At least it’s what I.. felt. Though I don’t feel Novice feels the same. Though I don’t feel I went against my word of not looking for love, I feel the way I’m approaching this relationship might be screwing up my chances to lock in my bond with him more.
I feel I need to… well, ‘back off’ a bit. Feel Novice isn’t feeling comfortable with me and doesn’t have the heart to tell me that.
Got on when I saw him on, and I tried to join him. Yet I started feeling “he may had just gotten on, give him some time.” (after I had already sent out multiple invite requests).
I tried.. desperately, to be patient while laying down in a bed in the world. Suddenly I got an invite request and felt like jumping for joy…. until I saw who it was; Klaus. Lol.
Fine, fine.. come on in dude. I was hoping to see Novice, not you! The “it’s a Benie!” and “Hey, I found a Benie!” gets fucking annoying!! It’s perfect for eye rolling.
Klaus was having issues joining when Novice joined me. EEE!! That’s who I wanna
see! 😀 He joined me in the bedroom, then started talking to me about how his controller drift is getting really bad to the point it happens without even touching anything.
Klaus joined shortly after, who overheard Novice’s concerns and tried offering advice in the form of “ahh… hate to tell this to ya bud, but you’re going to need to buy new controllers.” The two talked about the issue while I listened in, how it’s a known issue with the Oculus CV1 controllers.
I chirped in saying “Jero had a similar issue with them. It was pretty bad.”
–
Elsewhere in the world, Klaus tried to give Novice some tips on how to counteract the controller drift (saying he knows the struggle). Novice laid down and I decided to lay down next to him, and then he starts to open up about us. He mentions Vale might still have feelings for him, saying he(Novice) got a few short DMs about what I put in my
status (how I stated ‘Claimed by Illunovice :3’). “I wouldn’t really had put it like
that, but.. yeah.” he had said to Vale. Vale went on to say “good luck” (almost in a sarcastic tone). Like “*laughs* Good luck, you’ll need it.”
…..Mmmmmm.
Okay, okay. Calm down, I can fix this. Just edit your status to something less.. bad! Saying I’m ‘claimed’ by him is probably a bad thing to say right now! However Novice said he was alright with my status as it is. Still, I wanted to undo this and just put ‘Love you Illunovice <3’ in its place, and did it.
So, hopefully crisis averted…? I hope? Novice hopes Vale still doesn’t have feelings for him. This wasn’t brought up again until later on when Novice wanted to do world hopping to see friends he hasn’t seen in awhile (and I went with him). Though one time I tried to be there for him after one of his friends leaving for the night, saying “seems like a really cool friend”. Novice looks at me and asks “what makes him a cool guy?”
Uhhh.. he uh, just is? I didn’t know what to really say but that. Felt I was being judged that time, and decided to just… lay low and not speak unless I’m spoken to (to not embarrass Novice infront of his friends). *sighs*
—
Was in the Room of the Rain with a few friends. An old friend of Novice joins and the two talk while I stay infront of the mirror, not sure if I should go over or stay feeling I’ll ‘just get in the way’. People around me are snuggling and kissing eachother. Yeah.. I’ll just go over and not talk.
The two talk about life and jobs, and COVID. I stay out of it for the longest time, only nodding to show Novice I’m there for him and him only. Then the two suddenly start talking about relationships. Novice is suddenly all “speaking of boyfriends..”, he comes over to me and snuggles, saying “This is my boyfriend”. I smile when I hear this and give him a big kiss.
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around that I have a boyfriend now, since even before VRChat I’ve been only thinking about myself” Novice says. Kind of the same here with
me (with the whole ‘before VRChat’ thing). He comes over to me again, saying “I’m starting to get used to it though.” That’s good, that’s very good. 🧡 Gives me a sense of hope I still have a chance to strengthen our bond. Then he starts talking about how two months ago he’s being hit on guys left and right, and talking about “a friend” (aka Vale). All I do is smile and nod.
I start to open myself up to person, feeling confident I’m not going to make things awkward for Novice. We talked about VRChat in the past and about chairs on avatars, and how I made mine so big that people in The Box were able to click on me from the other side of the world and take a seat (which I had significantly scaled down to be much less of a pain in the ass for people).
45 minutes until bedtime, Novice relaxes on the ground (in the rain). I relax with him and he slowly falls asleep resting on me. My heart melts once again over how cute this is, but I know he’s gotta get to work. At least that’s what I thought. Klaus who’s here with us, tries to wake him up. He moves a little, indicating he’s about to wake up, then disappears.
Mmm.. I never got to say that I loved him. Oh well, I knew I wouldn’t have enough
time.
Klaus also leaves, then says a bit later “some jackass kicked me” in DMs. I was with a friend at the time when I’m looking at everyone who could had been the one that did. Had a friend there who was trying to talk to me, but I didn’t want to say anything (thinking I’d be next on whoever’s shitlist). Didn’t make sense. I’m the instance owner (noone else is seen with the crown), so who in the fuck initiated the kick??
Instead I quietly went back to my homeworld and tried inviting that friend and Klaus. I also noticed Novice was still on. Odd.. I thought he went to work.
Klaus kept trying to invite me back to the world, but I refused. Novice joined me, confused to what happened. Said he fell asleep then woke up in his homeworld. Klaus tried one more time to invite me, feeling it was a new instance I asked Novice if he wanted to join. He checked his clock and said he had time. So I guess he doesn’t work at night on Sundays? Hmm.
Back in a new Room of the Rain instance, I was really confused in who initiated the kick. I don’t think it was a kick at all.. but someone crashing him and Novice. Mmm. Whatever. Doesn’t matter now. Novice went back to laying down and I joined him, which once again he fell asleep on my chest.
I’m such a good pillow for him. 😊 Hehehe. Klaus looked at me and asked “so are you two official?” I said “as far as I know, yes”. Then he reminded me where I swore to him I’d never find someone. I said “well, they found me.”
PolanBall joined as it was nearing 5am, said to Klaus “is anyone fucking in here?! Every world I go has people fucking in it!!” Klaus said no. Polan looked at us and asked “what about those two?” Klaus tried to explain it was Novice falling asleep on my chest.
“Why is he under him?” (Polan referring to me). “Because they’re a thing. They’re a couple” Klaus said.
5am hit. Alright sweetie, it’s time for you to go to bed IRL (because I need to). 🙂 But he was still asleep. So yeah, Polan! Good timing! ..Need your help. But before he could, he shouted that he spilled something and had to go clean it up, leaving the job to Klaus.
Turning off his animations, I said “yep, go wake Novice up” when he asked me if I wanted him to. Klaus tried a few things, then Novice finally started to move around.
He was surprised he fell asleep again. I told him “it’s because I’m such a good pillow.” He chuckled with a “yee”.
We hugged and kissed, and I told him how I loved him. He got choked up and said “I love you too” and then hopped off. I waved bye to Klaus while he wished me a good night.
And that’s pretty much it for that morning. Started off shaky, but got better. The only thing I regret is Novice not having enough time to really sit down with me and talk about our strengths and weaknesses. I want to get this relationship off to a good start, but Klaus ruined my chance to do so (almost acting like a 3rd wheel).
I need to pick a date to do this, and hopefully Novice will have the time in his busy work life to do so. We seriously need to get a stronger bond, so I know this is real and it isn’t going to die out in a few days or a few weeks, you know? This relationship I feel is established enough that we can safely do this (without eachother having a heartbreak if it doesn’t work out). Even Ninja (now AtherianTheDerg) did the right thing by calling off our relationship early before it got too serious (why I didn’t feel a heartbreak and was able to easily get over him and still be friends).
I want a relationship that will last longer than I had with Jero (and NOT have it filled with doubts). If Novice isn’t willing, then I can’t do it. Simple as that. We’ll just be friends. So it’s best we do it while it’s still a fledgling relationship and not when it’s a few weeks down the line.
I need to see what Novice wants for the future; if he wants to see me IRL or if he’s OK with this being a VRChat relationship. Jero was OK, but everyone’s different (and can easily break a relationship.. like me and Wuffer when I told him about my parents!).