Benie's General Blog

So, call this a shock, but apparently a video I made six years ago (when I was still active on the MRT Server), has come back to bite me in a way that I’m apparently famous on Reddit.. somehow. And it’s also what’s been getting me subscribers on my main ‘BenieTheDragon’ YouTube channel (hence where the name came from, in VRChat).
I’m referring to this old video I made for Chief (back in 2013), where he couldn’t do his series ‘The Snapshot’. It was when I was still a moderator;

Since then, I’ve occasionally been getting views, likes and comments (even to this day). Again, it’s been six years since I made this video, and I’m still getting comments. …Why? Do people really like me and want me to actually do videos publicly, or is this all some kind of trick done by the government (to specifically target me out of the billions of people on this planet)? ..You’d be stupid to believe the latter (no offense).
But one response has stood out that keeps confusing me, how it claims I’m famous in Reddit. And just today as I was watching a random meme video, someone subscribed and said “your on reddit” (which is why I feel I needed to do this post).
There are multiple reasons why I’m receiving this ‘kind’ comment. As much as I want to believe “hmm, it’s just people being nice, nothing wrong with that”, my pessimist side feels this old video is being re-posted (twice) in the bad side of Reddit, where all the low lives hang out… especially with all the “r/wooooosh” comments I got after that second comment.
Why, and How go through my mind. But in any case, I have made the video unlisted to avoid any more confusion on my part (but you folks can still look and maybe help me figure out what’s really going on). Probably just trolls, and they just so happened to see my video being the only one I posted that’s public (as all of my game review videos are Unlisted).

EDIT: Making it unlisted and still getting responses, has proven my theory that the video has indeed been linked to Reddit (and more than once). Curious, I did a search on Reddit (both of ‘Benie’ and the video link), and I’m picking up nothing close to this. Very odd. ..I honestly have no idea what the fuck is going on.
Ehh, whatever. Not going to let it keep me up at night, because the responses stopped when I made it private (but the subscribers have not). But, let them. There’s nothing to see here.

Other titles that would had fit for this topic, are;
-“Looking for love, in all the wrong places!”
-A love that should had never happened
-“This girl is (over) half his age!”
-A mistaken love

When you see nearly all of your friends getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you just wonder… “when is it going to be my turn?!” Driven by songs such as “Sooner or Later” and “I’m a Believer“, yet also remembering songs as “Love Hurts” and “Love Stinks“.
But one song that will resonate well with this topic, is “Don’t Stand So Close To Me“.
Yeah, call me a hopeless romantic. And no, this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact it’s February, and it’s the month for love.
For the rest of this post, I’ll be typing in a hushed, but saddened (at myself) tone. For this would best explain my feelings to you all. I just hope, when this post is all said and done, you folks would understand my side of the story. Though, I’m pretty sure a lot of you will leave, and that’s your prerogative.
So, let’s begin…

Love did eventually come my way. It was someone in VRChat (named ‘LunarMoon’, who was depressed about something she did. She’s a good friend. So, you would expect me to go over and try to make everything OK again, right? Of course you would! But back then, it was only a friendly conversation.
However, for some reason… I saw Lunar, more, than just a friend. Her personality. Her voice. It was beautiful. Have I finally found ‘the one’; the one that would tolerate my faults, and love me for who I really am? Or, is this only going to be a one-time thing, and then I find out later that she has a boyfriend (just like the other two I really liked)?
But, I didn’t want to tell her. I wanted to find this out on my own, that way I could let myself down, knowing I tried. Granted, there was still that one time (last year, with another woman) where I openly expressed my love for them, only to hear “I have a boyfriend”.
Last night in a world, I made my move. But in a way that she wouldn’t really expect what’s going on. And, Lunar was OK with it. It’s like she knew, I had a crush on her. And she had a crush on me. And the rest of that night, I just couldn’t explain in mere words. Except, it was absolutely magical. It was like everything was falling into place. We were hugging, nuzzling, and she even kissed me on the nose before I had to go to bed. I’ve never been happier in my life, than what was going on there. Have I finally felt what true love feels like? Because it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s the feeling, where you just want.. more of it. Like, you can’t leave her, that you have to be with her, and keep her safe. And this is something that had lasted for three days…, until it was finally time to end it.
*deeply sighs*

Disclaimer: This, is where things started going south. Though it wasn’t of what I (or she) said, it was something about our love that felt.. very wrong, to where I should had never even thought.. of it.
So, buckle up, and do your best not to pull out your phone and call the police.
—–
As much as I loved her (and wanted to make her my RP girlfriend), something felt very, very wrong about it; something that I knew in the back of my head, this was a mistake. For I remember Kovo telling me… she’s under-aged. She’s, 13. So, there we go. All the proof for you to call the police and report a pedophile, right? Except, it never (in my
opinion) warranted that. And I wasn’t about to let it go any further than what was happening now.
–
It was the second day that I asked him, who verified the claim. He was actually shocked I didn’t tell Lunar what I.. felt about her, and I told him that I didn’t have the guts. But I finally did.. telling her just how wrong this is, and fearing she was going to call me a
creep (or worse). …Yet, she didn’t see it like that. Plus she claimed she never told Kovo her age; that she’s actually 16 (which in some states, is the legal age). And.. well.. that convinced me it’s OK (in my mind) to keep hanging out with her like this.
3rd day, I told Kovo what she said to me. I expected him to understand, but that wasn’t the case. And this made me feel he refused to understand that for the first time in my life, I was happy. Because he told me “this is wrong, you’re taking it too far”, and “you need to be a better person.” It wasn’t until later in the day when talking to him in a DM ..with him getting sick as a dog over telling him just how happy I was, that he was absolutely right. It did go too far. Literally feeling a romantic relationship.. with a minor.
…..God, what have I done?! I got to end this!! And end it, I did. But as I was fearing that I broke her heart for saying what was on my mind… she understood completely.
–
I then found out why she went with this for the past three days– it was only because that I wouldn’t feel lonely. Yes I feel ashamed at myself, knowing I let desperation over wanting someone to care for me more than just a friend, take over my common sense. Still, it was also absolutely sweet of her to care about me like that.
In addition, when telling her how wrong this is, she said how it was “only wrong in your eyes”, but apparently not in hers. Which got me thinking.. was she as desperate for love as I was? And this had been eating at me for the remainder of the night.
Eventually my brain had enough stress and I absolutely had to ask her “why”. As in,
why did she not see this being a problem? And she answered with a kind heart; “i guess that i want everyone to feel loved and i can’t stand seeing someone upset”… if only you were of legal age, we would had made this work. At least, in my eyes. Sure, my friends would still feel sick about it (an 18 year old hanging out with a 43 year old), but at least it would be legal.
—
Skipping to the present (a few days had passed since we ‘broke up’). Lunar told me she found someone else, and I’m so happy for her. Yet at the same time, seeing her happy only brings back the pain in me (knowing I’m a ‘hopeless loser’).. which puts me in that deep depression (that caused all of this mess in the first place), where I so desperately want to talk to a friend who won’t freak the fuck out over the whole shit that happened; someone that would completely understand me, and help me with the healing process.
I’ll never, find, someone more my age that would care like she did for me. That is what’s so painful. And half of me, feels– shit, this is going to sound weird again, but I have to say it (or else I’d be lying to myself). Half of me feels I should had never told Kovo, and kept this a secret. Because again.. I. didn’t. see, an issue. And that’s probably the desperation talking. Yet I know my limits of what is right from wrong. Which is why I refuse to ever classify myself as… one of them. Because there was no sex involved, and that was something I was never planning to think of; I wanted to keep this at the same level, until she felt comfortable. And even then, we would had weighed the risks of this ‘forbidden love’. Plus, this was going to stay in the confines of VRChat. This was literally nothing, but roleplaying!
Though I feel Kovo would’ve eventually found out (or one of his closest friends telling him), and it possibly would had been even worse than what actually happened. Oof..
–
*sigh*It was my guilty conscience, that told him. I had to know if he was telling the truth, because she wasn’t acting 13. That is what was confusing me. And since then, I sort of feel that he “owes me” to fix this broken heart, to find me someone more my age. Again.. ‘sort of’. Because it’s my fault for causing that mess, so why should he help me (when I’m not willing to help myself by talking to a psychiatrist)?
But, I’ll get over this with time. Perhaps in a month or two. And perhaps, I need a break from VRChat (until I can get my thoughts under control). With Valentine’s Day approaching, I feel it’s only going to get worse.
————
So yeah, that’s the end of my story of a love that should had never been.. at least, of her age. I assume you saw the waffling back and forth with how I ‘suddenly’ felt I had to end it. But in reality, I did it only for Kovo (because I didn’t want to lose him as a friend). I never intended to make him sick to his stomach. Personally I think he took it too literal, and again.. I feel he never saw just how much I was hurting.
But folks, just to make this clear (if I didn’t say it enough), I am NO, repeat.. NO pedophile. I can’t stand them. They are sick fucks, who deserve nothing more but to burn in hell for what they’ve done to innocent children. Because remember what I said, this was going to remain in one level. It was never going to get serious. But apparently, it’s
enough (in my friends eyes) to call me a pedo. ..*sigh*
But, it’s over, and it’s never going to happen again. In their eyes, I made a dire
mistake. And it’s now corrected. I only hope that some of you, saw this from my perspective. I mean yes, ‘desperation’ is not the best word to use for this (as it can easily go both ways), but I don’t know of any other word that would show my true feeling.

And for the ones that I made sick to their stomachs, I. deeply. apologize to you folks. I hope all of you will try to forgive me, and we all can move on from this by getting back to talking about tech stuff (or what other things are going through my mind that isn’t related to this).

.
Whatever happens, I assure you all… this shit will never happen again. You have my solemn promise.
–
A week has passed since that shit happened, decided to check up on her in Discord (as that’s what best friends do). Told me she’s good. Now, I’ve noted her ‘dreaming about # cuties’ in her Discord name before, and just assumed these are all that she has a tiny crush on (but couldn’t decide on just one). That was until she said “im in a polyrelationship”.
A quick Google search revealed.. she literally just called herself a ‘slut’. So, all of that time, I thought– *barf* now I’M the one that feels sick to their stomach!! I was inlove with a slut!? ..Ugh. NO!! You wanna fucking know what’s wrong?! THIS is!
Though it definitely explains the truth of why she ‘cared’ for me, I’m not going to see her any less than a friend. Though I don’t appreciate how she never asked me how I’m doing. Mmm.

It’s funny how things fall into place, without expecting them. Having Warframe breaking my spirit (for the time being), and coming back to VRChat at just the right time to say farewell to Creepery.
He’s nearly done with college, and soon he’ll be getting into the real world with jobs, responsibility, and the like– which sadly has lead him to a firm but difficult decision to thank all that have been there for him (that he might never come back due to this).
But the main reason, is a lot of them are going to really miss him; with one of his friends being brought to tears of the news. People like myself, yeah we miss him, but we also fully understand that things can’t stay the same forever. Just like the closing of the Best Boi community, that actually made me a lot more upset that I thought. Because of the memories I had. Meeting so many people, making awesome friends, learning new things, etc.
Creepery has really been moved by it, having his life forever changed from true friendship. Giving him the strength to become a moderator.
*sighs and wipes away a tear* I wasn’t kidding when I said that Creepery is like a brother to me. I have full respect for him, which he does for me.

And he needed that no BS talk today, dealing with some pre-drama while we were waiting for an hour to do this special meeting. Charms showed up, and started talking about Ashi and bringing back the past (according to Creepery at least). I was hoping he would be an adult by walking up to him and say “Charms, what happened in the past, stays in the past. Let’s move on.”
Instead, he runs away, feeling nervous. Finally catching up to him, I didn’t really have the guts to tell him that he made a bad thing even worse by walking away. That wasn’t until later, when my brain was all “you HAVE.. to tell him. He’s your friend, he’ll understand!” One of his other friends say that I was only making things worse, but Creepery told him that I was right.
We ended up joining another instance of the world. I even asked Charms if he wanted to come (just hoping we could put all of this mess behind us). But he didn’t want to. Later I see he has unfriended me. *shrug*.. whatever. I don’t care.
–
So, Creepery does his speech. Saying thank you to everyone who was with him every step of the way (even the ones that helped him with his Best Boi Kingdom thing). Then he brought me and another, thanking us personally for giving him strength.
No problem, buddy. :’-) (I’m not crying, just something in my eye!)
We did one final Float & Splat after that, just for ole times sake. After that, we said “We are Best Boi’s forever!” Then we went to the old Best Boi world, to spend the rest of the day.
Before it was time for me to go eat, Creepery had told me that he drew pictures of us all. And he showed me mine, along with a sweet message;

That is awesome. Thanks dude. Really appreciate it, after what we’ve gone through last year.
It’s really amazing what a year can do. One moment, you weren’t sure if you wanted to join all of this cancer. And the other, you’ve made a lot of friends (and frenemies like Ashi). You’ve also learned how Unity works, and how to do your own custom avatar (based on someone’s already created model). Even how to do your own worlds.
It’s painful when a really close friend has to go, but I’m old enough to understand the reasoning. And so, in closing, I wish Creepery the best of luck on his future endeavors, and hope to see him again in VRChat. Though he said that we can still talk in Discord.

I assume you’re all probably wondering why I have yet to move to GoDaddy, after I said I was going to after the 3rd. And the main reason is simply… laziness. I’ve been playing a lot of Warframe and been avoiding it like the plaque.
How much will it cost? Will I be able to have free domain parking? ..I wish I wasn’t the one that had to deal with these questions. These are all going through my mind. Before I had angry that was doing all of the dirty work, now it’s just myself.
Then the “what if”‘s start filling my mind. What if it’s more expensive than Arvixe? What if they don’t offer the same stuff that Arvixe does? What if I don’t get the same reliability that I’m currently getting from Arvixe? Will I actually have to pay upfront?

I do not want to move, period. My only.. ONLY complaint with Arvixe, was how they took the money out when I told them not to (and how I cannot contact them).
If I’m going to move, I want guarantees I’ll get the same exact functionality, reliability, and price as I’m currently getting. And I don’t think GoDaddy can provide them. This is why I have been delaying it, because I have been scared of what I was going to be told.
–
But I finally spoke to them, now that I’ve reached a point in Warframe where for some reason, I don’t have the mental energy to play it. What they had to offer was pretty good, but it felt lacking. Their ‘Economy’ plan is $95.88/year, which is 12 cents cheaper than what I’m paying with Arvixe. Yet it has a 100GB disk storage cap (where Arvixe has no cap on storage). In addition, I would need to pay an additional one-time fee of $8.16 to move the site over. And I would have no protection against DDoS/Malware attacks (without having to pay $131.88/year for their ‘Deluxe’ plan).
Did a search to see if the cheaper plan was even worth it’s weight in gold, and saw this blog about GoDaddy and a hosting company named ‘Bluehost‘. Decided to check out this company and asked them the same questions. Turned out, they’re like Arvixe.. but much, much more expensive.
Though they provide pretty good shared server pricing (even the top tier one is $7.99/month), surprise surprise ..this is their promo price! I would had paid over $200/year. Uhh.. nah. The chat agent I was speaking to, is all “I’m sorry I’m sorry!!”, and I literally said to him “well, tell them (Bluehost’s management) they just lost a potential customer.”
Something just didn’t rub me the right way when I saw the prices were slashed. Felt really suspicious, and then I finally got the greedy truth out of the chat agent.
Lmao, $200/year, for a tiny website (with two bloated WordPress SQL databases). I’ll pass.

One thing that caught my eye though, is the chat software they’re using, looks a lot like the one Arvixe uses.
HMMMmmmm…

What if, Arvixe wasn’t ignoring their customers, but upgrading to a new chat system? So I decided to try and see if I could contact them again, and holy fuck it WORKED!
Turns out the reason why they auto-charged me, was I had my debit card info on file with them. Honestly, I never thought of this. The chat agent cleared the info, essentially removing any future attempts they’ll ‘fuck me over’ (and allowing me to have full control over what month the payment is made).
Also, what I thought was stopping their auto-renewal…? Was actually the $10 domain fee that comes out a few months before the main one. This is fine, it can process.

So.. YAY! I don’t have to switch to another hoster afterall!!!

I don’t know who to thank. God? Possibly.. even though God had nothing to do with it. But it just goes to show, I pulled a me again: jumping to conclusions. But what the fuck was I supposed to think?! There was absolutely NO way to contact them! How in the fuck would I have known they were upgrading their live chat system!?
Angry (if he was still managing the site) would had probably figured it out way, way before they told me, though. Seeing “your credit card on file” should had told me something, but it never did. It never clicked in my mind, this could had been the reason.

I’m just glad this major weight is off my chest, and best of all.. I can keep my money and continue saving for a system upgrade!

Before I begin, it never was my intention to post this 48 minutes into Christmas Eve (for my timezone anyway). “Too soon!” you must be saying, and I’m sorry. But this has come to a point where I can no longer ignore and walk away from.
Also, let me make one other thing crystal clear. If you’re into donating, don’t let me stop you- this post isn’t about that. It’s more of a personal pet peeve, and that ‘pet’ is
Discord Nitro.
And as for the whole thing with Wikipedia wanting $3 to keep them from having to use ads, I’m sorry to say.. but the fact I rarely (if ever) go to that website, I don’t feel a donation is necessary. It’s not the fact I’m stingy, I just feel they’ll get more than enough donations through all of these memes (without needing me). Course, I said the same thing about Net Neutrality.. and look where that got us. But that is a different thing.

Now… Discord Nitro, and why it feels like a corporation (even though they try to show videos showing they’re “gamers just like you”). I have reason to believe they’re using paywalls to beg for your money (to the point it would make some people go “FINE, I’ll get Nitro if you stop shoving it in my face!! Geezus!” What’s sad, is it seems to be quite effective (as most of my friends have Nitro now). And it makes me feel like an ass for not giving it a chance… until I remind myself of what they’re doing in luring you into their premium subscription service.
1. Showing every emoji of every server a user is a part of (but grayed out). Clicking on one, tells you to get Nitro. There’s no option to turn this off.
2. Putting a ‘Gift’ icon in the message bar. Clicking on it, gives the option of gifting the more expensive ($100) version to friends (so they can get free games). There’s no option to turn this off.
3. Putting a special Nitro tag in your profile, to show you have it and how long you did (for ‘bragging rights’)… no option to turn it off. Though, some forums also do this (the official Minecraft forum, and the Curse website are prime examples).
If all three of these could be switched off.. because, you know, supporting a free
service (even freeware programs) is supposed to be.. well, optional, but apparently Discord as a company doesn’t believe this, of taking advantage being #1 of talking to friends outside of games.

But I get it.. “donating is supposed to make you feel good!” ..then why does it feel that I would rather swallow a box of thumb tacks, then give away money for a subscription service? Hell, if it wasn’t for the fact most game companies are using Discord to communicate to their players, I would had gotten rid of it.
Does this make me a scrooge? In a sense, yes. Yet also no at the same time. The features of Nitro, none of them feel to me they warrant $5 a month (or $50 a year). And if you want games, that’s $10 a month (or $100 a year). I have PS+/Gamefly for free games, thanks anyway.
~I don’t care about changing the four digits after my name (when I have it on my hat with Red Boi in VRChat). This doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
~Animated GIF for my profile picture? Ehh. Last time I used animated GIFs as an avatar was in the early to mid 2000’s (and it was FREE to do so…).
~Higher quality video for screen sharing? Since my screen shares are usually my monitor (and only when I need help), that’s not needed.
~Global emojis.. is nothing but a selling point. This is one of the paywalls I mentioned. It’s a gimmick!
~Faster upload limit/larger file size? Would had been nice for the drivers I needed to fix that ‘Restart required’ bug, but I don’t often do this. Plus, say I get it, and the person I’m sending it to doesn’t have Nitro. Are they fucked? Funny how it doesn’t mention this.
~Rep my support? … lmao, no. I don’t want people to know I caved in (if I ever decide to get Nitro in the future). Sure, it may show that I’m “cool enough” to donate, but fuck that. Not when I’m giving them hell like I’m doing now.
—
The only way I will donate, is A: They offer a one-time flat no BS option to donate. Or
B: They do something that changes my life.
The MRT Server, was one of those where I donated without even thinking about it (plus it was a one-time donation). For Frumple, proved to me (and even allowed me to use his station designs) that people (at the time) still used traditional stations for their minecart transit systems (in Minecraft).
He (indirectly) encouraged me to make the W2TS (many years ago). That, is how you get me to donate. I also donated to The Red Cross once, because of Superstorm Sandy actually affecting me.

Do something that changes my life (such as wanting to give back and help during an Impalong in Wurm), and you’ll get my support. Discord, hasn’t done anything (and why should they?) .. but that’s my point. That’s the reason I’m not donating to a company that uses paywalls in order to beg for money.
End of discussion. That’s all I’m going to say about it. I will treat them as no more than a free service, with no remorse (as they show none when they do this shit).