What a day. After dealing with Justin, I was dealing with an invisible menace that was affecting more than just VRChat (which kept me offline most of the evening and night). Started happening when I was with Cola, who was talking some very.. odd things.
And before I get started, Fluffy misses me (a lot) and wanted to know just why I’m avoiding him, which I told him why. But, there’s an idea that’s been floating in my head for awhile since what Aftershock told me.
So let’s begin with this one.
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Amazon Web Server issues (That affected more than VRChat)
At this time, it is still unknown what exactly happened to VRChat. It was issues I’ve seen before, but worse. After dinner (and also watching the weather of the upcoming serious cold yesterday from the 60’s to the 20’s, and bone-chilling record-breaking wind chills in the morning tomorrow), Cola came on and I joined him.
This time he was playing Never Have I Ever. However something happened when I joined in to be with him (he was playing as Bill from Left 4 Dead again). The ones there started complaining about how they “broke the world” and avatars weren’t loading in. Cola saw me and waved hi, then dropped a portal near me to The Room in The Rain. Followed him in just fine, and he said “my balls are sweating!”
Please don’t say that as Bill (while in full body)! It looks very disturbing! Yet he knew it did, so that’s why he did it. Said “this sounds like an unreleased Rated R version of Bill talking about his balls. He said how it’s so hot in his room. Well then, open up a window. But he couldn’t (even though it was nice and cold out there, and also snowing). Yet he said he was going to do a lot of random things with other people, and only came on to do so. Said how I came on to see him, but he warned me that he likely won’t talk unless it’s absolutely needed.
Then we went to Avatar Testing, where he went infront of the mirror and started doing a strange dance, saying he was being silly. After he was done, I’m not even sure what happened next, only him talking more about how hot it is. But as he was trying to speak, I heard his voice getting very choppy (and when he was moving his arms, it looked laggy).
Thinking it’s my ISP getting ready to do maintenance, I waited a few moments (thinking I’m going to get disconnected).. but it never happened. So Cola, it’s lagging on your end. He looked at his ping and realized what a serious problem he had. But about a minute
later, I could hear him clearly again.
Odd, very odd. But the issue happened again about 10 minutes later, then went away, then came back again. God damn, your internet connection hates you, Cola. But I also noticed avatars that refused to load.. so it wasn’t just Cola’s internet.
So Cola was planning to go (with a few friends now in the world with us, shadow_the_lone and Dorrvivx (now in VR)). They too were having issues with choppy voices and slow-loading avatars. What’s odd is none of them said my voice was choppy.
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Cola mysteriously came back on (to tell me something), but his voice was too choppy for me to hear him (and his avatar wouldn’t load). Wow, VRChat servers. Wow. Anyway, we’re going to another world (shadow wanted to show me something).. really bad idea when the servers are getting bogged down like this!! “I should had stayed there! That was a dumb mistake by shadow!” was going through my head. Though I wasn’t stuck in a 20-minute join fail loop, I got placed in a public instance of the world.
Did manage to join my homeworld just fine (thankfully). Tried to join Cola (who was still online), but the moment I tried, I was getting an invite from someone to join me. Didn’t see Cola in the other world, so I went back to my homeworld and accepted the invite.
Shadow showed up and showed me.. well, his lewd model. I was too confused why Cola came on to see me (and slightly embarrassed of what I was seeing infront of me). He gives me a similar story to what Raymond did; RPing as something different than himself (but instead of Raymond RPing as a fox that can change into a female, he RP’s as being gay).
Hahaha.. yes. RP. That word again that I kind of refuse to be a part of. But Shadow was OK that my gamestyle is.. different than his.
He was telling me about Ashi and how he’s such a good guy despite what others think of him. That if you do something to piss him off, he’ll fight back. Look dude, I don’t really care anymore about this Ashi shit. It’s just like Trump. There are people who are loyal followers, and there are people that want him out. I don’t give a FUCK what
happens, as we’ll all be fucked anyway if we don’t do something about climate change!!
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As we continued talking, he started breaking up (similar to Cola). Seems whatever’s causing the issues still isn’t fixed. I also noticed the animation of myself talking (when looking in the mirror) also looked laggy. He left and I went off too, never to come back on for the rest of the night (as I was unsure of the server stability).
Now in voice chat, I tell them what’s going on, and they say Discord and other services like Overwatch seeing 2000+ ping have been reported. Something about they all got disconnected from the chat once, so it wasn’t just VRChat. So I stayed there for pretty much the rest of the night (while jotting down even more hilarious things Kovo said).
I was also taking pictures with my phone, pressed against the screen of my window looking outside and seeing the snow on the grass (and sending them to Kovo, just to make him jealous).
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A plan with Fluffy.. but it needs work
Blue’s in VRChat, and I want to join him, but again I’m worried about the stability of the servers (don’t want to hear him breaking up too). But I also felt “ehh, Thresio’s there with him. He’ll be fine without me for a night.”
In the height of the chat, Fluffy joins it. I’m pretty sure he’s only there for a single
reason.. me (and why I’m not in VRChat with him). Yet I hope I’m wrong (and he’s just here to be part of the chat, to do something different). But as time went on, he messages me saying “I miss you.. alot”.
So apparently he forgot everything I told him (how I enjoy not having him around and stuff, all because he gets in my face). So after warning him a few times that it would hurt, I told him my feelings that being father-son is ‘dead’ to me, all because of his desperation to be loved.
I feared he would take his life over my words, but instead of feeling saddened, he acted like he saw what I’ve been trying to say to him. Yet we’ve been down that road soooooo many times.
So I told him my proposition to this problem; let’s forget what happened in the past (even how we were father-son), and him to actually show love that’s more than a friend to the point I actually want him to join the group again. But there’s three major hurdles he has to get through (with two of them that I will also have to do).
1. See the group as really close friends, not lovers (or it’ll be considered a poly, according to Aftershock).
2. Tell Kovo and others that we’re no longer father-son, but more than that.
3. Tell Kovo he’s no longer his uncle, but his friend.
And how he’ll be able to do it, is lie that he’s 18, how I originally wanted to help him out (again) with relationships, but this time.. actually say I fell inlove with him.
…And, I honestly am. When I was talking to Fluffy, I could feel.. warmth with him. Something I never felt even with the rest of the group. It nearly feels like, the warmth I felt when I was with Jero.
Could Fluffy be the key, to finally getting over him?! I don’t know how I felt it, but I just did. It was a sudden feeling of warmth (really comfortable, welcoming warmth) that came over me… and I wanted more of it. It felt, so good. It felt like the warmth of someone you really love, endlessly hugging you when you’re having a bad day.
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It feels like, I’ve finally been freed from the shackles of having to be someone that I was kind of OK with but then started really getting sour, and can actually express myself. Fluffy finally understood the struggles I’ve been through of trying to be his RP father (and how he relies too much on that, and it stresses me out).
I can never replace his former RL father that he lost a year ago. Again, I’m too hot-headed to be a father of.. anyone, or anything.
But before this plan can go any further, he has to talk to Kovo (and Ruffy). I feel those are going to be the biggest problems (especially Ruffy).
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So that’s it for yesterday. Tune in next time, if I feel like explaining what happened that day.