Good ole fun.. ruined by Orion / Useful relationship advice from.. KOVO?!

Posted on 10-01-2021 by Benie

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Good ole fun.. ruined by Orion
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Going to be skipping most of what happened last night, as it’s just filler and I rather give the TL;DR version. And here we go..
Got on near midnight, waited for Blender to get on. Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile and went to go see them. Not much happened (just me talking and cuddling with them). The friend went to bed and left me along. The world is a movie/sleep combo world and was checking the movie list. Started watching this interesting titled movie
called ‘Coronavirus Conspiracy (2021)’.. huh. Probably a short story about COVID and how it affected us all.
6 minutes into it, Blender joins. I can’t fully remember what if he said (if he had told me the reason why he took so long to get on), I asked him if he could see the video. He said yes, but it was paused for him. Then we had a ‘boop war’ (as I didn’t know what to say at the time). I let him win and asked him “do you feel satisfied?” He said “maybe, E!” Asked him “what would make you feel satisfied then?” He thought and claimed he didn’t know. I’m pretty sure I already knew what he meant but wasn’t 100% sure of it, and said “I guess you’ll discover it eventually.”
He said “I know what it is, E!” Asked him “well then, what is it?” Again he thought, and said “let’s just say it’s something that’s blue”.
Thought so. Hehehe! Played along and said “well there’s a lot of things that are blue in here.”
–
After I said that, Orion unexpectingly joins us. I had forgotten this world is Friends+, but didn’t really think much of it at the time. Blender doesn’t realize this and keeps talking about the thing that is blue. Thankfully Orion never heard him. I said “Orion’s here by the way.”
Orion starts talking to Blender as he usually does, never asking how I’m doing. Then he says to him “you don’t need to worry about Brayden anymore: he left the group.” Remember what I said in my previous blog post? This is when he said that and this is when I felt if Brayden commits suicide it’ll be my fault. If I had never told him what Blender told me about Shaw, he’d still be in the group. Actions have consequences.
He also told Blender that he has the power to defend the group too, as he’s a brother. And of course he didn’t want to as he’s a pacifist. I stepped in and reminded him that he’s an adult and not a child anymore.
Moving this on, Orion asked about his yeen. Blender said he liked it but it had issues and showed it. Orion noticed how dark it was, then I said “well we could go to Room of the Rain to show your avatar better”. Noticed as I was saying that, Blender was shaking his head no at me. ..Why? That makes no sense. But Orion said we could join a friend of his and he went to do so. Blender seemed almost thrilled Orion was gone, not at all wanting to go see him. …Huh. I can’t remember what he said, but I do remember him saying that
I “have a nice ass”.
Said to him “Heh, you can lick it if you want. But later, because we need to go see Orion.” I felt if I didn’t, he’d come back and ask questions.. and I rather not deal with that.
—
We joined a friend of Orion’s. I.. mainly just kept to myself mostly. Figured when Blender gets done talking, he’d come back to me. And.. that didn’t happen. So I tried to do my own things… feeling alone, wondering why I even got on. Yet I was also trying to tell myself to put Blender’s feelings infront of mine. …It was really difficult. :/
Just, kept wondering.. when is he going to actually come over and ask “are you doing alright Benie?” Nothing. He just kept talking to them. Orion didn’t even come over and ask me if I was doing OK. Noone did. Guess I should be used to it, as a loner. It.. still hurts though.
To compound the problem, a famous Twitch streamer showed up that Blender wanted to see. This time I was by them, and I tried to tell him to just relax. And Orion embarrasses Blender right infront of him, talking about the CEC animations he does. In a way, I saw it as Orion saw it of showing him he has nothing to worry about. But at the same
time (looking back at this).. that was very rude of Orion.

Was heading to the mirror, and Kovo arrived. Oh man, here comes the life of the party. He came right up to me and asked if I’m doing OK. Told him I’m doing fine, but he knew something was bugging me.
Later on I’ve moved away from the mirror. Kovo’s talking random things to me, trying to cheer me up. All I’m doing is trying to lay up on my bed to give my back a rest.. while looking at Blender chatting with the crowd ahead of me. Again, just wondering if he’ll ever come over and notice me. Half an hour goes by, he still won’t come over to me.
Went back over to the mirror. Kovo came by, again asking if I was OK. I saw Blender showing up in the corner of my eye and he kind of comes over to me. Again I told him I was fine.. but this time definitely not hiding the pain I was feeling. He looks at Blender who looks nervous, saying “I know something’s going on between you two, but I’ll leave you guys alone. And Benie if you want someone to talk to, I’m here.” and leaves.
I watch Blender’s reaction, waiting for him to say something.. anything. He backs off and goes to talk to someone else, and then he comes back.
Finally I speak up, telling him I’ve been waiting for him to show up. He apologizes and then gives me a kiss. Feel somewhat better and we snuggle and french kiss… and Orion ruins the moment I actually felt happy. Why are you doing this to me, Orion…? The FUCK did I do to you?! Didn’t say this. Fucking 3rd wheel.
He leaves us, this time Jellyosaurus was with us. Blender said he was tired and needed sleep. I said “well get to bed then”. He said “I don’t want to leave you here alone”… I was about ready to say something I’ll regret, but I said “don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself”. ..Lying when I said that. He’s got a lot of nerve to say what he did.
Jellyosaurus says “yeah, you should get to bed Blender”. Blender tries to downplay it by saying around this time he feels lightheaded. Jellyosaurus asks him “are you unable to keep your eyes open? Then get to bed.”
Orion comes back over, asking Blender “isn’t it about time for you to get to bed?”

Left the mirror. Got to an area of the world, feeling I just have no say anymore. I see them leave the mirror and talking to others, likely Blender telling them he’s going to bed.
Tried to stay out of sight, wishing Blender would just go to bed. I should had gone further out to not be seen yet at the time time I– didn’t. I wanted Blender to come up and apologize for not being there without Orion butting in. Yet since he wasn’t, I said to
myself “god damnit Blender, just go to bed already!.. Don’t make it harder on
yourself.”
Orion comes up to me and asks “did Blender tell you he was going to bed?” I lie and
say “yes”, try to leave but Blender shows up. He comes up to me and says “come here
you!” and gives me a kiss. Feeling a bit happy he actually cares enough to do that, I kiss him back. Then he heads to bed, and I head to a side of the world that is unused.
I lean my head back, the back of the headset resting on the wall and I try to go to sleep in VR.. the only thing I can do, as I have nothing to do. Blender is the whole reason I get on anymore, and having to put himself infront of me just sucks (but I still try to do it). I just don’t like how Orion seems to come in and ruin good moments with myself and
Blender, so I try to just sleep the pain away.

A few minutes later, I nearly had a mini heart attack when “BENIE!!!!” is screamed into my right ear by Kovo. ..The fuck do you want?! Can’t you see I’m depressed?! I didn’t say that. He tells me Vale is coming back home. “..Well, nice!! That is awesome, dude! Glad to hear that!” I say, giving him a thumbs up for the good news.
He leaves, and I try to go back to sleep again. 5 minutes later, I hear Kovo on my left asking me if it’s “ok for me(him) to be over here” as he’s creeped out over a
literal LEGosi (Legosi from Beastars that’s just legs). I was OK with it, said “sure, I have no problem. This is the lonely area.”
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Useful relationship advice from.. KOVO?!
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He again asks me if I’m doing alright. Alright Kovo, if you insist. And he does. He took a day off of work, just to be with me. The reason is he’s been worried about me “for the past two days” ..Shit, man. I didn’t mean to make you worry about me for you to take time off work for this! :/ He said it’s fine, said he did the same for Vale once.
So, I explained what was on my mind, holding nothing back. Some crazy theories emerge from this, such as he thinks even though Orion is married.. he has feelings for Blender. I asked with a bit of shock “uhh.. isn’t that, you know.. cheating on his wife?? He has kids dude!” He says yes, but it’s not unheard of. ..I dunno, dude. Orion isn’t the kind of person that would do that! He says it’s still possible, of how I said he(Orion) tries to interfere with my time with Blender. …I still dunno. Whatever vendetta Orion feels with me, I really doubt he has those kind of feelings for him. And I explained to Kovo that it’s more of a brotherly bond.
The second theory, grabs my attention. He said Orion knows about my previous failed relationships, and is trying to protect Blender.. from me. And says “the relationship was over before it began”. Now this is more likely.. yet, why? Plus, Orion told me before he “stays away” from that kind of drama. When I told him(Orion) about Wolfdog, he said he wanted to stay away from that drama. So, now I dunno if that’s true either. I never told him about all of my relationships, and again Orion (if the news came to him) does his best to steer clear of it. He doesn’t cause drama. I believe him. …So, why is he doing this? ..WHY?! What the FUCK did I DO to him to cause this?! Is it just, Orion being overprotective? That’s possible. Because I still remember Blender telling me he too felt this.
–
Kovo suggested I talk to Orion about this. …Yeeeeeeah that’s not happening. Not when he usually sounds pissed everytime he speaks. Not really comfortable when I’m like this.
Finally, when I told him about MIBIT and how he was always there, it’s like Kovo was encouraging me to go back to him. “Remembering your past relationships, he was different than the others”… he was. Yes. But I told him about how he overdid it with the communication thing– the scheduling and stuff, and how I didn’t expect it. Kovo understood me, but reminded me again how it’s better than what I’m going though with Blender.
Then I said “But remember, MIBIT was the same person that a week after we broke up, he wanted to get back together. ..I mean, you don’t do that. Plus, I cheated on him!!”
He stopped me, saying “Nova did that.” I paused for a long time, remembering that she wanted to fix their friendship. Nova did the same thing (of the whole cheating thing).
..Oh, my lord. You’re right, Kovo! This never really crossed my mind, or even Kovo’s mind at the time. I was too ashamed at myself back then for not knowing an unofficial relationship = an open relationship. Kovo suggested that I should’ve asked Cute instead of Frost, or someone that knows about open relationships that could had saved me at the time. Told him “Cute sadly wasn’t on my mind at the time”.
—
At the end, I thanked Kovo for shockingly helping me out with relationship advice. Hard to believe, Kovo of all people would actually know how to help. Plus he suggested I’d talk to Nova about Blender; get her input on the matter. He gave me a big hug and wished me luck. Thank you, Kovo. This was a very good talk. 🙂

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Good ole fun.. ruined by Orion / Useful relationship advice from.. KOVO?!

An end to the yelling? / Strange internet issues / Don’t mess with Orion / “I dunno but you scare me” -DJ

Posted on 10-01-2021 by Benie

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An end to the yelling?
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Another topic I feel embarrassed/ashamed to talk about. It is related to the whole cat thing. The day before I was in a call with Blender and he was showing me this FNF mod he finds very interesting. And I can see why.. it’s hilarious. But as he’s doing the secret boss song, my mother comes in the room. I got my AC on and she asked me if I could turn the temperature up as she felt it was ‘cold’ in here. It was 84*F around me… that is not ‘cold’.
All I’m going to say is it lead me to turning my computer off for a bit, to ‘calm
down’ mostly.
The next morning, she’s telling me a plethora of things about this. She wants to stop yelling at me; trying to work with me. But she warns me that if the cat has to be put down because of me “not caring”… I don’t need to say what the outcome will be, because it wouldn’t be good. And that made me care for someone else instead of myself all the
time. …For the safety of my computer.
Yet that afternoon when it actually was hot even for her, she said I can do whatever I felt best. But I knew that was a ruse to put me in a feeling of control, as she calls the shots when it comes to this cat. And the best thing I can do to avoid conflict and further stress to both of us, is just to do what she says.
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Strange internet issues
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With my computer back on, I got on VRC around 2 in the morning. I felt bad leaving Blender like that but I didn’t know what to say to him. Saw Kovo joinable and went to go see him. Not really much happened there until I saw Dusky (who was also there) run into the movie theater part of the world. Told Kovo and we both went in, only for it to be a brilliant trap for Kovo with “UwU!!” being flashed everywhere. HAHAH!! WOW!! That was a good one, Dusky! Kovo didn’t exactly appreciate being bombarded by the ‘demon word’.
Dusky said he found a Deltarune meme compilation of the whole “GOD FUCKING damnit KRIS where the HELL are we?!” thing, and tried to play it. The video ran perfectly for them, but not for myself. And when Dusky tried to play it for me, I saw “Video player error”. He said I’d have to rejoin. Kovo was quite surprised he wasn’t the one having issues. ..Meh. First Youtube, now it’s happening here. The fuck. It gets to two seconds into the video and stops without warning. Some kind of very strange buffering issue. And then when I came back, it did play but it was lagging like crazy at times and I missed a lot of parts in the video.
But when it comes to VRChat …I don’t fucking get it. When Blender shows me his videos, I have no issues. When I use XSOverlay to paste a video URL in a video player and play it, I have no issues. When I go to a world with a video player that auto plays music when I
join, I have no issues.
Yet when Dusky played that video, I had an issue and they didn’t..? The FUCK?! I..I don’t know how to even ask Spectrum to look into fixing that.
Anyway, we went to another world.
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Don’t mess with Orion / Having to put others infront of yourself… sucks
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It was the new Furhub world. Dusky found the world being unoptimized and needing more work, but I was fine. We found Kovo and found a mirror. Kovo and Dusky were doing their usual shenanigans while I was looking at VRCX, wondering when Blender was going to get on.
The shenanigans got to a point that Dusky took Kovo away from the mirror to “have a word with him over his lewdness” (that I caused. Heheheh)
Orion was with me and asked me how was Blender doing. Said he’s doing really good and there was “a bit of drama” but it’s sorted out. I did feel confident to talk about it and started doing so. Kovo interrupted me a few times (trying to get back at me for the
joking), and Orion defended me by countering it.
–
Went back continuing explaining the entire situation. Kovo heard me and came over and I tried to get him to remember what he told TrojanDragon (aka Brayden). But he couldn’t fully remember. Orion was losing his patience, so I explained what Kovo said. And when I said how Brayden said he “was Blender’s guardian”, Orion was all “WHAT?! ..Benie, he was lying to you!”
…Fuck!! So not only did Brayden put me on the hot seat with Wolfdog, but lied to me. Good thing I blocked him then. Kept explaining how Shaw came up to me and was upset with Blender how he didn’t fully tell me the story (how it happened 10 years ago) and how Blender wouldn’t let me help him get the matter situated. Orion understood my frustration with Blender, and said I should had messaged him. I told him I was hoping to talk to him ingame with Shaw and get the matter taken care of, but said I’ll keep that in mind.
He went AFK, saying before he is talking to Shaw and asking “what is TrojanDragon doing right now?” An hour passed, he pulled me aside and said TrojanDragon has been given a strike, and it’s the first time there’s ever been a strike in their server.
Editor’s Note: A day later, Brayden left the server and saying he feels he’s “not welcomed anymore”. ..In the back of my mind I fear my choices might cause him to commit suicide. I pray I’m wrong, but Brayden is the kind of person that would do that.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
After that, Orion told me that he “got Blender with Shaw” and I said “..oh. Alright.” That disappointed me, a lot. I wanted to see him on, and he in a call with Shaw. I felt like “where’s my input on this?! He’s my soon to be BF. Do I not get a say here?!”
So, I’m supposed to just accept it. I feel like I’m not fully allowed to be a part of Blender’s life.
And.. maybe it’s for the best. I’m 45, and Blender is 20. …Maybe we really shouldn’t be a thing. Blender…, he doesn’t fully think like an adult. Scared to say it almost feels like the entire thing with Fluffy and Aftershock.
–
Kovo left for the night. I stayed on yet once again debating if I should stay on. Checked out the ‘Luminous Isles’ world. It’s not bad. Would look better with people actually in it. It’s got a large area with a screen. I was looking for the video player and stumbled onto a DJ booth.
Used XSOverlay to play Deltarune Chapter 2’s ‘Knock you down !!‘ (GIGA Queen fight song) that’s on a loop and played along with the lights. Was one wild light show!


But yeah, that was wild. But my mind was still on Blender… if he’ll even show up or if Shaw forced him to go to bed.
It was 4:30am, and I was 70% certain Shaw told Blender to get to bed as he “needs to”. But the thought of ‘not letting me make that call’ wasn’t in my mind. Blender being mad at me for telling Orion and getting him(Blender) stressed.. was.

Again not letting me make that call. But around 4:35am, Blender unexpectingly shows up. Thought “holy fuck.. he actually thought for himself!” and spawned to go see him. He was in desktop again, and talking quietly. Asked him if he could speak up. Said he had to be quiet as he was at his grandmother’s house and came on to see me. But said at 5am his grandmother will get up and he’ll be “screwed”. Well hun, then get off and go to sleep before she does. Please use your head.
He talked about things and I told him what Orion told me, and.. how I was worried he was mad at me for going to Orion. He said he wasn’t, that he “was going to go to Orion anyway about it”. Well cool!
It was 4:53am and he said it’s been 10 minutes, and I told him “you better get to bed then if you don’t want your grandmother to catch you”. And he did. I went to bed later.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal, Politics | Comments Off on An end to the yelling? / Strange internet issues / Don’t mess with Orion / “I dunno but you scare me” -DJ

A real mess

Posted on 09-28-2021 by Benie

There’s a reason I haven’t been posting for awhile. I am still alive, as you can see. And as far as I know I still don’t have COVID.

Dealing with issues on two fronts;
1. Blender after acting like he’s asking for my help when dealing with drama, and then tells me to “not bring it up” when the person causing drama shows up. Causing trust issues.
2. How I’m.. not either my mother’s son, or my father’s son (apparently), as I don’t act like either of them and just, honestly want to be LEFT ALONE.

—
I’ll discuss the first thing as it’s still ongoing. About a week ago, Blender tells me about something that happened with Shaw. I won’t mention what it was, but I went on with my life (with him). He was also very tired, so we ERP’d for him to get the sleep he needs, and he went to bed.
I went to go see Kovo in this Undertale themed world. Some guy with a slightly familiar voice came up to me, asking me if I remember them. I was perfectly honest when I didn’t. It was Brayden. Ah, alright. Then Kovo asked me how I was doing, and I said I was fine that Blender and I were talking about things.
Brayden got word of this and asked me “what’s going on with Blender? What did you guys talk about?” I’m thinking “dude, that’s not any of your business”. Kovo said “dude that’s up to Benie if he wants to say that”. Thank you Kovo. Brayden’s all “well I’m Blender’s guardian, it’s my right to know”. ..His ‘guardian’? Blender never told me this. I assumed myself, him and Orion are all his guardians. Not a single person. But whatever. I told him what I know.
Happen to look over on my right.. and Shaw was there. “..Ohh, hi. I was.. uh, just talking about you.” Shaw asked “you’re talking about the [RETRACTED], right?” I said yes. He said he was upset at Blender for not telling me everything, as in the events that
happened, was 10 years ago. Yet I felt this wasn’t that big of a deal.
–
Later that morning I was in bed, and Blender woke me up saying he was “terrified”. I asked him what happened, said Shaw messaged him and was upset with him. And it made him upset.
The next day (in VRChat) he tells me Shaw “blacklisted” him. Ok, Shaw’s going too far. I need to do something. Yet Blender’s like “promise me you won’t tell him anything”.
…The fuck? Dude. You tell me this, and act like you need my help.. yet you won’t actually let me help you? This feels painful. Plus by saying that, it’s like you’re blaming me for this which is NOT cool. I was forced to talk by Brayden. He apologized for that, saying he wasn’t trying to say this.
Next thing he tells me, that Shaw wants to forget about this whole mess. ..He shouldn’t had even made it into a fucking mess in the first place! But, whatever. That’s good. Hopefully that’s that.

Yesterday (in VRChat), me and him were in the CEC world (my first time there). Blender had gotten a comment in his latest video, saying the world is broken. The person wasn’t specific on what was broken with the world, so Blender went over nearly everything in the world. I didn’t see any issues on my end.
We’re in this back room with avatars. He then freezes, says he’s very nervous right now. I asked him what’s wrong, and he says Shaw messaged him and was really terrified. Huh? I don’t get it. I thought Shaw was willing to put this aside. He said Shaw claimed Blender was telling others, which he never did. ..Hun, we need to get Orion involved in this. This is wrong and we need to clear your name. Said he was scared, but also acted like he understood what I meant. I tried to have him put this aside while he tests the world, and he finally did.. for a bit.
He tested the songs and the animatronic characters, making sure they work. Then he tells me two of his friends want to join him. The first one doesn’t say much, then drops a portal and says “this is my favorite world. You wanna come?” Uh, you didn’t even ask Blender if he wanted to go somewhere else, as he’s busy testing the world. But Blender wasn’t thinking at all by the time the second friend joined, and telling him to go through the portal. …Huh?? W–why did he go through the portal, when he knows he needs to bug test the world?
It looked like all three of them went through it, but I stayed put.. feeling a bit disgusted at that one friend and talking to myself. Yet I also should had gone there to protect him. But I’m thinking that hopefully he’ll realize he made an error and rejoin me.
Blender’s second friend was still here with me. I asked him why didn’t he go through the portal, said he didn’t feel like it. I shrugged and didn’t know what to say afterwards.
–
After awhile, this person said I was “a very particular character”. ..Huh? He said I was very interesting. Okay. Thank you, I guess? The guy started getting closer to me, calling me a cutie and stuff. I appreciated the compliment and just went with it, feeling no harm and considering on friending the guy. I was still thinking about Blender, but I was really enjoying the cuddles. It’s like something came over me.
Then he suddenly left. Likely crashed. Went to go see Blender, as likely the guy wouldn’t be able to come back (without Blender being here) as this is an invite+ instance.
—
Blender said “..it took you this long to join?” I quickly responded with about that friend who dropped that portal and trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with Blender. Said he wasn’t thinking straight. I asked “it’s about Shaw about it?” His ears go down, so yes it was. I snuggled him, and telling him about the other friend who seemed like he was hitting on me. He felt bad about this too, saying his friend “probably gave you more affection than I ever can”.
…I’m not going to lie, it actually felt good (in an awkward way). Just the guy’s voice was a bit.. attracting and sweet, and I couldn’t get that off my mind. But, I told him “I’m staying true to you, Blender”. Yet it’s like I was doubting my own words, because that guy sounded like he was in his 30’s and seemed quite mature, and Blender is 20 and sometimes acts like a child. That’s.. a bit of an age gap and it made me think for awhile. But I tried to not let it bother me too much.
I calmed him down and we returned to the CEC, and tested every song. Noone else wanted to join, yet deep down inside I.. wanted to see that guy again. Something about him really interested me. But being close to Blender, helped to erase most of that.
Soon he had played every song and he found nothing wrong with the world, and believed the issue might be the commenter’s computer that was causing issues. At this time Blender was getting tired, but I still wanted to wait for Orion to get on.
Blender’s telling me that there was a challenge of staying in a Chuck E Cheese for a day and how stupid it was. Had a little fun with this and asked him “I wonder if anyone ever had sex in a Chuck E Cheese”. He said not that he heard of, and I said “well.. there’s always a first, if you get what I mean”.
He did, and I asked him “only if you want to, that is”. He thought about it for awhile and and said “it would help me to wake up”. Then pointed at me and said “Challenge accepted”. …And then I got c$%@ blocked by Shaw wanting to join us. Ok, so the ERP is going to have to wait. Bring him here, and let me do the talking hun. I’ll take care of this mess. But Blender grabbed my muzzle as to shut me up and said “if I can’t handle it, I’ll let you”. Deal. As long as you get this done, hun. That’s all I care about.
It took Shaw three times until he finally joined the world (and stayed). Blender now believes this is what the commenter meant by the world is ‘broken’. Shaw explained the situation to me that it’s the likely scenario.

I waited for Blender to speak up about Shaw’s harassment in DMs. Looked at him and motioned to him as if to say “go on hun. Let’s get this done.”  Instead he kept avoiding it by talking about the CEC and stuff. ..What the HELL dude?! That’s twice you’ve done this to me!
Shaw drops a portal of the upcoming CEC he’s working on. I step in first, hoping to be there before Shaw does. Go up to Blender and say “I guess he’s letting this go then?” He says “don’t say anything”.
Ok. Deal. I won’t. say. anything… for the rest of the morning. Prop my legs up on my bed to give my back a rest, and watch the show. Blender comes up to me and asks “are you ok Benie?” I say nothing. He knew I wasn’t happy with him. It’s getting close to 5am and he heads to bed. I leave without a word, then start messaging him on my phone about very unhappy I am with him.
Twice you’ve done this. Do you not realize how much it hurts when I’m unable to defend you? You’re making me regret saying I wanna stay loyal and try to find that sweet friend of yours.
He wants to fix this. He wants to keep dating.. but he doesn’t know how to tell his brain to stop blocking help. Keeps saying he “doesn’t want to cause drama”. …So you’re just going to allow Shaw to do that to you? You’re just going to allow everyone to walk all over you?
Not on my watch!

=
Look, I dunno if even telling him this is the right thing to do. I need to talk to someone for advice. Someone I can trust that isn’t going to go behind my back and tell Shaw about this. And that someone was Kovo. He told me to not force the change on him, that if he doesn’t want to be helped I got to change to not help him.
I tried that but I felt bad for him, and pondered if I should ask Shaw in DMs. So I did and after a few confusing moments (confusing him by accident), I got my answer. I’m not going to say the name, but an individual that I know who was involved in this, tried to start shit with Blender. Reasons unknown. But they’ve been dealt with by Shaw. Very good. That’ll teach them to mess with Blender.
I told Blender the good news. He feels relieved, but I still felt a bit annoyed at him for not trusting me. I know he’s scared, but.. *sighs* we’re never going to become official if we can’t fully trust eachother. He understands this and he apologizes for doubting I can handle this …the fact he even had doubts in my words is disturbing. But, I’ll let it go only if doesn’t happen again. Because if it does, I’m sorry but… yeah. I kind of want to say this but I also don’t as he doesn’t need that pressure weighed down on him. I did that to Fluffy and that was a mistake.
Because it’s not just trust issues, it’s him being so scared of offending people to the point that he refuses to even take the chance. There are friends he has that he’s so scared he’ll say the wrong thing and offend him, and he seriously needs to get over this. Even Shaw agrees with me and finds this annoying.
==============================================================
And now for the second thing. 3-4 days ago, I’m doing my thing and one of my father’s friends comes over unexpectingly. I wave hi, minding the 6FT social distancing rule. He asks me how I’m doing and told him I was fine and stuff like that. Then my mother asks him if he wants to go outside and talk as it’s a nice day, and the two do. I go back to my computer.
The next day, my mother tells me the friend wasn’t too happy with me. The fuck did I do? I was minding my own business. ..That’s the problem, apparently. It reminds me of all of those family sitcoms when a family member their kids don’t really wanna see comes over and they prefer to stay in their room instead of coming down and being part of the family. Except I didn’t mind the friend, especially what he’s done for us. But he minds me not being out there to talk to. To the point the friend told her “he’s not your husband’s son”.
*sighs deeply* Look, I can’t help that I’m 70% Introvert. And do I seriously have to be someone I’m not?
Plus I have nothing that isn’t computer related to say. All of my friends are online. I have no IRL friends, and I’m fine with it. Yet he expects me to act like my father. ..WHY?! I am noone but myself!! Why can’t you get that into your skull?! I am sorry I’m not what you expect, but don’t guilt trip me! ..Yet I already felt guilt tripped and I said “if he comes back and stays in here, I’ll just tell him the truth.”

I’m tired of being told “I dunno who you are, but you are NOT my son!!” I. don’t. CARE. I don’t even have a family anymore! But I am getting by. I have my online friends. I have my computer. I have a roof over my head. ..And yes I should also be saying “I have my mother”, but I never really treat her with respect.
Depresses me I’m the way I am.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on A real mess

Benie’s wild, crazy (and long) Tall Tale

Posted on 09-23-2021 by Benie

Being bored with VRChat lately, waiting for my new right controller, Blender being sick with a cold (yet still hardly talking to me in Discord), a written/visual walkthough of Riven saying “use this from this” (when ‘this’ isn’t where it’s supposed to be and how in the fuck do you know how to decipher ‘this’ without knowing the language first)… and finally watching some Youtube videos that re-sparked my interest in Sea of Thieves, I decided to dive into doing my first Tall Tale (that isn’t part of A Pirate’s Life). It’s called ‘The Shroudbreaker’.
=======================
WARNING: This post will have spoilers of the Tall Tale. Do not read if you haven’t done it yet.
Started off at the Northwest outpost. Ran to the tavern and spoke to the Mysterious Stranger. He told me “only the most brave and skilled pirates may return alive”.. hmm. And this is only Chapter 1 of 8, so I felt confident in my abilities. I didn’t even gather supplies, as what Orion had told me.
My destination was to reach a shipwreck between two islands, according to the journal I was given. Instead I headed East to another outpost (which took me a lot
more Northeast than I should had). The reason was to avoid a towering supercell thunderstorm blocking my way. Was trying to go around the core, and end
up ‘scraping’ the side of it anyway with my compass going berserk and it being hard to steer.
Tried turning away from the storm. Finally out-boated it and regained control. Made it to the outpost, with only a small hole in my sail. A shame there’s no way to repair it. As I was about ready to dock, I got that message that more players are joining the server.
Now I must make my way SSE to nearly due South to reach the shipwreck. Left the island by swinging around it.. scraped the side as I departed and had to make repairs.
–
I see a small island cluster infront of me, not on the map. The hell is this thing doing here? Where’s the shipwreck? Stop at the island. No enemies, but there are some barrels with supplies. Nice.
I go underwater and notice a rather large shipwreck. Hmmm. Could this be the ship mentioned in the journal? Go over the journal again, and sure enough it is. NICE! I found it! Now to find the ship’s ‘blackbox’. And as I was looking, took damage. Quickly got back on my boat and saw this happy little fucker snarling at me, as if it was saying “GET DOWN FROM THERE (so I can bite you)!!!”

He brought a friend too, but with how dark it was I never got a picture. So I healed up and waited for the playful man-eating assholes to fuck off. They did and I headed back
down, now with more light to see below. Made it to the Captain’s Quarters and found the log laying on a chair. My log got updated.
Back on my ship I went over the log of The Magpie’s Wing, it mentions leaving Discovery Ridge, being attacked by The Burning Blade and fleeing SE to ESE, and then dumping a treasure chest “North of a small island”. Came to the assumption I need to follow the journey of this once proud vessel, starting south of Discovery Ridge. Only then will I find the treasure that contains a ‘key’ of sorts and more notes to lead me to the Shroudbreaker’s location. But what on Earth does it mean by “a large tangled nest of islands” on its starboard side?
Looked up a walkthrough and they said it refers to Shark Bait Cove. Set sail for Discovery Ridge. Approaching it, was in a very thick fog bank. So thick I didn’t see the shoreline rapidly approaching the front of my ship. Fortunately was able to recover from this and repaired the damage quickly. Then I got that message (again) about more players are joining the server. Didn’t take long for the fog to clear.
Now on the south side of the island, I went over the notes that would take me passing Shark Bait Cove on my starboard (right) side. Looking at the map more carefully by cross referencing it to the Magpie’s log, it seemed the chest was dropped North of Lookout Point. Just how far North, I didn’t know.
Made it to Lookout Point. Discovered I needed to get in closer, going by how deep the bottom of the ocean is. After dealing with an enemy I saw something glimmering underwater! HELL YEAH I found it! Go me with my excellent navigation skills!
Grabbed the chest and brought it onboard my ship. Opened it up and found papers and some sort of totem.
–
Looking at the new notes, it mentions a Scarab. ..Huh. This time I had to refer to the walkthrough, and it pointed NE to Crook’s Hollow. But again I had a thunderstorm blocking my way. However, looks can be deceiving and it was further north than it looked.
Made it to Crook’s Hollow, but as I was prepping to park in a way where I would be ready to get the hell out of there quickly, I noticed a ship on the horizon. Looked through my seeing eye glass and saw a Galleon on fire, being attacked by the Kraken.

From this perspective I can’t tell if it was a player ship or a skeleton ship, but it was definitely on fire and definitely being attacked by the Kraken.
Anyway, the walkthrough said to look for a temple of sorts. Instead I found some good stuff like a skeleton captain cursed skull, a Captain’s Chest, and a Merchant Alliance flag. Good shit. Can’t wait to sell these, but I also felt I was “pushing it”.
Went through this really large cave, and found what looks like a switch and said ‘Key Required’. Hmm.. I wonder. Could the totem be used as a ‘key’? Went back to my ship and grabbed the Scarab Totem. As I was walking to the cave I heard something strange behind me. Turned around and.. I saw someone walking around on my ship. They spot me and attempt to steal my ship from me.

HEY, DON’T GTA MY SHIP!!
Put the totem down and try to run after them, but it’s too late. Wait for the mermaid to show up, pull out my sword and told myself to be ready for combat. But when I got back onboard my ship.. the person was gone. Smacked every single inch of the ship with my sword, thinking they’re hiding in a barrel somewhere.
But nothing, as if my ship had a mind of its own.

When I looked at my treasures, everything was still there as I left them. Like all they wanted was my ship. ..The fuck? Could it had been one of the crew from that Galleon I saw earlier? Anyway, was thankful they left. They could had done a lot worse to me. Took control and went back to the island. Found the totem and made my way to that spot I saw earlier.

Looks like I was right. It IS the key! I FOUND IT! Nice! Placed it and a door
opened, revealing a temple of sorts. There’s an altar infront of me with four blazers. Not knowing what this is, I lit them and hit the button. Water began to fill the chamber. I didn’t realize this until later on when I saw the water level was rising. OSHI– I need to solve this puzzle before I drown!! The solution is in the journal – four symbols – four switches, and I had to do this three times.
After the 3rd time, the water rushed out of the room within a split second. Now I had another puzzle to solve. On the altar was a darkened image of a rock with a scarab on it. Looking at the walkthrough, I need to find these and dig at a specific place to find a medallion.
I searched and searched all over the island. Couldn’t find this rock with a scarab on it. And then Orion suddenly joins me without warning. I join the call and he’s all “seems you might need help”. Boy, do I. Your timing is perfect, Orion. He knew exactly where to look for the three medallions, and ‘showed’ me I’d be dealing with skeletons I’ve never seen before.
Heading to the third, he found an Ashen Lord and got another cursed skull for me to sell. Made my way back to the ship as he went to get the Shroudbreaker. Now we gotta get back to the Mysterious Stranger and give him it. Both Orion and I are checking the map, when suddenly he yells out “Reaper! REAPER!!” There is a ship with a red flag on the
map, enroute right for us. Oh shit, we need to get out of here NOW! He tells me there’s an outpost with a volcano. Let’s go then! I let him drive for now on.
–
Nearly there, Orion spots a Galleon and tells me to raise the sail. I say “maybe they’re friendly? I dealt with a friendly Galleon crew before.” He checks and says “Nope, they’re not friendly. They got the Jolly Roger flag.” But we proceed on course. The ship never followed us thankfully, but we did have two Megalodon encounters (one of them attacking us once). When the second one was attacking, Orion yelled “JUMP!!” and I started jumping in place. This actually helps to avoid being knocked around like a pinball, that I can see. Quite nice.
With the holes repaired, I’m checking the map as Orion’s telling me and see a red skull marker that we’re heading straight toward. I remember seeing this when I was first starting this adventure, and remembering Wolfdog telling me to avoid it at all costs. This one isn’t moving though. Orion tells me it’s a Reaper Chest. Ohhh, so that’s what that marker means.
Make it to the outpost, sell the stuff and complete the Tall Tale. Very nice. Yet I’m unsure if that Merchant Alliance flag ever was sold. ..Ehh, matters not. But I did get an achievement from selling that Captain’s Chest. Apparently, it belonged to another player crew. Yet what was it doing floating with other debris at the island, for anyone to pick up?

.
That was definitely a fun adventure, and I’m glad I was able to solo most of it.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Benie’s wild, crazy (and long) Tall Tale

The furry pain in the ass (that’s also adorable)

Posted on 09-22-2021 by Benie

I have multiple titles for this one;
-Unplanned, forced changes
-Difficult decisions
-The life of a semi cat ‘owner’
-The mother and the cat
-I literally did not sign up for this
-Whoever said ‘change is good’ didn’t get stuck with a cat
-Karma became a bitch for me

Yes, that’s a lot of multiple titles. And if you’re a cat lover (or just a lover of animals in general).. I think it’s best you look away from this post as it’s extremely embarrassing on my part. But also please understand from my part, that I never wanted the responsibility of taking care of an animal. I was the exact opposite of most kids; never begged my parents for a cat or dog. ..Fish however, I did. Because fish (ie: tropical fish) to me are easy to maintain. They don’t require nearly constant attention as a cat or dog would.
So the mentioned cat is a standard gray cat, who’s named ‘Cleopatra’ (or ‘Cleo’ for short). As all gray cats, she’s extremely affectionate. She’s mainly an outdoor cat, and that is what’s been getting her in trouble with fleas and ear mites. She’s not exactly a smart cat.
She also can be quite the bitch, hence her name. As in, demanding to be let out. Demanding to be petted. Demanding to sit on your lap.
–
She also isn’t the healthiest cat. She has a ‘heart murmur’ where.. if she gets extremely stressed out, it could kill her. And it almost did when she was taken to be fixed and also get microchipped. The second part didn’t happen, as she was “overheated”.
She also has moments of having a cold nose and a warm nose. Since she stays out mostly until my mother goes to ‘end her life’ (as Cleo feels it), she’ll come in to a warm house. And this temperature change sadly affects cats.
Now then, before my father died I still had the shoebox for a room. Cleo rarely came in my room. She typically stayed in the living room. But as time went on she shifted to staying in my father’s room. She would lay with my father, even sit on him as he laid in bed. She really liked being in this room, and liked being with him.
A few months had passed since my father passed away, and I claimed his old room as mine and the shoebox I called my room is now used for some of father’s old furniture. Cleo has really felt a disturbance in the force, yet to this day still doesn’t understand where my father went.

She sometimes would walk in here, sniff around the new furniture (to her) and maybe occasionally would come up to me and meow for pets, which I provide. And then she’ll leave. I always left the door open for her.
Two weeks ago, she changed how she acted. Started becoming more brave to come in here and stay awhile, even jumping up on things as if she was testing to see how she’d like being in this ‘new world’ without my father, but with me in his place. Nowadays, she keeps coming in here some time after my mother brings her in the house. …And this is where it’s really becoming a problem for me. How I typically keep to myself, play on my computer and eventually hop in VR. I never expected, I would be having to make changes to my routine.
What I mean is, she’s starting to get sick. She hasn’t had a cold nose in awhile, and I’m being blamed of leaving my AC on to cool my computer. In other words, I have to be boring like my mother to help the cat out. Aka, having to turn off my computer as it’s a heat source and can not have any drafts going. I didn’t initially like how my life would be forcefully altered by one damn cat.. and I still don’t as I write this. However my common sense is making me warm up to it.
It has not been easy, with how stuffy it feels at times when Cleo is in my room. But I’ve been trying to make the best of it. Yet it feels, nomatter how many drafts I try to prevent and how warm I try to make the room for her.. it’s not helping. Infact it seems she’s getting worse. Dunno why, or how. Without my father being around who might know how to help her, the only thing we can think of is to take her up to the vet.
And honestly you might as well take a bullet to her head at that point.. especially how they do it now, thanks to COVID. Let’s just say it would be no better than what happened with my father, how my mother couldn’t see him. ..The vet won’t allow her to see Cleo until the work is done and she’s checked out. The cat, would likely not be back home alive.

And then there’s my mother, who is fucking driving me up. the. wall. She claims she understands me and is ‘sorry’ and will try to work with me, and then after I do she goes 180 and expects me to live a boring life (like hers) for the cat, and calls me inconsiderate.
Which. fucking. IS IT?! Do you understand me OR NOT?! MAKE UP YOUR GOD DAMN MIND!! I keep having these conversations with her and I’m really getting sick of it.
I have been trying what I can for this cat, and she’s like “you can have your fan on”. And then the next moment she’s like “turn it off! Why don’t you care?!”
*inhales* ..BOI!!

If I had the availability to talk to someone about getting an apartment, I would be doing this about now.. and getting the hell out of here. Because I’m getting really tired for being blamed, when before she gave me the green light to do it. I never.. NEVER wanted the responsibility of this cat!!
Just fucking yesterday after another argument (trying to let off stress), I said “I’ll turn my computer off. This way, there is no heat source and the entire house should be at the same temperature. I’ll be boring for the cat. Let’s see how it goes”. And she’s all “no, you can play on your computer and use your fan.” ..And now I’m being yelled at for not thinking about the cat.

.
Next time, I’m going to do whatever I can for this cat, my way. I’m not going to let her trick me with fake words to make me feel she ‘understands me’. I’m tired of the bullshit. I’m tired of being yelled at. I’m tired of yelling about it. ..It’s solving nothing.
I’m turning my computer off the moment I hear the pet door slam down. Not going to have any fans going. The air will be stagnant. And if she comes in and tells me “no it’s OK to go about your life”.. I’m ignoring it. I’m saying “I do NOT want to be yelled at again. You want me to care about this cat, and ONLY this cat.. that’s what I’m doing. And you are not going to trick me by acting like you care… You don’t. Don’t give me your bullshit! So I AM
caring, for this cat. Now let us be.”

Posted in Personal | Comments Off on The furry pain in the ass (that’s also adorable)

Trying to be with Grey / Constant issues / The show, the fun, and the talk

Posted on 09-20-2021 by Benie

Seeing an old friend / Trying to be with Grey
==============================================================
He asked me if I was going to come on tonight. I said either by 10-11pm, and I came on by 11pm. But I didn’t go see him immediately as he wasn’t on. Instead I saw Mr Mercury. And wow was that a mistake. Let’s just say he’s still as.. awkward as he was before (he was snuggling me as a PAYDAY 2 character), and just as insane.
Insane as in someone you see doing something illegal and you’re watching from a
distance, and he slowly turns his head towards you and starts running. But instead of killing you, he snuggles you (to death). Beware, the serial snuggler.
==================================================
Believe it or not, it was Grey now on (and the fact Mercury suddenly left and never showed up) that gave me a reason to go see him.
He was in a world with a pool table, and he was trying to break it. He showed me just how broken the table is with him hitting the cue ball so hard it breaks the table’s physics engine, and was expecting me to laugh about how broken it was. Though I never did, not really liking how he wasn’t playing properly.
“Pool in VRChat has bugs in it”. Yeah, everything does.. but I don’t try to break the game on purpose. And I try to show him how to play the proper way, but he continues playing it the “break the game” way because it’s fun to him. *sighs* ….Why am I here again? Oh
yeah, because I don’t want Grey to feel left out. Yet all it’s doing is making me wish I wasn’t here when he’s going to abuse the system.
A friend of his joins, who chuckles at Grey for breaking the game. But the way he was chuckling, I feel it was only to humor him.
–
Grey mentions about a ‘paw-pets show’ that’s streaming on Twitch, and I assumed he was talking about the thing Wolfdog does, and shows me what he means. It’s definitely not what I thought. Still, it was really funny (especially when “the fox gets busy” and keeps humping a pig). And as I watch, Blender joins the world. Head down and go see him, half expecting him to give Grey some love (so he won’t feel hurt).
==============================================================
Constant issues
==============================================================
Ever since Grey turned the player on, I start to have issues of VRChat almost constantly disconnecting me. But the worse part about it is having that issue happen where I couldn’t hear anyone.. and this happened twice. We go to another world, only for me to crash again.
The hell is happening?! Take off my headset and notice how humid it is in my room. 84*F.
The cat is in my room, doing nothing to bother me. So I had to lie to my mother after taking the cat out saying “the cat was jumping in my face”.
It was either letting my computer breath cool air, or stop being in VR as it’s much too humid. I had to make a decision. I chose my friends over that spoiled rotten cat, and I cranked my AC back on. I also restarted SteamVR, and prayed the issue wouldn’t happen again.
==============================================================
The show, the fun, and the talk
==============================================================
While still in the second world (before I had to do something), Blender mentioned Lostwolf was inviting him to join somewhere but he wanted to stay for a bit. Then after I crashed, got the cat out, my AC back on and back in VR, Blender was in another world. I briefly joined him, then I joined Grey as I felt bad leaving him like that.
But he’s like “Blender left to go see one of his friends”. Though I said “well I wanted to see you”.
And Grey starts talking to his friend about how shitty the Index controllers are, how they feel so plastic to him and stuff. He wanted me to give my opinion, and I didn’t wish to. Then I lied saying “Blender’s sending me an invite to see him” (to get out of there) and he believed it.
Now with Blender, I told him what I had to do IRL; doing my best to explain this, and he understood. Then he told me some ‘good news’.. Raymond had joined seconds after I crashed in the previous world. So, VRChat ‘saved’ me from dealing with Raymond.

He wanted to show me his latest video, but I wanted him to have time with his friends first. Except nothing was really happening, except us snuggling. Soon I invited him to my home world. I ask him “do you want dinner and a movie, or a movie and then dinner?” He wanted the second thing, and we cuddled more. And the love we have for eachother was really ‘lifting’ us (quite literally, as this is a world you can pick players up).
And just like Dogecoin, we didn’t “go to the moon” and ‘crashed’. Sorry, Ellen Musk.
We headed down to watch the video. Was pretty funny; laughed harder than I should had as it was adult-oriented jokes. But the end really had us talking, of how long it took him to render the water that gets dropped on Munch.
After that, we had wild ERP time (he did mostly, to the point he was hiccuping again). He said it wasn’t the first time this happened, of a “horny hopkin”. I asked if he was the one that took it or the one that gave it. He said “both”. Damn, dude. Now I see why you said you were empty before.
–
Which, brought me to ‘the talk’. I wasn’t planning on addressing this with him ’till a much later time, but the fact he brought that up I felt it was a good time to do so. And the talk went of “we’ve been together for awhile, haven’t we?” He said “yeah, feels like a month now. That’s a long time”. “Hmm” I replied, feeling the opposite that it’s only been 2-3 weeks at the most. “But anyway, I’ve been thinking. And if we decide to be official, I’d like a closed relationship.” He paused, as if he felt unsure. Then said “yeah”. “Do you know what a ‘closed’ relationship means?” I asked. “I don’t mind explaining it.” “I sort of do but sure, as I don’t know fully.” he replied with.
And when I was done, he looked like as if he was just given the worst news in his life. “This means, no more seeing others for ERP. You must stay true to the one you love. To have and to hold, in sickness and health.. to death shall you part.” I further explained, trying to help him to understand the whole ‘eternal bond’ thing with a closed relationship. He didn’t say much, and I knew I accidentally put way too much pressure on him.
So I cuddled him, and said “Hun, the the least thing I wanna do is cause you stress. Ok? But I want you to think very, very hard on this. This is a huge commitment, I know. And you have to make some changes to make it work. But, what I want most of all, is for you to relax, take a deep breath, and know you have a lot of time to think about this.”
..Yes, looking back at this I can now see I countered by own words, by saying how I want him to think hard and then saying he has all the time to think… I’m not good with
words, OKAY?!
He nodded, said “E!” and snuggled me. Told him I loved him, and he said the same thing.

Posted in Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Trying to be with Grey / Constant issues / The show, the fun, and the talk

Steam Support verdict is in / Why I don’t feel it’ll work out with Blender / Grey’s flirting with me…?

Posted on 09-19-2021 by Benie

==============================================================
Steam Support verdict is in
==============================================================
Nearly 2 in the afternoon my time, I got a response from Steam. I have been waiting patiently for three days and here we go. Time to see if we can get the ball rolling on
the RMA and hopefully they’ll work with me.
And the verdict is..

1. They use FedEx as I said before, and won’t use anything else.
2. They expect me to have a car, a box, a printer, and bubble wrap. They claim
they “understand the situation” but won’t help me.
3. They won’t just send the replacement controller.
Totally not furious for waiting a week to be told “NOPE!”, I said to them “I’ll just buy a new controller”.

…And I can’t even do that now.

Everything Valve Index, is sold out. I had the chance to buy a replacement controller. It was available a week ago. But I waited for them, only for them to say “NOPE!” and now I can’t even do THAT now.

Is this karma? Is it just coincidence? I think it is karma, to tell me.. to NOT make the same fucking mistake I made and take care of my left controller. It’s a punishment.
–
Jero today tried to help me with this. A shocker, but I am very thankful– as he also told me using hot glue should repair the damage I caused. But I have to be careful to not get any on the pins. And yes it would definitely void my warranty.
To be on the safe side, I’m going to just wait until Valve finally get the Index and all its individual parts for sale again. This way if I do fuck up, I’ll have a new controller ready to go.
It’s likely they only have a small amount for RMA use, and there’s a chance my order might even be cancelled due to not having the stock in.

EDIT:
…HOLY GABEN!! I just checked their site and nearly everything is available again!

Quickly placed an order for a new right controller. I am NOT letting it slip from my claws again! 😄

Damn do I feel lucky it’s available again! But what the hell happened before!? All I can think of, is it may’ve been a computer glitch that was showing very.. very wrong info.
It was just under $160.. for one controller. Yeah, that’s a lot. This one controller is more expensive than my fucking graphics card! ..That’s insane.
But.. hopefully this has taught me to take better care of the controllers; to treat them like fine china.
Though IMO, they should had refused to do the RMA. It was 100% my fault; not a fault with the controller. “User misuse” should never be covered in any warranty.
Even SteamVR warns not to leave the charger cables in during use as it ‘might’ cause damage. It is not their fault I didn’t heed this warning. So it’s only right that I pay for
it.
Says it should arrive in a week by now. I still remember my Index full kit arriving
in 3-4 days after ordering it, so who knows. By Monday, I hopefully should get a “has been shipped!” update, and maybe by Wednesday I’ll have it. Then I’ll keep the box and put the broken controller in it.
==============================================================
“This is hot, not going to lie” / Why I don’t feel it’ll work out with Blender
==============================================================
I said I wouldn’t be doing these kind of posts, but I will only do it once.
Plus if you’ve noticed I haven’t really been talking about anything in VRChat for awhile. The reason is I have ‘new responsibilities’ now; caring for a cat. After the 4th day, finally worked out a plan with myself and my mother. And yesterday I finally got into VR
again (with the cat still in the room). Occasionally I reached over and pet her, but it’s like she’s all “I want you to sit down in your chair so I can sit on you, not when you’re on your bed! I can’t annoy you when you have that weird thing strapped to your face, so I’m a pissed off kitty!!! -_-”
Saw Muum was on. Huh. Never seen him on at this hour. He’s usually asleep by now. Went to go see him. As usual I didn’t see him right away, so I went under the world trying to look for the name. Found it deep below the world in a secret part. I slowly made my way down there. When I was close enough, I saw three people down there. My friend and two others.
Found a doorway and space dragged myself in. Couldn’t move as VRChat assumed I was still up in the other part of the world. This part of the world looked very unfinished, like I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was about ready to enter the rectangular room and saw things I wish I didn’t. A sergal, banging the fuck out of an anime chick.
But… instead of going somewhere else, I totally wasn’t watching them going at it with my mic obviously muted, chuckling like an idiot.

Good thing too, as Raymond joined and he never found me (thankfully). He doesn’t have playspace mover.
When I totally wasn’t trying to get a closer look at the action like one of those porn star photographers, Blender joins (ahh man). I try to respawn and reset my playspace and eventually do manage.
..He’s with Raymond. Thankfully Raymond doesn’t say anything to me and Blender wants to snuggle. I do so and then try to lead him away from Raymond. First attempt was a
fail, but the second was a win (when Raymond lost me and left). I tell him about
the ‘show’ below our feet I totally wasn’t watching for the past 10 minutes (totally wasn’t).
He’s more disgusted they’re doing it in a Friends+ instance than how it “sounds like a bad blend” with a sergal banging an anime chick.
==================================================
He starts talking about someone that Orion doesn’t like, that I eagerly listen to. Soon our peace and quiet are shattered by two random people barging in and wanting to talk. I very quietly whisper to Blender if he wants to go somewhere else and discuss this, and to follow my lead.
I respawn and try to look for another place, but there is nothing else except outside. After a few attempts I lead Blender outside and we continue our conversation. In the corner of my eye I see Muum coming outside. Looks like the sergal finally finished up.
I decided to bring Muum over and have Blender introduce himself, while at the same time hang out with Muum as it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him.
This was a mistake on my part, but it wouldn’t become clear until later. So we talked about things and Muum showed him the sunken boi, which he didn’t seem as impressed as I thought he’d be. The only real reaction came from Muum using the Narga model, and I know Blender is really into Nargacugas.
We also discovered Monday is Muum’s birthday. Nice. Happy early birthday! Blender being the very kind soul he is, wanted to show him the Happy Birthday video he made for himself and myself during our birthdays. But Muum was in a 3 way conversation with his friends, and Blender didn’t want to interrupt. So we waited, and waited, and waited some more. A half an hour passed, and it got to a point where I was trying to tell him “hun, it isn’t that big of a deal”.
I finally had enough and walked up to them, going against my own standards to help Blender out. I smiled and stood there, waiting for a reaction and then made my
move, explaining Blender’s predicament. Muum tried to say the same thing I was saying that it isn’t that big of a deal to him, and then he wanted to show Muum the video.
We all walked into the bar and found the video player. …I had no idea everyone in the fucking bar could hear the video, instead of just the ‘targeted individual’. Fuckin’ hell.
I was hearing comments in the background like “the fuck is this shit?!” Another guy replied saying “some kind of Chuck E Cheese thing, I dunno.”
Thankfully Blender didn’t hear the hurtful comments, but boy did I feel embarrassed being around him at that time. Thankfully noone asked me anything (such as if I know Blender).
I let them do what they wanted, while I decided to be a depressed person that feels like all of their friends left me except the names on these beer bottles, and started to get ‘drunk’.
–
Skipping this part even though it was funny, I’m not getting to the point of this segment. I came back after I was telling my mother the cat nearly fell into my chair from the arm
rest, and wouldn’t leave and that I hoped I wasn’t going to be yelled at for not caring about the cat, but I thankfully wasn’t.
I was drinking from a can of Sprite Zero Sugar to calm myself down, watching the two in one of the booths of the bar talking to eachother. I felt, there’s just no way myself and Blender are going to make this work. Blender likes this ‘open’ relationship with me a bit too much, and I feel he isn’t going to agree to a closed relationship. …I know I said I wasn’t going to feel this and had even promised him I wouldn’t, but my emotions overpower my words. Plus I’m reminded Blender himself saying he’s a “slut” for affection.
After I finished my drink, checked my friends list and saw NapPie on. Thought of visiting him to see what kind of shenanigans are happening over there.
I went over to them and said “I’m going to visit some friends” and left. I heard Blender say he was going to go to bed soon just before I left the world.

Just going to end this segment here as there’s not much else to say. Other than Blender did go to bed, and we didn’t get to do it because Muum got him to bed. But at least he got a good night sleep and that’s good. 👍
…Just wish he got a good night sleep from me, but.. meh. That’s why I feel I made a mistake here.
=============================================================
Grey’s flirting with me…?
=============================================================
It’s 2am. Went to go see Novice. Felt he was likely with Grey and yep. Took awhile for me to ‘warm up’ to this, though I didn’t really notice how Grey was trying to avoid me while Novice and I were talking about things. I was also kind of hoping to get Novice in the mood (even though it was getting close for him to do his graveyard shift).
When he had to go, he then noticed Grey wasn’t with us. Said “I’ll check up on him”. But Novice went over as I was, and we both saw Grey in a corner not wanting to be bothered.
Others ran over and saw him too, trying to comfort him. ..It’s a bit late for all of us, when he was over here being lonely.
One of them asked if he was OK and what was wrong. He said “I don’t want to talk about it”. I thought someone may’ve passed away in his life, as I don’t know if he’s in any relationships.
–
When Novice left, I heard him briefly talking about mentioning someone. Huh. Could it had been a crush? Might be possible. Went back over to the mirror, and Grey came over. I told him that I was sorry that I haven’t him in awhile, that I’ve been busy.
He answers with a nearly snarky “with Blender” attitude. I correct him: “with life. New responsibilities now.” “That’s always fun” he says as he briefly goes back into hiding and comes back over to me.
He started asking me semi-personal questions, such as “why a dragon? Where did your sona come from? Why Benie? Where did your name come from?” Sure, I have no problem answering these. Explained where I got the original idea from. After he saw it, he
said “holy fuck.. that is you! ..So I was fucked by Clip Art.” *embarrassed laugh here*
I then explained the origin of my name. He found that cool, but started doing some research on who possibly made the clip art.
Most of his searches he found nothing. Then he did a reverse search and found two schools in California using the art.. with one literally using it as their mascot– a school called Dent Elementary, where their slogan is “Go Dragons!”


It’s one thing to use dragons as their school mascot… but one that looks like MY SCALESONA?! WOW!! I feel honored. I mean sure they made a lot of changes to it. But I’m just curious– which one grabbed the Clip Art first? Them, or myself?
And by the way, this is a real school. And if any staff from that school comes across this part of my blog post, “hi! My friend GreyTheWolf in VRChat found you, and how you use the same Clip Art as my sona in VRChat.” 🙂
–
Outside of this big news, I can’t really remember what was also said (and in what order). But there are only two things I know of.
1. Him being lonely and him acting like I was right as that’s why he’s sad but not really wanting to admit it at first.
2. Myself asking him about the whole message thing. He said “I don’t have a boyfriend if that’s what you’re asking” and I was trying to get myself out of that conversation. I
said “no, that’s not what I meant. I meant to say I’m a friend.” “Do you even remember what I did to you a year ago?” he asks.. yeah I do, but “there are no buts here, I did and I feel ashamed of it.” …What are you saying, Grey? I mean it is obvious he’s blaming himself even though I feel it was more my fault, but why? And why now?
Likely because of Blender. There’s a possible link between the three of us, and Grey seems quite jealous of Blender, because it made him think about what I said a year ago. How I had feelings for him and he turned me down. Now he blames himself for it. Wishes he should had agreed to be my BF.
That, and he says Blender has been spending more tine with me than him. I would say something but I’m just as guilty of “sounding childish” for feeling that (when I see Blender with others in the world I’m in).

He started calling me cute and stuff, getting hard and claiming he “doesn’t understand why”. And next thing is him giving me a hell of a blowjob. That was nice. And I helped him too. At the end he said I made him happy and gave me a big hug. I’m very glad I did Grey. Though I couldn’t stop thinking about Blender, and how he’s going to react with this news.
–
But I just want to say, being a BF to him.. it’s not going to happen. I said this before that it wasn’t going to happen. That ship has sailed, and it’s not coming back to port.
I’m not allowing it. He’s ‘out of my league’. He cares about his health and wants others to do so. That is a major turn off for me that I do not need in my life. I just don’t see myself ever going back to him as a romantic relationship.
One of these days, I’m going to have to break it to him. I’m sorry Grey, but my health is not something I want to worry about. It’s the least thing I want to worry about. There’s being a hypochondriac, and then there’s you. Plus you drive.. another turn off.
(Yes I’m being serious here. I want someone that would fully understand me.. live like me. Know what I go through. Feel my pain as if you were me.)

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Steam Support verdict is in / Why I don’t feel it’ll work out with Blender / Grey’s flirting with me…?

Good news and Bad news / “At 3:16pm PDT, I’m gonna be taking a shit (on modders).” -VRChat / “‘X’ wants to join here”

Posted on 09-16-2021 by Benie

==============================================================
Good news and Bad news
==============================================================
I’m still waiting for a response from Steam Support to start the RMA process for
my ‘broken’ right controller.
Though, a bit of good news. After Shaw told me what I needed to do and I sent it, a few hours passed and I got a response! ..And now for the bad news.
1. What Shaw did seems to ‘not be good enough anymore’ and they still want the serial number for the controller. But they told me they’ll settle with the Transaction ID which is part of the purchase.
2. …They use FedEx.

They did add onto this with “if you’re unable to send it through FedEx, let us know”.. and I definitely did let them know.
And now I’m waiting hours yet again for a response. However, at least I know (according to Shaw) this is normal.
But it also isn’t looking good. I pray they’ll work with me with the whole ‘mail a new controller in a box that has the shipping label and send it back through mail carrier (or call FedEx and have them pick it up from my house)’ thing. But if not, then I’m buying a new
controller.
I could also, if they only accept FedEx, to just void my warranty altogether and hot glue the piece back into the controller. But that runs the risk of the hot glue not exactly the best thing to use when it comes to an electronics repair job, and cause the controller to never be charged again (or worse.. from ever working again).
==============================================================
“At 3:16pm PDT, I’m gonna be taking a shit (on modders).” -VRChat
==============================================================
6pm came. Enjoying my dinner. Discord grabs my attention. New VRChat update. Hoo boy! But take a shot everytime you see the word ‘update’ (don’t actually do that
though).
But what was different about this update was– actually nothing. Standard update. They updated to Unity 2019.4.30f1, but say you don’t need to update.
It uses the ‘new’ Avatar Fallback System (a thing that’s been in place several months ago). Mainly for Quest users unable to see PC avatars (without the link cable), and for people who have the performance avatars thing set– overall to reduce the amount of seeing the dreaded ‘robot’ avatar.
This also covers the base if the avatar fails to load for people, and if you have their avatar hidden. Tupper explains the changes in this really bad, cringy “lolol memes are funny RIGHT?!” video here.
–
And with any update, it broke mods. But this update– was actually surprisingly light on what it broke and the modders were able to quickly fix most of them.
So where am I going with this? Why is this update any ‘different’ than the others? Why was I being so overdramatic? Memes, my friend. Mainly this one someone posted, which made me laugh. Sounds just like something the VRChat devs would do.
But like I said, thankfully it didn’t break much and the modders were able to quickly update most of them. However, I didn’t know this until nearly 2 in the morning…
==============================================================
“‘X’ wants to join here”
==============================================================
Getting bored doing my self-walkthrough (feeling like this text walkthrough I’m following isn’t going everywhere as the video walkthrough is, but praying it’ll align sometime).. I tried out VRChat in desktop mode and saw just how little the mods I used are broken. So I got my trackers on and got on. Obviously realizing what time it is, Blender may’ve possibly had already gone to bed by now (after waiting all night for me to get on). A relief I felt that he hasn’t (yet), only “getting off VRChat temporarily” as he said.
So I wait patiently in my homeworld, not really feeling like going to see anyone else. Not really in a talking mood due to IRL things about the cat and my mother going through my mind.
Decide to listen to the OST of the ‘vs RetroSpecter’ mod in the world, and since I was bored I tried to ‘pretend’ to be BF. I felt silly and embarrassed but at least noone’s watching me. And holy fuck the songs were wearing me out, trying to keep up with every note.
Blender sent me an invite and joined me as I was resting. He saw what I was listening to and tried to say something but got cut out and crashed– VRChat had stopped responding for him. He came back 5 minutes later.
He was talking random things about himself (sadly I forgot them), but the only thing I do remember is him saying that Orion wanted an invite. Alright, no problem. I just wonder why he chooses now to come here. Like he cares for him and not me. But, meh. It’s whatever.
–
Orion joined, he wanted to only see Blender as I said. Blender mentions a meetup (do they seriously have meetups every damn day!? Sheesh!) and Orion said he had to “remove someone”. I’m slightly curious, but I keep it to myself. He says it was “a neo-nazi”, and the name of the person is ‘Jellyosaurus’.
I paused, saying “..oh. Him.” “Yeah, him” Orion answered.

So the guy I banged 3 weeks ago, is a neo-nazi. That’s… good to know. Plus, Orion just asked me to invite him. …Why? But whatever. I shall. Maybe you wanna yell at ’em.
Yet nothing happened. He’s running around being bored. …And now Wolfdog wants to join. Geezus. I should’ve gotten the mod that makes my homeworld as Friends+ and set it to be Invite+ instead.
By the time Wolfdog joins and I’m talking to Blender, Jellyosaurus suddenly starts bitching about how tired he is. Since noone else wants to step up and deal with it, I do and yell at him. Then Wolfdog appears behind me and is all “someone’s ornery!” …not the time dude. He keeps messing with me about it, and I’m trying to keep myself from blowing up. Then I hear him say how he was just joking and messing around and how I “know him by now” that he’s joking.
Save your ‘jokes’ for someone that can handle it, but I tried forcing myself to calm down and play along with him saying “he knows I’m joking” to Blender. The two talked out things and I went over to the mirror. Well, half of myself wanted to. The other half felt stupid doing so. I mainly didn’t want Wolf to see me and Blender being a thing; felt it would be very.. disastrous.
Now Shaw wants in the world. Wow.  Let him in. And Jellyosaurus says multiple people want to join the instance.
…Finally made a new Invite+ instance for them. There you go. Now you all can invite who you all want without needing to ask me. …..All I wanted to do was be with Blender! FFS!

Posted in Personal | Comments Off on Good news and Bad news / “At 3:16pm PDT, I’m gonna be taking a shit (on modders).” -VRChat / “‘X’ wants to join here”

Playing the waiting game with Steam Support / I hate being self-centered, but I also hate feeling lonely / A really good talk / Greedy Google

Posted on 09-15-2021 by Benie

==============================================================
Playing the waiting game with Steam Support
==============================================================
At the time I start this section of the blog post, I’ve been waiting nearly two days for a response from them. …I just want them to start the RMA process.
It’s like they already have and.. for some reason they don’t want to tell me jack shit, they’re so busy with other customers they haven’t had time to get back to me, or they had completely forgotten about my request (either intentionally or unintentionaly).
I waited 6 hours before, after they asked me for a serial number. I assumed they wanted the headset’s serial number and had no idea they meant the controller’s serial number. That is unlike what I went through with Samsung or even Lenovo, and they say it could be found on the ‘sensor rail’.. what the hell is a sensor rail?? Looked all over the controller and found nothing that looked like a serial number. So I did some digging and read that the SteamVR System Report should have this info. Took a picture of it and asked them “is this what you’re asking for? I don’t know where the ‘sensor rail’ is.”
Since then I’ve been waiting nearly two days for a response… WHY?! Is this normal to wait this long?
–
EDIT: I spoke to Shaw via DMs and he told me it is normal. He also told me I sent the wrong info and showed me where this ‘sensor rail’ is, and where the serial number should be– it’s inside of the curved plastic bar (to the right of the ‘VALVE INDEX‘ wording).
For him it’s really faded to the point it’s unreadable, but said he took a picture and within a day later they started the RMA process.
It’s the same for me (unreadable, really faded). Took a few pictures with my phone’s flash on and sent it to them.
I also asked him what carrier they would be using. He said “it depends on your state” and typically they use UPS after I told him. Said he got his new one a week later.
So hopefully with this correct information, I can get the ball rolling on the RMA. Depending if I have to send it to them, I’ll ‘lose my right hand’ for a week. Plus, no full body as I had discovered both controllers need to be on to use it.
—
Better off whipping out my old O+, pray it still works, and then see if I can get my FBT to work with it (hopefully Brianpuppy can show me how), until I get a new right Index controller.
==============================================================
vs RetroSpecter in VRChat / Bug Fixing / I hate being self-centered, but I also hate feeling lonely
==============================================================
Got on VRChat. I wasn’t really feeling good as I had acid in my stomach and a very confusing kitty in my room.. for some reason refuses to go see her master (my mother) in the living room. I also felt bad for the way I acted to Blender in DM’s. When he kept on talking about how bad the internet connection is there, I assumed he couldn’t wait to get back home.
…Instead of not fully understanding, he will do anything to be with his grandmother; even deal with that crap internet. He told me to not worry about it, that it’s OK “E”, but I still felt bad for seeing technology more important than family and showing this to Blender.
–
Found them in Room of the Rain. Kovo was there, saying he didn’t think I’d get on. There was also a ‘BlueberryTheDog’, one of Blender’s friends. He managed to do his own version of the now insanely popular ‘vs RetroSpecter’ mod in Friday Night Funkin’.


The model looks pretty good. Only issue is the knees and the feet as you can see. He even made his own version of the RetroSpecter plushie (sadly I never got a picture of it).
He’s got an animation where Retro says “ENOUGH!” in the first song and then the avatar rises as the music plays. It’s quite funny.
–
But going back to the segment’s title, Blender was with someone I’ve never seen before and it seemed the two were acting quite flirty. I didn’t want to say anything, not to mention I was trying to figure out two things at the same time: get a reset button to work and figure out why a certain mod that lets me know if I’m properly setting the correct emote I wanna do, is not working. SteamVR’s controller bindings was locked up, and I knew the only way is a full restart. All of this (plus my stomach and not sure why the cat was in my room) was doing a number on my mood.
I finally left without saying a word. Discovered the mod in question wasn’t installed yet. And after a lot of trial and error I finally got a working reset button. When I got ingame, I was extremely saddened all of that didn’t fully fix the issue with FBT… but I finally found the solution. It was right under my nose!
In IKTweaks’s configuration, under ‘Animations mode in FBT’, you gotta select ‘Ignore head and hands’ in the dropdown. This will keep your avatar from ‘flying’ when moving around in FBT. I am unsure if ‘Feet stick to ground’ to the right of this setting, would help or hurt this. From my initial testing, it seems to do nothing.
I also took an alka-seltzer before I got back. And my mother finally came and took the cat back to the living room. Things were looking (and feeling) better for me.
Got to cuddle Blender, and Novice joined. He wanted in on the action and photobombed me.


Too cute for words. 🙂
—
It was getting late for everyone, and poor Blender was quite.. horny not being able to pleasure himself when he was in his Grandmother’s. Said he wanted to do it with me in VRChat but how bad his internet was, he couldn’t.
It’s cute how I lick him and he moans like crazy. So me and him went to a private world and I helped him out with that.
==============================================================
A really good talk
==============================================================
After he really enjoyed me piledriving him enough so he could finally get go of that
stress, I took this time to ask him a few questions before it was time for bed. I just wanted to know what he thought about me and if he had anything against me. He likes me quite a lot and has nothing against me. That is good. I’m glad to hear that.
Then I told him.. how I felt depressed, as I saw him with someone. He. started.. crying about it, saying he never wants me to feel he loves me any less.
I could feel all out chaos in my brain.
“WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THAT?!”
“Ok people relax! We can still save this! Comfort him!! COMFORT HIM!! Apologize! Just do everything we can!!”
I calmed him down thankfully, telling him I never met to make him cry and explained myself more. “It’s just.. MIBIT was always there for me. He always snuggled
me, whenever he could.” And how I was by the mirror and I wish I was being snuggled by him… and how much I hate feeling self-centered of knowing he has friends that like to snuggle him too.
He looks down and says “…I’m a slut! When I get snuggled I don’t know how to react to it. I let people do whatever they want to me!”, feeling really ashamed of himself.

…..Just like my inability to say “no”. I didn’t say that, but I should had for him to understand he’s not alone. Instead I didn’t know what to really say. One thought did pop up. I leaned down and looked at him, saying “this is what we need to do. We’re talking about this, and we’re trying to work it out. Ok?” He raised his head and looked at
me, slowly nodding.
He said “one thing I know, is I’ll try to snuggle you more often if you want.” I half liked this yet also half felt ashamed for even having this conversation, finally telling him and he’s
all “no no. It’s OK”… no, it’s not. I agreed to let you do whoever you want, and all the sudden I’m feeling this. It’s like, I formed a bond so strongly with him that I almost want to call him mine. I even told him this, how I felt nearly ready to make this official.
He said “we still have things we need to fix, right?” I nodded, saying “yeah. We need to know eachother more, to see if this is what we want. But I feel, this is what I want” and smiled at him.
He has yet to decide, that that is fine. We got all the time in the world. 🙂
–
Changing the topic away from this depressing thing, I gave him the story of how I broke my right controller. He thought it was his fault for not going to bed. No, no no no. It was mine. Showed him the pictures too.
Then I gave him the story of the pain I’m going through with Steam Support taking forever to get back to me. And finally the story of why it would suck so much ass if they tell me to use FedEx.
5am came and Blender went to bed without even being told to do so. Good on him. 🙂
==============================================================
SPECIAL SEGMENT: Greedy Google
==============================================================
A bonus segment if you will. Today, Rythm was forced to shut down. If you don’t know what Rythm is, then you likely never been to a popular Discord server. It’s a bot that plays Youtube links in Discord, preferably in a music voice channel.
But Google, is cracking down on these bots. Reasons unknown, but it’s to be assumed of two reasons.
1. Bots like ‘Groovy’ and ‘Rythm’ cause a lot of strain on Google’s API.
2. Google wants people to go to their website instead of bots.
Whatever the reason was, Rythm was forced to comply with Google’s cease and desist and as of today have shut down.
…But Rythm is not dead. Infact they’re coming up with an even better service that they hope to release by late next year.
You can find out more (and participate in their Alpha and Beta versions) by going here.

Posted in Computing, Drama, Love Drama, Personal | Comments Off on Playing the waiting game with Steam Support / I hate being self-centered, but I also hate feeling lonely / A really good talk / Greedy Google

Afternoon Meetup / I really screwed up now / Unable to sit down

Posted on 09-13-2021 by Benie

Before I got online last night after I completed writing that really long blog post, I said “I need to get on earlier”.. who knew just how ‘earlier’ I’d be getting on.
==============================================================
Afternoon Meetup
==============================================================
Did my normal routine, and messaged Blender how he slept. This time I didn’t get a response. So I’m thinking he’s still asleep. Decided to message Orion, explaining the thing of what happened early this morning. He said “that’s ok” and then told me of a
meetup, and I’m open to come. Asked “so right now?” “Well yes” he said.
Huh. Well, hopefully my mother won’t want me. But it wouldn’t be that big of a deal as I can “pause the game” this time. Got my trackers on but also messaged how Blender went to bed at 4am and how I want him to feel like a responsible adult (for good reason I left
the “I feel you treat him like a kid” part that kind of wanted to be typed in).
By the way, I can still play VR with my right controller.. it’s just going to be a real PITA to charge it.
Came on and found them in the same world that is now my homeworld. Boy, this world is popular now. Met Orion, Shaw and a few members from the Yeen Brothers group. Friended one of them who’s pretty cool. Shaw and myself spoke mostly about certain things.
==============================================================
I really screwed up now
==============================================================
One of them is him talking about how he had to RMA his left controller due to drift. I felt a bit shameful to talk about my issue but I did. He didn’t at all seem like he wanted to make fun of me, but I did feel like I really.. really screwed up when he had mentioned RMAing the controller.
“RMA as in.. you have to send the controller to them?” “Yeah” he said. “I thought I would just get a new controller!” I said, a bit shocked and annoyed.
“I assume you have no vehicle to mail the controller to them?” I shook my head no. “I have to use Uber, and I gotta pray they use UPS or USPS.” He never responded to this, only commenting how ‘sad’ it is to use Uber for this. No shit sherlock. Didn’t even tell him I don’t have a fucking printer for the shipping label. …UGH this is BAD!! What the fuck am I tell my mother?! “Hey, I need to go up to the post office/UPS Store via Uber as my controller broke and I need a replacement”? ..That actually might work. She’ll likely want to come with me, and that’s fine.


Honestly I’m better off just spending the $150 on a new controller and have it mailed to me (even though I’m under warranty). That way I won’t have to go anywhere.
I do hope they find a way to bend the rules and say “since you cannot send it back, we’ll send you a brand new right controller. And this controller will come with a label that you can slap on the box to send the broken controller back to us via your mail carrier. Just leave it outside for them to pick it up.”
That would be awesome if they could do that for me. Please, Valve. Be awesome and do this for me. Don’t be like Samsung where I had to be VR’less for nearly three weeks. ..That was bad.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Special segment: Blender joined us after being “bombarded by memes” (according to Orion and Shaw who were doing the bombarding). I really felt for him. He came on in desktop mode, saying he was still a bit tired but has been reading. Didn’t know Blender was a bookworm.
But he wasn’t reading books; he was reading “a few blogs”. I kind of wanted to ask him if he was reading mine, but kept it to myself after I showed him last night what I was doing pretty much all day yesterday. Later on he said he was “being relocated”. Asked him what he meant by this, and he said his grandmother’s taking him to ‘cut the grass’. Mmm. Sounds like he’s “being borrowed” for slave labor.
But he did explain later that he actually enjoys it, as it’s the only way he can see his grandmother. So that’s good, that he likes it. I personally…. already gave my opinion on it.
==============================================================
Unable to sit down
==============================================================
After Blender left, the others started to leave as well. It was just myself and Shaw, and he was showing off what he found– the car from Zootopia. He has plans for it and his main plan was to add seats. I was his willing assistant to try out if it works for him.
After test #.. I lost count, I was starting to get bored with this. Every time I tried I could see nothing clickable. It confused him very much.
A few hours passed and I saw Rivers was on. Holy fuck, might as well go say hi before I get off and do something else.
Joined him. He was in a car driving world. He was happy to see me, claiming it’s been a year since we last spoke. I don’t think it’s been that long, dude. I asked him if he’s still in a relationship, and he said he’s been done of that for months, and he “never has felt more free”. Well that’s definitely a good way to combat the loneliness.
Saw the directions to these cars. One of them really caught my eye that you can use your feet to push the pedals, and I wanted to try this out. Opened the car door and.. noticed there was no indication I could sit in the car (yet it was appearing for Rivers).
He said to try another avatar, and so I did and it was happening again. …This is weird. First Shaw and now this? I’m thinking it might be a mod breaking this.
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He took me to the plane world, claiming “this world I know it works”… again I couldn’t enter any seats. Closed out VRChat and applied the ‘–no-mods’ flag in SteamVR Settings. Wanted to see if this was affecting VRChat itself or the mods.. and it’s the mods. Then again who knows? Maybe a restart of VRChat could had fixed it. But really a clean install wouldn’t hurt, and so I moved the Mods folder out of the VRChat folder in Steam to somewhere else, and then deleted the VRChat folder in AppData. This time I wanted to do a complete and full clean install.
The plan is after reinstalling VRChat, to install the mods one by one and see which if any mods might be causing this. I started with emmVRC, doing all tests in Desktop mode. So it wasn’t emmVRC. I saw the mod list and felt “who the fuck has time to test every single damn mod?!”, and used the MelonLoader Assistant to reinstall what I remembered. Also temporarily setting my homeworld to the plane world to properly, and quickly test.
Getting back ingame, I can see no issues. Chairs are still accessible. Ok… so maybe it was a very weird glitch?
With 15 minutes remaining until dinnertime, I tried to quickly get my trackers back on and get back in VR. In the world (in FBT), I first found the mirror and attempted to see myself. The avatar I got from the car world was doing the same disappearing thing as it was with my other avatars. Changed to BTD 3.5 and.. the issue no longer happened. Okay then. Ran over to the plane and see I was able to enter the seat.
Excellent. Now um.. why am I still seeing ads from VRChat+? ..Wait. Why am I not
seeing emmVRC installed?! Why am I not seeing ANY mods installed?!?! Are you fucking serious? I have ANOTHER issue I have to fix?! It’s nearly 6 here!!
Suddenly I remembered.. I put the ‘–no-mods’ flag in Steam. Removed it and relaunched. NOW everything works as it should! ..Thank fuck. Soon the 6:00pm alarm rang. Dinnertime. I’ll do a more extensive test after dinner.
(That never happened though, due to IRL ‘issues’ of a very annoying furball of a
cat that is too stupid to know how to avoid drafts VS wanting my AC to be running to keep my room as a non-stuffy feeling, and my mother who cannot wait for the day that I’ll take it out when it stays cooler in the day)

.
Oh yeah, before I end this, I found this video that explains how to setup the playspace mover side of OVRAS(OpenVR Advanced Settings). There’s also a comment on how to add a reset button.
Very awesome. Glad this exists, as both the OVRAS Discord and the Steam community are both very dead. People ask for questions but it’s rare to get a proper response.
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Plus, I’ve been waiting over 6 hours for Steam Support to get back to me. Apparently the serial number they asked for, doesn’t come from the headset– it comes from the controller and they wanted me to find it, claiming it’s close to the ‘sensor rail’. I looked all over the right controller and all I see is ‘VALVE INDEX’ and the Index icon, but no cereal number. Even my perfectly working left controller doesn’t show this. Did some extensive
digging, and read the number should be part of the SteamVR System Report that I needed to send while submitting the ticket. Why didn’t they see it before…? Who knows. Sounds like laziness on their part. But I took a screenshot of what I saw and asked them “hopefully this is what you’re looking for”.
I also told them how an RMA would be a bit tricky for me to do, that I would have to use Uber. It’s now the next day and nearly 24 hours have passed… no response from Steam.
Ugh, at this point I’m about ready to say “screw it” and just buy a new right controller. Infact, just buy a brand new pair of controllers, as I am starting to get very slight drifting issues. It’s been four months since I got the Index. Hard to believe. Feels like it’s been longer than that.

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