I still live, yes

Posted on 04-16-2020 by Benie

No, the Coronavirus has not claimed me (and it hopefully never will). I do apologize for the long wait of not saying anything. I mainly just got bored with blogging.
Of course a lot of stuff has been happening since I last posted. However, a lot comes and goes. Only a few are currently ongoing.
For starters, Jero and I are still dating (and still planning to get married (in VRChat) next month). However, the location may’ve possibly gotten changed (and it’s not anyone’s fault).
Kovo discovered what had happened to his world with the new Unity 2018 (or ‘Udon update’)… his world is pretty much broken (as for all the Dutchie NPCs there), and he sadly didn’t think about backing up his world. The reason is because it’s so large (and his internet is so shit), said it would take a long time to do.
==
In other news;
–Jero has become obsessed over a figure known as the ‘hand banana‘, to where I swear it has become his alter ego. It’s like, one moment I’m cuddling with him, the next he’s squeezing my ass and saying if I’m “basting that turkey” (infront of everyone). Or, him being hand banana, he’s tried to hit on Nova (even Kovo).
With how embarrassed I get when talking about Jero and I doing it around others, my face has gotten redder than my sona. I’ve basically become Nova when Kovo messes with
her (in a sense). …I just pray he doesn’t get as bad as Kovo and pulls his dick out in
public. *shudders at the thought*
If that’s not bad enough, I found out Jero is a switch (while I’m a top). And it seems with this alter ego, he wants to be the dom. …I pray this is just a phase, and he’ll go back to being my huggable green teddy bear (that I fell inlove with). 🙂

–Jero has a new avatar, which almost feels like a spit in my face for what I’ve done for him. He got Kat to help him with Unity (something I have repeatably offered to help
with, yet he never bothered telling me he was ready). If that’s not bad enough, he’s using the new VictonRoy Dutchie model (the one with better looking paws, better visemes, and of course.. eyebrows). A Dutchie with eyebrows, just looks… off. Everything else about the model looks really good, just… those eyebrows.
Personally, I’m not really a fan of the model. I’m an ‘OG’ (aka ‘old school’) kind of guy. This is why I’m working on recreating BTD 3.0 using the 1.2b Dutchie model.
But what stings is I did all that work for him (which he does appreciate), yet he still hasn’t uploaded that package file to his account. It makes me wonder, why I even did this for him.

–And then, there’s something even more recent that has been going on.. something I’ve been trying to depress….. those feelings of doubt are starting to come back with Jero.
I dunno if he’s truly happy with me. This feeling keeps coming and going, but there’s also something else– if I’m actually starting to turn gay. I don’t even ‘feel proud’ of being bi.
I have felt this for awhile, since telling a lot of my friends how Jero and I are going to get married ingame (and them telling me I’m gay).
But I had a talk with him, and I somewhat feel assured by his words. Why only somewhat? It’s what Wufy told me before of people saying they love you yet not really meaning it.
From what he claims, he loves me nomatter who I am. Yet I can’t help but sometimes
feel, he would be better off with someone else (who isn’t a fucking coward of getting their driver’s license, and isn’t retarded enough to survive on their own).
A really nice thing he did (which was highly unexpected of him), he actually changed his Discord PFP… to us. 🙂 This, is all my mind needed to completely erase the doubts.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal, Politics | Comments Off on I still live, yes

The COVID-19 pandemic, and how it’s affecting me

Posted on 03-21-2020 by Benie

Nearly a week since this thing in the US about social distancing, and it still could be many more weeks until it’s known if these drastic measures to slow the spread of the Coronavirus is actually helping.
And now this thing is impacting me, food wise; thanks to hoarders feeling this is the end of the world, businesses like Kroger are forced to limit their hours in order to keep the shelves stocked.
Just today, ordering a little something has proven to be challenging. Kroger.com won’t do online ordering ’till Monday. I mean, that’s fine. I don’t mind waiting. Unfortunately this isn’t the only thing I’m having to wait for– my old email address that the website is using to send a special code to place the order (that’s part of my ISP), isn’t working. Try to ask the website to change it to my main email address: “Email Address is unavailable” it tells me. WTF?!
Try to call them, they’re so busy dealing with customer concerns that they won’t even allow me to wait on hold– just tells me to call ‘at a later time’. DAMN these hoarders!!
–
So now I’m desperately trying to get ahold of Spectrum (my ISP), because I cannot log into my account as apparently I now require a separate password for it (and I do not know it).
Their online help section ‘works’, just I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes with nothing going on. On hold using my phone now, as this is my only option.
Occasionally there’s a message about “longer than normal wait times due to ‘a glaring internet hopper'” and they recommend calling back “later this week”. Seems to echo what Kroger’s support line is also trying to say.
And that’s now taken care of. As for my email, there’s ongoing maintenance with the servers, and something about it may not be back for two days.

Had to go up to Save-A-Lot today just to buy more milk, which is the first time I left the house since this shelter in place order started. So many signs there about the virus, and they too are out of toilet paper.
Got my milk and stayed far back from the rest as I waited in line (the whole social distancing thing). But when it was my turn to pay, the couple infront of me actually paid for my milk. Wow, that was nice of them! Thanked them a lot, went home and washed the fuck out of my hands.
Glad I didn’t have to use my debit card, as we don’t exactly have anything to wipe down surfaces in the house.

EDIT: Went to Kroger (father took us) and tried to get what I need. They are completely out of tomato soup. And when it comes to the Uncrustables PB&J patties I usually get, out as well. But they did have peanut butter only patties.
Getting shredded cheese was even worse. Completely out of sharp cheddar. Had to get
this ’15 month aged parmesan’. Not sure how well that’s going to taste.
Shockingly, they had plenty of Easter candy. So if I have to survive off of it, at least the calories will keep me alive.
I just pray these two times of having to go out and potentially exposing myself to the
virus, didn’t actually make me sick. I’ll be checking my temperature for the next two weeks as a precaution (three times a day should suffice). I do not think I’ll get it as I wasn’t around anyone who was coughing, but the fact the virus can live on surfaces does kind of concern me. But I took every precaution I could (stayed away from people and tried my best to not touch my face). I used my coat sleeve to itch whenever I needed to.
–
It hasn’t been easy for Jero either, his family being forced to stay home with the UK under lockdown.. all because they allowed what the US stopped; flights coming from other countries. A day ago, his brother came home from college as all colleges and universities are closed in order to slow the virus.
Yet despite the lockdown, he has to go out every morning (after I go to bed) to the store in hopes he can find something. He’s also dealing with a major shortage of toilet paper and other essential day to day items. I pray every time I can that he finds what he needs, as he’s got it worse than I do (larger family, and under lockdown).
=

This.. this virus, no one has ever seen something like it. But, it’s also bringing the best out of humanity. It’s making us realize when one hurts, we all hurt with them.
This virus has demonstrated that when it comes to a crisis, this isn’t typically an area that desperately needs food, water and medicine (like an earthquake or a weather-related disaster). No.. we are ALL in need of food, water, and medicine. We are all survivors of a pandemic. It’s affecting all of us at the same time.
And it’s showing the power of humanity. We are all in this together, and just like Dr Felci said, we will get over it. All we must do is follow specific guidelines to keep ourselves and everyone away from this evil, invisible enemy that threatens to sicken everyone on the planet;
-Social distancing (6′ apart from eachother).
-Wash your hands for 20 seconds. <- VERY important
-Don’t touch your face with your hands, use your elbow or arm instead.
-Avoid handshaking. Do an elbow bump instead.
-Stay home when sick.
-If you need to cough, cough into your arm to keep the virus from going into the air.
-Only leave the house unless it’s essential (grocery shopping), otherwise stay at home and use carryout or delivery.
-Cancel any doctor/dentist/etc appointments to free up equipment that can be used to combat the virus.
-When it comes to grocery shopping, buy only what you and your family need to survive.
-Disinfect surfaces that are touched a lot, has been proven to limit spread of the virus.

Posted in Drama, Personal, Politics | Comments Off on The COVID-19 pandemic, and how it’s affecting me

“Wild night, is callin’!” – Jero, Fluffy, and Chris

Posted on 03-16-2020 by Benie


“Wiiiiiiiild night, is callin’!!” And it came this morning in VRChat.
Also hey guys, I’m still alive and virus-free! Sorry it’s been so long since I posted. Been busy in No Man’s Sky and had no time to make a new post.
–
So I’m here to talk about what has been going on in VRChat. Got mods going again, it’s actually surprisingly easy to set up (and VRChat’s auto login system will still work).
Now I have access to more avatars. 🙂
Before I begin talking about the ‘wild night’ (more like wild morning), I wanna take you folks on a trip to two days ago (last Saturday, the 14th). Got on VRChat to be with Kovo and the others, and was at this beach house. Lots of people. Luckily, there’s no risk of catching the Coronavirus in VRChat.
Just chilling with friends is all I was doing. Occasionally, some friend would initiate a secret button where the Crab Dance song would play. Decided to dance to it, as I was feeling good and hoping Jero would get on.
One time I was looking around and spotted someone familiar on the roof of the house. It’s King Chris (the Chris that was with me and Fluffy, not the one that dated Jero). Came up to see him, who wasn’t happy to see me. Told me he was.. dying, from the Coronavirus. Said at an early age, he got bronchitis and his “lungs are on fire”. …Oh SHIT, Chris! I didn’t know what to say after he gave me this morbid news. I mean, what can you say when our own government doesn’t know much about this virus..!? Except try to be with them all the way to the end.
It left me with feelings of anxiety, and fear. Especially on Sunday when something else happened with Chris– this time it included Fluffy. Apparently, Fluffy bent him over a table and used him, even though he’s dying. I told Jero about this, finding out Fluffy has me blocked yet again after this ‘truce’ we made. I want Jero to actually be a parent for
once; not pat Fluffy on the head and tell him everything’s fine.
==
A lot was revealed, Monday morning (between Fluffy and Chris). But not only that, but the true reason why Fluffy keeps coming to me (why he won’t move on). Let’s just say, it brought me to tears. It wasn’t something I ever expected to hear.
..Though that’s not everything that happened. Alone with Jero, in a bedroom? Mmm.

Me ten seconds after posting link, realizing what I just did (while laughing like an idiot);
Shy Sad GIF - Shy Sad Panda GIFs
But yeah, we actually did the thing! He surprised me by saying “alright sure!” And I’m
like “wait, seriously??” And he said yeah.
It was pretty good (from not having done it with him for 7 months). 🚬🐲 He actually wanted to go another round. But before we could, he was having issues with his computer and needed to restart.
He came back… as the badly designed Sonic from the movie! DEAR GOD NO!! Him laughing his head off while I’m running around with my d**k still out.
It was freakin’ hilarious, hiding from the creepy Sonic. 😂🤣
–
He apologized and went back to his normal avatar, then Fluffy wanted to join us. This is a good time to confront him about Chris. But before I could, Jero wanted to play a prank on him. I didn’t know what it was as we were enjoying some fine wine, I turn to a
window, turn back and.. he’s Sonic again.
Why Nooo GIF - Why Nooo GIFs
I mean, I personally feel Fluffy deserves it but WHY does a thing like that STILL BREATH?! I then get an idea (even though Fluffy can’t see me), to clone this monstrosity.
Had to create a new instance of the world (since for some reason Fluffy wasn’t in my friends list).
Fluffy joined, and Jero (I assume) scared the living shit out of him. But now it’s serious time, and sure enough he had me blocked again. And once again he’s playing the
victim, saying how I’m the reason why he’s a mess and blah blah blah.
He wouldn’t listen to me about Chris, continuing to change the topic. Then he re-blocks me. Pretty childish, especially what you did to a dying man.
He suddenly unblocks me, and says “0.2%”. Huh? “0.2% for his age of dying to this virus.”
Calmed down a bit, I tried explaining what Chris told me. He tells me Chris has lied to me. He’s not dying. …You mean to tell me, Chris played me like a fiddle?! He slowly nods his head.
You know, I never used the word ‘hate’ for everyone in my life. But mister ‘darkness comes tonight’ is the first. I can’t believe this shit, but it also made me realize a fatal flaw… I should’ve asked Acid before I went after Fluffy.
–
He does admit he did RP with him (and the reason being his uncontrolled urge). But he claims Chris wanted it.
Fluffy also told me he still has a GF. So, that means you cheated on her. Bravo.
Fluffy, you’re an idiot. Do you not realize, you’re CHEATING on her?!?! Though I never thought of pre-asking him he’s an open or closed relationship. I mean I did, but my anger for defending Chris pushed it out of the way. The way he was sighing and stuff, I say it’s possible he’s in an open. Never did he say “oh my god, I forgot!!” So either that or he doesn’t know. Plus I’m hearing Jero chuckling during this. Perhaps he doesn’t understand either. So the next time I see him, I’ll ask.
He then explained the reason why he blocked me again, but I forgot what it was. What I do remember is making him promise he’ll tell his GF if he messes with other people one more time, looking at Jero and kind of expecting him to say something authoritative (to be a father figure). Aaaand he didn’t, and I facepalmed. Then he says how he believes Fluffy can handle himself and knows the difference between right and wrong. Woo boy, have you not seen what I’ve gone through with him. I explained the situation, and was unfortunately forced to bring up Fluffy’s previous father. Heard him crying, and gave him a hug.
“Fluffy, I’m not trying to hurt you. I want you to better yourself. That is what I’ve been trying to do.” I told him while also apologizing.
He then said “there’s another reason why I’m always with you! ..Your voice, sounded like him! You sounded like him!!”
I—I— I had no idea, that’s the reason why he love me like that. You never told me that before. Well you did, but not like this. I felt it was the bad side of your passed father, not the good side.
Feels Dasfeels GIF - Feels Dasfeels Feelsbadman GIFs
…Fuck. I had no idea I meant that much to him. This is more than just RP to him. To see me as his beloved father that passed away. Wow, the feels are real, and it brought me to tears.
Feels GIF - JimCarrey TheGrinch Feelings GIFs
“And the Grinch’s small heart, grew three sizes that day!”
*sigh* I will be your father again. But..I’m setting some ground rules. And the #1 rule I ask of you, is to not bother me with idle chats. He agreed, tears in his eyes and giving me a huge hug. I hugged him back, tears in my eyes as well. I said how I was happy Fluffy found love and how I just want him to be faithful and loyal to her; no more messing around.
Then I said how I wanna be there when the two get RP married, as his best man. He really liked that idea.
Let’s have this morning be a restart, just like it was for me in Jero in January. Then Fluffy went to bed. Jero asked what I meant by Fluffy’s father, and I told him. He gasped, feeling sorry for Fluffy. Yeah, like I said I had no idea that’s the reason why he couldn’t leave me. For the longest time, he himself didn’t know why he was so attached. It’s like, it finally came to him. And wow did it hit me in the feels.

We were snuggling, and I asked him “so.. when are we going to get RP married?” I said this as kind of a joke, and he’s all “sure, when?” Wow.. you actually want to RP marry me?!
I– YES!! YES I will marry you!! Holy fuck.
Feels GIF - Feels GIFs
As to the date, I want it to be the day when Fluffy came into my life (in May). As for the place, we’re going to be wed in Kovo’s world (in his church).
RP boyfriend? I’ve had many. But never have I been RP married (as I never had a loving relationship that lasted THIS long). I’ve seen others get RP married (always watching from the guests bench). And I was Melancholy’s best man when him and NapPie got RP married.
In 1 and a half months… I will be the one that says “I do” to a beautiful man. Holy fuck, I got so much to do!! I got plans I need to make, guest reservations I gotta give out! I have to make myself a fucking tuxedo for my avatar (and Jero’s)! 🤵
Maybe I can ask either -Stray- or Wolves. Stray has drawn a tuxedo on a Shiba avatar, and Wolves made my avatar (and I might be able to get him to teach me how to do clothing in Blender).
Just wow. If we survive this pandemic (which I feel we will), we’re going to be the happiest couple in VRChat. But you know, we could do a private wedding (a lot less stress of getting people to show up).
Oh, that reminds me. Jero a few days ago, wanted to do a meetup with Kovo and the others. Maybe, if fate allows it, I’ll be able to meet Jero IRL.
Or at least keep doing this (if one of us does get sick with it);
Love Long Distance GIF - Love LongDistance SendingYouLove GIFs
So yeah. Marriage. Wow. I had no idea he would be interested in such a thing. We’re going to be so happy together. 🙂
And that’s about it. Maybe I’ll be more active with the posting.

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal, Politics | Comments Off on “Wild night, is callin’!” – Jero, Fluffy, and Chris

Fluffy and I are now ‘just friends’

Posted on 02-19-2020 by Benie

Look what’s back, its more drama with Fluffy. Though this time, I caused it (and I won’t deny it).

In VRChat, after troubleshooting the issues with the full-sized Jero ‘doll’, I went to go see Ninja and Fluffy to show them what I did.
At first it was OK (even Ninja was very happy for me, though I feel he’s lying through his teeth). But if he is, he had the chance to win me back before Jero showed up (and blew it). I even welcomed it, but he did nothing.
As for Fluffy, everything went alright, I even gave him a big hug as a father. However, that all changed when the fire nation attacked…
More like if the fire nation was Kovo and friends suddenly spamming “hmmmmmmm” in the Discord. Started off with Kovo suddenly mass-spamming my name in Steam. Told me to check Discord, and I saw this…


. . . . .
What The Fuck Floor GIF - WhatTheFuck Floor FloorJansen GIFs
I asked Fluffy to please go check what’s going on, and waited for a response. ..I did not get one, which made me a bit annoyed (and started ignoring him). A bit childish, I’ll admit. But at the time, I was quite surprised and annoyed at what was going on.
Hearing Fluffy sniffle loudly (and get in my face) only made me more annoyed at him. And eventually I left for another world to see DJ and Kat. I invited Fluffy there, calmed down and letting him snuggle me.
Then one time as I was talking to Kat, I saw Fluffy waving his paw in my face. “I see
you, Fluffy.” I said. This annoyed him for a bit and he left, messaging me later with “I miss the old you…”.
–
And that (finally) brings us to the topic of discussion. “The old me is dead” I told him, and tried to explain the reason.. more like I didn’t know the reason, but I didn’t really want to talk about it (even in here). The main discussion didn’t happen until 4 in the morning when I told him to basically.. see Jero as his new father, and myself as just a friend. I don’t want to be responsible anymore, because I don’t want to be harassed anymore.
It’s not that my mind refuses to forgive Fluffy for what he did in the past; I’m over all of that. It’s just.. that voice of his brings me pain and suffering.
I liked him when he used a voice changer. He was cuter, funnier, more lovable. And sadly I’m the one that had to tell him to stop (because he was annoying others). And now he doesn’t seem to want to go back to those days. …I liked him when he didn’t have VR.
I feel bad for wanting all of this, yet also telling him to be himself and make friends. He still is, but he’s still bugging me (which is a problem).
—
I don’t know what else to do, but my mind cannot accept this ‘new’ Fluffy. I would rather just not deal with the months of drama, anymore. Yet I guess that’s my fault for not accepting, huh? ..Meh, Jero would be a better father. Sadly he’s not always there to be with Fluffy (as I am), but … I dunno. I just hope this ‘stay as friends’ thing sticks, but I have a feeling he’s going to one day beg to be my son again.

.
By the way, Jero doesn’t even know about this ‘forced fatherhood’ I’m putting upon him. I’m waiting for the right time to say it. I feel he won’t mind it, since I still remember him telling Fluffy that he wanted to pick him up IRL and rock him like a baby.
So.. he’s the perfect father material!

Posted in Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Fluffy and I are now ‘just friends’

The second banwave against VRCTools, claiming more victims

Posted on 02-18-2020 by Benie

A week since the first banwave, a second one against VRCTools is ongoing. It has been a day since it was announced.
…And this time, the staff have no idea what could be causing it (or even how long it’ll last).
This is starting to get ridiculous. It almost feels as if this is directly targeted against VRCTools.
What’s bad is, this isn’t just because of the VRCModNetwork server.. even ones with only a few mods are being auto-banned by VRChat’s anti-cheat system for 4 days (for using a modded client). It’s, not good. Luckily for myself, I’m not a victim. However, some say I may’ve been flagged and might become one the next time there’s a banwave. ..Hopefully there won’t be a ‘next time’, and we can use mods without worry.
–
Sadly, this is why the staff have resorted to silence about the matter; they do not know what’s causing it. But my theory is they’re waiting for these 4-day-long bans the system has been handing out, to expire.
I still feel someone is out to ruin this. The reasoning could simply be competition by someone with another modded client, or… and I do not want to believe Chris would go through these extremes to get revenge on me, but someone else who wants to ‘get rid’ of someone else by taking away any and all protections of them; aka it could be targeted to get a particular someone (or a group), banned.

EDIT: An update to the situation. They still do not know what exactly caused this second banwave to happen, but they believe that it “was most likely triggered by something in the VRChat API.” They are working on restricting the API requests to all mods “as much as possible”.
As for when it’ll be safe to use mods again, “around 1 week”. And finally, more bans could happen (even for people who stopped using them, like myself). They mention the bans “seem delayed”.
Aka, although I’m not banned now, there is a 50/50 chance I might be. And when I
am, it’ll be for 4 days (which seems to be the standard). The same thing could happen
to Kovo, Nova, and Fluffy (as they all use the mods). Maybe even Blue and Cola.

EDIT2: Sorry for the severely delayed update!!
It’s been about 2-3 weeks since these events happened. Never got banned from the
game, however I’m no longer going to be using mods. Lost interest in playing with dynamic bones, and VRChat in general. No Man’s Sky is my main game (for now), which is the reason for the delay. Again, sorry.
But anyway, they have nailed down the cause of the banwave (even the first one) to three mods;
-OfflineToggle (being able to make yourself offline. Funny thing is I fucking KNEW how risky of a mod this was)
-SocialPageFix (don’t spam the Refresh button and you’ll be fine)
-MoreRefresh (don’t spam the Refresh button and you’ll be fine)
====
It is now safe to use mods again. But two things;
1. VRCTools now requires an account to use (go here). And then go through a process to link your VRChat account your new VRCTools account.
2. They still warn of a very slim possibility that using mods may still get you banned. They have done what they can to make the mods as undetectable as possible to the VRChat API.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Personal | Comments Off on The second banwave against VRCTools, claiming more victims

Seems I became the father Fluffy needed afterall / The foursome of drama battles

Posted on 02-15-2020 by Benie

Few things that happened yesterday. One is ongoing and makes me somewhat
worried, and the other makes me quite happy I was there.
So let’s get started with some good news (about Fluffy);

==============================================================
Seems I became the father Fluffy needed afterall
Categories: ‘Personal’
This is the first time (in a LONG time) I’m able to talk about Fluffy without using ‘love drama’ in the category! It. is. AWESOME!! 😀
So, what basically happened is I tried to push that emphasis on him making friends. Remembering how he said he had friends 3 years ago (when his RL father was still
alive), I wanted him to think back and discover how he made friends (and use that).
Told him to push those negative feelings away and think positive. And since then, things have really been looking up for him.
I’m so proud of him. Infact one of his old friends friended him in Discord, which was the first time in a long time he was able to communicate with someone else.

==============================================================
The foursome of drama battles (in hopes to defeat both Kandy and Chris)
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Drama’, ‘Love Drama’
What a mess of a day. Though Jero feels it’s over, I don’t think so. I refuse to accept defeat… even though it’s better than making an ass out of myself.
Kandy became the wildcard (played by his own BF), something I couldn’t defeat nomatter how hard I tried.. as he kept fucking denying everything and trying to make me look bad. GOD it pissed me off, and still does.
…Honestly though, Jero was right all along. Blocking him would had solved everything. And now I caused Jero to despise Vale and he’s blocked too.
–
So what the hell happened, is a continuation of what happened a day ago; when I called Jero out with how he wants to keep Frost out of this drama (when his BF was causing drama with me). I just feel we should be dealing with this together (as a couple), instead of him making peace.
I’m actually glad Frost is no longer a threat (and Kandy is). And I told him I was going to tell Kovo and Vale about this (but promised to keep Frost out of this).
Today, I did just that. Kovo told me to tell Vale personally, yet I was hoping he would. So I was forced to.
Vale wanted proof what Jero told me that started this mess, and I sent the recording that I made a month ago. 20 minutes later, Kandy DMs me pissed as can be, saying how this
is “paranoia”. Pfft.. paranoia my ASS! I CAUGHT you, red-handed!! Kovo also did, telling me he heard Kandy talking to Chris yesterday!
Later, Jero messages me, confused of what’s going on. Hoping I didn’t screw myself over for trying to defend him, “I told you I was going to tell Kovo and Vale about this” I said to him. I wasn’t kidding. When someone attacks the one I love, I unleash the fury of a dragon upon them.
Yet he wasn’t mad, he was really happy I went out of my way to defend him.
So now Vale’s getting pissed at Jero, yet I only see that I did good and ignore it. Jero sends me their conversation, with him laughing his ass off of how “butthurt” he’s getting. Then it goes to a really positive note where Vale is going after Chris to fact check him.
The only thing I could think of;
Got Em GIF - TheSimpsons Lisa Margie GIFs
Fry Kandy, AND Chris with one brick! 😀 At least, that’s what it seemed for awhile as the Dutchie Meetup was coming up, and Jero went AFK.
…Vale threw a curve ball at us, calling out discrepancies with Jero’s words (of when him and Chris broke up); Chris saying it was “bad”, Jero saying it was “mutual”. I wanted to tell him “Chris is obviously lying to you”, but Vale had very limited patience (and held my words back). Then he calls Jero “an oblivious fool” (no offense at the end).
Eating dinner, preparing for the Dutchie Meetup. Kandy unblocks me and apologizes for his words, and wanting to talk about this. I’m also being told by [RETRACTED] to be calm about it.
Alright, fine. I’ll be calm. Let’s talk tonight about this. Me, you, and Jero. Fine with me. 🙂
7pm came in, went in VRChat for the Dutchie Meetup. This time I decided to spice things up a bit for me, by standing up and dancing while listening to Elpis (in VR). Definitely helps speed up time, and it’s good for exercise.
Not many people here this time. The time came to 8:15pm when Jero actually joined the world. OSHI–!! Kisses and snuggles! He was in desktop, yet so happy to see me (as I was of him). We talked in one corner of the world about what’s going on. Can’t remember what was said, but I believe Jero wanted to just block Kandy and be done with it.
Sure, go ahead hun. ..But that isn’t going to work with me. I want revenge for what he did to you. Or at the very least, his BF to put a stop to it.
Jero had a trick up his sleeve for Vale, to prove the thing with Chris that it was mutual. He sent me a scrapped DM of their last conversation (his responses deleted). However, I saw my own.. very disturbing discrepancy.
The timestamps…. the breakup happened 12 days after New Years. Jero originally told me it happened, after Christmas. Asking him, it’s like Jero changed his own story to reflect this. Uhh.. Jero, you told me the breakup happened after Christmas (when Frost told you about it). Or maybe he didn’t.. I dunno. I doubt the recording of Jero would reveal this.
Why is this relevant to what’s going on? It could show the answer if Jero or Chris was telling the truth of who broke up with whom.
Reading the scrapped DM… I didn’t realize just how right I was about “losing him”, with Chris trying to get Jero to move to the U.S. and live with him. However, Jero made me realize that I’m the one he truly fell inlove with, stating his relationship with Chris was destined to fail.
Yet at the same time (with him saying that), why did he tell me “it’s going great”, then? Mmmm. I mean, I’m not really mad. Probably a classic textbook way of lying through your teeth to let your ex (or friend) know you’re doing ‘fine’ (when you really aren’t).
But, heh.. I made him blush so hard with my words, to the point he didn’t know what to say. And I’m thinking ”I’ll accept virtual sex as payment.” He’s so silly, and I love him so much! 😀
–
Asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He thought of it, but decided not to. Something about being tired and his headset. Instead we go see Kovo.
We go to the mirror, not expecting what would be there….. Vale was there, and immediately asked me if we had spoken to Kandy. I let Jero do the talking, and I could see Vale was getting annoyed with us. Well, if you go after my BF, I’m going after you. 😛
Do not force me to unleash the fury of the dragon upon you.
The two started talking about the issue, and I’m all “guys, can we please go away from the mirror and talk about this?” Yet it seemed I wasn’t being listened to as they kept it up. Kovo at the mirror was forced to tell the two the same thing.
It died down, then started right back up again.. *sigh* GUYS!! PLEASE.. let’s go somewhere ELSE! I walked away from the mirror, hoping they would follow. They did.
Vale talking to Jero about the ordeal, then changes the conversation about how everyone seems to go to him about drama. Not wanting to be disrespectful, I let him talk all about it.
This conversation lasted for a good 10 minutes, him talking about his navy work and
stuff.
Yeah Vale, that’s nice.. but can we please get back to what we were talking about? You’re wasting my time (and I know I’m wasting yours with this possible foolish endeavor), but I want to get this over with before I die from boredom! Said this with “so, can we go back to the mirror? Or do you need to speak to Jero more?”
Vale unloaded on Jero, calling him ‘no offense’ names and saying how he needs to be more clear and to not use “conspiracy theories”, with Jero standing his ground. FIGHT, Jero! FIGHT for what you know is true! 😀 It nearly turned into a cat fight.
No one won or lost that fight, only that Jero now wants to block Vale too.
–
We went back to the mirror. 5 minutes later, I get another DM from Kandy; asking is there a group chat set up. Uhh.. dear? A moment if you will. Lead Jero away from the mirror and told him. He stood there surprised Kandy even wanted to do this.
I felt “Jero, we have to do this. Vale told me to tell him what Kandy says.” After awhile checking if Vale was actually serious about that (and was), he said “I’ll talk to him tomorrow then.” and told Kandy this.
Told Jero that he can go back to the mirror. I could see he’s still bothered by this and hesitated before doing so. I waited patiently for Kandy’s response. Meanwhile, a friend of mine comes up to me when I partially have my headset off (looking at my phone), telling me about his issues with friends and love issues.
Kandy responds as the friend keeps talking. Again I do my best to not be disrespectful, but hoping he would wrap this up (so I could get Jero back over here). I was eventually forced to tell him “I’m sorry man, but my issue.. is a lot more important than yours right now. And I need to get my BF over here.”
He leaves after I promised him I would talk to him again about his issues (sadly I forgot to do so, as I got lost in the moment). Get Jero back over. Now Kandy wants to know who should be in the conversation.. asking if all four of us would be there (including Chris).
—
My mind;
Hell Naw GIF - Friday ChrisTucker HellNaw GIFs
NO Chris!! Fuck that BF-stealing bastard! He’s caused me enough pain for several months. Jero, though on a different mindset, agreed to ‘no Chris’. It would just be us
three (myself, Kandy, and Jero). Jero again said we should just block Kandy.
I warned him that it would not be wise, that it would only cause more issues. Yet he seemed to not really listen to me.
That feeling, I used as ammo against Kandy. If Jero won’t fight you, I WILL. Yet I also knew I had to ‘be calm’. …Boy, was I not and told Jero this. He felt I was being calm. But as time went on, I knew Jero was trying to tell me “Benie. Sweetheart, let it go, please. You’re only wasting your time. Kandy will continue denying the lies.”
…He was right.
Angggrrryyy GIF - Angry Panda Mascot GIFs
FUCK!!! I wanted to throw my phone on the floor in defeat, and looked at Jero almost
in.. despise he didn’t want to help me with this. Because he knew it was a waste of time. This whole. fucking. THING was a waste of time!! All I did, was cause fucking rifts! I
didn’t ‘help’ ANYONE!! …..We were literally back at square one.
Plus I knew Vale was going to come after me. Jero, yeah. You can block them, but who’s going to save ME, huh?! I’m the one that defended you here! Blocking would only make the issue worse!
My voice literally cracked when I said “I love you” (because I was so annoyed). It took awhile until I started to calm down and said it properly. I still felt pissed I didn’t win this argument… even though the argument was pointless to begin with. And all I could feel was the repercussions from Vale going after me.
Jero left and then Fluffy went AFK, which allowed me to collect my thoughts. This is when I started to realize that I overreacted infront of Jero, and he was right that everything would be fine. “Even if Kandy goes to Vale and he comes after me for not being calm and stuff, the fuck can he do to me!? He has no power over me!”
Went back to the mirror, but trying to avoid the others. Decided to just start dancing away the frustration, which helped a lot. The first one that said “music soothes the savage
beast” was so right. It soothed me.
I’m not going to block the two. Should had just let Jero block Kandy and that’s it, instead of go though all of this.. for no reason. Well, actually I wouldn’t say that. It did show Jero what I would go through to defend him. I could had done nothing and let Kandy walk all over him.

However… there are a few things that make me question, Jero’s claims. What Kandy claimed that this only happened once, does Jero have proof a second spy attempt, even happened? Kandy talking to Chris, and Kandy showing what he sees to Chris… are two different things.
I think it actually was paranoia, as Kandy said. Plus, even if Jero was right (and Kandy is indeed still spying), blocking Kandy wouldn’t solve anything. Kandy can still do it. Just, Jero wouldn’t see it.
I also question the unanswered thing of Jero claiming the two broke up after
Christmas, when the timestamps clearly state it happened after New Years. So, when in the fuck did Frost tell him about Chris wanting to break up with him?
…Should had just let Jero block Kandy and be done with it.

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Seems I became the father Fluffy needed afterall / The foursome of drama battles

“You received a *SteamVR CRASH* from your friend Kovo” / Early morning DM storm

Posted on 02-14-2020 by Benie

Well before I start, just wanna say that this Valentine’s Day is going to be very, lonely. Nothing’s wrong with my relationship with Jero, he’s just got IRL stuff to take care of that he wasn’t prepared for.
But I have an idea to help with that loneliness. Think of a Jero full-body pillow in VRChat! 😀 It’s an idea I had, yet didn’t know if it was a good idea (or even how to implement it).
I do now, thanks to the KareedaFlix movie world’s Patreon body pillows. 😉

==============================================================
“You received a *SteamVR CRASH* from your friend Kovo”
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Computing’, ‘Drama’
“God damnit, Kovo!!” comes to mind when I write this. Came on VRChat yesterday, incase Kovo was on but I just missed him. Instead it was with Fluffy. I was also talking to Jero at the time. Also Fluffy was upset with me at a time with how Jero told me “I live you” after sending him a nice virtual Valentine’s Day card. Typos are funny.
When Fluffy came back, we tried to watch ZombieLand 2 (the new one). However there’s some sort of weird sync issue where I’m the instance owner and I can see the movie (yet he can’t). And it’s not as simple as clearing your cache and restarting VRChat.
Asked him to create an instance, and invite me if he sees a picture (and he did). Yet now I can’t see it. Got a mod that auto-clears my cache upon switching worlds, so that can’t be it.
–
Reported the issue to the VRCinema Discord. Started thinking it could be the mods that is causing the issue, so I had Fluffy do the ‘–nomodloader’ thing in Steam, and he was able to see the DVD logo… kind of confirming my fears.
This morning, one other reported a similar issue; saying “we restarted vrchat quite a few time before it worked for both of us”.
I still say it could be a mod causing the issue (interfering with syncing), but I’m not too worried about it. I’m hoping Fluffy can help to diagnose the issue and help find which
mod (or mods) that might be causing it, and reporting them to the VRCTools Discord.
—
Fluffy also had the ‘appear offline’ mod, making it hard for me to send him an invite. Trying to get him to turn it off.. VRChat suddenly freezes up. Uhh. What happened?
Kovo starts DMing me, saying “Behold Uno”. Then it fucking hits me why VRChat crashed..
But it’s not his fault, the fault goes to Steam for not making a three-year-old bug with gifting and SteamVR, a fucking high priority to FIX!! D:{
Closed out VRChat and took off my headset, SteamVR closed itself. …Ugh, Steam. 😛
Got back in just fine after that adventure.

==============================================================
Early morning DM storm
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Drama’

*’Come And Get Your Love’ intro plays as the sun rises*
Discord on my phone at 8am: Heeeeyyyy!!
Me waking up and checking my phone at 11:20am: Heeeeyyyy.. *seeing 10 DMs from three people* —WAT?!
That was literally what happened this morning. I wake up, Jero, Fluffy and WildBoy all had something to say to me. Jero’s however, was quite strange. 8 in the morning, he’s asking if I’m up. Ask him if everything’s OK. He responds later saying yes and telling me about Frost. He also said that Kovo came up to Frost and actually said hey to him, which surprised Frost.
However I felt doubts that Frost was telling Jero the truth about that, and asked if it was OK that I ask Kovo if this actually happened. He said no, not wanting to start anything. Alright, hun. I won’t. However, could you ask Frost why BlueDrago was stalking me? He doesn’t know. I started to feel that all he seemed to be interested in, was protecting himself instead of helping me get answers of why BlueDrago has been stalking me.
…I literally had to call him out on that feeling, but he explained himself and I apologized. I now know why he won’t let me have Frost’s name in Discord; he’s scared it’ll cause more drama, and gives me permission to deal with Blue personally.
He’s more annoyed at Kandy still talking to Chris and trying to fuck with him, to the point he’s considering of blocking him.
I’ve decided to drop the thing with Blue, since it hasn’t happened anytime soon (so I’ll let it go). However, I feel Kovo needs to be informed that Kandy is still a problem to Jero (and especially to tell Vale, Kandy’s BF). Though Jero feels blocking him would solve everything.
Sadly it isn’t that easy with me (when he’s friends with Kovo).

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on “You received a *SteamVR CRASH* from your friend Kovo” / Early morning DM storm

‘Banwave’ scare against VRCTools / Wufy’s on my side with Fluffy

Posted on 02-12-2020 by Benie

‘Banwave’ scare against VRCTools
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Computing’, ‘Drama’
Disclaimer: This happened yesterday, but I didn’t wait to post about it until I had all the details (which I now do).
Just doing my own thing, and noticing a message from the VRCTools Discord. One of the staff has posted these disturbing messages;

Ah Shit Dang GIF - AhShit Dang Damn GIFs
So um, how do I do that?! Expected the #support channel to be on fire with panicked users all wanting to know the same thing, yet there was actually order. Some people asking “so if I stay off VRChat, I’ll be fine, right?”
The response from staff was “yeah, but there are no guarantees.” Meanwhile I got the help needed to make sure I’m mod-free for the time being. Moved the Mods folder out of the folder, and did a Check Integrity of Game Files on Steam. There’s also this ‘–nomodloader’ command you can use, but I didn’t feel safe with that.
As the day went by, there was an unconfirmed speculation of a probable cause for the banwave: VRCModNetwork possibly sending way too many auth requests to the VRChat server.
In hopes this is the culprit (but also warns to stay away from mods for the next day, as they aren’t sure), the server in charge of storing everyone’s AvatarFav is going to be changed a bit to not do that anymore.
–
The next day, it seems the worst has passed and it’s now safe again to use mods. But there’s been no confirmation it was the VRCModNetwork causing the issue.

==============================================================
Wufy’s on my side with Fluffy
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Drama’, ‘Love Drama’
Something else that happened yesterday: my patience being tested by constant annoyances. Fluffy randomly saying “hey papa” and then saying nothing afterward, while the game I’m playing (Autonauts) is also testing my patience with how I feel it wants me to think creative when it comes to village building… which isn’t going to happen.
Hell, I was forced to create a brand new save instead of tear down everything and restart from scratch.
–
But enough of that. This is about the pain again; Fluffy. I think I finally got through to him that I’ve had enough of this.
Before Wufy talked to me, I was trying to play my game and Fluffy kept pestering me by saying “hey papa!” and then nothing after it. Even begging me that I would say “hey” back.
Hey! - Fuck Off. - The Most Popular Girls GIF - Fuckoff GIFs
He kept doing this all day, and it felt like the world was testing my patience. If it wasn’t Fluffy, it was one of those fucking robocallers. Joining the voice chat, everyone was
all “hmmmmm” and that was getting annoying too.
Yeah, it was one of those days that everything gets under your skin.
And one time I literally said to him “will you please stop being so ‘needy’ to speak to me all the time?” Even before all of this, he posted two things that I couldn’t respond to (the bold parts are problems);
1. “for my heart will always be with you papa” “never ever drop it…”
(This felt like a threat in my head)
—
2. Posting two videos. One about “What If You Where Never Loved?” from Life Noggin, and the other a song from Foreigner – “I Want to Know What Love is”
(This felt like “WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME LIKE JERO DOES?!” in my head)
I pointed these things out, not caring if I hurt his ‘precious little feelings’.
Ronnie Im Sorry Your Feelings Are Hurt GIF - Ronnie ImSorryYourFeelingsAreHurt Sorry GIFs
I’m not “babying” you anymore, Fluffy. You’re 18-years-old. Grow the fuck up. I wish Jero would do the same. Accept it. Those days that I cared like he is, are over.
And it seems I’m finally not alone in this (what feels like a year) struggle of dealing with him. Within the next day, I’m back in my game and Wufy unexpectingly DMs me, wanting to talk about Fluffy. He wants to do a voice call. After looking for my headphones, we do it.
The theme of the conversation, Wufy is concerned that Fluffy might be.. a ‘trap’. And not of a guy acting as a girl to purposely get the interest of straight guys.
He doesn’t know what exactly Fluffy wants, and it’s driving him insane; hoping I would be able to get him the knowledge he craves. ..Hell if I know, dude. I’m as clueless as you are of that answer.
He also said something that one other has said, questioning the reason why Fluffy has two fathers. Hey man, look.. I never wanted a son. Jero is the one who wanted to be an RP father. I would actually prefer Jero to solely take care of Fluffy (since he cares for him so much), and for me to see Fluffy as “just a friend”. Yet this feels weird to me (and more than likely.. Fluffy will not agree with this as he’s too attached to me), as it feels weird to him that Fluffy has two fathers.

I then told him everything about Fluffy. He could feel my pain. If only Jero was here right now to hear this conversation!! Sadly he was at work at the time, and I told Wufy that we could possibly do it that night. Sadly, Wufy was too tired and went to bed (and Jero had to work overtime.. at least he’s getting paid good for it).
What happened felt like that scene from Half-Life 2 when in Nova Prospekt, Mossman takes Eli and goes into the portal, leaving you and Alyx for dead.
(Watches Wufy and Jero both go offline) “FUCK!! NO!! They were my gateway to helping me!!!”
(Fluffy still harassing me in DMs) “(gasp) …No!”
Me: “Cover me, frustration! We’re going to end this problem by ourselves!
Frustration, use the turrets of Wufy’s words, and combine them with mine!! HURRY!!”

And that is essentially, what. I. did. If you want something done, you best do it yourself! But know this, folks: even though he’s a pain in the ass, he’s still a friend and my son. I do care about him, just… not to the level Jero does (not anymore).
He didn’t like what I said, thinking I want him to stop looking for love (which isn’t true). No Fluffy. Never stop trying, just try a different approach instead of harassing Wufy and calling people “cutie”. “Learn from your previous mistakes” is what I was trying to say to him.
As to this thing with bugging me, it’s time for you to overpower your social anxiety and make new friends. I know I can’t be there like your deceased real father, but try to be yourself. I know you can do it! Believe in yourself!
Positivity Beat GIF - Positivity Beat NegativeThoughts GIFs
Beat the SHIT out of that social anxiety and make some friends!
Mean Girls You Can Do It GIF - MeanGirls YouCanDoIt Strong GIFs

…
Yes Yas GIF - Yes Yas Please GIFs
Do it for your father’s sanity…

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on ‘Banwave’ scare against VRCTools / Wufy’s on my side with Fluffy

RP Family time / “I don’t wanna get involved in this” / A Frosty appearance

Posted on 02-10-2020 by Benie

RP Family time (Part 1)
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Drama’, ‘Love Drama’
*there will be two parts of this segment. This is Part 1*
A day that was supposed to be time with Jero in VRChat that I haven’t had in awhile (yet Fluffy absolutely wanted to be a part of it). Ehh. Whatever.
Started off with a very strange way. So Jero was on (but in a private world). I assumed he was waiting for me to make a move to a joinable world. Checking my friends lists, I see Cyber on. Huh…, what’s he’s doing in Gaia Night? Went to check it out. Right when I was switching to the new instance, Jero sends me an invite for him to join me.
In the new instance, I see DJ, Kat and Cyber all going for the teleporters and clicking a button. I see the invite, and notice DJ has to invite him. Hmm… and they just left for another part of the world. Ugh.
Couldn’t find them anywhere. I’m getting another request join from Jero. Friend of mine helps to find them, but they’re very far away on the top of a hill. I’m forced to teleport over and confront DJ about this. Tells me he doesn’t have Jero friended, so I wait for him to
do.. ‘something’ about it. You know, make a Friends+ instance, so he can join? Finally he does and I go there.
Jero joins it, but immediately freezes in place as I’m hugging him tightly. Oh no!! Did you crash, hun?! He tells me he “lost power” (yet he’s still on). As I’m talking, DJ’s making yet another instance of this world.
..What?? What’s wrong with this one? Hmm. Go through it. DJ and Kat run off while I wait at spawn for Jero to show up again. Cyber’s sitting down at the campfire and I join him.
DJ then Kat leave as I continue to wait. Jero joins, then sometime later Cyber leaves.
Odd. Very odd. So we’re the only ones here. Ask him if he wants to do some world hopping and he’s up for it.
I show him the world where you dodge rocks of increasing difficulty (to get to Level 50). This is when Fluffy joins us (in the new world). He wants to chill infront of the mirror. Nah, I didn’t come here to do what people typically do in VRChat, I came here to have fun.
With Jero being 4+ levels ahead of me, it felt like a friendly competition. And at the
end, he beat me by a HUGE margin. Yet he couldn’t complete the first bonus level. lmao

==============================================================
“I don’t wanna get involved in this”
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Drama’, ‘Love Drama’
About Level 27, Kovo joins the world. I’m thinking he wants to join us. Instead he seems really stressed about something. Tells me to watch our Discord for drama, and won’t tell me why.
Uhhh.. okay. That’s just great. All I kinda wanna do is enjoy time with my sweetheart and my son, not deal with this shit that you put on my shoulders. I try to focus back on the game. Can’t remember what happened next, but I asked Kovo later of what the hell is going on.
He tells me that Kat and Lich have officially broke up, and DJ has been taking advantage of the situation.. then pulls out his dick to show me the type of advantage. Oh dear god. Then there’s this thing with Cyber (who’s looking for love), and DJ’s telling Cyber that he doesn’t want to date her (he wants to date Kat). This is why Kovo is furious right
now, especially how he tells me DJ isn’t trying to defend himself.
I can see why he’s pissed. He also tells me he kicked DJ out of his Discord server (and blocked/unfriended him).
Hmm. Well then, see if I attend this weekend’s meetup for what DJ’s doing to Kat. Fucking hell, this is a new low. Yet I start to question myself, if I should even get involved with
this (as this whole spy thing is still a problem with Jero and I).
Jero was getting worried about Kovo, yet was unsure if he should know. So I asked “is it OK if I tell Jero in private about this?” Kovo said “sure”. Jero was confused, and asked Kovo if he was absolutely sure about this, and he was. So I started messaging Jero as Kovo was (I assume) talking to Cyber using his phone (in other words doing what I do when in VR).
More friends joined the instance as I waited Kovo to please explain again about the thing with Cyber. Get the clarification after joining a voice chat with him (and tell Jero).
–
With the game now over, Kovo wants to talk to me again. I lead him to the ‘secret area’ of completing the game to unlock the later levels. This is when I tell him that I don’t really want to get involved in this. He could understand, yet at the same time I felt like “alright I guess you already got my involved anyway. I will try to help.”
—
The next day, Kat DM’d me about this (confused what’s going on with Kovo). Told her what I knew, and she was able to verify the accusations against DJ are untrue (she wasn’t even upset with Kovo about it). Also DJ got welcomed back into our Discord (Kovo gave the permission to do so. I never asked for it).
Seems of what Kovo said was a complete misunderstanding.

==============================================================
RP Family time (Part 2)
Categories: Same as Part 1
Kovo left the instance and it was just me, Jero and Fluffy. Jero wanted to do some more world hopping, and I was for it. However, he’s all “I’m going to check out some worlds myself.” Oh no you’re not, I’m going with you.
After the second world, I offered him to try out one of the climbing trials. At first he seemed accepting of the idea. But as I looked for the world, him and Fluffy ran off. Woah wait!! I thought were were going to go here!! Tried to chase them down, couldn’t find them. Teleported to Fluffy and yelled for them.
Jero was looking for me all of this time, not realizing the two left me and apologized. I offered again to drop the portal, yet Jero now doesn’t seem interested. Getting lots of randoms joining the world, with how I tend to stay away from crowds I try to avoid them. Yet Jero wants us to mingle. Can we please go somewhere else…? I rather not be crashed or have my avatar stolen. 😛
Starting to get desperate for Jero to at least check out the world I had in mind, I drop a portal down. Fluffy goes in, and Jero tells me he’ll meet us “very soon”.
Alright, see you soon then!
…I wait 10 minutes for Jero to join, getting frustrated. Raymond joins us and we’re having fun scaring the shit out of Fluffy (popping out of the ground as if I had full body).
Raymond went to bed. The fun lasted for awhile but Fluffy was starting to annoy me by constantly getting in my face. I give Jero 10 more minutes. Still nothing. Okay, clearly you’re not into climbing trials. That’s fine. Still, it annoyed me how he claimed he
would “meet us ‘very soon'” and didn’t.
Saw Kovo in another world and joined off of him (who was with a friend I haven’t seen in months). Fluffy was confused of what was wrong with me, and I didn’t want to talk about it. Just wanted to meet that friend, trying to get my mind off how Jero is staying in that other world.
–
I wanted to do things WITH HIM… you know, learn more about him! What he likes, what he doesn’t (kind of without Fluffy being there). And it’s pissing me off I’m not getting this opportunity.
*sighs* It’s hard to love someone when they’re not into what you are. Maybe one day. Maybe his mind was elsewhere, and I’ll still have a chance. ..Oh, I know. We could do that Metro 2033 world! It has climbing. If he does that, I’ll love him more. Perfect.
Anyway, I followed my friend to another world (an avatar world). Jero actually joined us and I’m surprised he didn’t at all apologize for not being there sooner. But I forgave him.

==============================================================
A Frosty appearance
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Drama’, ‘Love Drama’
So I managed to grab three new public avatars that are fun (was scaring Fluffy to death with the Chucky avatar, was great). Then came a name that made me immediately stop what I was doing and just.. stare in a way of “What the FUCK are YOU doing
here?!”; Frost_Bite~
Seriously, why in the fuck was he doing here?! To fucking spy on me personally?! You think I’m going to be nice to you (after what happened two weeks ago with your spy network), you can FORGET it. You have to regain my trust, pal.
BlueDrago also joined. I stayed silent through that whole ordeal as Jero’s hugging him.
Fluffy muted Frost though. He told me later it was because of a question of why he’s a furry, said “the answer he provides is hate”. No shit, Fluffy.. the man plays the victim card everytime he joins a world.
I would had muted (and even blocked) the two. But Kovo and Jero stop me from doing so.
He knew I distrusted him though. He could feel it, so that’s why he’s all “well folks I got to go. I don’t want to cause any drama.”
–
Then he turned to Jero and said something that surprised me: wishing myself and Jero luck and to “have lots of dragon babies”. That was the only time I actually laughed.
Frost, that was a good one. It started making me think that maybe he was telling Jero the truth afterall (about the whole spy thing). And Blue was probably just checking up on
me.
…Even though that’s a weird way to ‘check up’ on someone (without verbally asking them). Almost makes me want to talk to Frost about this. But I’m still not sure if I can trust him enough to say one thing and not do another. I just want answers of why Blue kept joining me.
And also if I can actually let my guard down that these ‘spy games’ are over with. Maybe then if he gives me a decent answer, he would regain some trust.

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on RP Family time / “I don’t wanna get involved in this” / A Frosty appearance

When you fuck up majorly (but at the end, it’s OK)

Posted on 02-07-2020 by Benie

I wish I had better news to say to you folks, but boy did I fuck up majorly. If I could go back in time and stop myself from what I did, I would. What’s worse, this isn’t the first time I did this to someone (and they lost trust in me). Shoot was a victim of this too, when it came to Ruffy. Yet we’re friends again.
All I can do is pray, the same would happen…. to Jero.
–
Yesterday was supposed to be a good day. Jero talked to me that afternoon, happy as can be to see me. Full of trust. This… all changed when Jero joined Kovo’s voice chat. He told me that Fluffy’s still asking for a RL pic of himself, but is unsure of trusting him.
I went to Fluffy, trying to figure out why he wanted that picture so badly. He said “I just wanna see papa”. I said “Well he’s nervous about it.”
He questioned why, and I tried to think of a way to tell him (that Jero doesn’t really trust him). So.. I end up copy/pasting what Jero said to Fluffy, never ever thinking what a boneheaded move this was.
10 minutes later, I hear Jero in voice chat asking me in a voice I will never forget: “why did you send that to Fluffy? That was supposed to be for you.” This is a side of Jero I’ve never heard nor seen in my life. I tried my best to defend myself, saying “it was the only way to get the point across. I didn’t mean any harm.” Then I hear him saying that Fluffy now hates him.
I left the chat when I saw Jero more and more upset at me. At the same time, I was upset at Fluffy for sending Jero what I pasted to him. Fluffy, this is as much your fault as it is mine. You had no right to send that message back to him! The only reason why I sent you it, was to explain what was going on!! …NOT to FUCKING RUIN ME by posting it!!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?! HUH?!
He starts off saying “I can understand you’re upset”. Fluffy, Jero is the one that’s upset WITH ME right now, because of YOU!!! He felt very sorry and ashamed for what he had done, while I’m still trying to defend myself from Jero’s onslaught of words, him not understanding what gave me the idea to send something that was supposed to be only for me, to Fluffy.
I.. honestly didn’t understand why he was so upset about this. “It was an accident! I didn’t mean to upset you!” are words I desperately tried to use in my defense. Felt he was making a big deal out of nothing.
It took awhile until.. “oh no. I did the same thing Chris did to him! ..FUCK!!” popped into my head. I then said “Jero, what I did wasn’t to cause any of this. I mean you no harm. I wouldn’t purposely do this!”
–
Suddenly he’s all “it’s OK, don’t worry about it.” …Why should I not? What I did, I feel so ashamed of what I did to you!
He claims I did nothing to him. Uhh.. what the hell happened? You go from being upset at me to, this!? The reason is he shifted his attention to Fluffy (noticing them trying to get his attention), saying he’s the one that’s hurt.
Ok then, I’ll talk to Fluffy and we’ll work this out (with my own words). Yet he feels that Fluffy hates him forever, unable to be convinced otherwise. Though why in the fuck when I was talking to him, I never said “Jero, this is a huge misunderstanding. Fluffy does not hate you”.. I wish I knew. But one thing I absolutely avoided saying was “please believe/trust me” (for obvious reasons).
I did say “Fluffy doesn’t hate you”, but he didn’t believe it; saying “its all words in the end.”

Then he talking about how he wants to think about this for awhile, not rushing into anything or talking to anyone. He’s confused and knows he needs to get his head
straight, before making a decision.
I should had said something after this. Should had said “take all the time you need”… just something. Instead I stayed quiet. But I finally did after I got done talking with Fluffy. Yet I feel it’s too late. Since then I’ve completely rewrote what I said to include that Fluffy loves him very much (and included the whole ‘huge misunderstanding’ thing mentioned earlier).
—
So what do I feel is going to happen now (with him)?
(Low chance) 1. He’ll come back and feel better (or be willing to talk), talks to Fluffy and sees he was wrong to think that. I also work very hard to regain his trust in me (a possible pause in our relationship).
(Moderate chance) 2. He’ll come back, tell me that we’re done, and likely block me and Fluffy. Or just say we’re done and not block. Maybe we’ll stay as friends, but I will work very hard to regain his trust in me (and hopefully have another chance to bring back the relationship).
(Moderate/High chance) 3. If he doesn’t come back in a week, it’s more than likely he’ll never come back (ends up blocking (and/or) ghosting us). Though I also cannot say for certain this will happen, only a possibility.

It’s been a day since what happened (the reason for the rewrite), and I’ve been able to reflect on it. Re-read what he said and a picture of Fluffy’s last conversation with him. It lead me to believe that it’s pointless to beat myself up over this.
May even be forced to move on (especially if he ghosts us). It’s just a shame it had to end like this (if it does end like this, that is). But, at least I’ve learned NEVER to do what I did to Jero, to anyone else.
Also, as a self-punishment to myself, I’ll be staying out of VRChat until either he
responds, or ghosts us. That means I’m going to miss the next Dutchie meetup.. not that I care about it anyway. I’m also going to stay out of Discord servers (limit myself to DMs only), pending what happens.

.
So, that’s all I have for you folks at the moment. If something happens (be it good or
bad), I will try to edit this post as soon as possible.

EDIT: …Holy fuck. The low chance, actually happened! THANK YOU, GOD!! THANK YOU!! :’) You took awhile for my prayer last night to be heard, but you came through for me. Though I deserve it. It’s a fitting punishment.
So, I was getting ready to play The Talos Principle VR again. Rolling back with my chair preparing to get my headset on.. notice Jero’s avatar sending DMs to me. My jaw dropped and I started studdering “..J!! ..J!! J!! JERO!!! :D” Immediately went to Fluffy, doing the same thing. …I honestly had given up hope.
He doubled down for me not to worry on what happened, saying he’s fine and everything’s OK now, and said “no, you’re not Chris. Chris was a nightmare!” The more I talked to
him, I could feel tears of joy filling my eyes (that he wants to put this behind us).
He even said “I love you”. I wanted to hug him so tightly, swearing I would love him even more than I ever have before.
I’m so happy this is behind me (and Fluffy). Just, wow. I can’t believe how well that turned out! Jero even said “I don’t wanna hurt you being offline”..
ANTN Crying GIF - ANTN Crying YouSoSweet GIFs
Milk And Mocha ILove You GIF - MilkAndMocha ILoveYou GIFs

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on When you fuck up majorly (but at the end, it’s OK)