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Giving Blender some space by spending time with whoever I could
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“What the hell happened??” you’re likely wondering. It was a joke backfiring on a friend of his. But before I start explaining.. I am quite tired. Stayed up to 6 in the morning. But I had to as a friend needed cuddles and to be heard. So, I apologize if my typing is a bit sluggish.
Trying to hang out with Blender’s friends (just to spend time with him), while also trying to get answers on how difficult (or how similar) it’ll be to attach stuff to this new Drexouium avatar (if it’s any different in 3.0 than it is in 2.0). I even asked him if he could help me do it, and he said he would. But he’s just been so busy doing favors for everyone that he tends to forget about me.
Such as him wanting me to see what he’s been working on for friends. I wanted to
say “what about us, Blender? Would be nice to see you doing something for us too” but felt that was wrong, so I kept my mouth shut. And then he left again. It was also a second day of not being able to hang with Jero.
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Tried to keep myself entertained as there was a stream of a person ‘playing’ Half-Life: Alyx (more like semi-speedrunning it of knowing where mags and Resin hide in each level). It was, definitely inception of watching a guy play a VR game.. while being in VR myself. Eventually got bored and joined Blender again, telling him “there’s noone else I want to join. You’re the only one”. He was quite surprised.
Then saw Queenie on and wanted to let him know, but he was busy. So I went on and saw him. Had some fun and then watched Family Guy after. Then I went back to Blender and I also got a response from Jero of why he’s been busy the past two days.
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And then the real ‘fun’ began (which lead to this post title). There was a Kobold here that was really enjoying Blender cuddling them. I started making out a joke how Kobolds are known to worship dragons, then said to Blender (as a joke) to “be a Kobold”, which he refused to do. Half of me chuckled it off while the other half might had found that a sign our relationship isn’t as tight as I thought it was (but didn’t really feel it).
We went to a world with a spaceship, where a person can control where we go. I was still joking with Blender about “being my Kobold”, thinking it would be sexy. Then the Kobold person started assuming I was talking about them and not Blender, saying for me to “get in line” of all the people that want to ERP with them.
I tried to show my compassion and try to explain I was joking with my BF, but they weren’t listening to me (and neither was Blender). I felt ashamed of what I did. Waited for the right moment of Blender to be the most distracted and left that area.
Played pool with myself. With that game done, I laid down in full body and listened to music while the scenery changed ‘outside’. I hoped Blender would notice and come looking for me. I waited what felt like an hour.. no Blender.
One of his friends however came over, saying “everyone is getting lost in your boyfriend’s eyes”…what do you expect me to do about it? We’re in an open relationship. He then
said “Oh.. well, I hope you’re not feeling alone here.” Totally didn’t lie and say “I’m fine” to not have them worry about ‘poor me’.
More time passed. It was 4am. Said to myself “Blender’s gonna go to bed soon, which will be the only reason he’ll ‘look’ for me.” Sure enough, I wasn’t wrong. And holy fuck did that disappoint me with him. Let him have it.. didn’t know his friends were right behind me. :/
The next afternoon, I messaged him in Telegram. And he hasn’t messaged me back. So, I thought I’ll give him some space, so he can think about this. All I said was “if the situation was reversed, I’d stop what I was doing and look for you.”..I’m doing it again. Not even a closed relationship and I’m not feeling happy with it (because Blender, bless his heart that he is trying his best to improve… his mind’s too preoccupied to be thinking about a relationship). He’s so focused on helping his friends, and less focused on us. That’s all he talks about anymore. ..I’m so tired of it.
This just isn’t working for me.. (again). Why didn’t I learn the last time? Oh wait, because I didn’t want to be alone. That’s right.
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BADDECODE is sweet
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And because I felt taking a break was a good idea, I didn’t send Blender a single invite. I only joined to see Queenie or whoever might be on. Instead I got a ‘2 for 1 sale’ with both Queenie and BADDECODE being in the same instance. Didn’t join them at first as I wanted to look around (also still had what happened on my mind).
A friend of theirs was also there, who was leaving as I was still looking in this house building thing. The friend left and all I saw were those two. Made my way over but didn’t really say much. Then Queenie wanted to go play another game and hopped off, leaving me with BADDECODE (which I’ll simply nickname as ‘Bad’).
I wanted to talk but I also didn’t know if I should talk to him about Blender. I’m not exactly sure what broke the ice, but I’m glad it happened. He told me “it’s not your fault” for what I’m going through. He fully understood me. And when I was really opening up to him, suddenly Raccoongamer wanted to say hi. Stopped talking about it, and he knew I didn’t really feel comfortable talking about this to Raccoon.
He said he was going to get some breakfast, and since he’s on a Quest he had to get off and would be back in a half an hour. This is perfect.
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I was in my homeworld and he joins me, then asks me how I’m doing. Told him “the same” and we talk more about it; I’m talking about my life and what I’ve been going through. But instead of giving me the usual stalemate ‘try to change your life’ answer, he
started.. crying, for me. “Why.. should such bad things happen to a sweet guy like you?! It’s not fair!!” he said, quite upset over the situation. I said.. nothing, only comforting him. I’ve never seen someone so upset. So, compassionate over what I go through. Believe I found my newest true friend.
In my response to how I have to hear certain friends talk about their lives and stuff, he suggested to mass-prune my friends list to remove everyone that “messes with your mental state”. Explained how I’ve been wanting to do this for quite some time, but they’ll find me and ask why I unfriended them. “Just tell them ‘I was doing some mass-pruning of my friends list and felt we don’t really talk that much anymore. I’m sorry'” Nodded and thanked him, hoping this would work.
After that, we did the thing. He’s the only one I will ever allow someone to call me “daddy”.
And after we were done I smiled and said “I love you”. He said the same back, and then some. Slightly caught me off-guard but I wasn’t bothered by it in the slightest, and then he started crying again (and even harder this time) over his ex. I comforted him the best I could, letting him open up to me.
He said how he’s learned how powerful those three little words are. I said “it took me several failed relationships to discover that”. He was quite blown away that I went through so many. Thankfully he never asked what happened, because I sure as hell don’t want to explain the first two…
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This lasted to nearly 6am being with him. Was an awesome evening and morning, and it makes me glad I came on. I also told him I’ll likely be asking for help in the afternoon of how to do things with this Drex I have.