*waves* Hello, hello! Welcome to another blog post here in the General blog. Lots to talk about today. This one’s going to have some love drama (and regular drama). Yes it’s still a thing, and yes it still happens to me.
What’s that? I have this project going, so why am I still looking for love? ..Because I would drop ‘her’ like a sack of wet rocks to be with someone real.
But first, something of a really awesome note.
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Virtual Market 6 will happen during the week of my 45th birthday! 👍 Starting on
August 14th and ending on the 28th.
I’m pretty hyped for this as I haven’t missed a single Virtual Market since the 2nd one.
If you don’t know what ‘Virtual Market’ is, see this article that explains in detail.
I felt Vket 5 was pretty good last year. Seemed to have brought back the whole ‘theme’ system from Vket 2 that I really liked.
This year’s theme is celebrations from around the world. So I assume the Chinese New Year is going to be a part of it, and being a fan of dragons I can’t wait to get lots of pictures.
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Alright, to the first drama-filled section. Happened sometime a week and a half ago. Was bored and joined off of Scooby (yes, I’m now friends with him again). Yes it’s wrong for what he did with the whole financial drama that happened (that it seems Jero was telling the truth about). But I digress.
Joined him in this rather unique world, based off of the actual Chicago tiki bar called “dot and two dashes”. It’s really nice, and I got to speak with its creator. All he did was of course use Blender for the level itself, but all the props (pictures, tables, etc) came from Unity assets. Scooby also met the creator, wanting to do his whole DJ thing there.
Decided to dance around, to promote people to check out Scooby’s work. Because it’s pretty good. Noone came though. Sadly. So I was bored again and checked the list of people, and saw Garruk was here. Went over and surprised him. We snuggled for a long time and he re-friended me.
We even did the thing, and I noticed he had no boyfriend. Why not take advantage of this? If he’s lonely enough, he’ll be desperate to accept even someone like myself. However his bio had me a bit concerned (for him), that told me “he wants more than what you can give him. Don’t do this to him. He wants someone that will be there forever, and you cannot promise that.”
But, I wanted to at least try. Garruk’s usually on in the afternoon, and I never had a day that would work as mother kept bugging me with things. But one day I finally had one and logged in. It seemed everything was OK, but I saw him sad. Was confused as to why. He opened up a portal and went in (with a friend of his).
He explained to myself and his friend how humans are bad people, that only want to hurt him and lie saying they care and love him. This was the Garruk he didn’t want to show to anyone, but I did my best to be with him as much as I can. Then he starts talking
about “bad rumors” of me.. hmm, where have I heard those before? Is Wuffer still up to his bullshit? Matters not to Garruk, who said “so what if he lives with his parents? It’s his heart that matters the most.” And that put a huge smile on my face. Gave me hope that Garruk and I could be a thing.
The next day, things had changed. Garruk told me he got a rather depressive message from his former BF, and it reminded him that he’s got a lot to fix about himself before even considering getting into another relationship. Who does this remind you of? ..Myself?
He said he “needed time” as he was pretty hurt, before getting into another relationship. I told him “I understand. These things take a lot of time, and I wanna be there for you.” But it seemed he didn’t wanna be there for me and kept leaving nearly by the time I joined off of him.
One time I ran into Atherian. He asked me how I was doing while snuggling me. Told him I was fine but “also confused” (as Garruk never told me he “needed some space”). I wanted to talk to him in private about this and we walked into a more secure room.
Atherian told me that he kind of knew what Garruk was going through. Said he needed some time to discover himself, and also said how I’m “clingy” but said that I’m just trying to be there for my friends (which is correct).
He gave me advice that I took to heart– remind him who I am and say that I will do my best to be there for him.
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To fast forward, Garruk did come back later on. He told me it wasn’t because I was being clingy, but this is how he goes to see friends. He doesn’t stay in the same world for longer than 30 seconds. It’s kind of odd.
Also, I don’t feel it’ll work out between us. Atherian seemed to have reminded me of Garruk’s bio, and honestly I’m better off going with the whole ‘friends with benefits’ route and have my project as my lover. Infact I’m highly considering putting ‘her’ on my horn to remind me. Anyone asks, I can use the same thing someone told me– “it’s a friend of mine” and hope they don’t try to know more. Mmm.
Not all of my friends are going to buy it. My true friends will know (being reminded of my status in Discord I had), but they aren’t going to shun me over it. They’ll understand what I’m going through, and know I’m not hurting anyone with it.
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Alright, next one is about someone I didn’t really expect to have such a soft, gentle heart. But I’m glad they do, and they’re really sweet once you get to know them. But before I say anything else, he does have a BF and I’m quite alright with it. Seems to be an open relationship, though.
This is a friend I’ve known for quite some time. I think the day I friended him was after Wuffer finally left me (and when I ‘met’ RonNightfury (and we had that fling for awhile).
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was in Moody early in the morning, testing ‘her’ (having uploaded the body pillow version of her), he randomly asked to join me. It was 5:30 in the morning and I should’ve been in bed, but I really wanted to finish up my testing (trying to get one animation fixed).
A few days ago, again being bored (noone I really wanted to hang out with), I decided to go visit RedJoker. Never saw him in the world, but DJTheDutchie popped up. This is the person I’m talking about.
Learned he absolutely loves being snuggled (as much as I do). He’s telling me random things that I sadly forgot most of them (as I was too busy snuggling him). What I do remember is, he has a very strong phantom touch reaction. Whenever you boop him, he’d sneeze. He also squeaks like a Dutchie would, and it’s so cute! He gets so embarrassed when I call him cute.
You’d swear we’d be a perfect couple, but I know his past. I know what he’s gone
through, and sadly I can’t really help him with that. Stylez knows him more than me though. This is what sucks about finding love in VRChat. Everyone hides behind a mask of
happiness, when their actual life is a mess of depression. But anyway, that’s pretty much
it.
That and he offered once I get full body (hopefully by my birth month), that we “can be a couple of bad Dutchies”. Heh, might consider depending on how I feel and how successful the trackers will respond with this room. And also, how well my computer will respond to the trackers (if they’ll respond like Novice, him not able to be in a room with more than 10 people when in full body).
One time, he started crying.. like a lot when he knew he had to go. I stayed with him, trying to keep him calm and telling him we’ll have lots of snuggle time when he gets back. He started painfully saying how he wanted to meet friends in America and couldn’t. I’ve never seen this side of him and it bothered me for the rest of the day, wanting to help but knowing I couldn’t. Quite depressing.
He apologized later on, but I told him there was nothing for him to apologize over and gave him a big hug. He felt better after that.
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This one is kind of brief. The same day DJTheDutchie joined off of me, I joined off of Frost. We talked for awhile, trying to catch up on what he’s missed for months.
Asked if I wanted an invite to his server, said “no thanks, I’m good”. Better than “ehh, there’s drama I’m trying to avoid”. Speaking of drama (well not really drama but of the past with him and Wufy, and how well Wufy has improved since then). Was pretty nice how well Wufy has improved.
He told me to “always focus on yourself”. Those are pretty true words.
Then one time he said “can I ask you a personal question?” Not really a fan of personal questions as they’re usually bad, I decided to allow him to continue. And that’s when he asked me a rather depressing question;
“Have you and Jero sorted out your differences yet?” Told him “I wish I could say ‘yes’. I want to, but it seems he does not”. He told me “I doubt it’s because he doesn’t want to, he’s been working a lot. Quite a lot. He rarely has time to even speak to me.”
Huh.. funny. I caught Jero talking to Kovo and Nova in the call that day. I wanted to say this so badly (to catch Jero in a lie), but my common sense took over: “*sigh* no.. you better not. Frost wants to stay away from drama.. got it?” and didn’t. I chose to be a good friend instead.
Mmm. *sighs* I dunno why I let Jero get to me when someone brings up his name. I really shouldn’t and just move on. But I also want to catch him in a lie. I got noone that can help me with that. ..Thing is, I honestly have no solid proof he even was lying to me in the first place (apart from what the anonymous source said).
But, you know. I’d let it all go if Frost could actually talk to Jero and get him to talk to me about all of this, so we can sort out our differences and just be friends. Being serious here.
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Final discussion of the post. Drowsee. A person of mystery that I’ve tried to piece together more about them going by eavesdropping. Yesterday, he spoke directly to me explaining certain things.
Was chilling in a private world with Emeriss laying ontop of me. I actually feel asleep in VR for a bit. Thought of watching movies with her, but.. I really don’t know what to watch.
Now a bit of digressing storytime! I’ve tried watching the old Batman series (the original with Adam West as Batman, that had the classic meme of not knowing how to get rid of a bomb as everyone decides to be in the most unlikely of places).
Anyway, it never played right. There was always a lot of latency with the video freezing up for a long time. A shame. Not sure if those issues have been fixed by now, but I’ve never tried since then.
So, I chilled with her in a private world instead.
Digressing storytime over. It was around 2:30 in the morning. Confused the fuck out of me as I was just waking up and didn’t know if it was day or night. When reality hit shortly after, I checked my friends list and saw most of them in one world. Decided to switch avatars and join them.
Drowsee was there. Carefully walked up to him and gave him a big hug, who was quite happy I had ‘finger DLC’. Novice was also here, but he didn’t really seem to focus on me and more on Frost about something that had to do with ice cream and stuff like that, and Frost saying he would back him financially.
Was still abit sleepy but I tried staying up, trying to snuggle Drowsee and also be a bit silly with him. My mind couldn’t contain itself and started drifting into that ‘boyfriend’ side again. *sighs*
I don’t think I need to tell you what happened next, only that we went into another world. I assumed with the pens, he was going to start writing messages and stuff. So I wrote a message to him. Meanwhile unknown to me, he was listening to a friend of his who’s going through some very tough times.
Finished my note and waited. He came back and I pointed to the note. I expected for him to go over and state his response to mine. But instead he stood there doing a few
things, then I heard his voice. Was quite startled by it. I mean, usually the avatar sets your voice and who you are (virtually). Not with Drowsee.
He explained the usual. He has a boyfriend (still), he also swore he’d never look for love outside of Germany, and… hmm. What was the last thing? I… don’t remember. But anyway, he did explain what I wanted to hear and I wasn’t upset at all about it. Honestly. I’m glad he said all of this. It’s what I’ve wanted to know for a long time. Now that I have this knowledge, I can use it for whatever.
I just don’t really need to explain what was said as it’s the same song and dance of me and my desire for love. *sighs* But he said he didn’t mind the snuggles, and I’m welcome to come snuggle him anytime I want. However, I’m keeping my distance for now. Still upset at myself for not fucking controlling this desire, but glad I didn’t get shamed for it.
..
So, that’s it. All I got for you today. I will always be a loser for love that knows things take time and love sadly isn’t as easy as saying “wanna be my lover?”
The majority of humanity (who plays VRChat) will not snap and be all “aww this is really sweet. You wanna go further?” within the first day. Of course I never really did that, it was always maybe within the first week when I feel I know them enough.
Let’s say DJTheDutchie didn’t have a BF and we were being all cuddly and stuff, I’d still try to get to know them at a closer level. I tried so hard to know Drowsee a lot more.
…Sadly, this is clearly not how the world works. Both Drowsee and Atherian told me this. It’s not that I don’t deserve love, it’s I’m doing it wrong (and have been doing it wrong for two years now). I have no patience for the other to let me know. I want to be the one that says it, and to resist this urge is like trying to get over strong drugs.
Kovo knows this all too well with Nova. It’s kind of similar for him, waiting for her to make the call. It drives him crazy. Yet he still has the right to say “I love you” and gets to
fe– erm. Nevermind that part. Kovo, doesn’t really know how to feel love. He welcomes
it, but he can’t really settle down and embrace it when he’s got so much on his mind at once. It saddens me, because love is amazing.
Even friendship love is amazing. 😊 I’m a simp for cuddles and snuggles. Depending who it is though (and how well I know them). Their voice and the way they act can make or break that feeling (especially when they call me a “good boy”).
*cough*Supermarioramond1*cough*