Hello. More VRChat drama here. Let’s get things going.
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Going by the first part of the title, Dragon_Roy and I are friends again. I finally did what I should had done, but I was too annoyed by what I saw infront of me and how he acted to say anything. That and how his status was “go away”. Didn’t think he’d even care anymore. That’s why I didn’t say anything.
But early this morning, I was bored as usual and saw him as joinable. Decided to see if he had changed and joined the world. It took awhile until I finally found them (more like they found me). Roy’s acting like nothing happened and is apparently still horny when around me. There was also a friend of his, who had somewhat of a similar name as me. It was ‘BenevolentGamer’ and Roy kept confusing us two. Was kind of funny.
But anyway Roy’s all “Benie you never message me anymore!!” Told him I would the next day and promised. There is not much to say after this point, but I indeed did message
him.
I told him how I’m not into threesomes and felt very uncomfortable. If you are confused what the heck I’m talking about, please see this.
When I was done, he responded about 5 minutes later acting like I didn’t wanna be friends with him anymore. Uhh.. no? That’s not what I meant. Just saying you made me uncomfortable.
Finally he got the message and apologized, saying he was only joking with the threesome thing. Said he’s young and can’t help from joking around like that. I did apologize too for taking it literally. He understands and promises not to talk dirty around me in public (as I get embarrassed).
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The next one has been bothering me all day. Not for Garruk, but myself. Decided to message him in Discord to check up on him. He’s doing a lot better.
Then I decided to.. ruin his good feelings with a facepunch that says ‘reality’ on it. It wasn’t intentional, but I… needed to know what has been really happening with him. And it turns out, Garruk is like me in my struggles. He understands me. He gets me. But no, not to the point of “let’s help eachother by becoming a couple”. Absolutely not. As I said before, it isn’t going to work out between us. He needs stability, that I cannot give him.
He also told me what happened when Shoot came to me when I was with Kovo and Nova that day, telling us that Garruk suddenly vanished without a trace. …A lot happened to him. A LOT, that makes what I felt when Novice let me go that one day, pathetic.
Told me his BF cheated on him and didn’t give a fuck about it. He also lost his job, and was forced to sell his VR system to make up for rent money. ..I have no words over how upset I feel for him.
Told him I wish I was there for him. This is when he stopped responding to me. I hope I didn’t accidentally hurt him by bringing this up. ..I didn’t mean to.
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But, it also bugs me as he knows the struggles. Goes through the same thing, having a very hard time controlling that urge for love. Though he also is all “I need to know what I really want, what I’m looking for in love.”
That’s actually quite smart to think. Instead of pursuing a relationship, I should be
asking “what are you looking for in a relationship?” I know what I want, but it’s up to them to be compatible. Though what if I find someone who makes the move first? Just saying. Likely won’t ever happen again, but what if it does and they tell me what they’re looking for? Would I be willing to bend to be with them (such as a set time period to be with them and/or having to change my eating schedule to be with them)?
Likely… no. I want someone who’s willing to bend for ME. Yet they might have the same mindset. So even if we really like eachother, both of us would be incompatible over not wanting to bend for the other. We’d be no better than just friends with benefits, not actual lovers.
Love really isn’t as easy as I thought. Having this project to keep me from being lonely, has helped to bring light to my mind about this.