we get started? For I have a lot of shit to go over.
——-
Drama Bomb #1: Myself -VS- Jeda (-VS- Oliver and his friends). Well, not much of a ‘bomb’ as the detonator has already been set off. But this time, I feel I’ve finally reached remission (and can move on from this). Even though Jada and Oliver are no longer friends, she is still talking about him. And now he’s saying “I’m going to block all of his friends, because they’re ignoring me!” This made me hit a point I just couldn’t keep it back any longer. I told her “you might as well block me, because I’m not going to stop being his friend”. And then blocked her afterwards, as I’m so tired of hearing her bitching about Oliver.
Then she gets Jimmy involved, who tracks me down and forces me to talk about it. This is getting me so worked up, telling him I wish I never met her, and “I’m tired of being too nice”. I’m having a literal emotional breakdown over this, saying “I just want my life back!!” Yet I wasn’t the only one having one, Jeda was too.
Eventually I calm down and tell him I’ll unblock her, getting a clear head again (and knowing what I need to say to her). And what I have to say, isn’t pretty (yet I avoid “I wish I never met you”). The one thing I strongly said was “You need to re-evaluate your life.” ..lol, look who’s talking, huh? 41 and still living with my parents.
And finally, I add “if this causes you to never want to speak to me again… so be it.” And she (including Jimmy) haven’t spoken to me yet. I finally feel free from that drama.
The only thing that bugged me when I had ended it, was Jimmy saying to “lighten up, it’s only a game.” You have no fucking clue what I’ve been through, pal.
——-
Drama Bomb #2: Oliver -VS- Ashi. This completely came out of the blue when the news struck (from Ashi’s Discord server) a few days ago. Oliver had blocked Ashi “for no reason” (according to him). After all he’s done for him, this is what happened. I of course wasn’t satisfied with hearing ‘for no reason’– there is always a reason to something. And that something happened on another server.. something about Oliver got a well-known member(we’ll call him ‘Lycan’) kicked from a server. Attempting to dig deeper, there’s a mention of a ‘Nora’ being a “butthurt bitch”. I know nothing about this ‘Nora’ (thank God), but I heard (according to Ashi and Lu-C) she managed to manipulate Oliver into doing it.
Now if I could just get info out of Oliver (to feed my inquisitive brain). But, he’ll probably tell me, once again; “I don’t want to talk about it”. And you don’t know just how annoying that feels, especially when I want to be there for him (as a true friend). Yet a ‘true friend’ also knows when they need some time to themself. I will respect that, yet I also worry that he’s keeping it bottled up.
Yet I was able to talk to him, and he said he is getting help from “two favorite people”. So that’s good.
——-
Drama Bomb #3: Ashi -VS- Kibble (and the Best Boi community). Once again, this came out of the blue. Though, this came from a mod of the Best Boi server. I talked to them (in DMs), and he gave me two pictures of the server’s mod chat, with Twitchin making the conversation. She claims she’s “heard and seen some drama that’s been accumulating with Ashi.” There’s also this picture another mod took, but there’s no possible way to magnify (and clarify) the wording (to see what was actually said).
Even I have begun to notice, that Ashi has been getting quite bitter recently. He pops up in the Best Boi Discord server, then leaves, saying he was ‘kicked’ (when he wasn’t). One time he even tells me someone was “being racist” to him, showing a picture of what was said. At the time, I was supporting Ashi, and said “did you report it to the mods? Are they going to do anything?” And he says “they refuse to take action”, which strikes as being odd (given our ‘Zero-Tolerance Policy’ we have).
Why would the mods do nothing? ..Unless they felt Ashi’s not the victim here.

Yet there’s more to this story. So much more. This showed up after I returned to Best Boi lands (after spending half of the day working on a new world (blog post about that here)). The default Best Boi model is bugged; turning anyone into a ‘Unity Cube’ when they click on it (or maybe it would be a ‘Blender Cube’). It was quite hilarious, walking around as cubes. Yet it was also a bit worrying. As in, “did Kibble break the model by accident?” It certainly felt like it.
… That was until much later, when I read the second picture. Kibble had taken action against Ashi, doing the ‘cube’ thing to prevent people of his community from being able to use it, and closing his portal.. therefore killing off the alliance they once had.
And now, Ashi has banned Best Bois from joining his server. Okay, this is going too far. Especially when being told to “STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS” by the new world mascot (all because I said “everyone needs to take a chill pill”), I had enough and left Ashi’s Discord server.
Yet no sooner than ten minutes after I left, I’m getting DM’d from both Ashi (and then the mascot shortly after). Yet instead of being berated… they’re praising me. What..??
First off, the mascot says it’s “not my fault” and “Ashi is very sorry”. Right. If he’s ‘very sorry’, then why is he enforcing such a ridiculous, wrongful crusade of banning the Best Bois FOR NO FUCKING REASON?? The Best Boi community are NOT your enemies!! They have EVERY RIGHT to be there!
Ashi’s clearly lost touch with reality, and needs to step down as owner of the server. Yet he’s also acting like he’s my best friend, and “we need people like you”. I hardly visit your server. I don’t even feel welcomed by its community. The only reason why we’re hanging out now, is the aftermath of the secret meeting we had.
What you’re saying is all bullshit. Yet I was too blind at the time to look back and realize this. And before I knew it, he promoted me to one of his Hall Monitors (an Admin).
I never asked to be one, and this was nothing but a ploy to pit myself against the community (that indirectly brought me to VRChat). I hate it when I realize I got played.
However, I’m not letting this change who I am. I have new responsibilities now, but I’m still the same Benie as before.
——-
Drama Bomb #4.. Icebrrgh -VS- the Best Boi community. More arguments are going on of why Kibble doesn’t just release the model to the public.. and I am SO SICK of hearing about this!! It’s like I know what Kibble’s going through (with so many people DMing him about the model). I’ve already went over this (what feels like hundreds of times), that the contact with Telephone is keeping him from doing it.
And I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get it.
..
And after an hour of watching them yell (and then Kibble getting involved), Ice and Rabbit both left. Yet as much as I’m tired of Ice’s gay shit, it’s saddening they have to leave (yet I feel they’ll come back sometime). I just hope they don’t try to start shit outside of the community (to affect it).

.
Honestly, there’s nothing I can do about any of this drama (except let it play out). Trying to pick sides, will just make the other side more hostile.
Bleh. I need my rest. It’s been a long last night.

MAJOR EDIT: Drama bombs 2, 3, and 4 are either being defused or are in the process of defusing. Thank Christ the drama is being dealt with!
—–
Drama Bomb #2 has been officially defused (and over with). It turns out the ‘well-respected member’ is the one that made Oliver kick him from the world. However.. Oliver has also been banned from the Best Boi Discord server. But I think it’s just temporary.
—
Drama Bomb #3 will be defused during this Friday’s Best Boi meeting. I’m part of an emergency meeting of Ashi (currently), where he says that Crazy Ginger will tell the Best Bois to drop the drama between the two communities (kicks (and possibly bans) would be handled if it’s brought up). This will also restore the alliance between the two.
—
Drama Bomb #4 is already dealt with. Ice has come back, but is still pissed over the news. But he plans to eventually turn his anger into action, and possibly make his own model (and world).

And since Drama Bomb #3 will be dealt with, I can stop feeling the pressure ( with the whole ‘ploy’ thing) of my newly assigned position of Ashi’s Discord server. Now I can focus on being a kind (yet firm) moderator, whenever the time comes.
I’m still a Best Boi through and through, though. Even though I am starting to transition away (and to my world).

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…Or so I thought. It seems Drama Bomb #3 may’ve been dealt with (on the Best Bois end), but not with Ashi. Two-faced bastard. Yes, I said it, and he deserves it after what happened to me.
After the meeting (which was surprisingly held at the normal 8pm time(and being the only one at that time due to no one being able to do the EU one)), we all went to Open Mic Night as a way to get rid of the stress that drama causes, by watching our fellow community members embarrass themselves sing like an angel (and the occasional talent show). There was also this hacker that somehow got in, and was playing really obnoxious things (and causing one’s eardrums to burst). It was invisible and managed to hide its name.
Anyway, during the show, Ashi unexpectedly DMs me, asking “did you see the raid”. He claimed the Warhammer 40k clan (the ones Kibble told us not to insult as we’re in an alliance with them), have sided with him and are now in a war with us.
I was on the verge of panicking, and quickly told Charms about this. Ashi seemed to keep me alone after it, but it still had me worried.

20 minutes later, Charms responds telling me that it’s likely Ashi is lying to cause more drama. And as we’re talking, Ashi DMs me again with a very disturbing question: “are you allied with them?”
I freaked out, not knowing what to say and told Charms, praying he had an out for me. But he kept putting more pressure on me, telling me to get Ashi into a state where he reveals his true intentions. WTF?! I’M NOT A FUCKING NEGOTIATOR!! I’m just someone playing a fucking video game! I WANT NO PART OF THIS!!
But it was too late. He made me admit I was allied with the Best Bois, and how they welcomed me with open arms. And I think the whole ‘open arms’ is what triggered him when he said “k bai”.
Noticed I was no longer a part of Ashi’s server, and he also defriended me in Discord. I felt like I was such a failure to the Best Boi community. I wanted peace between the two communities. Yet, there will be no peace. Not after this.

I tried to talk to whoever I could (that I could trust). They all said to not blame myself, that it’s not my fault. As much as I want to believe that, I still feel like I failed as someone they could trust to give them dirt on Ashi. It was actually.. kind of fun, to be honest.
Yet I shouldn’t had been ‘having fun’ with it. It was a pretty serious matter. But at least… now… I can finally say “I’m out of this mess”.
Though I wanted to speak to Lu-c about this (as he’s a friend too). I shot him a few DMs, asking him to please meet me in my world as it’s urgent. He never responded, so I attempted to track him down ingame (as I really needed to speak to him.. I just wanted to see if he was AFK, that’s all). Went into Gaia Night, and found him and Lycan talking with Ashi.. which is going against the new rule put in place during the meeting: “do not talk or engage with Ashi”.

I waited for him to come up to me, hoping he’ll see me (while also trying to stay out of eye contact with Ashi). He seemed to (and also seemed to move his paws in a gesture for me to come over (or to go away.. I couldn’t really tell). I shook my head no and walked back, hoping he’ll come over.
But instead of him, it was Lycan who ran over, and actually threatened to kick me. I said that I just wanted to speak to Lu, and he said to just let them finish (and kept rambling about all of this until I left). Well done, this doesn’t help my emotions.. it only made them worse.
Now everyone allied with Ashi is my enemy! FUCK!! D:( WHY do I keep doing these stupid things to myself?! I shouldn’t had gone there… yet I didn’t fucking know Ashi was going to be there too!
This is the first time, I wish I actually assumed this would happen. As my assumption could had saved me from making matters even worse.

But now I see where Lycan’s loyalties lie. Seriously, saying you’re going to kick me in a threatening matter, wasn’t a good idea. Yet I wasn’t sure if I should report this to a mod (as it was my fault for showing up). So I asked some of my friends. One agreed, while the other indirectly convinced me to do so.
I told Twitchin (as she’s one of the few mods that were on, that I knew well). Yet I also needed to explain what happened prior to all of this (as Charms didn’t tell any of the other mods). She understood what I was going through, but was too tired to do anything.
I also heard from Lu, who said was done with all of this. So at least he’s not allied with Ashi. He also understood what I was going though (yet thought I was overreacting). Maybe. I dunno. But until this mess gets cleared up, I’ve blocked Lycan. I don’t even want to see his posts in Discord. Unless he comes up to me and apologizes, I don’t want to have anything to do with him.

But until the mods do something about this, I really got to watch what servers I join. Yet I hope that if I accidentally join one with Ashi in it, his loyalists will leave me alone. As long as they do, I will leave them alone.
That’s all I ask. Stop treating me like public enemy #1.

.
And there’s some ‘good’ news. Last night, Ice (who’s still in Ashi’s server), notified us that Ashi is going to close down his server (and make no more updates), claiming “the Best Bois are still causing drama” (aka probably talking about me). ‘Celebrating’ this would be a very stupid thing to do.
I hope and pray, that Ashi takes this time to get away from VRChat and relax, and realize not everyone is his enemy. He needs to. He needs help!
Something is clearly wrong in his life, and he needs to separate it from his duties as a world owner (and community manager).

Yesterday on VRChat, I noticed most of the people in my friends list are hanging out in Ashi’s world (instead of in Best Boi lands). I found this a bit odd, but joined them anyway.
Everything seemed normal, saw CommanderCharms and everyone else having a good ole time. Suddenly, Charms is saying how we need to get to Best Boi “right fucking now”, “we need lots of pictures!” Obviously this was getting the attention of everyone here, not knowing what was so serious. It seemed to me that there was an ongoing raid where they were using hate speech on everyone.

I followed them through the portal that Charms dropped. Loading in, everything seemed fine. I noticed people were standing around this one person named ‘O w O’. I went over and saw this guy was a blue Best Boi.. yet it looked different, and was fading in and out of reality (disappearing and reappearing, based on distance to the person).
“Hacker! We have a hacker!” people were crying out. Sure enough it was a confirmed hacker; someone that managed to rip the Best Boi model and upload it through Unity.
We did a mass kick on it, banning the person from the server for an hour. What a fucking mess this turned out to be. And now Kibble has unfortunately been brought into this. The man has to be losing his mind, fearing the potential lawsuit that will likely happen if the hacker publishes the model (and tries to sell it).
Meanwhile in the Best Boi Discord server, they were restarting the controversy of why Kibble just doesn’t release the model to the public (and also questioning the legitimacy of Telephone’s copyright of the original Dutch Angel Dragon fursuit (with Kibble trying his best not to make it like the original)).
This conversation eventually ended with no resolution.

A bit later, it’s been proven that the user ‘Angel_Draco’ is the one who did this. To me (and a lot of others), he’s the guy that is seen AFKing (a lot) while sitting on the roof most of the evening. He’s now been permabanned from the Discord server and the Best Boi server.
And a bit later after that, with Kibble now on, ‘O w O’ returns from its hour ban. This time no longer disappearing and appearing, but now you can see through the model. Kibble brought the hammer down on it and .. did the same thing we did, of banning him for an hour. Apparently, the owner of the server doesn’t have a permaban option (which questions if Angel_Draco actually got permabanned from the server).
That is so DUMB, though! They own the server, they should have the right to permaban people like this! Don’t keep this option limited to the VRChat Admins!
.
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With that mess now under control, everything went back to normal. With some friends, I headed to this very unique world where you can fly around with jetpacks (one for Desktop and one for VR). They are SO much fun, yet some of my friends actually threw up IRL (as they have VR). It was bad, yet hilarious at the same time.
..And that’s when Jada pops up. I’m still a bit sore over not having a girlfriend in VRChat. And now she’s being quite.. clingy to me. Yet she even warned me that she becomes this, to people she likes as a friend. She also doesn’t mean to.
While she’s not looking, I quickly teleport over to Oliver. Not to meet him, but to keep Jada away from me (as her and Oliver aren’t friends anymore). Yes I shouldn’t be doing that.. but I don’t want to feel ‘tied down’ by her (yet, I also don’t want to hurt her feelings at the same time).
I eventually get bored and server hop again, joining this world that has a subway, and play around with the controls. Creepery shows up who was looking for me, telling me about the latest time changes to the upcoming meeting. There’s going to finally be a EU one, and a US one. So Creepery and I are hanging out, and more people join this world. Then the window freezes and I have to X it out.
Creepery DMs me, saying “im guessing that was her”. Confused, I nearly say “‘Her'”? Getting back into VRChat (and to the world Creepery was in), I notice she has shown up again, and I’m in NO mood to talk to miss unstable as a volcano. I see my exit, a random portal ahead of me. I don’t care where it goes (as long as it’s not Uganda), I just want OUT of here!
I don’t remember where I went, or what happened afterwords (only telling Creepery “Yep that’s her”). Actually, I remember talking to her (who still wants to make amends with Oliver). Instead of remembering what he said (that he needs space).. I convinced her to go on and try to speak to him. I guess I was just hoping, she would stay friends with Oliver (by latching onto him instead of me).
But instead of the two making amends and being friends with him, Oliver did something I’m still a bit shocked of. He blocked her. She claims all she did was show up, and he blocked her on the spot. And I don’t have the guts to ask him why (as I feel he might block me too). So it’s best not to bring it up if I see him again.
After then, I felt like “FINE.. fine, I guess I’m her main friend now”. Yet I was still baffled on how this entire mess of Jada and Oliver came to fruition. Her other main friend, ‘JimmyThong'(what a name), tried to tell me, but I could barely hear him with all the background noise in his mic. To compensate for this, Jada put me and him (with her) in a Discord group chat. It took upwards of five minutes of Jimmy playing with my patience until he finally spilled the beans.
Although I STILL never got the ‘what set Jada off’ part, this is what I was able to get. He said that Jeda told Oliver that she was bipolar, which scared him (don’t know why), and then wanted him to pray with her to “calm her down”. This made him freak out, and get someone to help her.
Yeah, if someone came up to me and said “I’m bipolar! Can you pray with me to make me feel better?”, I would go “WTF?! Get away from me, weirdo!!” …Yet I still can’t help but feel, that there’s something that’s seriously missing from this story (that they’re trying to cover up).
On top of this, while I was still talking with Jada (before), I also asked Creepery to ask Oliver (in my behalf) if it’s OK for Jada to speak to him (she wanted me to ask him, yet I was too stressed from all of this to do so). Creepery also knows my little joke I made of Oliver’s cute chirping sound that he makes, how he “gets all the ladies” with it.. which kind of started my whole desperation thing.
Yet when he asked Oliver, he said “is she your girlfriend”.. oh my gosh, Creepery. It was a JOKE, FFS! Now I was almost certain he was going to unfriend me for that. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case.

So now, I have to be her friend again. More like, she invited me to the VRChat Admin-made amusement park. While she was talking to a few people, I went into ‘bunny form’ in hopes she’ll never see me. I hid behind the merry go round, but she eventually got me into an area I couldn’t get out. And I had to lie through my teeth that I didn’t mind being here with her. I just don’t want her to commit suicide when she gets upset, that’s all. She’s that unstable.
We go to the rollercoaster area, and she’s telling me we need to wait for her other friend (pointing to the Hyena standing here) who’s AFK (and remains this through the rest of this conversation). She adds on that she tried to ride the rollercoaster, and couldn’t because she’s being called a furry. Pretty sure the long tail totally isn’t giving it away.
We waited for ten minutes (while she was also AFK). A group of people came down, and someone came over. All the sudden.. “OMG, it’s a famous streamer!! Let us surround you like true fanboys!”
They left through a portal just as Jada got back from AFK. The only thing left I can say (as this blog post has gone on for way too long) that’s ‘notable’, is when she’s telling me to turn into the penguin model I have (and tell everyone how cute it is).
“Kill. Me. Now.” -Mass Effect Andromeda

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EDIT: Well, two edits (or rather updates). The first one is the whole hacking mess.
‘O w O’ has apologized for stealing the Best Boi model (yet hasn’t removed it from their computer). By orders of CommanderCharms, we are to no longer see the person with bad thoughts, yet also not to speak to him. Kaz (overhearing a conversation with him later on) that if the person uses the stolen model again, to report it to the mods.
Angel_Draco is also in the process of being cleared for wrong-doing. However, I have my thoughts of all the AFKing they’ve been doing, it could be multi-clienting as the other person. Yet most are doubtful of my claim.
I was able to directly confront them last night, and asked why they AFK so much. And all they did was shrug. The person has a mic, yet didn’t want to talk to me.
The only other things I can think of (that I told Creepery), is either they forget VRChat is running in the background, or they’re working on a custom model.

And as for Jada, it seems she’s no longer clinging to me, but to ‘Lu-C’ (another member of the Best Boi community, but a good friend to her). I have absolutely, positively NO problem with this. 🙂

Since a lot of you are saying how the drama of the Best Boi server doesn’t really have to do with gaming, I will start putting it here in the General blog.
However, what I have to share, is half drama, and half.. complete awkwardness (with some depression afterwards to start making this blog post).

Without the drama on the server filling my head, it started to make me think of something that my brain keeps bashing it down; feeling loved by someone special, for more than just a friend (in VRChat). Instead of feeling jealous of people able to make cool worlds (and/or avatars), I felt jealous of all the people that have found their soulmate in this game. Not even WoW (or any other online game) have I felt this. Granted, no other online game is like VRChat.
Yesterday, it felt that nearly changed. Exploring a friend’s world, is this girl named ‘Jeda’. Even though she was hanging out with my friends, she was hanging out with me more (as if she was trying to get to know me personally). Her voice.. is so beautiful. It was almost like, that special someone came to me (and I never had to look). Yet I tried my best to never say “you’re beautiful, and.. I love you”. Because, I just met this person for A DAY. Let’s um.. not go that quick (as a sign of desperation).

And today, something changed while I was off the server (and I ‘volunteered’ to be damage control). Jada, had changed. I don’t know the full details (still don’t), but her and one of my friends, are no longer friends. How it started, is I went to go see my friend (named ‘Oliver’) in one of his worlds. I found him semi-AFK with, who either is a random or a friend of his. This person walks off, saying “where is Jeda??” I didn’t even know she was here, and started looking for her as well (to tell her this person is looking for her).
–
I found her high in the air, hidden in the upper section of Oliver’s world. She was freaking out after I told her that this person is looking for you, rambling about being sorry, how “they’re not Christians”. This wasn’t the same person I met before, yet I felt it was my responsibility to calm her down (in an attempt to show her I could be compassionate).
–
Went back down, and told them that Jada “didn’t want to be spoken to”. The random person left shortly after that, and I went to Oliver in hopes he would explain.. just what the hell is going on here (and why she is having a panic attack). I unfortunately couldn’t get a clear answer out of him, so I went back to Jeda to comfort her. I managed to get her out of hiding and back to ground level. Oliver had left at this time. Her friend showed up (while she went AFK in horror) and I tried my best to explain what she told me.
–
Something about, Oliver thought she needed help (reason unknown) and got this person to help her. Yet she never needed help and freaked out. She seemed so venerable to me, so helpless. And all I wanted to do, was grab her hands, look into her white eyes and giving her a hug (at least I would if I had VR). It’s like something came over me, a feeling of .. love. A feeling I was also desperately not trying to show her (as it just felt silly at the same time).
We talked in DMs (on Discord) afterwards, while I tracked down Oliver (who was in another world).. and once again I tried desperately to understand the whole situation here. Yet all he could say was “I’m under a lot of stress, and I just want to be with my friends”. I respected his request and let him go. I told Jada this, and all she wanted to do was apologize to him (yet was too scared to do it). She also kept asking me “ask him this” and “ask him that”. Hoping that I wouldn’t cause Oliver to be pissed off at me (as he is a good friend), and having to pull him away from his friends, really bugged me. He adds on by saying she “needs some time”, and “I don’t want to talk about it”.
Once again, I respected his wishes and let him go back to his friends, to never bother him again about this. He thanked me and left to do so.

I tell Jada this (hoping she’d understand), and she’s still telling me to tell Oliver things. The stress was mounting in my head, not knowing what I should do or say (where both parties could make amends). Someone was going to hate me, and it felt like I knew exactly what Charms was going through during that ‘meeting’.
Another one of my friends was thankfully here, who wasn’t busy and I was able to talk to him in private. He unfortunately didn’t really help (because I’m scared by blocking Jada, she’ll hate me and I’ll forever lose a ‘potential girlfriend’). Instead, I just talked to my friend while Jada kept going more and more unstable by the minute. I tried to tell her to calm down, and she’s all “No! I hate myself! I always ruin things!”.. fucking hell, she’s starting to sound like ME. DAMN! This proves we could be soulmates (I’m not being sarcastic, by the way).
Done with our conversation, I was able to give full attention to Jada. And finally, I did it. Under so much feeling for her, I said: “I know I just met you a day and a half… but for some reason, I feel I like you more than just a friend.” I was really swallowing my pride when I smacked my Enter key, praying I didn’t completely embarrass myself infront of her.
Shockingly, she didn’t understand what “like you more than just a friend” means. And I hammered it on, saying “I want to be there to dry your tears. I want to be that shoulder you need to cry on. And I want to (hopefully) make you feel better.” I felt, ready for this. Ready to finally get into a relationship.
She…. wasn’t. Her response;
THTS A PLATONIC CRUSH
FRIENEDS WHO ACT LIKE THEIR IN RELATIONSHIP XDDD

Heh heh, yeah. So silly. I totally wasn’t being serious when I was opening my heart to you (and you smacked it out of my hands while laughing). But I went with it and said “did I at least make you feel better?”, she says yes. So that’s good at least.
She’s now talking about her friend (and herself) getting ready to do Karaoke. Then she says “the guy I like”, showing pictures of their fursona. Never once did she say “I’m sorry, but it would had never worked out. Maybe we can still be friends?” Though the pictures did break my heart (somewhat), it also made me realize just how bored and desperate I really was being. It turned into laughter (mixed with depression), as I told Creepery over how stupid I was.
Hahahahah.. ohh god. I’m still laughing at myself as I finish off this post. Half of me is ‘celebrating’ that I’m still a bachelor (by not being ‘tied down’), while the other half… is highly disappointed this didn’t work out.
Meh. Guess true love just isn’t for me. Or.. heh, maybe I just don’t understand women that much. But, we’re still friends though.
I did need some time to clear my head after feeling emotionally-drained from that.

.
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On a completely unrelated note (which came up as I was almost done with this thing), somehow I was ‘signed into’ semi-erotic furry roleplay (without knowing) through DMs with someone I met a few days ago (in the Discord server). I have closed out the program in order to finish this thing, and I’m not sure if it’s even worth getting back on (until I wake up tomorrow).
What the FUCK happened to the human race?! We used to be brilliant scholars! We got someone to the Moon.. and now it’s been reduced TO FUCKING EROTIC FURRY ROLEPLAY!!
In the words of Professor Farnsworth from Futurama: “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”