Going to be taking a break from VRChat for awhile. Three reasons for it. First literally being this, of doing a blog post which was supposed to be published earlier yesterday, but I wanted to get done with my cheat sheet for ‘Pop Escape!’ (which I have).
Overall I’m just bored with VRChat and want to get back to playing the Myst series. I will come back to it one day.
Thankfully, I still remember most of what happened (which honestly wasn’t that much that happened in VRChat, and more in Discord).
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“you is a good boi for fwosty” -Wufy
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How creepy and wrong it sounds, it also served as a hilarious title for the first segment of this blog post.
So even though I’ve already have stated my opinion if I should join Frost’s server or
not, there’s one aspect that keeps bugging me. Now I could’ve gone right to Frost and asked him this, but I didn’t want to bother someone that kept on going on Away, DND or phone status. I can (hopefully) easily ask a few members of his server if they know (who are also my good friends over the years).
Since I’ve already asked Jero and his response is more “it’s really up to you if you join or not”, I haven’t really asked Mr “I’m getting addicted to Cookie Clicker! uwu” Wufy yet. Still laughing at the first thing he asked after I said “I have a question for you”. He asked “pp? owo”.. god damnit. 😂
Anyway (getting to the point of this post), he was actually as confused as Jero was when I told him what Frost said to me about ‘contributing’. He assumes he’s just “telling everyone to feel free to invite their friends”. I said “I assume it was ‘being more active and helping out’ or ‘financial contribution’,” and I’ve just been hoping someone in his server truly knew what Frost meant by this. Except I think I’ve been asking the wrong people, as both Jero and Wufy are hardly active in Frost’s server.
Wufy though, after I explained more about what Frost has done (financially) and what he wants to do for his community, he believes the whole ‘contributing’ thing is related to the ones that request commissions from him. But the more he talked, the more he actually believed this has to be what Frost meant by contributing. Reason being, is he never asked for a commission before. Then when he did, Frost started talking to him more (and he also believes that is what he meant when “for the ones that contributed the most to the
server,” he’d add things in their rooms.
–
Makes perfect sense to me, so I moved on and asked questions Jero did kind of address before, but only in VRChat (and I forgot what he said). Main question is: “do you have to be active?” He says “no”, and also adding “he just wants his server to be a little bit more popular I guess”… this screamed out what I went through with the old Best Boi community. Plus.. I just can’t get the bitter taste of Grok’s server (when I joined because
of Wolfdog) out of my mouth. Both of these things, is what’s keeping me away. The last time I dealt with a ‘tight-nit community’.. was Grok’s server (where everyone must love the owner. And I unfortunately do mean “in that way”). 😖
Yet at the same time, this is Frost I’m talking about! I’ve known the guy for a long time and he even tried his best to help me when it came with Jero. Why in the fuck should I be afraid of someone that loves his friends like a true family!? I really shouldn’t. I should be embracing it! But.. I can’t. Because I’m scared I’ll not fit in. Just like moving to another town.
I don’t want the same thing to happen with how I felt in Stray’s server, where I truly felt I didn’t belong here with a bunch of High Epsilons. I don’t feel it’s going to be any
better, especially with some of the art Frost has been sending to our server. One of them is a (in my mind) a ‘confirmed’ High Epislon. Rather not deal with that. That’s why I’m
sorry Frost, but I just cannot accept the invite.
—
Wufy though feels I should, claiming “it’s a happy place, not a community server”. Um no offense but that’s literally the definition of a community server, thanks to the old Best
Boi community burning that into my brain to live there for the rest of my life. People like Creepery, and some of the mods.. literally calling it, a community server. Now I do realize there are different forms of ‘community servers’; the VRChat Discord being a prime example. However, that’s what I call an official community server. I even call our
server, Mystery Skulls, a community server. Though it can also be called “a ragtag group of dumbasses” (because of Kovo being there). Because fuck enforcing the rules where it’s perfectly OK for Kovo to be lewd in the fucking #general chat.. when
we HAVE an #nsfw-general chat channel for that purpose!
He also said it’s “for the ones that are good bois. And it seems you’ve been invited so you is a good boi for fwosty.” Shouldn’t it had been “for you is a good boi in fwosty’s eyes”? But I digress. Still funny though.
…But I still cannot accept the invite. I’m sorry. I don’t want to feel small and pathetic, and be forced to ‘fight’ my way to gain respect for not just myself but them. This is what happens when you have no self-esteem left in you, and feel it’s easier to live the life of being a pessimist. My social anxiety is just too strong to fight off, with no self-esteem.
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I was not spying! That’s bullshit! …Oh, hi Jero.
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Finally got on VRChat much later on after that conversation, getting on a few hours earlier than I’ve been doing (due to laziness). Was able to see Jero, but he was in a public instance of the Furry Hub world. As ‘standard protocol’, I kept my distance from him unless he decided to come over. Why? Because I saw him with someone that was cuddling him, who wanted to pick him up and put him on their shoulders, and Jero’s like “yeah yeah
yeah!” nearly begging them to do it.
So yeah, that’s why I kept my distance. But I also took this time to explore the world a bit more. Checked out the cool art, but also debated if I should go and see someone else. Instead I stayed. One time I was on the second floor and Jero saw and waved at me. I waved back then darted around the corner having this 50/50 want/not want him to follow me mindset. I don’t want to have to ‘fight’ to gain his affection when he’s with someone. I don’t want to interrupt that. You know?
Noticed they had a 3rd floor that overlooked the main area, where I was able to watch Jero through the windows there. I wasn’t spying on him. I was waiting to see if he would be alone and I could come in and be with him. Forgive my social anxiety.
Unfortunately, someone was watching me from down there. Twice they saw me, and twice I tried to play it off. Why I didn’t get kicked for it? Who knows.
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Then Jero showed up unannounced. Slightly smiled, waved and said “I was just checking the world out mainly. I wasn’t spying on you, at all.” Then he asks if I want to go back down to the mirror.. I wasn’t exactly sure because.. you know, people I don’t know are there? But I forced myself to follow him down the stairs and to the mirror. There was still this giant furry I honestly didn’t want to be close to, but thankfully they left for me to have an opening to the mirror and Jero. Originally I thought of blocking their avatar but I remembered what happened the last time that happened. Someone got pissed at me for it.
About five minutes after, Jero told me he was lagging like crazy and asked if we could go to a different world.
Went to my homeworld and talked about random things that I have sadly forgotten what they were, though I do remember a few things. One time we were talking about weird food we ate as kids, but I forgot how that started. I also was hoping to change his mind about not wanting to go to ‘Pop Escape!’ saying I can speedrun him, but he still didn’t want to. A bit disappointing but I did let it go.
We went to other worlds after that, doing VR Ware a few times (Jero kicking my ass the second time, which he calls “beginner’s luck”. Sure Jero, sure. 😉). Even checked out a world based off of the game (and the cartoon show) of Steven Universe. Jero told me he watched that show quite a lot. I did too, but rarely. Just wasn’t my thing.
And then I made a mistake, wanting to show Jero a game world I went to once. You’ll soon learn that mistake, and why it’s one of the reasons why I’m taking a break from VRChat.
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Not good
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We got into the world. Everything was good until we got to the part where it wants you to pick a playstyle for the menu. Jero noticed the warning of dropping the shield and getting right into the game, of doing the tutorial first.
I showed him the button for the tutorial, and I clicked on it. I still have no idea, why in the fuck something that worked perfectly before.. completely froze my headset as my video card drivers crashed.
Why, computer? …Why? However this thing did have a ‘good’ side as Jero realized what time it was and hopped off. He later apologized and explained it in Discord.
Still… WHY?!?! This is the same issue I had over a month ago of the ‘load into a
world = BlackSreen Of Death’ thing (a BSOD but getting a blackscreen instead of a bluescreen).
So, clearly de-dusting my video card didn’t fix it. That means doing the auto installing of drivers, fucked something up in my video card. Which is why I’m terrified to update my drivers now (even IF I unplug my Index before I do it).
It’s similar to the issue I had back in 2009, except that was from accidentally spraying bug spray into my computer. This time, my Index likely caused the fuck up.
Reinstalling the drivers doesn’t fix it, neither does reinstalling SteamVR. I dunno what to do. I dunno how I can even get help with this, because of how unpredictable the issue is and how hard it is to reproduce. The only thing I can think of is.. finding a god damn FedEx Store near me (even if it’s in Kentucky), calling Uber to take me up there and back
home, and getting the headset RMA’d while it’s still under warranty.
But if it’s not the headset… replacing the video card is going to be very difficult due to the shortages (if I’ll even find one that isn’t 150%+ marked up from MSRP). Oy..
And if that’s not it, reinstalling Windows should get the problem out. Emphasis
on ‘should’. No guarantees.
I wouldn’t really doubt it’s the headset with how ‘well’ I treat it. Keep yanking the damn cord by standing on it (by accident) when I’m standing up to calibrate or
whatever. :/
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Didn’t expect it, but I welcome it
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Back in VR, headset’s working normally. I decide to visit Queenie as it’s been awhile and I just felt he needed his space for a bit. He was in a birthday world, but I’m not really sure if they were celebrating someone’s birthday. Never heard “happy birthday” or anything you’d assume.
Started off as staying away from Queenie as he was with others that I didn’t know, I eventually got bored and went up. He didn’t even know I was in the world from the way he
said “hey Benie!” Stayed up there as there were a few people I recognized from before. One time Queenie came up to me and said “paws, I demand them!” I happily lifted up my left leg for him to see. He thanked me. Then I laid sitting up on my bed for him to have fun with my paws, and have fun he did.
I didn’t really expect to ERP with him, over what he told me and Blender about not being in the mood. Clearly he was at that time. Asked if we “should go to another world” which I knew exactly what he meant by that.
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He ‘showed’ me (more like I took a tour while he was getting his trackers on) a rather interesting looking world, he wants to make this his homeworld. It’s underwater and has a lot of cool stuff. It even has the world options, all disabled. That is.. no other world I know has done this. It’s perfect for full body use!
However, it just feels.. ‘too much’ to be a homeworld candidate for me. Two beds. This is a hangout world, not a ‘personal homeworld’ in my book. Still, it’s really nice. I like the underwater theme. It had me in the first half (of being a potential homeworld), not gonna lie.
Oh yeah, the naughty time was really good. Heheh. I now see why he was getting his trackers on. That was damn hot, Queenie. 🧡
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Classic Novice
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Queenie left for bed, as “everyone else is getting off” according to him. Debated if I should do the same, but I saw Novice joinable. He was playing Ghost.
I meanwhile, played around with the new weapons they added in the target practice. Novice did see me and said hi a few times, but he kept on playing while I had fun my way. Noticed the sign on my right showing the mirror is disabled due to people in public instances of the world wanting to stare at themselves instead of playing the game. Ehh. No problem for me, as long as I can have fun with this target practice.
Novice one time asked if I wanted to get out of here to another world. Said “I’m good, I don’t want to get in the way of you having fun”. Said he was done with the game and also told me he got into streaming and is having fun, but can’t really stream VRChat because of his weak CPU.
“Glad you’re having fun, dude. :)” That’s really all I could say, and got back to shooting targets. He said he was going to say goodbye to some people, then invite me to his homeworld. While he was saying goodnight to everyone, started thinking if I’d get lucky a second time this night.. but we shall see.
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In his homeworld, I sort of waited to see what he would do. He laid down and we talked for a bit, and cuddled, and.. then he fell asleep. *facepalms* I was almost hoping we would do naughty time as I haven’t with him for awhile. Nope. I got c**k blocked by him falling asleep.
It was going past 4am, and I’m really losing my patience, becoming annoyed at his snoring. Again debated if I should just get off and go to bed. But after seeing I actually did manage to literally save my ‘Pop Escape!’ cheat sheet from hours of lost effort, before my computer restarted after the video card driver crash earlier, muted Novice instead and went to work on the .txt file through XSOverlay (noticing my settings in it somehow got defaulted after the crash), while also keeping a watchful eye on Novice if or when he does wake up.
He did by 4:20am (nice), and said “I must’ve fallen asleep, sorry about that”. I said “I saw you lay down Novice. Usually when you do, you fall asleep.” I didn’t meant for it to sound that harsh but.. if I had known I would’ve never joined, as my headset needs a break after that video card driver crash (aka another reason why I’m taking a break from VRChat).
But now we get to a much higher reason why I am…
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“See me as the ‘anti-Jero'”
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If the title doesn’t tell you something bad happened last night, I dunno what will. And that bad was Fluffy wanting to talk to me, while I was trying to focus on what I remember when I was playing the ‘Pop Escape!’ world.
I’m going to be brief with this as really, the conversation was going nowhere productive. Started off earlier that day of him sending me a picture of a dragon facepalming. I questioned it, and he said “tf”. I was really confused what he was even referencing with that picture, but.. now looking back at it, that was supposed to be ME not wanting to hear the lewd talk from him. *sighs*
Asked him “are you getting the help you need?” He said “yes”. I was “good good” and left it at that, going back to my work. A bit later he wanted to have a text conversation. I said “I dunno what to talk about”, but he had plenty. Said he “has wild hormones” and said the therapist told him this and that it’s “irreversible”. I called BS, remembering something I heard just that day of “don’t settle with one therapist tells you, keep searching until you find one that can help you”, and I told him just that.
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Then he wanted to have a chill conversation. You? Chill conversation? It doesn’t mix. Told him what Jero told him (without revealing the name) that the name ‘Fluffy’ has been tarnished. He fought back demanding me to stop using the word ‘Zoophile’ and the
name ‘Frostbite’, or he would stop seeing help.
I wanted to tear him a new one, but I was going nowhere with it. Was forced to agree. I was trying… trying so fucking hard to beat sense into his thick skull, and all he said I
was “being very rude”. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE RUDE, you sick FUCK!! I didn’t say that though, but he kept trying to have me change the subject (when he’s the one that brought it up in the first place). Ohh I’m not ending this until you wake the FUCK UP, and stop pretending life is a game!! And he just kept on with me “being negative”.
…Yeeeeah, sadly I never got my point across to him. I gave up trying and told him “just please stop talking to me.” And he’s all “this is why I hardly talk to you”. Likewise, Fluffy. Likewise.
There was one time when I said “see me as the ‘anti-Jero’. I told you, he has a lot more patience than I do.” Again, with the “being negative” response. ..I SWEAR, FLUFFY!! 🤬
You’d almost swear he’s delibertly trolling me, and I’m falling for it. Claims he
gets “scared” to talk to me. I sensed no fear with that.
—
Sent the entire conversation to Jero including how it started, and went to bed to cool off.
I half expected him to respond in the morning or sometime today, but nothing. Hoping the next day he’ll respond. But if he doesn’t for a week, something’s going on. But it’s way, way too early to start assuming the worst.