Jero 1, Ron 0 (sorry dude)… yet, did I make the right decision?

Posted on 06-14-2019 by Benie


“Did you ever have to make up your mind, to settle on one guy and leave the other behind? It’s not often easy, it’s not often kind. Did you ever have to make up your mind?”

And I decided on Jero, because he’s extremely sweet. And honestly, the only thing that saved my hide is he doesn’t know he can read the status of a player (as I still had Ron as my lover listed). I have since changed it to him.
Also he told me why he was so interested in custom avatars (even after playing for so long). Claims he hasn’t seen that many furries. And when he came to Kovo’s world, that’s when he was simply blown away by all the cool avatars he saw (especially
mine).
And yesterday evening in Cute’s world when nearly everyone was leaving for the night, I got Jero alone and asked him a series of questions about himself (and had him ask me some). And he’s 29 years old (making him the oldest person I’ve had a crush on in this game). And when he found out about my age, he said “age is just a number” and “there’s nothing wrong being 42 years old”. Mmmm.. I beg to differ. I’d love to be in my 20’s
again, but I digress.
He likes similar music to me (yet has a whole lot more variety). Though I never asked him what kind of movies does he like. Then I asked him if he was looking for someone special in his life. He said yes, that he’s been looking for a very long time. Told him how it’s been an emotional rollercoaster for me, and how he reminds me of someone I used to love. He was quite surprised to hear that. When I asked him to he honest of what he thought of
me, he said how I’m pretty awesome and a great friend.
Finally said after he cuddled me, if he feels we could start something together. And his response was “I don’t see why not” and kissed me. Immediately thought “I am sooo adding your name on my wrist with a Quantum Armband!!”
…But now I must face Ron (in a DM as that’s the only way I can reach him), and give him the bad news. I’m sorry, I really am. But it just wasn’t going to work out for me. I want more in a relationship than just sex.
–
He then went AFK to do something. Kovo showed up a bit later and asked if everything was OK. Told him everything’s fine. He says he’s going to his world to check on a few things, and invited me to come. Told him “as soon as Jero gets back, we’ll join”, then he left. Suddenly, WMR froze (but ended only freezing up VRChat.. thankfully). The latest SteamVR update has been fucking up my headset even more (and I wish I knew how to go back a version, without Steam forcefully updating).
Relaunched the game and got back in the world. As Jero’s avatar loaded in, I heard him coming back from what he was doing. Perfect timing! Told him that Kovo was here and asked if we would like to come. He said sure, so we did.
Well, I did. It took him several minutes until showing up. Said “hey hun!” He said “hey Benie!” ..Wait.

I’m your BF. Why are you calling me by the name floating above my avatar’s head?
Mmm.. whatever. Let’s just go to the mirror. Joined Kovo and some of his
friends, expecting them to see my new BF. Some say they already knew of the way we were acting before (when it was just friendly cuddles). And we did cuddle for awhile. But at times, he was ignoring me and talking to others. Okay, relax. He just wants to make friends. Let him do what he wants, and he’ll come back to you.. yet he never did. One time I stared right at him in a saddened expression. He saw me, then turned the other
way.
One friend wanted to go see videos in another world, while I was sighing my head off not knowing what the hell I did wrong. Jero came up to me and said “hey Benie” again. This really felt demoralizing, but he asked if I wanted to go see the videos. I lied and said
“sure”, and watched them all go through the portal… I didn’t follow them.
Blueberry happened to be there, while I was extremely depressed. Asked him if he was going to go through the portal too, and he wasn’t sure. The portal then closed, and I decided to tell him what’s going on and how “I don’t know what to do”.
He leaned over and gave me a small kiss, then told me to wait and started talking in Discord. And we talked all about it; about Ron, and about how I met Jero. He said of what he saw in Jero, that he(Jero) “looked uncomfortable and worried”. When I asked
Blue “well.. if he was, then why didn’t he come up and tell me what’s wrong?” Blue
says “that’s hard to do for some people”. …Just like Wuffer, who couldn’t tell me what was on his mind (holding very important things from me until a later date).
Blue then tells me “you need to get him alone, and have him tell you what’s on his mind. Let him open up to you.” He’s right, and I’m going to do just that this evening (in my home world.. and I mean, my world. The first world I’ve made. That should (hopefully) be a perfect setting to clear his mind). And we’re going to stay there until he has no more doubts (and I know how to handle the situation).
I don’t. feel. Jero’s deliberately doing this. I feel Blue’s right, that he’s uncomfortable and worried about something. I just need to get him to open up (if there’s anything bugging him at all). Maybe it’s just the way he normally acts, but I still need to find out (so I know how to work with it).
–
Finally when telling him about why Jero calls me by my name instead of ‘hun’, Blue
feels “he could just be used to calling you that”. On one end, I can understand. The
other.. you saw it above this.
I did give Blue a huge hug and thanked him, saying “you truly are a great friend”.
And “how I wish you were older, we could had made it work between us, because you are very sweet.” And he nodded.
5:30am rolled around. Told him I gotta get off, but I also wanted to spend time with him. Did get off eventually, starting work on a sad message for Ron that I have to break up with him. Nearly 6 in the morning… fuck. I’ll do this when the god damn Sun isn’t rising!
—
And that’s written and sent. I hope Ron responds in kind and doesn’t feel pissed about this. But if he is, then I can completely understand. However my decision is final. If he was online more and did more things with me, this would not be a problem. I would happily stay with him! Sadly.. it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling this.

EDIT: Ron responded as I was coming back from Burger King (saw his message on my phone), and surprisingly took it quite well. Though he blames himself for what happened with our relationship (saying his anti-social was getting in the way), adding he doesn’t even socialize with his family.
His family doesn’t know he’s bi, especially his father. He says if his father had found out about us being in a relationship, he would “legitimately” rip Ron’s head off.
Image result for OOF 100
Well it’s a good thing I ended it before it went too far, then! And as for the rest, he apologizes for not spending more time with me, and says that he never once saw me as nothing more than a ‘sex toy’. I am very glad to hear that.
After what has happened in this past 24 hours, I thank you for taking the news well, and having no intention to commit suicide over this (which was one of my biggest fears of breaking up with him).
However, he wishes to “talk this out and come up with a solution that helps us both
out” later tonight. Uhh. I did tell you I found another, right? Pretty sure I did. What I could do is ‘pencil him in’ to either talk before or after I talk to Jero (depending on who gets online first).
Finally I told him that he is “more than welcome to join our SE server at anytime” and would gladly stay friends with him.
So now, all I have to do is deal with Jero. Hopefully it too will be as easy as it was here. And I feel it will, as he told me that I can ask him anything. So look for a second edit once I’m done (or it might come tomorrow, depending on what happens). Meanwhile, I’m going to be working on my avatars in Unity to make a ‘modified’ version of the original No Visuals style, and also have a Dutchie size one (to be his height ingame).

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Jero 1, Ron 0 (sorry dude)… yet, did I make the right decision?

Is Ron’s age true? / Had to tell Klaus off / The ‘new’ guy

Posted on 06-13-2019 by Benie

Having to get up earlier than I typically do is never fun, even though I shouldn’t be cranky at all as father’s going in for a checkup… yet I can’t help it. I hate being pulled away from my friends (even though that’s a normal thing to happen).
And the only reason I even have to, is because of the cat and how mother feels it needs someone around to keep it company (even though it won’t come in my room and typically stays outside).
All I’m saying, if the cat really needed attention, it should come into my room then. I do love that cat, don’t get me wrong… but I don’t love how I have to work for it.
So anyway, enough of that. I wanna talk about a few things that happened yesterday night in VRChat. One was… interesting, and another was confusing (but I don’t think is going to really affect anything, as we know the truth).
But before I start, we never played Space Engineers as they all were too busy to do so (and Kovo’s going through some things IRL that he feels is his fault). I honestly wish I had that second computer I could set up as a dedicated server (so they can join and leave whenever they wish, instead of rely on me to launch it).
——————————-
Is Ron’s age true?
Now, let’s begin to get something off my chest of my continuing uncertainty about this relationship with Ron– his age. Claims he’s 21, but at times I’m not sure if he’s telling the truth (I think he might be 17.. or younger). It just bugs me, how this guy not once has said how he wishes he could move out. It’s like, he has the same mental capacity as me (but in an alternate timeline where I was forced to work, yet actually understands the importance of it). Does he have a car? He never told me. Maybe he rides the city bus to work and
back (or uses Uber).
Having his computer in the kitchen is what initially made me question his age. Why doesn’t he have his own room? And yesterday he tells me he’s “using a new computer that my sis got last year”. When questioning (without trying to ask any really personal questions) if this means he’ll have his own room now, he says he’ll still be using the one in the kitchen, claiming they live in a small apartment.
Mmmmm….
Another thing that makes me question his age, came in the form of Ren informing me via a DM that something happened during our SE run the day before (with him and Ron).
He claims that Ron was belching on purpose, and he asked whoever was doing it to
stop (as it was annoying him). I unfortunately never heard Ren say this, as I was focused on other tasks in the game. But I was forced to ask Ron about it, and he admitted it.
…Why, though? I was willing to defend him feeling he didn’t hear Ren saying it or he was just bored, yet he admits doing the immature thing.
No. “I’m sorry” shouldn’t cut it. You’re supposed to be 21, act like it or I’m going to break up with you! Wuffer is that age, and he’s a lot more mature than you are… even though, I am glad Ron was honest with me (unlike Wuffer…).
*sigh* See what I’m dealing with? Honestly, this whole thing is my fault. I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked him if he wanted me as a boyfriend (when I hardly knew him). I shouldn’t had rushed into it! Never rush, dammit!!
–
But, I’m not going to tell him how I feel– not yet (unless he brings it up, which I don’t think is likely due to his Asocial). I will explain the reasoning in the last topic of discussion for this post.
——————————-
Had to tell Klaus off (And it hurt as much as I thought)
Few days ago, he tells me Sayon showed him a sneak peak at Part 3 (and how he’s super hyped). I was too busy to respond at the time, and yesterday he tried to remind me (which only annoyed me). Yes dude, I heard you before, do you want a cookie!? And I sadly had that mindset and used it on him.
That’s when I had to tell him what was on my mind (of course stating “This is going to hurt me a lot more than you, of what I have to say”). Told him that I’m just not that big of a fan as you are. How I love Sayon’s work, but not enough to kiss the floor where he walks. Even if I was to somehow get (as an example: PHD Mcstuffin) to come to Kovo’s Discord, I wouldn’t be a fanboy of it.
He admits being a fanboy (getting carried away), and being bossy by enforcing the world rules. There’s some points he was right, though (keeping the group together), then says “i wont ask anymore sence u dont like going with me”… no, that’s not what I want to happen. I want you to try to tone it down, dude. I wouldn’t mind going with you, if you would let others go their own pace and do what they want. Let people enjoy themselves. And he didn’t say anything after that.
*facepalm* Really? Really, Klaus? I expected a bit more maturity than that.
——————————-
The ‘new’ guy (who’s really sweet, and a ‘potential replacement’ of Ron)
As you can tell from the extension, this is why I’m waiting to tell Ron (because I’m not even sure if this guy is just being nice, or actually has some feelings for me). And no I’m not cheating on Ron; let’s just say I’m doing what Nigh said he was going to, if he found someone he really liked, that he would let me go for them.
Met this guy (his name is ‘Jeromeah’) in Kovo’s world (and funny, in the bar of his world). He’s sitting there enjoying his drink and sees me and waves, I wave back. Then he hops out of his chair and walks over to me, saying “woah, I like this!” and started cuddling
me, saying he liked my pokadots. *slightly nervous laugh here*.. thank you. He seemed completely blown away at my avatar, asking if this was a custom Dutchie and stuff. Told him it was, but I had it made by a friend of mine.
Even more snuggles after that (caressing his cheek on my palm), showing me the big eyes of this avatar that Azure made and chuckled when I looked at him with the closed eyes animation. Mmm. Whew. Is it hot in here or is it just me?
I also noticed he was a new guy (white name), and asked how long has he been playing the game. Said he’s been playing about 3/4 months now, and originally created his account through the Oculus store. He knows he’ll need to create a VRChat account to rank up, but says he doesn’t want to lose “the awesome avatars” people had that were public, that he cloned. He also doesn’t want to lose his friends (which is more understandable). So I suggested for him to use something like ShareX and take pics of his friends lists. Then when he creates the new account, he can go over those pics and re-add them.
–
Now as I said before, I’m not 100% sure if he only just likes my avatar and all of
that (or has feelings for me as a person). But I’m going to take it SLOW and get to know him a bit more. Hell, he probably already has a boyfriend.. who knows. But I friended him and he friended me on Discord.
I know he’s from the UK (which is several hours ahead of me), has a job, and is either bi or
gay (though I would lean more on ‘gay’ of the way he was acting, which also explains how he was acting around me). But I do find it interesting when I playfully licked him, he started smelling me. Weird flex but OK.
He loves cuddling, and is also opening up to my friends. So that is two huge +’s in my book.

But something confuses me about him. If what he claims is true that he’s been playing for 3/4 months, then how come he’s acting like a brand new player that just came to
VRChat (by being blown away with so many different custom avatars)?
I don’t get that. I was blown away too, but that was within the first week of playing the game.. not 3/4 months (which is when I started dealing with drama in the Best Boi community).
Something tells me he’s been away from the game for 3/4 months (probably only played a few days), and has come back after that long hiatus. Don’t think he’s telling the truth there. Need him to tell me.
–
And finally, some closing arguments of this thing I’m trying to do. This ‘Jeromeah’ (but I’m going to call him ‘Jero’ for short) has VR, which is how he’s able to express himself. What if Ron had VR? Would I have less doubts of loving him? ..I dunno. And this is
why, of Jero VS Ron;
-Jero is more expressive with his words (and speaks more), where Ron is Asocial and hardly talks (even to me). I have to say something for him to speak.
-Jero’s opening up to my friends. Ron is trying, but also acted immature around Ren when told to stop.
Notice none of these have to do with ‘who has VR’. True love doesn’t need to be seen, but felt (aka you should feel love even from someone using Desktop mode). And I’m just not really feeling it with Ron. I think he’s only using me as a ‘sex toy’. Jero on the other hand, I can feel the love and caring. It felt like a similar love that Wuffer gave me (when we were dating). But with this thing how he’s surprised by seeing custom avatars, I don’t want to ‘taint’ him with drama.
I need to be careful, to not scare him away. Because he feels ‘pure’ to me (as in, probably hardly if ever has seen drama in this game, as he has said he really enjoys it). And if so, he is DAMN lucky (especially when claiming that he’s been playing for 3/4 months)!!

.
Spoke to a very tired Kovo about Jero, and he said “Avatar thief you know”… no way, but he might be on something with this. That could be used to cover his tracks. This just makes me more and more want to question Jero. I don’t believe his story, and I’m hoping he’s going to be honest with me (even if he admits he’s an avatar stealer).
So that’s about it (for now).

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Is Ron’s age true? / Had to tell Klaus off / The ‘new’ guy

Scooby’s looking for luv / Kovo the Psychic / That awkward last night

Posted on 06-12-2019 by Benie

Lots to talk about with another night playing VRChat (or as I should say: Love Drama Chat as it’s usually the only thing I seem to talk about with this game). And there was a lot of it yesterday.
I’m just glad (for now), there’s not really that much drama with myself and Ron. The only thing I can say is I once again was right about him (of why he rarely talks): he’s
Asocial, shy around others. I just need to open him up around my friends (while also wanting to meet his friends). In other words, I feel I’m Frost, and Ron is Wufy (without the whole ‘blaming himself for no reason’ thing).
Let’s begin this post;
—————————–
Scooby’s looking for luv (but will he succeed? I hope so)
Done with our latest Space Engineers run on the server, my BF and I had some sexy fun time. After, Kovo said (in the SE group chat) he was going to bed. After my BF went to
bed, I saw Scooby was on and in the movie world, and joined him.. in a pretty bad
time.
Nigh was talking to Scooby, and I could almost hear him telling Scoob that he’s “not looking for a boyfriend”. Wildboy was also there, who didn’t seem at all interested in letting the two speak and us two to go somewhere else in the world and him to talk about his job. Instead he started talking right there, which got Nigh and Scoob to do what I just said above.
Kind of felt bad dropping in on that conversation, but I didn’t expect it to be happening. So Wildboy and I were talking for about a half an hour ’till I accidentally switched the topic about politics, which he greatly defended his decision to support Trump. Oof. Remind me never to talk about politics to Wildboy (and his friend Begwhi) ever again. 😛
Checking my friends list and seeing Kovo online.. the fuck?! Didn’t he say he was going to bed?? Hmm. Told Wildboy who was quite interested in coming, and we went there.
—————————–
Kovo the Psychic (He missed his calling, I swear)
Ran up to the mirror and asked Kovo to speak to me in private, then told him about Scooby and Nigh. As I’m finishing up the conversation, he tells me that Scooby is now asking him where he is. Looks like Scoob’s done talking to Nigh. Then he suddenly tells
me “a storm is coming, something bad’s about to happen”.
I was confused on what he meant, as everything around here looked OK to me. And after our conversation, we ran back down and I met Nigh in a corner (talking to Wildboy and a few others), and he confirmed what my ears heard that Scoob was trying to hit on
him. Do feel bad for Scooby, and I hope he’ll find someone sweet.
…Later that night, Kovo was right of his feelings: Kat and Lich had broken up (according to him).
Okay, HOW in the FUCK could he had KNOWN something bad was going to happen?! Because Kovo’s no psychic; he reads between the lines of what people tell him, and has been hanging out with Kat every night (worried about her).
When Kovo is in serious mode, he’s pretty good at what he does. And, I feel like I failed as a friend of not being there for her. But at the same time, I know I can’t help
everyone (and I’m glad Kovo is).
At this time, he won’t release much about it (of who broke up with whom, and for what reason). Though from what Kovo has told me before, I feel it was a decision by the two to part ways (or, Lich broke up with her over possibly getting tired feeling he’s being blamed by her bad feelings). So, to quell the drama, let’s just say it was decided by the two to break up. Maybe things just weren’t working right.. and we’re just going to leave it at
that. Mmk?
Because as Foxgrace told me, I shouldn’t be getting into other people’s business. Just because I’m Kovo’s friend, doesn’t mean I should be given an ‘all-access pass’ of the drama that’s going on with our friends. It doesn’t concern me, so I really shouldn’t be getting involved in it.
Yet on the other side of that double-edged sword, I also feel I’m not a friend if I’m not there to support them. And I can’t support them if I don’t know what’s going on. I mean sure, it’s their decision if they don’t wish to disclose that information.. but, I dunno. I dunno what to say about this anymore.
Let’s just move on. Next topic!
—————————–
That awkward last night (with Scooby)
In the meantime, I was hanging out with Scooby in that movie world. Once again I feel he has a crush on me (being close to me, probably hugging me if he had motion
controllers). Fortunately for me, I’m taken.
We watched Detective Pikachu. The only problem with the movie, is the audio was dsyncing with the video (and did it more as it got closer to the ending). Of course, seeing how this movie hasn’t been released on DVD (yet), it’s to be expected to see issues like
this. Overall, pretty cool movie. I enjoyed it.
We (well I at least) then watched the first half of BumbleBee (a Transformers movie that shows what happened before the Autobots came to Earth for refuge, and swore to protect our planet from the Decepticons).
5am rolled around and I was forced to tell Scooby I had to go to bed. And he started
whining about it, asking me if I “got work tomorrow”. Uhhhhh heheh… I wouldn’t be going to bed this late if I had a job! Then he asks “can’t you stay up for a bit longer..??” I sighed and said “alright, a half an hour longer, then I gotta go”.
5:30am, I knew I was going to miss the good parts, but told Scooby I got to go to bed as sunrise is literally almost here. I gave him a big hug and promised I would hang out with him more often.
The things I say to make friends happy, is going to be my downfall. But, we’ll see what happens.

Posted in Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Scooby’s looking for luv / Kovo the Psychic / That awkward last night

My love for Ron feels.. questionable

Posted on 06-11-2019 by Benie

I don’t know how to describe it, but I’m not sure if I fully love him (or feel like I’m being used, where he can get his kicks). Something just feels.. off over this. And this time I don’t feel it’s me.
Now I know what he’s into, but it’s hard to really get a feel for this love of how little (if ever) he’ll actually come online. Though I don’t feel he’s ‘avoiding me’ or anything like that. No, not this time. I know he works at a theature (just like Nighwolf), and he works a lot. For example, last weekend he was working his ass off.
So, here’s a list I compiled of the things that are making me question the legitimacy of this relationship;
-May be just like me (living with his parents), but unlike me.. has no dedicated room for his computer. In other words, he may get on, but it’s not always the same time.
-Doesn’t talk much (might be shy, even around me).
-Cares for sex more than snuggles (could prove difficult to get to know him more).
-Gets bored when around friends he doesn’t know (and seems to have no intention of introducing himself to them. Again, might just be shy).

And the most problematic thing, I don’t know how to talk to him about this. But I was the same way when I first met Wuffer, except I had different feelings (and not many made me question if the love felt real, only that if he would handle my faults, which I’ve already told Ron and he’s OK with them).
But, I dunno. Some part of me feels that we should just be better off as ‘just friends with benefits’ before this goes any further. Hell, I never expected him to say ‘sure’ right off the bat if he wanted me to be his BF. …I don’t even think he knows what it means. Or maybe he does. I dunno. It’s confusing, and I feel I’m going to fuck up if I ask him too many questions.

Posted in Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on My love for Ron feels.. questionable

The Space Engineers group server / Delayed help / ‘Fun’ with Klaus

Posted on 06-09-2019 by Benie

Not a good Saturday for me, mainly because Ron never came on. Can only assume he’s been working his tail off at the movie theater he works at. Sent him a friend request in Discord and he has yet to accept it. I just want to be able to keep tabs on him, so I know when he’s ingame.
On top of that, I’m feeling the pressure of friends who anxiously want to play Space Engineers, who are forced to wait for me to do the server. And Acid asked if he schedule the help today, but it’s been scheduled again. Finally, I was play-testing a horror map with Klaus and a few friends of his.. which didn’t really go well. But, it was ‘kind of’ good at the end. I dunno, but there’s just something I don’t like about him.
—————-
The Space Engineers group server
As said, I’m feeling pressure of friends in this Space Engineers group chat, who so badly want to play the game together, and I unfortunately don’t have a second computer I could set up as a server for them (so I could play VRChat on my main one). And honestly, I just don’t care about the game anywhere as much as they do. I literally got drug into something I didn’t really want, but without Vale, they got no-one with a fast connection.
But yesterday, I tried to make it up and told them I would set up the server and stuff, by taking pictures of the settings and having a vote of what they want to see. And I told them that I was going to set up the server after dinner. …But, that never happened (which I will explain later).
—————-
Delayed help
As I was getting votes for how the server should be set up, I also DM’d Acid Claws and asked him if he had heard anything about Creepery, and he said no. *sigh* Since it was Best Friends Day, I wanted to give him a huge hug. But, since we don’t know if he’s alive or dead.. Acid gave me a hug and I definitely did appreciate that.
Sometime after that, he asks me if tomorrow’s OK to do the thing. Said sure. Much, much later on when he’s showing me his latest progress of the game he’s making, he said something about if I wanted it done correctly, that he (if he was me) would wait ’till sometime after next Tuesday (the 11th, when he’ll be out of college). But it’s currently unknown when after that day. So, there’s nothing really I can do except ask him to let me know when he’s free after that day, and he said he will.
So, that’s about it for now. This makes me more and more wish I had the knowledge to do it myself (…if I could only figure out the overcomplicated UI of Blender).
—————-
‘Fun’ with Klaus (and why he can be a pain at times)
First off, I have rejoined the AUFF. It’s a lot different than before, but yet again I don’t feel I ‘fit in’ (as I don’t have the hatred for the Ugandan Knuckles as they do). But I only did it for Klaus.
Anyway, about 5:39pm, he DMs me saying the horror map he tested has been
released, and is planning to run a few of his friends in, and asked if I wanted to come. I wanted to make up for not doing so the night before (as I was watching movies), and said I would do it after dinner.
Went to the SE group chat and said “after I deal with Klaus, I’ll get the server ready”. But like I said, that server never happened. Went with Klaus and had to wait a bit for his friends to join (one hesitant of getting in VR and being called a pussy for not doing
so).
Started the run, and I stayed behind the group (so I could see where they went). And I could feel I was getting on Klaus’ nerves for doing so (as well as others). As I heard him threatening to kick one of them for going too far ahead. But what really ticked me off is not being allowed to use my eye beams. You may be friends with Sayon, but that doesn’t mean you have to defend his work this much. If we want to use eye beams, we can. Got it? 😛
There’s also times were I was trying to get out of an area, and I heard Klaus all “Ben turn around!!”.. Fuck you. Seriously, you’re ruining my own gameplay.
–
Finally had my reprieve later on of a slenderman-like part, of having to run back through a forest to get to an awaiting helicopter. But as soon as I got to it, I saw them in and the chopper flew up and away from me. I clicked on it but to no avail, screaming “you guys forgot me!!”
With no way to respawn a new helicopter, I said “well isn’t this just great? I’m stuck
here!!”, but I was happy to be stuck (compared to what I went through, not being able to go my own pace). I wasn’t being messaged or anything. I felt free to do my own thing.
But I told them (who were in a group chat) that I was stuck and stuff. Was told to look for a light, but I saw nothing. And Klaus is all “odd, that shouldn’t be happening”.. and that’s where it ended. Nothing else was said to me. Got bored and decided to go see a few
friends, feeling saddened I still wasn’t seeing Ron on (I would’ve loved to run this world with him. Would’ve been very romantic).
But later on, I solo’d the world (got past the helicopter part) ’till I couldn’t do the run anymore (as Acid wanted to show me the continued progress of his upcoming mini-game for VRChat). He said it’s almost done and might be ready for playtesting. Would like to.
—
Much, much later (in Kovo’s world), Klaus sends me an invite to The Madcat. Odd. Maybe he wants to personally apologize to me for what happened? Felt it was going to be
quick, so I told friends who were there that I would “be right back” and went there.
Ran up to Klaus who was with someone and asked “alright I’m here, what’s going on?” He said he told Sayon about the bug I ran into, then pointed behind him and said “you can tell him yourself”. Turned around and saw OfficialSayon coming up to me. Cleared my throat and did my best to explain the bug in detail, that “I didn’t know you were supposed to run into the helicopter, I thought it was something you click on”.
He said “I’ll add a button, so when that happens again, you’ll be able to join your friends.” I thanked him gratefully. That’ll be awesome for future runs (that hopefully don’t have Klaus leading it). Because.. ugh. I just couldn’t stand him. :/ I’m sorry, but I got to rant now… he’s a good friend, but he got on my nerves in that run. He was very bossy, and that ruined my enjoyment of the level (and I’m sure I wasn’t alone feeling that).
Yet, I can’t blame him though. He got him in his Discord, he got Teddy. And I’m a fan of Sayon’s work too. ..But I wouldn’t be bending down and kissing his ass. I’m no fanboy.
Bleh.
—
But while I was there, I got to see some of the avatars of Sayon. They’re actually pretty good, and I even got jumpscared a few times by him as Slenderman! Heh. He absolutely loves horror stuff, and I heard him say that he had “a lot of fun” making the world. Came up to him and said “you certainly look like you had a lot of fun with the number of jumpscares in it”, and he laughed.
I also got to meet the creator of Blonix Dungeon. That was awesome. And finally I met the creator of this very world; ‘Something Hank’, which Sayon asked him if he could incorporate the world into HDS Part 3. I’m not sure if he said yes or no, though I heard Klaus apologizing to Hank for ‘dragging him here’. So I’m guessing it didn’t go well.
Finally, a friend of mine showed up, who had me ride the ‘Hotdog Plane’. It wasn’t anything that you guys are thinking, by the way. But it was definitely ‘interesting’ to say the least (and it even had a 9/11 reference.. which was WEIRD). The whole thing, was WEIRD.
I enjoyed it. It cheered me up.

Posted in Personal | Comments Off on The Space Engineers group server / Delayed help / ‘Fun’ with Klaus

The best-named day of what I’ve been through last and this week

Posted on 06-08-2019 by Benie

It feels like a pretty rough week (but the main drama happened in the final week last month) for not just myself, but also Kovo– dealing with the aftermath of Frost and Wufy’s past relationship, and myself dealing with my own.
Also, Vale’s gone to the military (since June 1st), and it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I’m going to miss him nearly always countering what I say in a snarky tone. Because overall, he’s still a great friend (before I met Kovo).

Today is Best Friends Day (according to Twitter), to thank not just all your friends, but the friends who let their hugs and cuddles do the talking for them (and are always there for you). And I compiled a list of the extremely close furry friends I’ve met in VRChat, who do their best to make me happy (and I can’t thank them all enough, and given the right circumstances, I wouldn’t mind meeting them IRL);
Note, this is a list of current friends. There were great friends before, but they stopped being so, and/or I possibly forgot them by accident.
–Muumiankka (a HUGE thank you for being there for me when I was extreme pain of being forced to move on (after seeing Wuffer with Sneaky))
-LunarMoon (being one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met, who always makes me laugh)
-Scoobypup (convinced me that being bi is nothing to be ashamed of, when “being happy” is more important)
-Nighwolf15 (being a great cuddle buddy)
-AzureFox (got me to be more social around groups)
-Cute-The-Sylveon (such a sweetie)
-CybermutT (pretty sure you folks already know..)
-Dorrvivx (being there for me when I needed someone to cuddle)
-Juspertinry (holding nothing back, and providing an alternative from always being depressed and sad)
-LoneWolf_Moon/aka Frost Bite (helping to cope with the pain when Wuffer broke up with me. Such a compassionate soul.)
-Sparky (always, being there, when I needed someone to talk to)
-RonNightfury (my current online BF, who I swear was given to me by God himself in my time of need)
-RedJoker (not going to lie, can sometimes be a pain. But as a friend, he’s there to listen when you’re hurting)
-WufferTheWolf (as lovers, he was extremely sweet. But as friends, he’s there for a hug and still knows me all too well)
-Creepery (a very special shout out to the very first friend I’ve made in the game (who I once felt, was like a brother to me). Compassionate, funny, a huge supporter of the Best Boi community, and will be missed dearly, having unofficially passed away. :'( Rest in
peace, buddy. I will keep your memory alive, I swear it. Best Bois, forever!)
..And finally, Kovo & Vale (being funny and being there for me)

Oh, I nearly forgot someone. However, he’s not a friend from VRChat, but a friend from back in WoW: Heol87. RPing in the Lion’s Pride in (in Goldshire) was fun. And also being part of a court appearance that I recorded (when I was using Fraps to do so). That was fun too. And now he plays VRChat.

.
All of these friends, are why I’m sane. I can’t thank them enough.

Posted in Personal | Comments Off on The best-named day of what I’ve been through last and this week

An emotional rollercoaster of a day in VRChat

Posted on 06-07-2019 by Benie

Before I start, this doesn’t include what happened in the moments during or after finding Sneaky and Wuffer are dating (as it’s already been explained in the edit of my previous post). What I’m about to say, happened in the evening and night.
And to start it off, I sent a DM to Wuffer saying the same thing I said to Sneaky. Half of myself felt the DM was a waste of time, but the other half wanted Wuffer to know there was no hard feelings with me. Also told him “I appreciate you hanging out with me when you did, it meant a lot. And I hope you’ll do it more, as I will also.”
Just don’t do what you did before by acting like I don’t exist, and I won’t consider unfriending you. That’s all I ask.
Also, this post contains some lewd (nothing graphic though). If you are offended by such nature, then click away from this post.

Anyway, let’s get this started by myself trying to hang out with friends and sub-friends (yet mostly staying on the second floor of the modern house, looking out at them and sighing a few times). I wanted Breezy to be out of a private world. I wanted his cuddles more than ever. So I stayed there by myself, waiting for anyone to be curious enough to wonder what I’m doing up there. What was great, is there was like 15+ people there, and my computer was still as smooth as butter(around 50-60FPS, where it would typically be 11-20FPS with my old hardware). I absolutely love this upgrade. 🙂
Continued to chill by myself, starting to get a bit bored. Still, no-one was curious enough to come up and see me. I don’t feel it was deliberate, though.
An hour passed, and then a few finally saw me. Zura and a few others came up
here, wondering why I wasn’t with the others. I told him that I “have nothing really that interesting to say to contribute to the conversation down there.” But finally Breezy came out of that private world and I quickly joined him. Chilled with him for a bit. The poor guy’s getting sick (and sounds like he has the same thing I had). Except, he has to work and is kind of pissed off about that (especially when I told him it took a week and two days ’till I felt better).
He asked if I wanted to go back to see the others, and I said “sure” (since he’s here
now, and I won’t feel lonely). So we went back and hung out with the sub-friends (friends I have but I don’t really hang out with). There was also this kid who looked at me and
asked “are you a dergin or something??” I said “yes I am a dergin”. And this kid was the life of this moment, annoying us in a hilarious way, and calling a Sergal a ‘door stop’.
Can’t remember what was said (and what I said).. again, fuzzy memory with multiple people are talking. But Breezy left me to go see others. That was nice of him, and went back to the second floor to do what I did before. Even told him that I need his
cuddles, but I guess he didn’t hear me or something.

As I was chilling, someone surprised me from behind– RonNightfury, a sub-friend who would actually show to be more than that (in his own way). He changed his model into a Best Boi with boobs, then laid down on the bed like he wanted something. I looked at him curiously, with him not saying anything. Wildboy came up the stairs and gasped at Ron sitting there, then said “now that I would love to fuck”. I jokenly coughed and looked at Ron again, then said in a joking way “well if you wanna do it, then let’s go to a private world.” And he said “sure”, which shocked both myself and Wildboy. And Wildboy’s
all “you lucky bastard, I was going to score!” And surprisingly even more, Ron dropped down a portal for us. Then Wildboy said before I left “you go on and go, I’ve gotten enough lewdness.” And so I went through, expecting anything.
We went back to the world Breezy was in, with him trying to use the movable chairs. But it wasn’t going to work right. Then he said “I got a world we can do this. My favorite world”. We went to this cool neon world, and went over to this room with these two chairs. Behind the chairs were a few buttons. He sat down in one and said to hit the MED button. I thought it was some sort of shader setting. So I did, and I saw him in the chair with his rear end bobbing up and down in a suggestive pattern.
Oh Lord GIF - OhLord OhLawd MissJay GIFs
o_o …I think I’m going to enjoy this. Plus you can make the chair invisible. OOF. Wait ’till I tell Cyber this world.
{The rest is kind of TMI. Let’s just say Wildboy showed up while I was having fun by accident. But I did have fun after he left. And at the end, I ended up fucking an anthropomorphic female shark so hard.. and it was awesome. That was really fun.}
Also, he’s kind of my BF now (even though I don’t know him that well). All I did was ask if he had one and if he would like one, and he said sure. But I do plan to get to know him more. Though it might fall apart and we’ll just stay friends. Who knows.
Trying to go back to the world with the friends and sub-friends, but most of them had scattered to other worlds. So we went to go see Kovo instead (who was on). Except, we showed up at a bad time (as Kat was going through some things in her life).

Not much happened, only of Ron getting bored. So I took him to the house with the door that can be locked, suggesting we can do it here. But that never happened, as a friend of Ron’s was here with us.
Then Cute shows up, asking us what we’re doing here. Told her that we were “just hanging out”. And she says how the locked door doesn’t affect the creator of the world, and I cautiously laughed with her.
Seeing how nothing was going to happen, I suggested to Ron that we should go back to the main mirror. Shortly after, he said he was going to bed. Gave him a goodnight kiss and said I loved him, and he said it back.
–
Sometime after that, I noticed Frost near me. He patted my head and I also noticed he’s no longer friends with me. I inquired why, and he said he removed everyone (due to what happened with him and Wufy). And I thought it was going to end there. But then he asks Kovo and myself of what happened with Wufy. Kovo tried to stop it, but I told him that if he wants to know, then let’s talk privately. So we went over to the area with the soccer
balls (and so did a few others). I told Kovo to also join us, who was surprised I was. So we got there, and I had to tell a lot of people that this is a private conversation (including Joker who was there).
Then FoxGrace comes running over and starts talking to Frost. Oh lord, this is gonna be fun. Told him too, and he went all aggressive on me, asking “why does he need to know? He should just block Wufy and be done with it.” And the more he talked, the more stressed I got and eventually walked off, saying “fuck it”. Ran over to Joker who was sending DMs asking why he was told to leave. I tried my best to explain it without revealing too
much.
We ran over to another private area, where I told him there’s “love drama” between Frost and his former BF. He told me he was trying to do some kind of easter egg with a coffee cup and the hoops, and was pissed he couldn’t do it.
Said “as soon as they’re done, you’ll be able to go back to the hoops. I promise” and gave him a big hug.
Frost ran up to me as we finished our conversation. Can’t remember everything, but Kovo messaged me saying “Well I was right”. Right about what, that Blue actually did cheat on DJ? But Frost re-friended me, saying he was sorry for leaving. And I told him that it was OK (and also about how I found out Sneaky has been dating Wuffer). He said that he’s glad I’m now starting the process of moving on.
When I told him how Wufy left, said how I felt I “failed him as a friend, but I also feel I shouldn’t”. He said to not blame myself. I said “Wufy was willing to change. That’s what he told me”, and he said “but for how long? A month? Two months?” And I couldn’t really answer. But he said what Wufy’s doing is a good thing.
Then he said he had to go, and I told him “not to do anything I wouldn’t do” (referencing what Wufy told me that Frost has suicidal tendencies). He chuckled for a bit, and said he wouldn’t. And also said that he’ll try to be on longer.
Gave him a big hug, saying I missed him. And he said the same thing. Then he left, and I went back to the mirror. A minute later, Foxgrace (at the mirror) starts being aggressive again, asking me why I’m trying to figure out stuff by getting into things I have no business to. I told him “it’s called: caring for your friends” And he reminds me of how I asked him what was going on.. which I only asked why he left the group chat (it was never about the thing with Frost and Wufy). And all he said that “there’s a huge difference to helping friends and getting into something you have no business with”.
I had enough of his shit and went to go help out Joker instead, who said he lost the coffee cup. Found it for him and he went out the door. I stayed in the room for a long
while, feeling like absolute shit that Fox might be right… that I may’ve overstepped my boundaries. *sighs*
—
Eventually got out of the room and tried to go over to Joker, and I’m hearing Fox talking about me to Kovo as I ran by. I stay there with him, not wanting to be anywhere around Fox. Kovo eventually runs up to me, and I’m feeling he’s going to say he’s disappointed of me. But he didn’t, asking “in your words, did what I say happen?” I replied with “as far as I know”. And he says “this proves Fox hasn’t a clue what’s going on”.
Told him that yes, I did ask Fox what was going on, but only why he left the group chat. And how I feel like shit. Then he got close to me and said “Ben, listen, this isn’t your fault.” I almost felt like tearing up of how stressed I was, scared I was going to lose Kovo as a friend over this. I thanked him. He said that Fox is “only watching out for Blue”, which makes me wonder if Fox might be one of the few that tried to make Frost look bad.
But, he also has proof (straight from the horse’s mouth), that Blue is dating Frost.
Continued on with myself saying that Fox now has to be watched. And Kovo says “if Fox doesn’t believe us, we have proof. You have your blogs, and I have our messages.” I nodded in agreement.

So, the rest of the morning (in Kovo’s world), he asked us if we wanted to watch some videos. And right there is when I knew, the time to move on is now (and suggested we go to the Bedroom Theater to do so, and opened a friends only instance of it).
When we got there and I was setting up the TV wall, I told them how I “had a lot of memories here”, how this is where Wuffer and I had been dating. Kovo made an
apologetic “oh..”. Then I said “but since I’m having to move on, I might as well start with this place” (not even knowing that this decision would be very beneficial to me; being surrounded by good friends. And saying that, chokes me up). I was with Cyber, and
Scooby, and so many others.
Was about 3:30 in the morning. Kovo’s all “I will watch one more video then I need to head to bed”. Timber was about ready to do one, and I said “I got one you guys will enjoy. It’s not something you all ever saw, but it’s something Wuffer and I watched.” Put on Asian Andy, and they laughed their heads off. It was good feeling of sharing the memories I had with him, with my true friends. This, is one way how I’ll move on. Might show them a few episodes of Angry Grandpa next (or a few car crash videos). Wuffer was into weird things.

.
What a day. Also while I was in that world watching videos with friends, Klaus is DMing me saying Sayon is working on a new horror world (hopefully Part 3 of the Huggi Dungeon Series), and is going to be testing it before its release this weekend. But I told him how Acid’s planning to help me with my model this Saturday.
He also says Sayon is now doing avatar commissions. …Hmm. Might want to ask him more info on that. Who knows? Maybe I might take him up on that offer (depending on cost).

Posted in Drama, Personal | Comments Off on An emotional rollercoaster of a day in VRChat

My own love drama (Wuffer.. and Breezy??)

Posted on 06-06-2019 by Benie

What a week it’s been, and wow.. what a day I had yesterday. I feel choked up with the feelings that are going through my head. Wuffer, is speaking to me again. It’s a miracle.
now, and it seems Wuffer might be missing the good times we had together.
And finally, something happened a day ago with McBreezyDizzy (or just ‘Breezy’ for
short, and has been giving me cuddles).
So, let’s start..
–
As I said, something happened a day ago after Kovo and I got on VRChat after a five-hour session of playing ASTRONEER. Joined Kovo’s world, ran into him and others. Breezy comes up to me and tells me to look at his Nanachi ass, saying he’s bi and is now cuddling me.
The.. fuck?! He claims being a Nanachi may had changed him to be more lewd. He left sometime after almost ramming someone up the ass (to avoid being seen). I rub my head in confusion and tell Kovo “I thought he was straight. He told Nigh and myself that he was.” But Kovo claims Breezy came up to him and said he was bi.
I think he was probably drunk at the time and told Kovo this, and he feels the same way. But if he’s not… mmm. I might as well ‘test’ it out (if you get what I mean).
—
Next day (yesterday), was the evening and I asked Kovo if he wanted to play ASTRONEER. But he said he wanted to get on VRChat to “check something”. I decided to play a few VR games instead (one of them is somehow now having Google Earth VR now displaying normally in WMR). Guessing the upgrade allowed this to happen (which means there’s a possibility the first level in Job Simulator might work as well. Definitely need to try).
After getting fed up trying to get the solar eclipse scenarios to work (and they
wouldn’t), I went into VRChat to meet Kovo and the others. This time, Breezy wasn’t
there (was in a private world). Sent him a few invites, but nothing.
Time went on as more people joined… one of them being my ex-BF. The hell does he want I wondered, but I stood there hoping this time, he might actually acknowledge my presence. …Sure enough, he waved at me. Hmm. Waited for him to do more, but he hung out with a few of my friends, looking like he was having a good time.
He left to go somewhere else after, and I felt a bit relieved (but also semi-curious of why he showed up after always avoiding me).

Was getting tired waiting for Breezy to show up, and saw Garruk on. Thought hopefully I could go there and pay him a visit, and did. Saw him as a sergal, with a bunch of other sergals (one of them was hugging him). I stayed back, just incase this was his BF and could still be kind of pissed at me. But nothing happened there and I got to talk to Garruk after many weeks of avoiding him (since he felt speaking to me would only hurt getting back with his BF).
Stayed there for awhile.. Wuffer showed up too. Can only assume to hang out with his friends (or possibly his new BF). One time he was kind of away from the others, and I walked over to him and asked him “so… found anyone special in your life?”, and he kept quiet. So I did the same thing, pretty sure I offended him for asking. Someone else hung out with him later, and I overheard the two talking about relationships.
Wuffer said that he is having trouble with finding anyone that lives near him. He also said that there’s three kinds of people that are getting in the way: ones that are already
taken, ones that are (and he paused for a bit) straight, and ones that live far away.
This made me think for a bit, that I may’ve gotten why he left me.. wrong. Maybe, he was actually telling the truth (that this has nothing to do with me). I let him go, so he could be happy. That’s.. it.
–
The person left to talk to others in the same world, while Wuffer stared at the mirror and messing around with his camera. I still wondered what he was doing here (standing infront of the mirror just like me). Began to wonder what was going on through his mind, as if he was waiting for me to do something.
He eventually did do something (cuddling my head, and drawing purple sunglasses over my eyes).

Heh, cool.
–
Breezy joins the world sometime after this and starts cuddling me like before. I asked him “are you feeling better now?”, he questioned me. Told him about the whole ‘going bi’ thing, and he said that he’s “getting training” from two people. Made me wonder.. if I could be the third. But I couldn’t ask him here with people around (especially with Wuffer near me). So I bided my time, waiting for the right moment. Time passed and Moon_Shadow also joined (with Wuffer harassing him with the shark puppet). Moon however wanted to hide from everyone, and Wuffer apologized and gave him a hug, saying he knows how to make him feel better (and he did).
A few hours later, Breezy says he’s going to see another friend and head to bed. This is as good of a time as any of asking him to talk to me in a private area. At least, it seemed private enough when I told him, as I noticed Wuffer and Lone walking over to a private area too (but looking at me).
Told him I didn’t mean any relationship, and he said he was fine with that… then got on the floor and {TMI Material, blocking this}. Let’s just say it caught me off-guard, and I was trying to say “Breezy.. not here!!” Then he left a bit afterwards. I turn my head and see Wuffer and Lone staring at me. Casually walked over to them, thinking they too were talking something in private. Wuffer runs up to me and asks “what was that all about?”
I tried to lie my way out of it, but Wuffer knew I was and asked “are you and Breezy in a relationship?” I said no, and “alright, I’ll be honest” about Breezy ‘turning bi’, which he was hoping not to hear and looked away from me. ..Well, you asked, dude. Besides, it’s none of your business what I do.
Others joined us just as we finished our private conversation. Talked to them for a
bit, then told them “let’s go back to the others”. But noticed most of them were already gone. Felt like I should go back and see Kovo, so I did. Kept thinking “why now of all times is Wuffer hanging out with me? Is this a sign he might want to get back together?”, but I kept it to myself (not wanting to really assume anything compared to before).
Got to the mirror to hang out with them. Surprisingly, Wuffer followed me (as well as a few other friends). Breezy was here too (though I don’t think he followed me).
–
Not much happened here, despite Kovo telling me two of his friends are trying to do a new world in Space Engineers (and feel I should host it, as apparently I have the fastest download speed of this small group to play the game). Told them I would “definitely consider it”.
The rest of the time there, was just general chatting and some fun. Though I did remind Kovo that he told me earlier, he might do a movie night. And much later he sent me an invite when I was with a few randoms and a friend (and we were all Dragonite).
Went to the world, only a few there. We watched John Wick.. damn good movie. Surprised I never watched it before. This guy is like the fucking Terminator.
Hearing rain outside, I grabbed my phone to check the radar. Got a message from
Wuffer, saying he still has my phone number. Hmm.
A few more joined after the movie ended, and we then watched Venom. Another pretty good movie. And as I was watching it, a white paw showed up in my viewpoint. I originally thought it was Frost, then I turned around.. Wuffer?! Okay, seriously. Why now? Desperate to find someone, and are now resorting back to me?
But, I waved and watched the video. Time passed and he sat next to me, cuddling me a bit and even looking like he fell asleep on my left shoulder for a bit. I.. didn’t even care about the movie anymore. I was… WOW. “happy” just doesn’t cut it. He was there, close to
me. If this was his way of apologizing for what he put me through, I accept it.

Later, he said he had to go to bed, and I gave him a goodnight kiss. And before he left, I heard him call me a cutie. He still loves me. 🙂
Continued watching the movie after that, Wuffer DMing and booping me, and I booped him back, still happy to be speaking to him again. Then the movie ended, and most of them went to bed (I logged off to begin typing this post, and nearly stayed up to 6 in the morning to do so, fearing I was going to forget most of this).
–
Now Wuffer wants to hang out with me more (even asking if I would like to join him in VRChat). Depending on what happens, I’ll likely be making another post (or just editing this one).

EDIT: I now know the reasoning why Wuffer hung out with me. I figured it out at
the (literal) end of ever getting back with him (as I met his BF). But, I am glad he did hang out. That alone, means a lot.
So the reasoning, is simply he felt sorry for not holding up his deal of the ‘bargain’ when we parted ways (doing everything we did, but as friends). I’m no longer mad at him because of this. He’s talking to me more, and hanging out. And I should do the same (to show there’s no hard feelings).
So who’s the boyfriend? Someone I didn’t expect (who is damn determined to make it work); Sneaky. I saw the two hugging and kissing. At first, it really hurt. A bit later as Wuffer’s getting ready to go to work, I walked up to Sneaky and gave him a thumbs up. Then I said “congratulations, Sneaky.” He said “I told you I’m going to make this work. I’m stubborn.” Told him I was really happy for him, but said in a depressed tone “I wish I found someone”. He said “you will”.
Then said (in a slight painful tone while pointing to Wuffer) “It’s just going to be hard getting rid of the good times I had with him.” He said “it’s time to move on, because I’m not letting him go. You’ll have to shoot me in the head.” I’m not that kind of guy that would take someone’s life over something so stupid.
Wuffer (somewhat) came back, but not talking. Said to the two “I hope and pray that you two have a long and happy relationship together.” And all Sneaky said was “as long as no shit comes up, it will.”
One of my friends just happened to come out of a private world. Perfect timing, and told them that I would see them later. When going to the world, I could only feel sadness and pain as my emotions suddenly rushed out. Even typing this, I can feel sadness. A tear came out of my right eye as I finally loaded in, hoping the friend I went to would feel compassion.
–
And he did. I am very thankful to have friends like him who enjoy giving hugs and cuddles. Don’t know how I’m going to get over the times I had with Wuffer (without finding someone to replace them)– but at least now I know the truth, and have to accept it. Which means, nothing is going to change (as long as Wuffer doesn’t change). I will still hang out with him as much as I can (but no longer feeling any true feelings towards him).
I just hope I’ll eventually meet someone that would love me like he did (if not
more).
Because the more I think about it, I just.. don’t think what Jusper said about finding friends with benefits is going to work for me. I want to feel true love (that I would feel proud to tell my friends). Of course, I’m not going to shoo away anyone that wants to give me a good time of a one night stand.
And finally, to wrap up this chapter of my life (for good), I’m not going to be telling anyone about this (not even Kovo), as there’s not much they can do for me. I’m going to act as normal as I have been (while trying desperately to get Wuffer out of my mind, so I can move on).

Posted in Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on My own love drama (Wuffer.. and Breezy??)

DJ’s side of the story (what he was told that may/not be true)

Posted on 06-05-2019 by Benie

A bit of more breaking news, following the fallout of Wufy’s departure from Kovo’s Discord. DJ asked me if I knew anything about it (while I was talking to Kovo), asked Kovo what I should say, and he said to act like I don’t know anything. And honestly, he doesn’t really need to know. So I told him that, hoping he would let it go.
Clearly of having to make this post, he didn’t (but at least he never wondered why I lied to him).
He tells a different story of Frost and Wufy that paints a picture of Frost possibly hiding the truth… that Blue was dating him (while dating DJ). He said that someone told him, but understandably will not reveal the name due to drama issues.
This means both DJ and Blue have been cheating on eachother. Though my question
is, did Wufy eventually find out? Kind of hard to tell, even though I could possibly point to
‘Yes’, due to the tone of his words when he left Kovo’s Discord.
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And another question; how reliable is this person DJ heard all of that? Could the person have been lying to make Frost look bad (like so many others)? …Or was Vale’s feelings toward Frost, right (how he felt there was “something wrong with him”, but couldn’t put his finger on it)?
I dunno. There’s so many conflicting things with Frost claiming he’s committed to
Wufy (though that could’ve been a lie). I mean, it might explain why Frost was pissed enough to break something when talking to me. It just seems so odd why someone would be so pissed over someone (aka Wufy) trying to show they still truly love them.
The fact Frost doesn’t want to speak to me about it, shows either he wants no pity, or is hiding something.

Posted in Drama, Love Drama | Comments Off on DJ’s side of the story (what he was told that may/not be true)

Wufy’s (public) mental breakdown in Kovo’s Discord

Posted on 06-04-2019 by Benie

I wasn’t really planning to make a blog post today (and I was going to get to work in Unity to fix what it did to my work), but there’s some breaking news that happened when I booted up my computer and got on Discord.
At 7:34am my time (when I was asleep), Wufy (now known as ‘A Careless Wolf’) posted a lengthy goodbye message in Kovo’s Discord;

Message for most of everyone in this group, the wufy that you known as changed and decided that there’s no point for me to care in life anymore, every bit of hope that I had left as disappeared and nothing is gonna fix this. Ive officially became crazy and the monster that i was keeping inside of me is now free and for who ever decides to message me will end up being ignored (because its the only thing im good at anyway) and if you persist to try, I will let my beast taking charge of you and trust, you’re not gonna like me after this. So for safety measure, i decided to leave and delete every contact that i have with everyone and for the love of god, do not talk to frost about this (because rumors goes crazy fast around here) because he already know whats going on… so it was fun playing with you guys and girl but enough is enough…

The HELL?! Didn’t he tell me he was dealing with this before?? ..*facepalm* I TOLD him to come to me if he wanted to talk!! But, going by the message, talking isn’t going to
help. It seems this is just like what possibly happened to Creepery; his feelings overwhelmed him, taking over him.
This, really upsets me. It makes me feel I failed him as a friend, but in reality.. there was nothing I could’ve done for him. Just like Creepery, I can’t come to him IRL and take him away from all the shit that’s going through his mind. I’ve given him as much as I possibly can, and I wish I could had given him more. And, I can’t.
But, this is his decision, and I’m pretty sure I know what happened. I don’t think it was Wufy’s doing (as he said he was going to try his damnest to change). I think Frost eventually came to him and told him his true feelings. Wufy tried to counter it, but to no avail. Now he feels he can’t do anything right, that he has nothing to live for. And I wonder if Frost feels the same way, if what Wufy said to me was true (that Frost has suicidal tendencies).
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Well, I’m leaving my door open for either one of them to come up to me, if they wish to talk to someone they can trust. If not, then that’s their decision.
It hurts when you can’t help a really good friend. But again, this is the way they wanted to handle it. The thing is, Frost never wanted this to be leaked out in public (and he’s still upset at Kovo for doing so). So that’s why Wufy did what he did, to tell anyone who unfortunately knows about the two (like myself and Kovo).

Gonna miss you, dude. And I’m sure Scooby’s going to miss you the most.
I wish Wuffer would leave the Discord.. to get out of my sight (if he won’t tell me why he left me).

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