I can think of multiple titles for this post, of how I feel I’m going back on my own words of not looking for love. It’s like the longer I’m away from Jero, I can feel that void in my heart beginning to form.
But, why? What is wrong with just being single? Why do I need love? 2020 isn’t even the best year to be thinking about it (since everyone’s either struggling to work as hard as they can or unable to find work and they want to commit suicide)!
That includes a lot of ‘high epsilons’ (as I label them) who want nothing to do with me. They’re struggling to make ends meet and.. I feel they (in ways) wish could live my
life (the whole ‘getting paid sitting on my ass’ part).
Then again there are people who have a job that takes most of their time, they don’t got time to be looking. I kind of need something like this; something to take my focus away from needing cuddles and love…. something to preoccupy my mind. Yet it feels, I don’t want to. It feels I’m being pulled out of my comfort zone. Got friends that want to play games with me, yet I feel I don’t wanna.
If I’m going to play a game, I play it on my terms. Not anyone else’s.
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Grey is who I’m explaining about (when it comes to the comfort zone violation). I.. well, a part of me thinks we might be getting close. Yet I don’t really feel any connection with him. There’s hardly anything about him (except the hot ERP he gives me) that I really like. But I don’t want to love him just because he’s giving me.. well, that. Understandable, right?
I feel we’re still friends. Yet we’re doing things that I’ve done with Wuffer (doing sleep calls). He even said (twice) “I love you Benie” last night. I pray it’s as a friend. Like, what do you even love about me? It’s just like Jero.
The reason I don’t really feel anything with Grey is he’s.. too ‘upper class’ for me. Has a car and seems to like talking about driving, which makes me uncomfortable. That and he seems to act like Klaus (saying “Benieeeeee! It’s a Benie!” a lot). Just, the way he talks I want to stay away from him. ..Oy.
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And then, there’s Novice. I feel, he’s more ‘Jero-like’.. the good side of Jero, that loved me. I actually feel a connection with him, of the way he talks. He seems very compassionate and a great listener, and for how long I’ve known him.. he’s gotten me through some very tough times in my virtual life; all redeeming qualities of what I would be looking for (if I was looking).
He doesn’t feel sex is the answer to happiness, but companionship. And I greatly appreciate that. He’s calm and collective, and sounds like a real sweetheart. So he, if I was looking, would be the closest to an actual relationship.
However, what keeps me from going further (and even himself) is his very busy work schedule. That’s another reason why I say “he’s more ‘Jero-like”. He wants to peruse a relationship, but he can’t. He feels he’s “unable to commit”. Again, like Jero (the bad side though).
I don’t wanna be ‘stuck’ with Grey. I’ve got to open my horizon and look for people that aren’t on my friends list– start mingling in public instances. …But then I’d be looking for love. Ugh. Yet I feel as time goes on, I might not have a choice. Love isn’t coming to me as I’d hoped.. I might have to be the one that spearheads it. But I pray I don’t have to.
I don’t want to go back on my word. 😔
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Fuck the WMR boundary!
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Yeah I said it, fuck the boundary with WindowsMR! I dunno what the hell is going on or if this is the fault with Windows (or a sign my headset’s dying), but every now and then my boundary starts to drift around. I’ll just be relaxing in my chair giving cuddles to
someone, when I can slightly feel my FOV slightly moving around.
One time I was trying to hang with Novice, and I noticed my entire view slanted to the right. It was giving me motion sickness without even moving.
Now I had discovered SteamVR has a reset viewpoint button, however it works 25% of the time in WMR. The only way to ‘reset’ is literally closing out Mixed Reality Portal and restarting. But in this case, restarting didn’t fix the issue (it was also happening inside the portal)… and the only way to fix it now is to completely clear out and redraw my boundary.
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So I decided “you know what? Fuck setting this damn boundary!” It’s not fun to set up. I do not have the fucking ROOM to set this up. My chair gets in the way when tracing behind me. It’s just.. not worth it when I’m having all of these issues. The way my room
is, I’m always in two corners of my boundary. I mean sure it’s drifted before, but it was never this severe to force me to re-draw my boundary several times in less than a
week.
One thing that slightly worries me is when I ever am able to afford the equipment for full body, if I absolutely have to have a boundary in order for the Vive base stations to draw the secondary (for full body). I hope that’s not necessary.