Benie's General Blog

Five days ago (the 25th), I made a post attempting to explain the headaches I’m enduring of trying to control an unintentional problem I have created.
Today, Kovo randomly said in a DM “Ben, you need for someone inside your head”. Wanted to say “Huh? What do you mean by that?”, but I knew exactly what he was talking about– something he added inside his avatar’s head, of him and ProfessorStylez (one of my newest friends).
Then he sends me a DM of him and Cola, talking about the things he added to his head and then saying “Who knows I might put you in my head to”. And Cola says “do it pls”. Kovo then slightly changes saying that I should do this for Cola. But all I could feel is I would not like the results. Then he says “you could get him to hug you instead, it doesn’t have to be lewd”. Still I didn’t think it was a good idea, feeling the others in my
‘group’ (BlueBio/RedFox) could see it as cheating. He says “then add all three and have them in a hug pose.”
This reminded me of what BlueBio wanted to do with the latest Dutch Angel Dragon model, of him sending me his skin and pose him noming on my right horn). Maybe even add Insanely there (once I get his avatar done).
So.. I might do it. But Kovo feels I should, as it would show I really care about Cola. The fact he wants Kovo to add his avatar to Kovo’s head, shows that he likes the idea.

EDIT: Looks like I’m going to. Asked Cola for his skin, and BlueBio too (which I need to get the ‘Chibi Dutchie’ model downloaded). Red Fox sent me a chunk of his project
folder (45MB worth, so I’ll be able to see how he did his fox ears).
So I’m going to be quite busy.

Quite a lot to talk about this lazy (but humid in my room) Saturday afternoon of July
27th, 2019, and of course it’s related to VRChat again. Almost considering on making a ‘VRChat Drama Blog’ just for these things, as they’re taking over pretty much everything else (such as drama going on IRL that has nothing to do with me (aka politics)).
But I will leave that decision up to you folks. If you feel another blog would be pointless, or you think it’s a good idea, feel free to let me know.
Without further adieu, let’s get to the latest drama from VRChat.. starting with how I have forgiven Insanely for the lies.
———
Insanely forgiven
Section Tags: Personal/Drama/Love Drama
As said, I have forgiven him (but not as much to call him my RP son again). Right now he’s just a friend. I have gotten the picture proof Aftershock suggested, though he never asked to see them– only that if I believe it, and I do.
Insanely still feels bad for what he did, and actually feels I shouldn’t had forgiven him so easily. I actually agree to this, but honestly it isn’t that big of a deal (as Frost had told me the day after what happened). But Insanely still feels really bad for what he’s done.
He still has to convince Kovo to forgive him, which he plans to do tonight. But that’s not all that’s going through his mind. He’s considering on leaving Blueberry, feeling he’s not the one for him. I personally feel Blueberry won’t really care about it that much (though I could easily be wrong). The main reason why he’s considering, is he doesn’t really know how to move on from the past and is scared he will hurt him.
Insanely is also in a second ‘relationship’ (similar to myself and Cola) with WildBoy. How it’s similar is WildBoy’s in an open relationship with someone else. So, what a mess of
love, huh?
Anyway, about Kovo, I promised Insanely I would try to help him if needed, and I likely might have to. Hopefully I won’t, but Kovo’s going to need a lot to convince him. Just hope it doesn’t spur into having to choose a side; Insanely or Kovo. Don’t think it will, Kovo would never do something that dumb. He’s a smart man.
———
Wufy returns (as ‘Phantom~Wolf’)
Section Tags: Personal/Drama/Love Drama
Wufy has returned to VRChat, though he’s been leaving and coming back for the past month. It was a day ago where he’s back for much longer. And this time (hopefully), he’ll stay.
Came up to me, asking me who he was. Almost immediately I remembered the voice but didn’t want to say it infront of anyone (fearing of drama). But he said he really didn’t care anymore. Said his name, then he said if I still cared for him. And the answer was quite obvious; “YES” I still care for you, dude! And since then we’ve been snuggling, while I’ve been trying to give him company.
Though there was a time when I had to get up and do something. Was about to do something else and I saw Frost there talking to him and DJ (who I was snuggling both of them).
When I came back, they were gone and Kovo was DMing me asking if I heard anything. Said that I had my headset off but I saw Frost talking to them. Got on my headset, and Kovo wanted to talk to me in private. He was very annoyed Frost showed up all the
sudden (and in his world), feeling he was starting shit. Eventually found the two and brought them back to the private area, and questioned them.
Wufy said Frost was only saying his goodbyes, and “you will never see his face again”. This made me think about Jero, since he’s still friends with Frost. We talked for 45 minutes about all the drama that happened, with Wufy saying he’s really tired about it and agrees with Kovo (and myself).
This drama should had been buried months ago, but Frost can’t seem to drop it. Which also makes me question if Scooby really was the one that started it up (or was it
Frost) after finding out Jero is friends with him.
–
But for now, the drama is dead.. and hopefully will be forever. Though it’s funny how Frost told me that Wufy was the one that needed time to think. Now it’s the other way around. To think I actually felt sorry for him.
Vale was right when he said he felt something very odd about Frost, but couldn’t put his finger on it.
————
Mercury’s insanity
Section Tags: Personal/Drama
So, something not really related to any of my main friends, but someone I met during Christmastime last year; Mercury_Gaming, now known as ‘MR. Murcury’ and is usually in an SCP MTF uniform (part of the ‘Nine-Tail Fox’ unit). You can usually tell Murcury is around with his infectious, insane laugh. And since I’ve seen his name change, pretty much every time he sees me, I get a hug from who I call “the insane SCP guy”.
But yesterday when I was hanging around with one of my newest
friends ‘DingerFox’ (who’s a blue dragon even though it’s not his actual sona), Murcury
seemed.. different. He was using an avatar I never seen before, which name escapes me. But he claims this is a suit they stick the souls of insane people in. He also seemed very depressed about something, something he declined to disclose.
Anyway, Dinger and I hung out with him almost all evening, RPing with him playing TF2 and stuff like that (with Dinger and myself posing as large dragons).
This lead to going to the SCP facility and playing with SCP-914 (the way you’re not supposed to by placing biological matter in 914, aka themselves).. which caused Murcury to accidentally ‘neutralize’ 914 (by using it too much and breaking it)… woops!!
Dinger then had to go as his friends were calling to play Rocket League, leaving me with Murcury.
–
We went outside of the facility, and noticed SCP-682 has escaped containment. Ahh shit. Time to arm the Alpha Warhead, and we do a simulated run of getting to the blast shelters in 90 seconds, which we failed and ‘died’ in the heavy containment unit.
Murcury sees this failure as a failure to his real life and gets depressed again. Great. Thinking about saying I want to go see some other friends, but I also feel bad if I did so and try to stay with him (yet also encouraging him to go to bed).
Told me he was going to do an ‘experiment’ on himself when he wakes up; go an entire day without food or water. Said he was going to go for three days in an attempt to end his
life, but essentially talked himself out of it. Said “suicide is never the answer”. He looked at me and said “you don’t know what I’ve been through”, saying he’s actually insane IRL as well and how he ‘works’ for an insane person of this SCP RP thing. Claims he would work with an insane person IRL too.
Kept telling me he should be dead for all the things he did in his physical life. Told him the same thing, of what I’ve done. Finally I was able to convince him to go to bed, but not before acting like he just swallowed his own tongue and died right infront of me. He did recover later, slightly hugging me and hops off without saying a word.
Made me think that was going to be the last time I would ever see him again, at least until I checked Discord and saw him online.
I hope he gets help, he clearly needs it. I also hope he wasn’t doing that as part of his RP and actually isn’t really insane. But either way, I need to distance myself from him more than I’m doing now. I don’t want to get involved in any drama of taking advantage of nice people. Been through that enough already.
–
Plus he’s a bit of clingy person. Don’t really like clingy people who use human (or semi human, like Jeda in the past) avatars. It feels so.. weird being hugged by a human being when you’ve been hanging with furries pretty much all your virtual life.
The only time I would be hugged by a human avatar (and I’m talking an actual human avatar, no cat girls or anime/manga avatars), is if it’s a female and it’s smoking hot, who wants me.
Of course I’ll ‘give’ them to Kovo, since he would rather bang them than a furry.

.
And so that’s the news. This post will likely get an edit (or two) of what happens with the convincing of Kovo.

EDIT: Damn.. it’s Sunday already?! Wow did the weekend fly by! So Insanely comes back from his vacation the Sunday after this one. But at one point, it seemed we were never going to see him again… that is if it wasn’t for Aftershock (and then myself) talking him out of it.
So you can safely say, things didn’t go good between Insanely and Kovo. Though I wish the timing was a bit better, especially when I was having virtual sex with Red Fox. Plus, having to deal with high ping (250+) and intermittent disconnect issues (caused by obvious unfinished maintenance in the late morning, that no-one in the dev team wanted to admit their stupidity. Only Tupper did a PA move saying “we are aware, please be patient”).
–
Anyway, as I said, this was during an inopportune time when Insanely was all “my phone’s battery is dying, lets get this done now.” Still wanting to be with the one I love, I tried to help him as much as I could (with him not knowing how to start a group DM). I honestly didn’t expect him to immediately start with this. I told him I would help him if he needs
it, not this.
When I finished with Red Fox (and he went AFK for much, much longer than the 10 minutes he claimed he would be back as), told him in a DM I was being invited by a friend to see them. Joined Sparky, who was with Kovo. Pulled Kovo away and told him about Insanely wanting to speak to him, but it was like he was almost purposely ignoring it for the remainder of the evening. This annoyed me, as well as Insanely. Kept occasionally reminding him, thinking he either didn’t hear me or forgot. But no, he acted like he didn’t want to deal with it.
Kind of childish IMO. Insanely’s opening up to you, and you can’t take the time to hear him out? ..Really, Kovo? Time passed as the disconnects kept happening through the night. One time it made Kovo switch to his world (instead of the only world Sparky can handle because of his crap computer).
—
Sometime later, Insanely leaves the group DM unexpectingly, and then tells me that Kovo was right, that he’s “just a liar” and sent me a DM between him and Kovo. This made Insanely consider leaving VRChat and Discord.. forever.
I hear Kovo next to me, say something like “he will never get it, he’s just a liar” and then asking someone next to him for a hug. Meanwhile I’m trying to talk Insanely out of leaving, but he keeps saying “I don’t want to hurt anyone else. It’s for the best.” Then a disconnect happens ingame, and I use this to leave it (feeling like I was done for the
night, very much upset at his decision.. and disappointed at Kovo for not giving Insanely a chance).
Asked Kovo, trying to fight back tears: “Why didn’t you want to believe him!? He wouldn’t had left if it wasn’t for you!! I forgave him…” Insanely almost immediately (in his DM to
me) asks me if I was upset at his decision. Told him I was disappointed in Kovo for not willing to listen, and he said not to be (that it’s his decision). But I felt Insanely shouldn’t be making this one because of Kovo. Yet he still felt he didn’t want to hurt anyone
else.
He also tells me that Aftershock said to him, he would “cause more drama” if he left and is now unsure if he should. I said “Yeah, what about Blueberry? What about WildBoy?” …He legitimately forgot about them! Wow. Nice save, me! He then sent me a DM of him and Aftershock, with Aftershock saying “you can leave them but you don’t have to leave
us”.
I used this to further convince him not to leave because of Kovo, and he said that Kovo is like family to him. Meanwhile, Kovo was explaining himself to me, which calmed me down. He convinced me he wasn’t against Insanely.. he actually made me realize a flaw that should had hit me a long time ago. To quote a famous phrase said by Lincoln: “actions speak louder than words”. Aka, Kovo doesn’t trust him. He needs to win back that trust with actions, not words. With this, I did my best for further convincing, and it seemed like I finally had it when he asked me “can you be my rp father pls”.
I decided to say, “Yes”, if it would keep him from leaving. And he was absolutely thrilled to hear it. Told him “Because I feel you want to prove this isn’t going to happen again. You need to show Kovo this, in order for him to believe you.” And he swore he will. So I’m going to hold him on this promise.

And he assures me he won’t. And this is all he needed to know that leaving would be a really bad thing.
Finally, to make sure he never feels he needs to, I found something he said earlier in the month that was really sweet and quoted it. This brought him to tears and hugged
me, thanking me for reminding him all the nice things he said about me (and my ‘goofy face’). Heh.

Something in the back of my mind though, just doesn’t feel right. But I can’t put my finger on it. I guess I feel this is going to happen again. Doubts maybe, similar to what Kovo’s feeling (while not admitting to it). Insanely’s going to really have to prove to us that the lies will be in the past.
I want to feel as happy as I was with him, before all of this love shit started. We need to do more father-son bonding exercises. Just us two, as RP father and son (taking care of his needs as if he was my son IRL). Taking him to McDonald’s, giving him a happy meal. That sort of thing.
Maybe have one of my friends with benefits as acting like his second father, of giving him an RP family. Perhaps, Red Fox (once I tell him that Insanely has changed and promises to be a better person).

Lots to do (such as maybe possibly forgiving Insanely), but there’s one thing that I’ve been patiently waiting for an answer to; getting Jero to admit he lied to me about once saying he couldn’t get into a relationship over his life falling apart (losing his job and stuff), then about a week later.. he’s dating Scooby.
Maybe he got a new job (or his old one back) in that timespan, who knows. But I decided that tonight is the night when I finally get my answers– and answers I got. I also asked if he could tell me what is unknown to me about him and Scooby, and he delivered.
So let’s go over those answers. ..First off, the question I’ve been waiting for; why did he lie to me?
–
The answer actually surprised, and saddened me… it was, about how I cheated on
him.
Said he “wanted to get me back” for the whole cheating thing, even going as far as wanting to know the names of the ones I had virtual sex with, and thankfully never found
them. Because if he did, I would be very much fucked (in the non-sexual way). And the only reason why I told him, is I felt that was it.. we were done and there would never be another chance, so I wanted him to know.
But look, folks.. I completely understand he was hurt and truly feel like an ass for what I did to him, and I probably would had done the same thing (to ruin him)… however, he has clearly forgotten why I did what I did. As again, he didn’t say anything about an official relationship. I gave him all the time in the world to tell me if he wanted to get more serious, but nothing– not a word came out of his mouth (or his fingers from a DM) about it.
So what was I supposed to think, huh? He changes his profile picture in Discord to
us, yet not a peep out of him that he was actually considering of being my BF. Nothing. I wanted him to tell me, so I wouldn’t feel like I was rushing anything.
But.. nothing. And his only response to it was “Im sorry Bennie 🙁 “. Meh.
—
Now that I know the reason why got together with Scooby, he started telling me the relationship he had with him (and how it’s now on very rocky grounds). However, he tells me a story that Kovo and Frost didn’t (probably them leaving out the finer details). But it also makes me question if Scooby really is scum, or is like my aunt IRL who had asked for money.
So it started with the rent money. He claims one day Scooby was pretty upset saying he was low on his rent and had to come up with the money quickly. Jero originally said he couldn’t as he didn’t have the money. As time went on and Jero got paid early (indicating he got a job) and Scooby was really sounding upset he was going to be kicked out.
Jero asks about Scooby’s roommates, and Scooby said they were mean to him. Whenever he came back with groceries, they would leave him with very little. Knowing this, Jero felt really bad for him and decided to give him $100 to pay for the rent. Scooby thought he was being trolled, but realized Jero was telling the truth and greatly thanked him.
Jero also offered to buy him his own mini-fridge and countertop, to prevent his roommates from taking his food. A pretty scummy thing to do to someone.

However.. when his card was declined, red flags began forming in his head. Though he never explained to me the reasoning behind this. Did Scooby ask more than Jero
offered, or did Jero feel he was making a mistake? I’m going to assume the
latter.
Going back to the story, it was a week after our ‘break up’. This was when I saw Jero since then, and was quite annoyed over this news Kovo gave that Jero is getting crushes.
Meanwhile while I was avoiding Jero like the plaque, Scooby was getting annoyed at him who kept talking to others (deja vu of the day after I asked him to be my BF, when I was getting annoyed). And at one point, he lashed out at him quite aggressively. Jero tried to reason with him, but Scooby didn’t like the response, and felt Jero wasn’t committing towards him enough to make the relationship work (oof, deja vu again).
However, I never asked for money (and never will), Scooby did, and this was quite ungrateful of him. Jero reminded him that he paid him $100, but he never even got a thank you after that point (and then Scooby left the world).
Someone came up to him who overheard the conversation, asking him “dude, are you OK?” He replied he was fine, and the person said “don’t cry”. I wonder, could this had been Wuffer? Because he told me that when we were dating.
Anyway, the person felt pain from Jero, even though he (Jero) felt he was keeping his composure, and then also left the world.
–
Then they went to another world to discuss that Scooby made Jero upset with those
words. Scooby still refused to listen, so Jero blocked him for a few days. And this is when Scooby went to Kovo, who went to me explaining an argument between the two. Not knowing the full details, I felt compassion for Scooby. ..Really wish I never did if I knew what I knew now. Because this is when things went from bad to downright creepy.
Jero claims that after he blocked Scooby.. he was still able to follow and stalk him through every world he went in. What was even more creepy, he heard Scooby’s voice in friends mics (who didn’t block him), demanding he speak to Jero.
Jero was forced to go to private worlds, to avoid Scooby. At this time, I assume this is when he had unfriended me as a precaution (incase Scooby joins off of me to get to him. Smart move, dude. I’m serious).
That night is when the second part of the argument happened. Jero told Scooby off about him feeling he isn’t doing enough to be his BF. Said $100 is 12 hours of work every
day, doing crazy jobs to deliver food and other stuff (sounds like a semi truck driver). He adds on that people have died doing his job, and he too has had some close calls.
I remember unexpectingly walking into a part of this argument (to join a new instance of Bedroom Theater, as the video player wouldn’t work), and Kovo looked like he was moderating it (for Scooby). This is also when I noticed Jero had unfriended me. I thought it was from what happened yesterday (of trying to ignore him).
They left for another world to continue their private conversation. Kovo tried to follow them, but the portal closed before he could go through. He felt like he had to be there, but friends told him that they’ll be OK.
And this, is when, I discovered Jero and Scooby were dating, and I was of course FURIOUS of the news. “He LIED to me!!!” I told my friends. They did their best to calm me down, telling their own stories. Scooby showed up later, asking about the video player. I was able to confront about him and Jero, who said he was really sorry.
Eventually I did calm down, realizing there’s really no point of staying mad. But to this day, I have wanted answers from Jero. I have wanted him to work up the courage to come up to me and admit he lied. And as I said, tonight I got them.

But the story doesn’t end there, folks. Scooby didn’t want Jero telling Frost about what happened. And when he found out Jero was friends with Frost and BlueDrago, he lost his shit and started bringing up the past about Wufy and.. ugh. Jero didn’t even know that Blue was Scooby’s ex-BF. And this is where the whole “either be my friend or not” thing came from that Frost told me.
Scooby begged Jero to unfriend Frost and be his friend, but since Jero and Frost are like brothers.. that’s not going to happen. And at one time, when Scooby saw Jero with
Frost, he had the nerve to ask “you’re not Frost’s spy, are you?” And “Why do you see him?” Yadda yadda yadda. Toxic stuff.
To this day, Jero waits for Scooby to pay back the lent $100. Frost told him that Blue gave Scooby (when the two were dating) $300 for rent money, and still hasn’t gotten it back. Even DJ gave him money, who hasn’t gotten it back.
–
Going to the present (of Jero telling me all of this), he’s trying to get out of this toxic relationship, fearing what Scooby would do if he broke up with him. Told him I’m going to block his ass for what he did to him, but Jero doesn’t want me to do anything– doesn’t want me to risk my friendship with Scooby.
What ‘friendship’?! You do NOT do that to your friends!! …But, against my better  judgement, I decided it’s best to stay out of it and act like everything’s fine between myself and Scooby. I’m not even going to tell Kovo, not until the time is right. For now, Jero is going to continue waiting for Scooby to pay back the $100. He also wants to give him a chance for Scooby to show he’s not as bad as Frost claims.
Fuck, man.. you are truly a glutton for punishment! And he knows this, but in his defense he says that it’s happened so much, it doesn’t bug him. However, he says if it “gets too bad” he will dump him.

.
So, that is the complete story, forever burned in words in this blog post (until unforseen consequences happens to this website, that I hope never happens).
And when (not if, as he feels it’s unlikely he’ll get that $100 back) Jero breaks up with Scooby, I find it unlikely he’ll ever consider getting back together with me (even though I promised I “would leave them all behind and be 110% committed” to him and only
him). But Insanely feels with time, there might still be a chance. And maybe he’s right.

I no longer have an RP son after what he did. I cannot believe I actually cared for him, but clearly he’s just a kid.. and kids only do it for the attention. But some kids will go out of their way for it.
So what happened, I’ve been waiting for Cola all evening for him to come on (so we can watch movies.. and then some), sadly that never happened as he was dealing was things IRL that were getting to him. Red Fox on the other hand, was willing to come on (but not do much more than that due to other people always in the house he’s in).
Because of this, I decided to drop him from the ‘fun friends’ list (but keep him as a close friend). He really wanted to have some fun, but no longer can from what he’s going through IRL.
Of course this depressed me somewhat, and I didn’t really want to go see him. About ten minutes later, WildBoy notifies me (a day after Rezz decided to finally unblock him after half a year of being blocked) that.. Insanely is trying to hit on him (and is “having a melt down”). But I’m more annoyed on the whole cheating on his BF thing (that he claimed he would never do again).
–
But as I promised my son, I tried my best to stay calm around him (only saying I wanted to speak to him when he got up). Said he wasn’t in the mood to talk. I actually assumed it was something that went wrong with his vacation (you got to remember, I couldn’t just assume it had to do with WildBoy. It could always be something else).
So I said “When you are ready then” followed by “Because you need to stop ‘joking’ about trying to get people to date you.” The day before, he told me he hit on Kovo, but it was
a ‘joke’. This is getting ridiculous, son! You need to stop doing this and stay committed. But little did I know, ‘commitment’ was the least of his problems (will explain later).
So I decided to give him some time and said we’ll talk later, and then.. it starts. He talks about suicide.
I try to get him to talk about what’s causing these ‘desires’ to kill yourself (without using those words), and he kept getting more and more unstable to the point.. I actually thought he did it, and pleaded for him to respond.
I was forced to get Kovo involved, as I was losing my fucking mind over this. Somehow, he was able to talk to him. Perhaps Insanely had a change of heart? Then he showed me a rather disturbing image of a knife that looked like it was coated in blood. However, I noticed the surface it was sitting on, didn’t look like it was. …Did he just pull a Chris on me?! I swear, if he’s lying to me.. I’m going to disown him. Showed the knife to Kovo, and asked him to send it to his brother for analysis (if it’s truly fake).
For the time being, I actually believed it was blood, of the way he started talking
again; saying he cut his arm, but claiming it “wasn’t that much”.
…Wasn’t. that. much!? The knife, is half-covered IN BLOOD!! That’s not a cut, that’s a fucking stab wound!! Get to the hospital before you bleed out!!! But he kept procrastinating, claiming his arm hurts so much. Yet never did it hit me to tell him to apply extreme pressure to minimize the bleeding. I don’t know why.
Tried to keep him talking, trying to keep him awake before he passes out from blood
loss (since he’s too stubborn to get to the hospital). Soon I figured out why he did it (and he claimed he was going to actually stab himself in the heart)… WildBoy. Of all the reasons you’re choosing to consider committing suicide.. you chose one of the DUMBEST!? SERIOUSLY?!
This got to a point where I decided to let Kovo take over, as my hands were
shaking, knowing I’ve tried everything to convince him not to do this (but he is persistent to offing himself, claiming he has no point of living anymore if WildBoy doesn’t love him).
I started crying IRL, begging him one last time to reconsider, saying “I lost Jero.. I don’t want to lose you too”.
Kovo’s brother eventually answered, saying “they’re trying really hard to make this look real”… that was all the proof I needed that Insanely was lying to me. So, I said to
him “Actually, you know what? Nevermind. Do it. Because you don’t have the fucking balls!” Followed by “I know you faked your injury.” Then he tried to make me feel guilty by calling me. I knew he was going to try to imitate stabbing himself. Ended the call
quickly, saying “No calls. Just confess you lied. I have proof from a cop that knife doesn’t have actual blood. So come clean.”
With all the evidence showing he lied, he was forced to admit the entire thing, saying that he doesn’t have the balls. He also claims that he “just dont understand” what he committed. Oh, you don’t know? Allow me to remind you..
1. You freaked me out thinking you were actually going to kill yourself.
2. You showed me a picture with a knife that looked like blood.. that really wasn’t.
3. You came up with a very dumb reason to kill yourself (relationship issues).
4. ..You made me cry for five minutes.. because I ACTUALLY FUCKING CARED ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
You, are NOT my son. Not anymore. Consider yourself, disowned! Then he tells me he would “miss me”. I said “I won’t miss you, you lying sack of shit. Maybe when you actually grow some empathy for what you’ve done.. come back to me.” Then I blocked him, and it hurt.. a lot. Even to the time I’m writing this, it still hurts me that someone would stoop this low to lie.
You. need. help.

Kovo took over, while Insanely is suddenly all “I’m sorry I’m sorry!!”, begging to Kovo not to block him. Kovo’s all “you do not do that to your friends”. Damn straight!!
After that, Blueberry (Insanely’s BF) DM’d me. I’m thinking “ahh hell” and decided to use this to come clean and say that Insanely has been cheating on him. ..Yet he already knew this, saying all Insanely cares for anymore is sex (not love or compassion). This explains so, so much. Insanely has learned.. NOTHING, from me. Claiming he cared so much for what I went through, was probably another lie. All the kid knows how to do, is
lie!
But Blueberry didn’t know about the knife covered in fake blood. Showed him the
image, and he went quiet. Asked him if he was OK, but he was busy dealing with
Insanely (who was lying even more of Blueberry sending me images of their
DM, claiming “my father dont love me”).
Lies and more lies. 1. I’m not your father anymore. 2.. How, DARE you say I never loved you!!! You, are truly, a sack of shit. But Blueberry was more pissed at Insanely not understanding what ‘love’ means, and I decided it was best to focus on that instead of
myself, to not risk losing another friend.
Soon, Blueberry was done with Insanely, fully dumping him over never showing true
love (and for lying to me in one of the worst ways imaginable). After that, I encouraged him to play some VRChat with me (so we can hang out and relax).

Kovo was right all-along. Ever since Aftershock dumped Insanely, he’s been like this.
Kovo said that he (Insanely) was only looking for attention. Speaking to Frost who wasn’t surprised at all of the news (saying he himself was like that when he was young), said the same thing; he’s ‘just a kid’ looking for attention. But he gave me a huge hug and said he was sorry for what I went through.

.
It still hurts, and it still makes me cry at times of what I had to do. But it’s normal to feel this.. for I have compassion for others (that I don’t know IRL). But BlueBio and Blueberry made it better, spending time with me that entire night.
That is the power of true friendship right there, folks; friends who stay with you, hug and tell you everything will be OK. *can feel himself tearing up and crying for saying that*
And I will never, turn down true friendship when I’m like this. It is my strength to continue on with life.
Infact today (as I type this), Blueberry offered to be my new RP son. But I’m not so sure if I can accept it, as I feel Aftershock should be it (since he protects him). Plus.. this is the same Blueberry I had a crush on earlier in the year. So I just don’t know, thought he
claims “no one would care”. ..Kovo would, and I’m pretty sure Aftershock definitely would.
So, yeah.

EDIT: The next night, Aftershock thought that I was against him with how Blueberry
is “acting like he wants me dead”. And at the time, he was “so scared about blueberry” he was actually shaking. But Blueberry calmed down his anxiety, I assume explaining
everything (I didn’t see the conversation for obvious reasons).
–
EDIT2: The night after that, Aftershock DMs me messages between him and
Insanely.. only wanting to say hi to me and to apologize. You should also be apologizing to Blueberry for not showing him true love. After telling Aftershock I deny Insanely’s
apology, he asked me to explain the entire thing that lead to this. So I did, and he thanked me, saying that it isn’t a matter of staying true and loyal to Blueberry, it’s just that Insanely is “just way too obsessed with sex”.
Here’s to hoping it’s just a teenage phase that’ll pass.
–
EDIT3: Last night (7/22/19), Blueberry’s now in talks with Insanely again (to check up on him), and sends me DMs just like Aftershock did. This time, Insanely seems to want to make amends with me, wanting to talk to me when he gets back from his vacation (on August 4th). Insanely claims he “feels terrible”.
Blueberry also tells me that Insanely wants to get back together with him, but is
unsure. Since he is also young and doesn’t really know how love works, I told him that Insanely needs to prove to you that he will love him as a person, instead of as an
object (aka to show love and compassion, instead of just for sex). But according to Blueberry, Insanely (going by his own words) is “a slut”.. and that’s not a good thing to
be, when you’re underage.
As for this thing to make amends.. mmmm.. fine. I’ll hear him out on August 4th. But I swear Insanely, no more lies. No more of this bullshit that you did. You need to win back my trust.
–
EDIT4: 7/23/19, 9 minutes before my bedtime (when I was with BlueBio, the newest one to enter my friends with benefits list since the day before yesterday), Blueberry sends me another DM from Insanely of him asking Blueberry for a favor.. wanting to come forward with me, right now.
“I thought he said August 4th” I pondered, but Blueberry is as confused as I am. I’m thinking Insanely is getting desperate to bury the hatchet, but Blueberry says “i tink thats when he want to talk like in a voice chat”.
But that really doesn’t make sense to me. It has to be desperation to get this taken care
of. Perhaps it’s been driving him mad for so long, it’s ruining his vacation.
So, fine. I have unblocked him in Discord (and have to refriend as he only allows friends to DM). I’ll be updating this once I get either a vocal or (preferred) written response from him.
—
The (written) response came in around 4:16pm, and I’m glad he chose written instead of vocal (as it’s obviously easier for me to remember). So, for as a summary, he is telling me the core of what caused this entire mess, is that he has autism. Okay, a likely story. I dealt with Joker (who too has autism), and he never once tried to fake a suicide to get
attention. So, any more lies?
Yet he sticks to it, claiming he takes pills, and the reason for the mess is his mother decided to say “Oh, you don’t need those pills. Let’s see how long you can handle without them”. He even wanted to show me a picture of said pills (when he has a chance) to prove he’s telling the truth, and claims his mother now sees that it’s important to stay on
them.
Mmmm… I dunno. And honestly, I’m not really mad anymore. Mainly because of
Frost (when I spoke to him the night after) downplaying it, saying “kids do it all the time”. It’s just the principle of lying to me, that I don’t like. No-one, likes being lied to. And Insanely… is trying to convince me that he understands this. And as I type this, I’m not sure if I should believe him. But then again.. he just a kid. I can’t stay annoyed at him forever. Though there’s still room for improvement.
As for the suicide thing, he claims he “hardly” knew what he was even doing. “it was so fast i couldn’t understand what I was doing it” he claims, and he also wants to make it up to me when he gets back from his vacation on August 4th. But Insanely.. the only thing I really would want to see, is you to be back to what you were before all of the sex stuff
happened; when he was happy, and I was happy.
He understands this, telling me he “felt depressed I felt miserable to see you hurt for my stupidity and wrong decisions”. This, IMO, is good. This is showing remorse for what he’s done. It also shows that he never meant to do what he did (unlike the last three that
did).
But, I still cannot fully forgive him (which is why I turned down his request to be my RP son).. not yet, until he shows proof of this medicine. Though Aftershock (when I showed him the conversation), felt like more proof is needed to make sure Insanely isn’t going to pull up a stock image (which he feels the fake bloody knife came from). And I’ll have to wait for that proof until he gets back from his vacation (on August 4th).
Kovo feels I’ll never see the proof, and Insanely is lying about having autism. But Aftershock has hope Insanely will come through.