Last night and this morning was a mixed bag of goodness (and badness). It mainly revolved around three things: Avatars 3.0 being a bitch as always, Frost’s community desires…, and Scooby facing his past mistakes (and me staying up to 6am for him as that’s what friends do).
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Harder than I thought
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Onto the first thing: Avatars 3.0 being a bitch as always. What I was basically trying to do is something I want to learn how to do, but didn’t have the time to do so (and the mod I use sadly doesn’t do that kind of thing). Blame my laziness and not wanting my mother to see what I’m trying to test as the main factors of “didn’t have enough time” part.
As I said at the end of my last blog post, I found the Orifice models and followed
the (limited) directions on how to add them to my avatar’s two hands.
I did learn something– how much memory each of the ‘advanced math words’ takes. So let’s go over my notes here… ah yes: ‘Int’ and ‘Float’ each take 8 memory
respectively, while ‘Bool’ (which is used for your toggle animations), takes 1 memory. Now how did I learn this? Because the model’s State Parameters are 123/128 (128 being the max allowed to properly sync with other players). It sadly is a hardware limitation why the limit is in place, though there are ways around it (using Ints mostly). But that’s too advanced for me at this time.
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So anyway, I managed (after figuring out how to get around the limit by setting
two Bools), ingame I had an issue. The DynamicP[Naughty]System will only allow one Orifice to be active, for it to properly work. I tried what I could, adding a switch where one would turn on and the other would turn off.. but I can’t get it to work right. The only way I can see this working is through an Int (and attaching Bools to it). I have to have
a ‘reset’ condition to do what I want (so both will turn off when I tell them to), and sadly
a Bool alone isn’t going to cut it. And as I said before, that’s too advanced right now for
me. And… the mod doesn’t do Ints. Hopefully one day, it will.
There’s so many things I wanna do with 3.0. Like see if I can have that same avatar dancer thing I’ve done in 2.0 (but just have an avatar-shaped prop I can pick up and rotate as if it was an object in a world). I’ve seen this happen time and time again with people spawning an object and able to set that same object as a pickupable object.
I wanna learn how to do this! But I bet it’s going to be a hell of a headache to set up. Anyway, I still need to work on the Orifices. They’re not exactly where I want them to be.
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“He’s done this to me too.”
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Having given up on 3.0 as what I want just isn’t possible with my current knowledge (and I should be happy I even got the submenu and the two Bools to work, thanks to the mod), I put myself as green status. Saw Frost was joinable and sent him an invite. Unlike Jero, I actually got an invite response from him. Before I joined him, I warned myself that Jero might be there or he might not, but don’t bug him over this.
In the world, Rezz ran into me while I was waiting for everyone’s avatars to load. He was heading to bed. Thankfully he was so tired, he didn’t realize we’re not friends anymore. I also saw.. “Queenie?! What’s he doing here?? (said in my head)” here. Is he friends with Frost now? Or did he join off someone else? The way he acted, I can assume ‘someone
else’ as he left five minutes after I arrived. Scooby was also here, which intrigued me a
bit. Usually Scooby’s DJing somewhere. To see him here, something’s going on. But I wasn’t about to ask what, as that’s none of my business.
Frost saw me and.. sadly I can’t remember the first thing he said, but the conversation went to “where’s Jeromeah? He’s always with you.” I said “…I’ve been wondering the same thing. Sent invites and he never responds.” And he said “let’s fix that” by spamming invites for him to join us. Told me not to worry. I said “I’m not worried. I’m just saying he’s been quite busy lately and won’t respond to me.” He stops me halfway and says “he’s done this to me too. You’re not the only one”. Thought of that for awhile.
Then I told him “last thing he told me is he was planning to go to the US to meet the otter group IRL.” Frost said “they had paid for his trip but something bad happened, and now Jeromeah doesn’t know if he should stay or go. I told him to stay, but noone listens to Frost.. until they find out the hard way.” I slightly chuckled, remembering Mibit and the open relationship advice.
Then Jero joined. Finally. Frost was telling him to “get your butt over here”. I could almost hear Jero saying things under his breath about being invited here, but Frost heard them. Finally he came over and Frost said “where have you been!? I’ve been worried so
much!” as if he was speaking for me. And as usual, Jero said it was the otter group he’s been with. Frost said “oh, your gay otter group”. I chuckled. Jero said “I would had invited you Frost, but I don’t know how they would react.” And he’s all “that’s OK I’m just messing with you. I don’t want any part of the circlejerking. To me, otters are plushies.”
Is that why Jero’s so huggable? Now I would say that if I still didn’t feel how I’ve been feeling, but I did my best to suppress it.
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Suddenly Jero says “someone hit me on the head with an object” and then runs away. Huh…? I followed him. He seemed like he wanted me to. Then he looks at me and asks if I see Scooby in the world. I said “yes…?”, questioning him. He was confused why Scooby and Frost were in the same world, as the two had blocked eachother. I didn’t know what to say, not really remembering that far in the past. Then he said “let’s go back now”. I stopped him halfway, but I forgot what I said to him. I wanted to tell him about how he hasn’t responded to any of my messages in Discord, but.. fuck that was hard to suppress as I didn’t want to sound whiny to him.
So we got back. Frost was somewhat suspicious and asked what we were doing. I
said “nothing”. Jero spoke for me, trying to cover our asses by in a way saying we totally weren’t ERPing or anything like that. “Yeah, let’s just go with that” I said in my head.
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“Ohh god!!” / Why I wish I could join Frost’s server… but can’t
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A bit later I whispered to Jero “hey Jero, remember that ‘thing’ we last talked about?” I said with a smile? He was confused. I leaned over to his ear and said “son”. He remembered and nodded. I chuckled, pointing to Frost in a way of saying “we should tell him. Heh.” It took awhile for him to realize what I was trying to say, and he said “daddy!”
Frost said “I’m not your dad”. I said “no, I’m his dad. Jero’s my son now”. Frost paused for the longest time and his reaction after, was priceless. 🤣🤣🤣
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Going past the toe licks, the pictures that were taken, Frost showing he’ll go above and beyond for his friends (of being a temporary bottom for GyLala, who I discovered is a guy through Frost), and Jero seeing what looked like one of those tiny pieces of folded paper you see attached to a plushie.. inside Frost’s butt and Jero wanted to ‘get a closer
look’…. oh god, I told them “let’s not speak of this again” with Jero dying from
laughter, Frost had a more adult note to say.
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He told us that he cut ties with ‘Drax’. I don’t know this person, but from the way he explained.. this ‘Drax’ was pretty close to Frost’s heart. It happened two days ago, which is why I wasn’t able to see him in time the day before (he was offline back then but left a few minutes after I joined).
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The conversation then goes to him asking me if I “saw the announcement” and then
says “wait, you’re not part of our server”. I said “I need to join your server”. His announcement is him and BlueDrago are finally getting married on the 22nd. Dunno if this is a VRChat wedding, or an IRL wedding. I’m guessing IRL. I gave him my congratulations on getting engaged, but he had fun with it and said “and congratulations to you as well, for whatever you’ve done”. Ohh Frost. Jero also gave his
congratulations, and Frost thanked him. I see how it is.
Later he talks about the server, and how he strives to give his members the best. And even spent $10,000 on 10 commissions ($100 a piece). Not everyone was happy with it. And I said to him “that reminds me of the plaque incident back in the Best Boi era” Frost was confused of what I meant, so I explained how someone found a beta version of the world and found the plaque with a bunch of names on it that Kibble felt contributed to the
server in certain ways, and this caused a lot of anger within the community. He says “what I went through isn’t anything like that. I explained to everyone that I just spent $1,000 for the server, from my own wallet and I’m sorry I didn’t get everyone.” Aka he fells they were ungrateful, which is understandable.
Then he says “if they wanted to pitch in, I’m sure things would had been different”. Jero says “I would had pitched in”. Remembering I pitched in for the MRT Server back in the day, I said the same thing. Then he says “that was still a lot of money..”
Mmmm. I get it Frost. That’s very commendable what you did. He wanted to do something nice for his server, to give back to the ones that contributed the most to it.
He’s even doing a server-specific world for everyone that has contributed, and explained it the best he could. Said he “doesn’t like asking for help” but knows he’ll eventually have to if he wants his vision to become reality.
He’s doing so much for them… which is why I can’t really join it. Lost my desire for a community-based server when it came to the Best Bois. I’m sure he’ll try to change my mind to ensure me what happened won’t happen again, but the damage has already been done and can never be repaired.
I don’t really want to enter ‘Frost’s World’. Feel like I’ll leave Kovo behind if I do, plus having to be active in it? Contribute to it…? Sorry, but I’ll pass. Kovo’s not even there either, but he has his own reasons (with work and being with Nova). Kovo’s server is as far as I’m going to go for a community-based server. I just don’t feel comfortable with joining more than one, with as much of that “I hate being bothered” feeling I have in me… just wouldn’t feel compatible there (why I haven’t rejoined Stray’s group, or
joined Lostwolf’s ‘Pan Gang’).
Not a community person as I used to be. Though one slight incentive of actually maybe joining is Frost telling us that Chris (aka Tinkerfox… aka Jero’s old BF in 2019 while I was busy feeling I’ll never see Jero again) left Frost’s server a long time ago. There was a lot of drama with Chris from what he told us (as if he was telling me personally as Jero likely already knows about this). I wish I was recording through OBS to remember all the juicy details he was saying. Really wish I could have a macro that will delete content by pressing a button on my controller to avoid the file size get too large, but I digress.
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It was around 4:20am (nice) when Frost said he was heading to bed and did. Jero left shortly after, leaving me with GyLala. Gave me time to think of what I learned from this. Was thinking of heading off myself as was almost bedtime, but I knew Scooby was still in the world.
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Doing what I do best
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Five minutes after both Frost and Jero left, Daybreak also left. Heard Scooby coming from the back area. Joked when I saw him by asking “did you two have fun back there?” He was confused by my question, so I explained it better. He said “well.. maybe a little bit, but we mainly talked. I had things I needed to talk to him.” I nodded, said I understood.
I then asked him how life was treating him, as a friendly gesture. I didn’t really expect him to open up to me about what was bugging him. I expected him to lie and say everything’s alright and then say “someone’s inviting me” to get out of there (like I would had done if I didn’t want to talk about it).
But I guess Scooby trusts me enough to tell me. Anyway, it was his BF. He explained that his BF has ‘locks’ in their life and one “had broken”. Now at the time I wasn’t really sure what he meant by this, but looking back at it now.. it almost sounds like what I went through with Cola. How I said (back then when the group was around) he was in a shell that couldn’t be cracked open. This whole ‘lock’ thing Scooby’s BF has, sounds like
it.
However, that’s not it. Not even close. So I’m confused even more with this
whole ‘lock’ thing.
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The BF stopped talking to Scooby and it’s been a few days, which is why I say it’s not the same as it was with Cola. It’s more.. Jero-like; not saying “I love you” back. What makes this tricky is they’re in an open relationship, and he knows of a guy his BF likes very much. So in a way it’s that ‘You VS the guy he tells you not to worry about’ meme from what I’m understanding here (except this isn’t a meme).
I would had looked into this situation further (like asking “have you two seen eachother IRL or through pictures?”) …if it wasn’t 5:30 in the morning and was feeling tired, but I stayed on for him. But from what I was able to understand and process a solution to the problem, Scooby has been pulling a Kovo by sending way too many messages to his BF as he’s worried. It’s only been two days and Scooby was almost flooding his BF with messages. Told him I understood, but at the same time… yeah.
Told him to give the BF some time to be alone, but give it a week at the longest. Going by my own experience and what I was told over the years, don’t freak out if it’s been two days. Give it a week. If nothing changes.. then something’s going on. This isn’t the first time I stayed up ’till 6 to be with him. Even Kovo’s done it. But it seems Scooby isn’t really learning from his past failed relationships.
I made this perfectly clear to him of what I’ve been through, that he needs to realize where he’s messing up and improve upon it. “You don’t know how many times I blamed myself. That I swore I would never come on VRChat again. I don’t want you to be like
that, Scooby. Learn from me.” He sighed and said he would try.
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The conversation then changed to something I didn’t really want to talk about after talking to Frost and Jero (about him). He wanted to know why everyone hates him, what he did wrong in the past. It was now becoming nearly 6 in the morning, and I told him “look, we’ll talk about this later, alright? I really need to get to bed. Like now.” But his mind wouldn’t allow me to leave. It wanted answers from me. *sighs* Fine. Told him this news does not leave this world, and made him agree to it (as I’m sure Frost and Jero would not be happy with me over this).
Then I said what Frost told us, how Scooby didn’t want Frost to be around. And when we went to a game world, he kept Frost from joining by lying to us. When Scooby heard
this, he remembered. He said “it was because of what Kovo said about Frost. I blocked him”. I personally don’t remember any of that, only from what Frost remembers. Do remember the world, and the picture. But never the fact he never wanted Frost to be around.
It was now 6:01am. Sorry Scooby, but enough is enough. I’m going to bed now. Now that his mind had answers, he allowed me to leave and I did. Oy.
I pray he doesn’t go up to Frost and leak out what I told him. He claims he doesn’t want to cause drama.. well, you sure can fool me. Still remembering what Jero told me about
you, when you two dated in a not so exactly effective attempt to make me feel jealous (and not paying back the money Jero gave you for rent and food). But I did tell him “nomatter what, I’ll always be your friend”.
Oh, forgot to mention: he also asked me if I “still remember Mike. Aka Phantom Wuf.” No shit I still remember good ole Wufy. He asked in a slow, scared way if I still talk to him. I was honest with him, saying “not as much as I used to.”
Says he misses him and BlueBio. I’m not sure if he misses them as much as I missed Jero in 2019. But overall he does have that same feeling I did of a hole in his heart that yearns to be filled. Told him this is exactly what I went through. And I’m surprised and was kind of slightly annoyed he didn’t say “I know Benie, you’ve been through a lot”. But, ehh.
Just, maybe if he understood my pain he’d know where he fucked up and how to improve himself, like I have.