Benie's General Blog

Happy (late) Thanksgiving to all of you in the U.S.! Wow has time flown, now it’s Christmastime once again. Day after tomorrow (Sunday), I’ll be doing the traditional ‘Light Up My Room’ by putting up the Christmas Tree (while listening to music). It’ll be the second time in history I did it since being in VRChat.

And that, is where the topic goes. Not of Al Roker during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade yelling “GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BUTTER!! :D”, which I swear is going to go viral and turn into a meme quite quickly.

Nah nah nah.. at least that’s not how things work around here. There’s no drama there! Gotta have your daily dose of drama! Though, yesterday wasn’t all about drama, but more of “okay.. so that’s the second time in my virtual life this happened!” Of what also at one time felt as if a way to leave the group I ‘lost control of’ (without them feeling broken hearted).
All happened from after dinner (and seeing the DVR recording of the parade, because FUCK getting up at 9 in the morning.. which I’m up at 9 in the morning right now because my mother’s got to renew her ID (on her birthday), but I digress. I went to go see Blue, the reason being of what Cola told me (of needing to be with Blue more often).
Got bored quite quickly of this Legend of Zelda world, but I stayed with Blue for as long as I could. Then someone by the name of ‘Virtual-Ninja’ joined the instance. What grabbed my attention was the avatar the person was wearing (and their voice felt like a
magnet). It was the avatar shown off during the Virtual Market 3, of that Angel Dragon-like creature I so wanted.
For some reason, I wanted to be with him. He friended me and things started getting more and more interesting; him snuggling me (and I did as well).
–
This was also the time, Blue was going through some harsh drama. Dealing with Thresio and getting into a major argument with him, and now Cola strangely removing more avatars he made for him. And speaking of Cola, he joined the instance a few times. But I noticed something was really weird with him.. he was avoiding Blue like the plaque. First he deletes avatars, now he’s hiding from him? The hell’s been going on since I took that small break from the game?!
I was forced to leave the new guy behind to investigate what’s going on (Cola running around the world as the Roomba). Told me he was never ‘deleting’ them, only fixing them up… yet he never warned Blue beforehand. Then it turned into an argument with him and myself, where he’s acting like a child not having the balls of apologizing to Blue (and wanting me to do it for him). “Cola, I didn’t do this. You did. You have to tell him.” I kept trying to hammer into his head. It took him way too long until finally doing it.
Ugh. WHY do I have to play peacekeeper for my friends?!

With that taken care of (at least I hoped so), I went back to Ninja and cuddled with him more. Though this cuddling was getting almost.. passionate (as if we knew eachother for a long time). Funny thing is, I swear I’ve seen his name before. Dunno where. This is when he wanted to pull me away from the mirror, and worked up the courage to say “I really like you. 🙂 Are you single? Are you gay?” And wanted to get to know me more.

Wait, do you have a crush on me?! Wow. That’s like the second time in history, someone has feelings for me (before I have for them)! So, I told him the truth. “I’m in a small
group, but I don’t have an actual boyfriend.” I also told him how it recently became a
poly, and how I don’t really feel happy with it anymore (as I miss having a closed relationship). He seemed to agree with me, saying how it’s so hard to find someone to call your own. You speak my mind dude.
Asked what state I live in and told him. Said he lives in Canada (on the East coast). Said he was in a relationship for 9 days “with someone from Louisiana”. How he “was ghosted” for two of those days.

Someone from Louisiana?! … No way. So I asked “I think I may know this someone. Was
it… ‘Wuffer’?” He said “yes, that’s him”. ..You dated Wuffer TOO?! Wow, it’s a small world we live on. Said he “heard what he did” to me, confirming Garruk’s statement.
–
I swear though, this felt like a gift from God for me to leave the group, and actually be fully happy. He gave me his Discord name (about the time Fluffy joined the instance).
…Yay. Now he’s involved in this. Well, at least it’ll be easier to explain what the heck just happened.
So I wanted to tell Ninja something very critical that could make or break this– my age. Let’s just get this out of the way before we go any further, shall we? I want to be as transparent as I can.
Before I could do that, one of his friends showed up (who said they only had 5 minutes to be on). Ninja went back to licking me when he was done talking to him, saying we could go to another world to talk. Said we could go to my chosen home world (HomeBox).
There I told him, which he was quite shocked to hear the news. Sorry to have to tell you the truth, man. Said he needed time to think about it, but decided to overlook it with how sweet I am. That’s nice of you.
1:30am rolled in, and he had to go to bed. Ok, already know off the bat, you have a job. Probably have a car and a life. You’re already better than me. With him in bed, my attention shifted to Fluffy. “Well, I guess I owe you a huge explanation as to what just happened, don’t I? Heh.” I said to him. Told him everything, and he was happy for me. Now I have to tell the others in the group.

Now in DMs with me, Ninja was going beyond “taking it slow” (told me he would, and I wanted him to).. told me his RL name, and showed me a picture of him. Heh.. dude I just met you. We’re still trying to get to know eachother more. Please don’t be another
Fluffy, who rushes relationships.
Told me he has social anxiety and ADHD. So, you’re like Cola but with the want to actually feel love for someone. And that’s when I told him more of my sad life. His transparency, I really enjoy seeing. It disturbed him for sure, but not enough to say “I’m sorry but I don’t feel this is going to work”. Infact the only thing he was against, was how I have to stay in an online relationship. He, like Wuffer (when I dated him), prefers an IRL relationship.
Ninja ultimately decided to do an open relationship, to hopefully find someone who
can.
So yeah.. now I have FIVE people (of late 2019) that love me more than a friend; a
group, and an open relationship. Heh, might as well just join the group, then! Make it easy on him. Who knows, maybe he will. Up to him though.
—
Though my love for Red feels at times it’s hanging by a string. Its pictures of him (and the memories I had) that keep it there. He is, in a sense, one of the ‘founding members’ of the group (myself being the main founder, for obvious reasons).

.
As for the drama with Cola and Blue, I think that’s all sorted out now. But as for the drama of Blue and Thresio, I did my best of encouraging him to man up and speak his heart over the issues. A friend of mine also helped me out with this.
Hopefully Blue will finally free himself of that heavy load from his chest, and be able to make his own decisions in life.. instead of being treated like a child by Thresio.

Footnote: I also had to help Nigh out with his depression of feeling no one loves him. We also talked about Justin, and he found out the reason I blocked him (feels I made the right call. Thank you Nigh).

I don’t know how to properly set the title, nor do I really want to talk about a subject that is as old as the group itself. But yesterday, I ‘gave up’ (for them). I did it (for them).
In other words, if they leave to find love of their own, I’m forced to accept it. And now I see how Ruffy feels, of feeling alone and stuff. I already feel alone, but I deserve it. Because I’ve been so. fucking. used to a closed (standard) relationship, and wanted so bad to keep the group like that.
But, by doing this… I no longer feel jealous when I see one of them hanging out with someone else (hence, no more love drama weighing me down).
–
I don’t even know what started this week-long love drama that’s been stacking ontop of eachother (anything before seeing Cola and Blue being together when I was watching that movie with Thresio), and the frustration of not knowing what was on Cola’s mind. Yet I just don’t understand how that little thing would cause me so much stress. I don’t remember the shitstorm with Ruffy (which would definitely cause the stress) having before or after that.
…Oh right, the thing with Chris happened before it (calling Fluffy “my boy” and the
group “my sex group”)– which both are completely untrue, as I said back then. But that also wouldn’t had caused me to ‘lose interest’ in the group. ..Bah, whatever. Sometimes it’s best not to question my own brain.
What did (to my mind).. was Ruffy, for not accepting that Fluffy is happy. He questioned the group, saying I should had made it into a poly (saying it would be a lot stronger). And of this time, I just don’t see how. But that’s beside the story of what happened.
And the story is basically, myself avoiding VRChat: hoping Raft would actually have a story beyond that one island that tells the player what happened to the planet. But the story hasn’t been extended for over a year (when I saw IGP playing it). I don’t care about new islands! I want to see a PURPOSE for the $20 I slammed down on the table infront of Steam to be with my friends!! If I knew the story was still unfinished, I would had never wasted the money!! That $20 could had gone to buying essential IRL groceries! …But it’s too late. I’m stuck with it.
*sigh* So the love drama story continued in VRChat. Heard them talking to Cola, and then heard Kovo saying Cola’s punching his nuts, so I wanted to punch Kovo in the face (and did so). Petted Cola, but was sighing my head off (without them hearing me). Then Fluffy joined. I stayed silent, then Fluffy went over to the others. Suddenly Wufy starts screaming out Fluffy’s name, which grabs my attention. Hearing about “on my screen, you’re a sergal with a dick!!”, them telling him to switch avatars as Fluffy tries to defend himself that he’s am Impim (which is what I saw).
..Yet, my mind was filled with “Fluffy’s cheating on me”.. but I stayed quiet through that entire ordeal.  Then Fluffy came up to me and asked “did you see what they said?” I said “no”, and Fluffy’s all “ohh good” with Kandy coming over, and Fluffy asking him to ‘not tell me’. I said “I heard them saying it”, followed by “and people wonder why I’m so fucking depressed right now!!”
A very brief silence happened, then Kovo asked if I was doing OK. I lied saying I’m doing fine, and was hoping that would be the end of it. Cola however, was telling me to step away from the mirror and talk to him. Cola.. please. I don’t want to talk about it. And I was avoiding him, pretending I didn’t see him. But he wouldn’t just let me ignore it, and I respawned and walked away for a bit, then turned around and waited (thinking they were going to show up and see me). I saw someone show up, but I was too far away for them to see me.
Fast forward a tiny bit, I talked to them in the tower (usually the best spot when discussing very private things). Cola then left, and was trying to invite me to his homeworld. …But I stayed with Fluffy instead, wondering why he couldn’t just use his mic there. It’s like he wanted to defend himself (and it would turn into a shitshow). So I avoided it. If you can’t talk to both of us about this, I don’t want to talk.
–
The next day, Cola tells me he wants to ‘take a break from the group’ because of the drama. I felt my life was falling apart… all because of one man; Ruffy. I wanted to blame Ruffy for this, for telling me I’m ‘selfish’ for not allowing them to love eachother. For not just accepting Fluffy’s happy.
First, I had to deal with Cola, and told him everything. He, was actually shocked that Blue had strong feelings for him. And as we’re wrapping the conversation up (and I’m actually feeling a lot better), Cola tells me something that happened with Fluffy and Blue.. that causes more frustration and sadness in my soul. Apparently, Cola caught Fluffy ‘having fun’ with Blue. He told me to not tell Blue or Fluffy. Alright, but I want you to let me know if it happens again. I thought it was done, then he asked me “why? I’m just curious why you should be let known this” in the calmest way he could say it.
…Seriously? So in a sense, you’re agreeing with Ruffy. And that’s when Cola saw my true side, the side that is too stubborn to change my life (and left me alone for the rest of the day).
I then wanted to speak to Fluffy, telling him the ‘good’ news I have for him. Had to do a new instance of the world I was in (as it assumed Cola was still there). Fluffy joined, and I told him the news. He was shocked to hear Cola pretty much agrees with Ruffy that the group needs to be a poly, feeling it’ll be ‘stronger’. Then I told him what Cola told me, and he was very upset of himself. “But don’t worry Fluffy, I’m going to disband the group, so you can have Blue all to yourself.” I was very much serious with my words. Yes I was upset too, but I wasn’t mad. I was giving him what he wanted.
He wanted Blue, he blamed me for getting in the way. Well, he gets his wish. So be
happy, Fluffy. You wanted this. But he very much wasn’t happy, crying and running away from me, and then leaves. I stay in the world, by myself. Then I talk to Ruffy, saying “I hope you’re happy! YOU CAUSED THIS!!” And it got messy… very, very fast.

I regretted making the group. I wanted to set them free.. I wanted to shut it down. I
felt “they’re going to leave me anyway. Nothing lasts forever. I might we ll just end it now. Let them be free, while I will be lonely. Ruffy.. I hope you’re happy!” And I got extremely close to doing it… using Ruffy as a fucking emotional punching bag by accident. …I don’t fucking deserve love after what I’ve done to them!!!
–
But then, something came over me, of just how stupid I’ve become with this. For
months, all I’ve been thinking is about my own happiness. Never.. have I thought of their happiness. And.. I can’t do it to them. It would be wrong. So wrong. …I have to do the right thing. I.. have to make it a poly, only then would I actually be free of love drama (and everyone wins). And I actually felt happy about it. 🙂
But that night, Wufy (unaware of what happened) was quite concerned (of Blue). See I tried to kiss Blue, and he didn’t react to it. I assumed he was AFK or doing something in the background, but Wufy (and DJ) saw differently, and wanted to bring this up to my attention. And Wufy was surprised when I told him I made the group into a poly, allowing them to love whoever they want. No more jealousy. …So why did it feel I got stabbed in the heart for doing the right thing? The way Wufy said it, felt I made a really bad mistake.

In more ways than one, I did the right thing. Yet I just don’t see how it would make the group ‘stronger’. How, I ask you. Sure I’m letting them love eachother, which is great. But I’m unhappy about it. I wanted control over the group, just like my private RP! I wanted to call the shots, and for the longest time.. there was never a problem. They were happy, I was happy!!
Fluffy, became a problem for me (wanting to do it with Blue, and not accepting what I want to do). That’s literally where it started. He assumed it was a poly, which I told him it wasn’t. But, now it is. So, he’s happy. …I’m not (even though I should be). I also wish Cola and Blue would find someone else to love (than me). I.. don’t deserve love. I deserve to be alone, like Ruffy. And yes, that is the depression talking. I want to leave the group. I want them to be happy.
Yet I bet they’re going to look at me and say “Benie, we aren’t happy when you aren’t. We want you to be happy too. We’re NOT going to leave you! We love you too much to leave.” And that is the way I should see it, instead of feeling sorry for myself. At least, this is all I got left to hope for.

.
To me, personally.. if I was to ever meet someone like Jero sometime in the future, I wouldn’t go for the chance.
…I’m much too old for an online relationship. That is something I have to accept.

I remember a simpler time of drama, when it was all about questioning if I’m a true gamer. The complaints about grinding and always being bad at gearing up in WoW, to dealing with angry.
Fast forward to this year, almost non-stop drama about love: heartbreaks, jealous
lovers, Wuffer, Jero, the group.. then Fluffy. When I have not had a break from this non-stop love drama that has happened for a WEEK (about Cola, or Fluffy, or Blue, or.. whatever else is there).
Yes, I have gone insane (where I’ve nearly lost the desire to even write blog posts anymore), and I seriously need a break from VRChat.
–
So what happened the day before yesterday, I’ll give you a rundown;
First off, Chris apologized for saying all of that about Fluffy in public. But before I accepted it, I wanted him to know three things…
1. I do not have a ‘sex group’.
2. Fluffy is not ‘my boy’.
3. Told him about the confederate flag.
He then tells me something’s going on with Acid (which I find out later from Acid
himself, that is untrue). And the reason why the flag was there.. Acid told him to. But Acid told me that him and Chris were never informed Fluffy was no longer my son (so this would be Fluffy’s fault).
—
Watching a movie with Blue and Thresio, Cola joins and I see him and Blue talking and stuff. They come back and both start snuggling me. I tell them “I love both of you”.
Then Cola does something very strange with his hands, almost as if he was saying “No, I can’t. You should love Blue instead” (pointing to him). ..What?! For the longest time I was confused and upset, wanting answers from both of them. Blue is as confused as I am.
Ran up to Cola who was alone and asked him what’s going on. I’m going through hell trying to understand these stupid charades he does.. instead of just using his mic. He finally unmutes himself and said he wanted me to show Blue more love. …And, I’ll have to admit, I talk to Cola more than Blue about random conversations. I’m putting too much focus on Cola and not of Blue.
But this changed later that morning, having talks with Blue about RL conversations. And even at the end, we did.. well ‘the thing’. And for Blue, it was a fantastic experience to finally do what he wanted to in VR. 🙂

And that leads us to yesterday. Thankfully, both things (their drama) didn’t follow through yesterday (but what happened with Cola and Blue, the frustration to know what’s going on.. weighed heavily on my mind to the point I no longer had the energy to make the
post).
I had a new form of drama in the form of Lightning Dragon, wanting help yet again with setting up everything to work on the Dutchie (I assume part of his school project).
…Yet finding out all of this time, he was using the wrong Unity version for VRChat. I assumed he knew to use 2017.4.28f1. Apparently not. Instead he was using a much, much later version of it (which won’t work).
Ohh the headaches you will have! And if that’s not bad enough, he was doing it through Unity Hub (which I’m unfamiliar with). Constantly tell him “you need to grab this.. NOT that!!” and slowly getting frustrated when he wasn’t listening to me. And being on a school computer, he can’t share his screen (which only further complicated the problem, if you can understand that).
But a break finally came when he discovered he can install the correct Unity without Unity Hub. However, I later felt this is only going to screw me once Unity 2018
comes (possibly by the end of this month), of him asking me how to update. And then it hit me of what he should had done. To open Unity Hub, go to Installs, click on LOCATE, find the .exe and add it. …But seriously, Lightning Dragon, use your head. Use some of that lightning and jolt your head to think!
However, maybe it’s not so much as a problem with thinking, as its a problem with him being too nervous of breaking something. It is a school computer, afterall…
================================
Now, we move on to ‘the main event’. Being bothered by the drama with Cola and Blue and the struggle trying to teach Lightning Dragon, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to come on. I felt like I ‘didn’t care’ for the group anymore. I just wanted some time to MYSELF for once!! The good ole days of exploring random, beautiful worlds in Desktop (by myself). Bring those back!
I need to relax before I lose my sanity!!!
Sadly I couldn’t get far, as Fluffy wanted to see me the moment I was switching
worlds (and forced to go back to my homeworld). Tried to stay un-annoyed, as it’s not his fault for showing up. Had the idea of going to a few avatar worlds for him to try out. One of them didn’t even have avatars (so why in the hell is it listed as an avatar world)?!  Plus Fluffy teleporting over to me when he gets lost, did annoy me. Yet again I’m trying not to blow up.
In one avatar world, I finally loosened myself up and wanted to tell Fluffy about how to be like Jero (as Jero usually made me feel better). He was willing to learn, which is very good and it brought hope to me. He was even willing to go to Jero and learn from him. Awesome.
Frost joined the instance. Interesting. I half-expected Jero to also join us, but it never happened. But that’s fine. I also soon learned Breezy is apparently another one of Frost’s RP kids. Wow, highly unexpected! But Frost can handle kids, I cannot. I get stressed way too easily.
Frost then was getting called to another world, while Fluffy was being asked by his mother to check out his Rift S. That was the break I need to go to the movie world and just.. relax. Watch the Harry Potter series.. alone.
Sadly, drama’s always there with you. You cannot run away from it. You cannot hide from it. It always knows where you are, and what you’re doing at all times. And when it becomes active, you’re screwed. Kind of like the robotic Futurama Santa Claus that wants to spread love and joy by trying to kill everyone on Earth.
Halfway through the movie, Fluffy joins me and says he’s going to spend time with Aftershock and would be back “in two minutes”. Huh. That’s kind of quick to hang out with someone. But alright. He comes back 20 seconds later, upset saying Aftershock’s trying to show a picture of him and his BF cuddling. Hun, what do you expect me to DO about this?! I just want to watch the movie, not deal with this!! But I got dragged into the middle, Fluffy and Aftershock trying to talk to eachother, Fluffy leaving while Aftershock joins. *facepalm* I JUST WANT TO WATCH MY MOVIE.. FFS!!!!!!!
This went all the way to Kovo’s world (even though I went there on my own free
will (as I felt the movie was ruined anyway by all the interruptions), where I’m asking Fluffy nicely to unblock Aftershock and take care of this like adults. But did they..? Not really. Two hours later, Fluffy comes to me while I’m infront of the mirror talking to DJ and Wufy about chinese food, crying.
Aftershock (by the well) was also upset. *sigh*.. I walked up to him, trying to piece together what the heck is going on here. Going by what I could of his slurred
speech, something about Fluffy wanted Aftershock to block him (thinking it’s the right thing to do). Then he starts telling me he’s getting frustrated. Told him to close out VRChat, take off his headset, and go listen to music. It took a good ten minutes until he finally listened to me and did so.
I had to tell this to Fluffy as well, who sounded even more upset than Aftershock. Finally both are in bed.
UGH.. what a day. I feel like Kovo, not knowing how to help. I just hope the two work out their differences before they make me start climbing the walls in hopes to finally escape from drama always following in my wake.

Not really that much VRChat yesterday. There’s a few other things that happened, but a major one.. I really don’t wish to talk about as it’s too embarrassing. All I can say is, I have to be more quiet when I speak during the night hours (when my parents are sleeping), lest they hear something they really don’t want to hear (mentioning about gay stuff).
Pretty sure you get the idea what I’m talking about from that. But one thing I am absolutely, positively thankful for, are good friends who have been there and want to help me out with their really kind words.
I cannot thank them enough for helping me power through that terrible night I had yesterday. I love my friends. 🙂

Now then, time to talk about the final person on the list I wanted Fluffy to talk to. Someone both of us have been wanting to avoid, but since that encounter with Chris, I felt ready to take on this problem.
====================================
An unwanted showdown
Little did I know, this would be the pinnacle of the ‘Love Drama’ category that I keep using, for it threatened to wipe away everything I have worked so hard for.. with his truth.
Ruffy, was the final person. I thought he would be OK with it. I thought, I would have a nice conversation. I..was so, so wrong. But one positive thing it showed, is how much Fluffy actually does love me (and I love him).

Ok, ok.. chill!! I hear you guys. I will!

And to basically sum it up in a nutshell (as a lot was said), he feels the idea of the
group (and Fluffy joining it), is “sick and disgusting”, that I would be “hurting him” with this.
He clearly got the wrong idea as I was explaining how Fluffy and I were father-son, how I took a break and felt I was happy without him. But I tried desperately to explain that I needed some time to think, and finally did have enough time. Yet he was quite irrational with me at this point, feeling Fluffy “deserves a real relationship”.
When trying to explain that Fluffy has tried and keeps failing, he (Ruffy) claims that he too has been trying for nearly a year, and found WildBoy. Heh, good luck. WildBoy doesn’t usually stick around longer than a week or two before he moves on.
But his words really stuck to me. Tried to play The Talos Principle VR (and stream it in the ingame chat of Kovo’s Discord) to get my mind off of this (until Fluffy responds), but I couldn’t shake it off.. and felt that maybe Ruffy was right, that Fluffy should just keep trying to find an actual relationship.
Fluffy felt that Ruffy’s trying to hurt him, but I wanted him to talk to Ruffy (while I kept playing my game as I had a few friends watching it). Time passed, and Ruffy seemed he was about to unfriend me over this, saying to not speak to him again. A few minutes
later, he changes to not speak to him for a few days (of probably Fluffy trying to explain that they are happy with this).
–
My mind was still bothered, even after all of this. Got on VRChat (Fluffy got on shortly after), and we talked about this. Fluffy told me that he believes Ruffy is jealous; jealous of his friends finding love and him not. Instead of being happy for them and supporting their decision (which is the adult thing to do), he’s jealous. It took some time until that thought finally hit me.
Another thought also came to me (not to mention a sudden feeling of “I want this as much as Fluffy does”); Ruffy is ‘just one guy’. So why am I letting my brain be bothered by that?! I am happy with you, Fluffy. Nothing is ever going to change that. 🙂

========================================
A day with VR Fluffy
No Cola, no Blue. But I didn’t mind, for Fluffy’s here (and in VR). Though he got the Rift S. Meh. Not my choice, but I hope and pray (for him) that he doesn’t have the issues stated by a lot of people. And looking closely at that box that Fluffy took a picture of his
purchase, I can see why Zagro calls it ‘Lenovo Explorer 2.0’. It looks similar.
Joined Fluffy in a world with a few randoms (his friends). A minute after I joined, I get an invite from DJ to check out the snow-covered version of his world. Ask Fluffy if he wants to join and then go there, then asked DJ to please invite him in.
The world looks very awesome. Nice work, DJ! Said he’s still working on it and hopes to have it released December 1st. Tried to get Fluffy to follow me (knowing he’s trying to get used to the controls), so I wanted to wait for him. DJ seemed impatient though.
I also noticed Fluffy wasn’t using his mic. Odd. Doesn’t the Rift S include built-in speakers and a mic (like my Samsung Odyssey+)? Hmmm.
–
Anyway, Fluffy went to another world and I followed. More random friends of his, but we stayed here for a pretty long time. A few of my friends showed up, with one of
note; ‘Dragon_Husky’. Good to see a fellow derg. I love what you’ve done with your wings.
As typical dragons do, we went up to the highest point of the world and talked about life and stuff.
He wondered what breed of dragon I am (him being a blue dragon). Told him “I never met my parents. I was created in a lab, from a cross-breed of a crocodile (the body and the scales) and a bull (the horns). The blue pokadots and the red body came from the experiments they did on me. I’m the only one of my kind, to where they never gave me a name. So I just called myself ‘Benie’ — ‘BenieTheDragon’.”
Pretty good backstory of my scalesona, if I may say so. 🙂
========================================
How Rood!
Time passed as we talked about politics, space, and other interesting topics. More friends showed up, another one of to note is ‘cat_who_likes_pie’ as he’ll play a part of this section. We’re just up there, chilling and minding our own business. Then I noticed it’s suddenly me, Fluffy, and another friend of mine. The last thing I can remember is Fluffy’s getting close to me, then I see;
“You have been kicked from the instance by DaGore, the owner” and sent back to my homeworld before I could even react. Uhh.. WHAT?! Again, I was minding my own business (so was everyone else).

..Why did I get kicked?! The FUCK!! Bah, whatever. Maybe it was a mistake? Got Fluffy to join me (who didn’t get kicked) and tried to tell him, but told me (in DMs) he couldn’t hear me. That and something about he would have to find an extension cable for his headphones (so he can talk in VR), and can’t afford it. Then he went AFK and left.
Okay. Hmm. Checked my friends list, looking at all the ones I remembered were in the world. Noticed cat was also out of it. ..Did he get kicked out too? Went there to ask
him, hoping I wasn’t singled out. In my mind, I’m thinking “does this ‘DaGore’ have something against dragons?” Yet Husky’s still there. Odd, very odd.
–
Arrived in the world and ran up to cat. The first thing he said was “I got kicked”. Wow, OK. So I wasn’t the only one. He was as confused as I was. But unlike me, he got over it.
Fluffy joined a minute later, now able to hear me again. Told him that cat also got kicked and he facepalmed in disbelief.
We stayed there for awhile. Can’t remember what happened next, but I think I was getting bored or something and went to go see other friends (to get my mind off of what happened).
========================================
…Seriously, Chris!?
Fast forward several hours. Fluffy went to bed (plus he had a headache). Raymond was online at this time, so I went to go see him. Novice was also there, and snuggled him for a bit. Hung out with Raymond’s friends (something I usually don’t do, but I was bored).
One time there was an issue with everyone loading their avatars and being ‘blue men’ for quite some time. We were told to wait for the VRChat servers to come back up, so I did quite patiently.
It took almost an hour until it was safe to switch again. And this is when Chris showed up. …I never expected what would be flying out of his mouth in mere moments (and almost everyone heard him).
Started off with a simple “hey”, then he says “by the way Benie.. your boy! Your boy
Benie, wants to join your sex group!!”
First of all, that’s not true: it is not my ‘sex group’. Second..

Oh. my. god. SERIOUSLY?! ..DUDE!! Private messaging exists for a REASON!! This is 5x worse than what I said to Cola that one day (when there were a few around that heard it)!
And the ones that heard him, were all agreeing with me. Yet Chris was all “I couldn’t reach you” and stuff. Yeah you can? I don’t have you blocked. Plus he’s saying that Fluffy was pissed off at him “for no reason”. No reason, huh? Confederate flag is no reason? Alabama 100? Does this not ring a bell to you, Chris?
I wanted to get out of there, but I wanted to do it without Chris noticing. Novice saw I suddenly wasn’t feeling right, but knew I couldn’t talk about it here. He offered to drop a portal down, which I felt was kind of a bad idea (as Chris will obviously see it).
And he did, but asked Novice if he wanted himself to go in. The two did, and that was my ticket to get the fuck OUT of there (by exiting VRChat, taking off my headset and calling it a night).
========================================
Kovo’s all-morninger
This section wasn’t really expected to exist, as I was quite annoyed at Chris of what he did. I was planning to just write this blog post and then go to bed, but I saw Kovo on and wanted to say hi. He was in the movie world, watching The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Told him what Wufy told me the day before (how I recorded the conversation). Said he’s been trying to be there as much as he can. As we’re talking, Cola shows up. Hey!! I missed you! He was mute, but I could hear him from his Desktop body language that he missed me too.
Unfortunately I had to leak the info about Wufy to Cola as I needed to talk to Kovo.
But, I’m sure Wufy won’t mind. Infact Cola wanted to help him, asking me in a DM of what games he likes. Asked Kovo, and he explained it. And speaking of Wufy, this is the secondary reason why Kovo was on; to be with him in VRChat. But I had my doubts Wufy would join.
Cola however, was getting increasingly bothered by Kovo’s nonsense, trying to make sense of it. Heheh, that’s kind of a mistake. You’d be going insane if you attempted, and it seemed he almost did and ran around the corner. I followed him, worried. Told me his head’s hurting too much from the nonsense and needs to get off. He then told me that Kovo’s mentally insane and to tell him that. Told me more than that, but I ended up forgetting it. Kissed him goodnight, told him how much I loved him, and he went off.
–
The movie ended. Nova’s now here with us, and that’s when Kovo started having sudden questions about cum and dicks. And of course I was facepalming to the point I’m shaking my head in disbelief for a solid minute, and walk away to the mirror while shaking my head. lol
Kovo runs up to me: “Ben!! Ben Ben Ben! I have, a question. What if you had a bag of cum.”
Oh my GOD, Kovo! I don’t have enough Tenor GIFs that would cover the disappointment I feel right now. Then I hear Nova talk about going over the edge. I say “here, let me join you! WEEE!!” and go off the edge, running around the 2D buildings of the movie world.
5 minutes later, Kovo’s calling me in Discord. I hope this is an apology or something. Answer the call..
“I have a question. So if you took your dick, and you–” Hung up on him, laughing as I respawned, hearing Kovo laughing his head off. I should had said “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you have the wrong number.” HAHAHAHA..
Even the Discord call itself made me laugh;
“Kovo started a call that lasted a few seconds.”
4:30’ish in the morning rolled around, and Wufy popped in. Kovo starts being all “gimme my FUCKING hug!!” to everyone there. Rivers was also there, trying to get Kovo to calm down with that and ask nicely for a hug. Hearing Kovo struggle with that only made me laugh harder.
5am hit. Time for me to go to bed. Kovo, you too! You’ve been up for too long! Kovo’s speech is deteriorating at this point– becoming slow, hard to understand, and quiet. One time he says something like “love ya.. body on my weird fur!” Ok, Kovo. You clearly need sleep. Yet he’s all “nooooooo.. I stayed up for 3 hours for Wufy!” Then he wanted me and Wufy to hug him. Wufy’s on Desktop.. so how can he ‘hug’ you, silly? But since it’ll be the only way he’s going to go to bed, I gave him a VR hug and Wufy gave him a Desktop hug.
Then he quits. Wow, what a morning that was.

.
So, there goes another post. I might stop doing this footnotes. Really getting tired of these constant posts.

Day ‘I lost count of’ of even more VRChat drama. But today wasn’t all VRChat-related (or even drama). Before I even left to eat, I was dealing with someone called ‘Lightning Dragon’ of DJ’s Discord, who was in school yet wanted to ‘create a brand new Dutchie’, yet had no access to Blender on the school computer. He had everything else ready, just not Blender.
I wanted to tell him “see the problem is you’re supposed to be learning in school instead of trying to change the skin of the original Dutchie”. Yet I wasn’t sure if that would be a good idea, seeing how he said the school computer has Maya (and that’s what they probably teach). So I refrained from doing so and told him “well, you do need Blender for Unity not to complain about it missing.” Gave him the link to the latest. A headache formed when he didn’t know how to install it. Since I already have it installed (and afraid uninstalling would delete Wolves’ model of my sona).. I tried looking for any video tutorials on how to install and sent them to him.
Seemed he had gotten it and didn’t know what to do next. But before I could continue helping him, told me his time was about over. So I sent him a list of directions.. praying reimporting works (if he has to do that).
Last time I looked, he was asking me how to move the camera in Unity and Blender. But this is when I was really busy in VRChat to use my phone and tell him in detail.
–
On a side-note (which will eventually start this post), a response from Chris came in. Yet it disturbed Fluffy and he sent me what Chris said. His response is the confederate flag. Fluffy felt it was hate and stuff (from what he learned in school).. but I thought differently and I want answers why Chris picked that. It’s a sign of harassment of the ‘Alabama 100′ meme; picking on Fluffy, going from father-son to lovers. It’s too obvious with Chris’ dark humor, this is what he did. Yet overall, I doubt he even cares.
This stressed Fluffy enough that he had a headache, and said he would be going to bed and see me tomorrow.
Then I noticed as I happened to glance at VRChat.com..


Wait.. WHAT?!

I gotta get in VR.. NOW!!!
=======================================
Jero’s language barrier / Frost blames DJ for Wufy’s issues / Cola ‘meets’ Jero
A three-parter, so let’s fix this..
======
Jero’s language barrier (caused by Windows)
Arrived in The Room in the Rain. Jero’s there, but silent and in Desktop. I run up to
him, of course happy as can be after not seeing him ingame for almost a month now. He nuzzles me the best way anyone can in Desktop, then he starts DMing me saying he’s having issues with his Windows settings. Something about Discord is strictly controlling his sound by not letting anything else be played.
He’s trying to fix these issues as quick as he can. But I’m not just on for Jero, I’m also here to say hi to Frost (who I also haven’t seen in awhile).
=====
Frost blames DJ for Wufy’s issues
Of all the things I came to say hi to Frost for, I never expected him to bring up drama that’s still fresh on his mind (that should’ve been dead months ago). But what bothers my mind is he seems to still be good friends with Foxgrace (even though I still remember the guy calling out Frost for betraying him). Seems the hatchet was buried? .. *shrug*
So he asked me “I assume you heard I was pulled into a call” (or something of the
sort, can’t remember exactly). I asked him if it was about Wufy friending him.
So once again, he puts the blame squarely on DJ. Kovo does too, all because of cheating on BlueDrago. So it seems my assumption that Wufy’s pissed at DJ.. may’ve been right afterall. The “folded his arms looking at me” was a pretty good giveaway.
It was then Jero managed to fix his sound issues and speak, however I couldn’t quite understand him as a lot of people were taking at once in that world.
–
Though I heard Jero say he was trying to get his Oculus set up and stuff, saying it’s not fun not being able to move your arms. Definitely agreed. Also Frost left and I didn’t see him for the rest of that day.
=====
Cola ‘meets’ Jero
Jero went AFK for a pretty long time, so I of course stayed with him. Then Cola joined the instance (as the Roomba). I wanted him to meet “the one who I was talking about”, yet he claimed he had forgotten everything of that conversation we had the day before (even of him having feelings for Blue.. which I mistakenly (in his eyes) told everyone there). For
me, I knew they didn’t know Cola.. so why would they care to know? Plus I hate using this phone when in VR (having to slightly take my headset off and use my large thumbs on that tiny keyboard).
Wish there was a way I could say a short keyword to replace ‘Flashlight On’ in order to see infront of me. …Bleh. Whatever. Then DJ joined (in Desktop) because of the accident he had with a distracted driver hitting him on his bike. He’s damn lucky to be alive, only having cuts on his face from the impact with the pavement. No broken bones. That is also a miracle.
Cola then left to go play Murder 2, but DJ stayed in the room while I stayed with Jero. I know I should be going to see Cola, but I haven’t seen Jero in a long time. I just hope Cola doesn’t get jealous.
====
DJ wants Wufy to be loved
4:20pm rolled around, alarm blaring in my ears to go to Burger King. Jero was active again, but sadly I had to leave him (but hoped I would see him again when I got back). Said he would be back later (in VR). So I went to go eat.
Came back, Fluffy’s active now (but not freed from the shackles of school). Said he talked to Chris (which is what I mentioned at the beginning), and he would be going to bed.
Cola at the time was also gone, so I didn’t know what to do.
–
Decided to play some VRCDOOM…
*Come And Get Your Love music plays*
Me with every gun in the game, and two chainsaws: Heeeeyy!
Group of Imps: Heeeeyy! …–WHAT?!
*music suddenly changes to heavy metal*
Me:

*rip and tear intensifies*
It was a good run, but I wasn’t able to complete it as not one but two joined the
instance: Acid, and Firey. Acid was primarily there for me to see that he made a model for Firey, and it looks pretty good (he did a great job on it). And Firey’s reaction with how ‘jacked up’ I was on weapons, was priceless. Had to do a new instance as it was waiting for me to get done with the current level (and wouldn’t let them in). We did up to the second level until I saw Cola join, then leave. He’s in Kovo’s world (and Kovo was on). I had to get there. Plus I wanted Firey to go say hi to Kovo.
Well, that introduction eventually did happen.. and Kovo ruined it thinking Firey’s my BF. *facepalm* God damnit Kovo. 😛
—
So this starts this section, of DJ suddenly wanting to speak not only to me but Kovo. Told me that Wufy spoke to him and feels upset that no one cares for him, and wants us two to talk to him and stuff. I stayed quiet for most of that conversation, pretty sure Wufy wanted more than just someone to talk to (and knowing I can’t really.. well, give that to him). But I told him that I “would do what I could”, how he’s welcome to talk and stuff. Yet on the back of my mind (which finally came out), how I wish I could say something that would snap him out of whatever he’s going through.
The conversation kept repeating and I was feeling “DJ, can we wrap this up please? I wanna get back to the mirror.” I was forced to stay something similar, feeling this is going nowhere. DJ, I know you’re upset for Wufy, I get it. But there’s only so much we can do!! We will TRY to help him! Okay?! Please get off our backs about it!
I wondered if Kovo felt the same thing, probably wondering “why am I always involved in this?”
With that, I told them I was going to go to the mirror, and if anything came up, to please let me know… and something did, after telling Wufy my honest thoughts. We talked in a group call for an hour (even past my bedtime), and I discovered things DJ never told me. Yes he’s upset (we know this), but he was never upset at DJ.

…This is literally Wufy right now, feeling alone and forgotten. Thing is, he wants more than just someone to talk to; he wants someone that will play games with him. He wants a ‘true friend’. ..And, I cannot label myself one, especially when he brought up Astroneer and how I left him. But I did explain the reasoning (how I wanted someone to teach me these things).
*sigh* …The problem with Wufy is he’s been too used to playing with friends, that he really hates playing alone (which is the complete polar opposite of me, being used to solo games and being alone). It doesn’t bother me to be alone.. but it does him.
I know they say “this is what makes us awesome, how we’re all different.” That’s why it would simply never work between us (and that only makes me depressed that I can’t ‘help’ him, as we’re so opposite). I don’t want him to feel alone, but… I feel he’s only going to drag me down.

I feel like Kovo right now, but I also don’t blame myself. There’s no reason. I’m just being myself. Nothing wrong with that. And to literally change my life for Wufy is just.. too much. But I know he doesn’t want me to have to do that. He wants me to be myself.
Still upsets me though. Mmmm…

=======================================
Me: “None of them can replace you”
Was with Blue and Cola at the time, Cola having pulled Blue away (I followed), telling him he’ll fix his Nanachi’s gestures to be more VR friendly. During this time, Kovo and the others were going into.. the best way to say this without eye bleach: ‘a forbidden world’.
Was getting very late for Cola and he went to bed. Blue and I were getting ready to get back to the mirror as I was checking my friends lists (wasn’t many here). Saw Jero on.. in
that ‘forbidden world’. WTF IS HE DOING IN THERE?! I had to investigate and ran in.
*sigh* All all the worlds, Jero. Of ALL the thousands of worlds you could had gone to. Why…. Kovo’s… PORN world?! Ugh. But whatever. Loaded in (Blue didn’t join me for quite sometime).
Found Jero (in VR) talking to Kovo on the bed. Wasn’t sure if I should approach, so I waited. Can’t remember what happened next, only that I was in the main room with
him (and I was kind of cuddling him). Was just, unsure if..meh. The whole thing with Jero and stuff.
But I did loosen myself up, saying a lot of nice things about him. His laugh, his voice. The way he cuddles me. And how I told him that the group can never replace those feelings I had for him.
Then he asked me “what about Fluffy?” I paused for a moment, then said “yeah, he has a good chance.” ..Especially when he gets VR, then he’ll be able to fully express himself to me.
Since then I stopped being so close to Jero (especially when Blue showed up). Told me he crashed when trying to join (and again his computer gave him issues).
That was literally my way of saying (to Jero) “it’s time to let these strong feelings for
you, go. I cannot keep doing this. I keep saying I’m going to let them go, but never do. It has to stop. My deep love goes to the group.. not you. It ends now.”
Soon (by the end of this month), I will have new feelings (with Fluffy and the rest of the group). …Even if I have to force myself to feel them, I’ll do it. I’ll do almost anything, to rid my mind of feelings from Jero. I just want to see him as a friend, nothing more.

.
So that’s about it, other than Fluffy has told me today.. he could quite possibly have the hands DLC. So that’s going to be exciting. 🙂 Hopefully he gets the Vive and not the Rift S.

What a day! Lots to talk about! So much that I’m gonna go to bed 12 minutes early, as I feel really tired.
Goodnight!
*yawn* Good afternoon everyone!.. I overslept by an hour (my alarm didn’t wake me
up.. because somehow I turned it off by accident. GG me). But anyway, how are you all on this nice Thursday afternoon? Doing good? I’m sure some of you are working/at school.
But I digress. Let me get to work typing what crazy he(double hockey sticks) yesterday was.
Before I do, there’s two ongoing topics that will be discussed (in detail); one involves the group, and the other involves Wufy. But I will get to them in time.
===============================
“I just wanna relax with you”
And ‘you’ meaning Cola. As much as I love him, I wish he wouldn’t consume so many energy drinks (swear they’re going to kill him before whatever’s wrong with him does in a few years). But when I got there, let’s just say he.. “looked quite dead” (as in, he was using a skeleton avatar, to express how skinny he is IRL). Asked him if he consumed junk
food (anything to get on some pounds). “Young man.. wait. Old man, I have tried. I have consumed McDonald’s, Burger King, and so many others I forgot their names; morning, noon and night. And I’m still skin and bones!” Told him “I wish I had that kind of metabolism, instead of being very fat to where I can almost balance a glass on my stomach!”
–
So he’s bored and wants to do things, waiting for his other friends to come on, but he said they’re “all in small worlds”. What do you mean by that? He means, literally, worlds that only have one room and a mirror. So he decides to go to.. the world Rusty was in. I questioned his sanity, and he says “I know we don’t like him, but I like the world. And I’m going to show you a few places of it that I really like.”
Alright, hun. Let’s do this! We left the courtyard (of what I will forever call it in my mind of playing WoW: The Cathedral District of Stormwind), and eventually we were on the roofs. He lead me to an area that overlooked the sea. Said how all the colors looked natural and it brought him peace.
He laid down and I sat down next to him. It was really nice being with him.. until some of my friends joined the world and attempted to disturb this romantic moment. 😛 So I filled them with lead.
===============================
Fluffy does the plan
Fluffy came on about this time. He’s been doing the plan in the background (where I will no longer see him as a son, but more than that). Now he has to talk to Cola about it. I lead them to the caves and then went back to the spot Cola liked. I actually feel he’s right, it’s quite nice.
Though IMO, it’s not the nicest spot I’ve ever been to. It’s still nice though. So I stayed there for awhile. Almost 20 minutes later, I felt it was taking a bit too long for such a simple question and debated if I should investigate.. but felt “ehh, Cola’s alright. He’ll come back.” And he did, being on Fluffy’s back and having a really good time. The way Cola was having fun, I assumed everything’s quite alright for Fluffy to (maybe
possibly) join the group.
See, I gave him the names of 9 people I want him to talk to (to let them know about this). Three of these are in the group (of course). And so far (as I write this), he’s gotten the green light from 3 of the total 9 (and trying to talk to the others).
Two other names are also there, but they are names I don’t feel are really that important that need to know.
================================
Cola’s fear (of the group, and myself)
A lot of time passed between then and this point. I can’t remember everything that happened, but I remember Kovo and slowly the others started joining us. And one time Cola (after asking him to talk since Kovo’s here) pulled me to a far away area. Can’t even remember what we talked about (my memory is blank of that conversation). But after
it, he wanted to relax and we went back to that spot (and relaxed again). Him saying “let’s do what you wanted to do”. Well, there’s something else I wanna do, but.. yeah, sleep issues.
Fluffy left some time before this, telling me he wanted to take a nap and how he feels he annoyed Cola (and overall having a sense of fear). I told Cola this and he said that Fluffy wasn’t annoying.. but there were a few parts where he was a bit. However, he likes how Fluffy talks, how it opens up so much for him.
Then he said “he told me.. other things. Things going on that I’m not sure if I should be telling you.” I figured it was something about Fluffy’s real life (how he has trouble making friends and stuff). “he made one. Even two” Cola said as his response to that.
Said “I feel Fluffy will make a good addition to the group.” Cola questioned with “I thought he was already part of the group.” Not sure where you got that thought, but I explained
of ‘the old Fluffy’ (and how there were so many issues). Now there’s this new Fluffy who I actually have strong feelings for. He says “I like this new Fluffy”. I do too.
–
The conversation then shifted where he stated about Blue, saying he’s worried of what he’ll become. Saying he likes the current Blue. But he said he likes him a bit too much, to where he said he’ll sometimes feel actual jealousy when others are around him.
So you just confirmed the inter-group relationship Blue told me about (and I prayed I was wrong about during that incident in Moody). Said he’s been trying to get rid of these feelings, but can’t shake them.. much like my feelings with Jero (which I told him).
Then I asked him “is this why you asked that question of who I would pick?” He
said “maybe”.
Told him how Jero has that calming voice that just makes me feel “this is where I wanna be, in his arms”. And Cola said Blue is similar to this.
Then he tells me that he fears when Blue gets VR, that.. he would like him more than me. And this was literally what Wufy told me he ‘wanted’ to happen, where I can “get
away” from the group and just love one person. …It seems that decision that I hope to never make, may become a reality sooner than I expect– the downfall of the group could be happening, and soon. It scares me, very much. Cola doesn’t want to leave me.
================================
Blue’s in VR
Time to move onto something a bit more cheerful. Yesterday was the day Blue would finally, after so many months.. would finally have “hand DLC”!!
He was in The Box with someone hugging him very tightly, and that of course sparked a lot of jealousy within me. And when Blue was all “Benie, help me!”. I yelled “back off, he’s mine!” The person ran off crying, but I’m pretty sure it was fake tears as they came back later on, hugging Blue. Gave the person an evil ‘fuck off’ stare, but at the end I showed the person no hard feelings. I know they were messing with me, so I played along.
As for Blue, he was laying down on his bed (which doesn’t really look right when you don’t have full body).
But the way he reacts now when I lick and kiss him, is so cute. It looks like he’s trying to push me away, to where I feel I have to apologize. And one time he called me “evil”. Hehe. Not as evil as.. sir evil incarnate (Thresio) sitting next to me. I really wanted to say when I was talking about how evil he was compared to me, that I “didn’t want to boost up his ego anymore than it already is.” Luckily (which saved me), I ended up forgetting what I was going to say. Because he doesn’t like it when you even joke around him.
He will take it literally. I still remember when he was playing one of those Beat Saber worlds and he was singing badly to the music. I said “Hey Thresio! Who sings it?!” Told me who it is, and I said “let’s keep it that way!” …he did not appreciate those words, even though I told him I was completely joking. He doesn’t do jokes. Period.
–
Anyway, we went to the movie world to watch Harry Potter. Blue’s cuddling me (rubbing my snout) while I’m cuddling him. Little did I know this very cute, romantic moment would be disturbed by an outside force from Sweden, wanting answers of the one he loves.
================================
Issues with Wufy
Getting DM’d by DJ while I was trying to be with Blue, asking me if I knew anything going on with Wufy. Hmm. As a matter of fact, he has been acting strangely in the ingame chat a few days ago. Told him he(Wufy) did this thing of Kovo yelling at someone being on his toilet in Starbound, and I sent him a picture of playing this thing 8 times in my browser.
Half-expected a response from him. Nothing. Very strange.
DJ says that this started happening about 4-5 hours ago, so I don’t think the two are related. Said Wufy had his arms folded in VR and then walked away without saying anything. But one key thing he said is two days ago.. he re-friended Frost. Glutton for punishment much?
Immediately had a theory, but wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell him. I felt it could be possible Frost told Wufy of DJ’s past (how he cheated when he was with BlueDrago). Felt this had a high possibility of being true (based off of what DJ said), but I prayed (for him) that I could be wrong. But DJ stayed with us (like that brother who complains about their life and kind of ruins the mood, yet doesn’t really mean to).
—
Today, I got my answer. Or rather, DJ got his and told me. Turns out I was completely wrong of my assumption (thankfully). It was something Wufy did mention before, but never once did I use this as a possible reason– he’s tired of waiting for someone that will love him, feeling he’s all alone and forgotten. “I don’t care about love and shit anymore” Wufy told DJ. And this is honestly something I could never help with.
Me and Wufy, as a couple? I mean he’s cool and loving, but I just don’t see it happening. Plus it would cause WAY too many red flags and possibly target me by Foxgrace and his brainwashed friends.
And like I said before, I really doubt he would be interested in joining the group.

.
And so that closes yet another day of drama. When will I ever get a break from these constant blog posts? Only the world knows.
Maybe I’ll post them less frequently (and just jot down mini-notes to help myself not forget what happened). Like, maybe do weekly blogs every Monday.

What a day. After dealing with Justin, I was dealing with an invisible menace that was affecting more than just VRChat (which kept me offline most of the evening and night). Started happening when I was with Cola, who was talking some very.. odd things.
And before I get started, Fluffy misses me (a lot) and wanted to know just why I’m avoiding him, which I told him why. But, there’s an idea that’s been floating in my head for awhile since what Aftershock told me.
So let’s begin with this one.
===============================
Amazon Web Server issues (That affected more than VRChat)
At this time, it is still unknown what exactly happened to VRChat. It was issues I’ve seen before, but worse. After dinner (and also watching the weather of the upcoming serious cold yesterday from the 60’s to the 20’s, and bone-chilling record-breaking wind chills in the morning tomorrow), Cola came on and I joined him.
This time he was playing Never Have I Ever. However something happened when I joined in to be with him (he was playing as Bill from Left 4 Dead again). The ones there started complaining about how they “broke the world” and avatars weren’t loading in. Cola saw me and waved hi, then dropped a portal near me to The Room in The Rain. Followed him in just fine, and he said “my balls are sweating!”

Please don’t say that as Bill (while in full body)! It looks very disturbing! Yet he knew it did, so that’s why he did it. Said “this sounds like an unreleased Rated R version of Bill talking about his balls. He said how it’s so hot in his room. Well then, open up a window. But he couldn’t (even though it was nice and cold out there, and also snowing). Yet he said he was going to do a lot of random things with other people, and only came on to do so. Said how I came on to see him, but he warned me that he likely won’t talk unless it’s absolutely needed.
Then we went to Avatar Testing, where he went infront of the mirror and started doing a strange dance, saying he was being silly. After he was done, I’m not even sure what happened next, only him talking more about how hot it is. But as he was trying to speak, I heard his voice getting very choppy (and when he was moving his arms, it looked laggy).
Thinking it’s my ISP getting ready to do maintenance, I waited a few moments (thinking I’m going to get disconnected).. but it never happened. So Cola, it’s lagging on your end. He looked at his ping and realized what a serious problem he had. But about a minute
later, I could hear him clearly again.
Odd, very odd. But the issue happened again about 10 minutes later, then went away, then came back again. God damn, your internet connection hates you, Cola. But I also noticed avatars that refused to load.. so it wasn’t just Cola’s internet.
So Cola was planning to go (with a few friends now in the world with us, shadow_the_lone and Dorrvivx (now in VR)). They too were having issues with choppy voices and slow-loading avatars. What’s odd is none of them said my voice was choppy.
–
Cola mysteriously came back on (to tell me something), but his voice was too choppy for me to hear him (and his avatar wouldn’t load). Wow, VRChat servers. Wow. Anyway, we’re going to another world (shadow wanted to show me something).. really bad idea when the servers are getting bogged down like this!! “I should had stayed there! That was a dumb mistake by shadow!” was going through my head. Though I wasn’t stuck in a 20-minute join fail loop, I got placed in a public instance of the world.
Did manage to join my homeworld just fine (thankfully). Tried to join Cola (who was still online), but the moment I tried, I was getting an invite from someone to join me. Didn’t see Cola in the other world, so I went back to my homeworld and accepted the invite.

Shadow showed up and showed me.. well, his lewd model. I was too confused why Cola came on to see me (and slightly embarrassed of what I was seeing infront of me). He gives me a similar story to what Raymond did; RPing as something different than himself (but instead of Raymond RPing as a fox that can change into a female, he RP’s as being gay).
Hahaha.. yes. RP. That word again that I kind of refuse to be a part of. But Shadow was OK that my gamestyle is.. different than his.
He was telling me about Ashi and how he’s such a good guy despite what others think of him. That if you do something to piss him off, he’ll fight back. Look dude, I don’t really care anymore about this Ashi shit. It’s just like Trump. There are people who are loyal followers, and there are people that want him out. I don’t give a FUCK what
happens, as we’ll all be fucked anyway if we don’t do something about climate change!!
–
As we continued talking, he started breaking up (similar to Cola). Seems whatever’s causing the issues still isn’t fixed. I also noticed the animation of myself talking (when looking in the mirror) also looked laggy. He left and I went off too, never to come back on for the rest of the night (as I was unsure of the server stability).
Now in voice chat, I tell them what’s going on, and they say Discord and other services like Overwatch seeing 2000+ ping have been reported. Something about they all got disconnected from the chat once, so it wasn’t just VRChat. So I stayed there for pretty much the rest of the night (while jotting down even more hilarious things Kovo said).
I was also taking pictures with my phone, pressed against the screen of my window looking outside and seeing the snow on the grass (and sending them to Kovo, just to make him jealous).
===============================
A plan with Fluffy.. but it needs work
Blue’s in VRChat, and I want to join him, but again I’m worried about the stability of the servers (don’t want to hear him breaking up too). But I also felt “ehh, Thresio’s there with him. He’ll be fine without me for a night.”
In the height of the chat, Fluffy joins it. I’m pretty sure he’s only there for a single
reason.. me (and why I’m not in VRChat with him). Yet I hope I’m wrong (and he’s just here to be part of the chat, to do something different). But as time went on, he messages me saying “I miss you.. alot”.

So apparently he forgot everything I told him (how I enjoy not having him around and stuff, all because he gets in my face). So after warning him a few times that it would hurt, I told him my feelings that being father-son is ‘dead’ to me, all because of his desperation to be loved.
I feared he would take his life over my words, but instead of feeling saddened, he acted like he saw what I’ve been trying to say to him. Yet we’ve been down that road soooooo many times.
So I told him my proposition to this problem; let’s forget what happened in the past (even how we were father-son), and him to actually show love that’s more than a friend to the point I actually want him to join the group again. But there’s three major hurdles he has to get through (with two of them that I will also have to do).
1. See the group as really close friends, not lovers (or it’ll be considered a poly, according to Aftershock).
2. Tell Kovo and others that we’re no longer father-son, but more than that.
3. Tell Kovo he’s no longer his uncle, but his friend.

And how he’ll be able to do it, is lie that he’s 18, how I originally wanted to help him out (again) with relationships, but this time.. actually say I fell inlove with him.
…And, I honestly am. When I was talking to Fluffy, I could feel.. warmth with him. Something I never felt even with the rest of the group. It nearly feels like, the warmth I felt when I was with Jero.
Could Fluffy be the key, to finally getting over him?! I don’t know how I felt it, but I just did. It was a sudden feeling of warmth (really comfortable, welcoming warmth) that came over me… and I wanted more of it. It felt, so good. It felt like the warmth of someone you really love, endlessly hugging you when you’re having a bad day.
–
It feels like, I’ve finally been freed from the shackles of having to be someone that I was kind of OK with but then started really getting sour, and can actually express myself. Fluffy finally understood the struggles I’ve been through of trying to be his RP father (and how he relies too much on that, and it stresses me out).
I can never replace his former RL father that he lost a year ago. Again, I’m too hot-headed to be a father of.. anyone, or anything.
But before this plan can go any further, he has to talk to Kovo (and Ruffy). I feel those are going to be the biggest problems (especially Ruffy).

.
So that’s it for yesterday. Tune in next time, if I feel like explaining what happened that day.