Really.. where is the limit on this ‘friends with benefits’ thing I’m doing?! At first it was fine. Now that more than one person on the list of friends I’ve had virtual sex with, comes on and might wanna do it with me.. there is a problem– a problem that Jero could had easily exploited if he knew their names. And that alone scares the fuck out of me.
Now that BlueBio has joined the list (and has met Red Fox more than once), so far neither of them have come back to yell at me. And this picture, I tried my damnest not to ask if
they.. wanted to have a threesome.
I have to set limits to this, but I don’t know how. I also don’t want to be honest with them either, because they might see it as ‘cheating’ and ruin me.
And if I come to Jusper about it, I don’t want him to feel this was ‘his fault’ for giving me the idea. It’s mine, for not having any set limits. Plus, what could he say that isn’t the obvious “stop being so lonely, get out and explore the world”?
This almost feels like a ‘polysexual relationship’ (like a polyrelationship, but completely free of commitments), however only BlueBio and Red Fox.. seem to be OK with it (scared to ask :/).
Hell, I remember having a dream and Blue was talking about it to me while I was hugging Red.
EDIT, 7/30/19: After writing a post of Kovo giving an idea of adding Cola’s avatar to the inside of my head, I felt the time of hiding the truth needs to end. I told Cola that I “have feelings for others as much as you”, and “I also did it with them”.. yet he was OK with it.
I dunno what (or how) to feel. Should I feel happy… or feel like a complete IDIOT for
overreacting!?
But in my defense.. I never did anything like this before, and was scared of the
outcome (eversince I told Kovo about it, and he said “shouldn’t you only be only doing it with one?”) I said to him “you can do it with more than one, since there’s no commitments.” But since then, it’s been eating at my mind of “what if I was wrong?” And the level of relief I felt when Cola told me he was OK with it, was.. wow. I was right! I CAN do it like this! I CAN see it as a no-commitment polyrelationship!
I remember being awkwardly curious of polyrelationships since my time with Lunar, and now I see it was my answer all along (of feeling loved without commitment, without heartbreak over ‘rushing it’).
I also remember what Wuffer told me, when he assumed I would ‘sell my body’ (which is not true at all). Don’t think he understands I’m actually happy when I’m with them. And doing Kovo’s suggestion, they’ll always be there with me wherever I go. 🙂