First off, happy December 1st everyone! ..Only 31 days until this horrible year is over with. Yay! Let’s hope 2021 will be better (with COVID vaccines raining from the heavens, ready to hopefully make you immune to the virus).
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About Vale
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There were two things I couldn’t get off my mind; making my relationship with Novice stronger, and telling Kovo that Vale might still have feelings for Novice.
But Kovo was all “wait.. how did you not know this? He’s had feelings for Novice for a long time.” Well Kovo, I’m not exactly in the loop. I don’t really follow these trends.
Kovo mentioned a few others Vale has feelings for. Due to the nature, I’m not going to be listing these names.
And that’s about it for this. Hopefully nothing else happens.
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Our bond is stronger now (at least I hope)
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I think I have a way with people to make them happy. Might be both a gift and a curse. Today I sent Novice a few paragraphs in Discord that I feel we need to get to know eachother better, to make our bond stronger.
Told him that I “have a lot of heavy baggage” and wanna know if he’d be willing to accept me for who I am (and other words like that).
When I was in the call with Kovo, Nova and a few others, I noticed Novice responding to what I wrote. Prayed I didn’t say anything wrong. His response froze me, acting like
all “I’m going to do my thing, but if you wanna talk about us that’s up to you”. Mmm..
Did still get on. Grabbed a few new mods from the VRChat Modding Group (one of them apparently turns your homeworld into a friends+ instance, however it seems like only a mask to you and others still see it being invite only).
At least that was the case for me when I waited for anyone to join, and noone did. So.. huh. Novice was on, but I was worried I said the wrong thing. I waited some more, then decided to send him a single invite. Only one invite. If he’s busy or doesn’t wanna join, then that’s fine. But he did, surprisingly.
Didn’t at all seemed bothered by my words, so.. huh. He told me everyone’s in a private world and was sad about it, that and trying to contact a friend of his he hasn’t seen in a long time. That the last time he saw them was during an argument, and he was hoping to just say hi. Said VRChat.com was telling him the person’s offline yet Discord was saying the opposite. So he had to come on and find out for himself, and saw the website was telling the truth.
He put two and two together and came up with the assumption that the friend’s using an alt, and having to be forced to send a DM to them. This was the perfect time to figure out why he doesn’t talk in Discord a lot. Told me he only uses social media to watch people and stuff like that, not actually message anyone. That’s fine. Understandable.
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Then his display driver crashed. He left to go reset, and I decided to go somewhere else in hopes he won’t crash again. He came back, surprised to see the new scenery.
Let him explore this house before I wanted to start the process of knowing more about him. He.. seemed kind of distant though, as if we’re just good friends again. But I told myself if this is what he wants, then I’m going to accept it.
We sat down on the floor in the living room, myself wanting him to talk first about this. He’s having self-doubt, saying how he was “worried this would happen” (with us being in a relationship). Said at the time he was “in the moment”, but now he’s not feeling it as
much.
He doesn’t value his life, and feels life is meaningless, and we’re just going to die
anyway.
Mmmm. I got close to him and said “yes, I know. I feel you. With how COVID is, it feels there’s just no point of living anymore. But when I wake up, I try my best to make my friends happy.” And one time I’m all “Novice, look what’s right infront of you. Look at the one that loves you, and wants to fill you with so much love, to give you a reason to live. When I wake up, all I think about is you.” I reminded him of the bond I made with him of those three words, swearing that I will always be there to shower him with love and affection, and when I’m not I’ll be thinking about him.
When I was done, he stops moving for a bit then suddenly comes over and hugs me, saying he’s “going to cry” but his tear ducts were dry. I hugged him very tight as he starts complaining about eye irritation. I was crying too, of happiness. Knowing I was -this close- from losing him, it was now or never to talk about who I am. So I opened up, and it seemed he was fine with it. He was surprised over the fact I don’t actually work though. But it seemed he didn’t mind. It seemed he wanted me to be happy, just like I make him happy.
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We went upstairs trying to find a mirror in this world. There was one in the bedroom. We laid down on the bed and snuggled, him sounding so happy to be with me. Discovered he’s a bottom and all sorts of other things.
One thing I never asked, is if he wanted to meet me IRL or was OK with this being a VRChat relationship. Given what had just happened, time would answer that question. I also never told him about Shoot, mainly for the fact he never once yesterday asked
me “how’s daddy doing” or anything of the sort. It’s possible if he’s not an only child, his RL brother probably saw his messages and saw that “yes, he is getting annoyed with you. He wants you to find someone else, but he doesn’t want to hurt you by saying that” and Shoot has since stopped asking me. At least that’s what I’m assuming.
Novice’s display drivers crashed again while he was sleeping on me, and he noticed to go reset. All I begin to notice (since he told me he was a bottom), was ‘that plump rear of his’.
When he got back, I told him I had an NSFW version of this avatar and he’d like to see it. He said “yee”, so I showed it.
He likes it. 😋 He even liked it after we ERP’d (myself asking for consent first of course). This to me also helped strengthen our bond.
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4:15 rolled in, and he said he needed to go to work. He’s the first one that kissed me, and the first one to say “I love you”. That, made my morning. That to me, made me feel he’s not going to hurt me like Jero did.
However a part of me feels Novice might suddenly change back to the way he used to be. Not because of me, but himself having doubts of being happy. I’m hoping with time, I can yank that side out of him to where only hope and love is left over.
I dealt with this when it came to Cola. I think I can do it.
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See a friend online when Novice left, so I went to go see him just to hang out (though that would’ve been a ‘mistake’ on my part). I wasn’t even planning to tell him what
happened, but he brought it up. He’s happy for me, and hopes Novice doesn’t do what Jero did.
We talked about other things, then suddenly Vale pops up behind me as he joins the instance. Oh shit. Hey! ..Hope you have no hard feelings I’m dating Novice! I didn’t actually say that. He talked about his back and trying to be on leave, and having to wait two hours for a higher ranked person to sign papers. And he keeps talking about his life as a marine.
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“Just a fluke…?”
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It was 4:50am, 10 minutes ’till bedtime. I’m trying my best to care about what Vale’s talking about. Then around 4:58am suddenly my headset goes dark and my computer turns off.
“Oh no..” I said as I take my headset off, thinking something just happened to my PSU or GPU overheating to the point it shut off my computer. Yet everything else but my ceiling fan light was out. My UPS was receiving no power. TV power was out too. It took awhile for my brain to process that I just blew a fuse. …FUCK!!
Got up, grabbed my phone and used its flashlight option. Made my way to the kitchen. The rest of the house has power.. so yay, it only fucking affected MY room. Checked the fuse box and put my hand on it… it was red hot to the touch. What in the FUCK did I do that could’ve pulled so many amps for the fuse to blow?! I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary!
The only thing I could think of was “it could’ve been the wind”, because it is pretty gusty out there. I looked at the switches closely, and started playing eeny meeny mini mo of flicking each one of them off and on to see which one of them would be my room. One of them felt it wasn’t fully on all the way (possibly the one to my room). With that done I closed up the fuse box and went back to my room. Power was back on as expected in my room.
Felt a sense of insecurity. Went over to my computer, putting my hand on the PSU. It didn’t feel hot. Crossed my fingers and turned it on, it booted up as normal. So, thank fuck my computer’s still OK. Still didn’t make me any more confident this issue isn’t going to happen again. Something definitely caused the fuse to blow. Could’ve been all the heaters in the house coming on at the same time (combining that with the wind).
All I can pray is this doesn’t happen again. As I said, I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. It could had been my computer, I dunno. …Guess I’ll be finding out tonight.