#ThoughtsOfBenie
I have been having a lot of thoughts lately. Some thoughts that annoy me. Some thoughts that confuse me. And some thoughts that cause me to have depression.
Three of these stand out as being the main thoughts, with one that’s slightly minor.
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The first one, is coming back to Autonauts after a year long hiatus. As I said in my Games blog, I finally remembered why I had stopped playing. However, I’ve gone beyond where I stopped thanks to some helpful Youtube playthroughs of the game.
One channel has really been helping me to maximize my efficiency (the best I can), and is also the main (and only) channel that has been doing a playthrough of
the ‘new’ Settlement mode, named ‘ShabbyDoo‘. His playthrough, I seriously mean that it has really been helping me when it comes with trying to figure out where to put what. Plus he shows you code that he does, which makes things so efficient. Such as dealing with the annoying Crude Bucket (when you want your bot to do as much as it can in the least amount of time).
However, about a week ago I started noticing that he might not see Autonauts as ‘worth playing’, as maybe to him it isn’t bringing in the views as his other videos. And if this is his full time job, yeah it’s definitely understandable that you would want as many clicks on your popular videos as possible. And now he’s playing other games.
…This presents a problem (for me). He had just started Stage 5 in his last video, which is the stage I was been stuck on for about a month (mainly of waiting for him to post a new video). And without his guidance, I was fucking LOST. But, I finally squeezed myself out of that evil stage after putting it off for so long.
I also had told myself “wow, if you’re having this much difficulty.. it’s going to get even worse for you”. And already, they want me to set up Power, and have a way where I got to bring in those big rocks that do not respawn (unless you mine a Stone deposit with
a crude metal pickaxe.. which means having medium distance traveling for bots to get metal ore).
Without that video giving me an idea what to put where and how many, to get another idea how to make it work with my village.. it’s going to take so damn long of being.. ugh. Forced to learn on my own instead of having the answers given to me!
I know that eventually, with enough patience on my part, I’ll reach the end of Stage 8
and ‘beat the game’. But to have a visual guide in the form of YouTube videos is even better. Especially when it’s using the same gamemode I’m in, and the same game version I’m playing.
And no, I can’t use his completed Enlightenment mode playthrough, as this gamemode unlocks things differently than that original one. It would feel out of order, especially when I’m searching for him starting on a specific building, and having buildings I’ve never seen before in his video that could be attached to it.
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On to the next thought. And of course it’s about my boyfriend, Jero, and my inability to help him out. Though we’re still a thing that (I hope) is never going to end anytime
soon, I fear his own thoughts might take over his reasoning.
Mainly of the status of his Index controllers.. they don’t work anymore. That’s how bad it’s gotten for him. And he didn’t seem he was going to go insane without being in VR, which was surprising. He told me before, he was very addicted to VRChat. But I believe his financial situation is causing his depression to be stronger than that addiction.
And this, has me worried.
His financial issues haven’t gotten any better. Infact they’re getting worse. And it’s mainly because of that stupid Russia-Ukraine war. It’s gotten so bad that he’s been desperately trying to look for an actual job, and drop his Uber Eats gig work. And he tells me that if that happens, he’ll likely never be able to play VRChat again.
X to Doubt there. Though that depends on the workload and the boss. Usually they’ll let you go during the weekend.
Though he has another issue. Yesterday, he got on VRChat to see how his laptop would handle it. However, his ever glitchy controllers had their own idea by deciding they wish to unalive, screwing him. In the past he’s said to me that he would go crazy without
VRChat. But having to focus on his finances more, seems to have rid him of this feeling. And this brought up a thought, that he’s going to start feeling I’ve “let him down” and start to feel that he’s a “bad boyfriend”.
To counter this, I had a long (one-sided) conversation with him (aka some paragraphs for him to read when he wakes up), and also to work out some sort of plan if that addiction to play VRChat comes back. I feel happy I did this, to show him I’m not going to leave him nomatter what happens. Those days ago of feeling doubts, are over. And honestly, I’m quite glad it did happen. Because I was able to learn from it.
Sure there are still times where I wish he would be more communicative, but true love is looking past the flaws. He’s looked past mine, and he still loves me. About time I do the same, of that he can’t always be there.
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Now the 3rd thought. This one is about something that doesn’t exactly concern me (right now), but something that really needs to be discussed by the media of why and how this wasn’t preventable.
It’s about that massive train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio, and the coverup by not only the government, but the Norfolk Southern railway. Of all the times to have doubts if what you’re being told is true, this is a really good time for that. It’s extremely disgusting for them to lie through their teeth to the citizens of that small town, and I hope they pay dearly for it.
But there is also a concern for me. How safe is our spring water, lately? And where in the hell does it even come from? See, I live near the Ohio River. Do we get our water from it? And if so, where from? And has the EPA (and not anyone else like a greedy train
company) been doing regular testing since the Ohio train derailment for Vinyl Chloride?
It’s that level of miscommunication that has a lot of people nervous, for good reason. The Louisville Water Company did a one-week-long test phase, and claimed by the time they ended it the Vinyl Chloride “would had passed us by now”.
This doesn’t exactly make me feel safe, the fact they just stopped testing altogether. They should keep testing until ZERO traces of any harmful chemical from that crash site are detected. Only then would I feel safe. Especially the ones in East Palestine who see that ugly multicolored ripple in their creeks and streams from throwing a rock into it.
Water should stay clear and fresh for not just humans, but for animals. It is our
lifeblood, quite literally. Blood has water in it. We need it to survive.
There should be, at least, small groups of the EPA to test the waters all along the Ohio River (and any creeks that are coming from Ohio into Indiana and other states), and make those results available to the public (in an easy to digest format) until the EPA no longer detects any chemicals that were the results of the train derailment.
Any level of transparency (even possible health effects that could happen 5-10 years from now) to ensure that even bottled water is safe to drink, would be nice to help calm fears and distrust that the government is poisoning the water.
And… that’s about all the thoughts I have (currently).