2020, worst year EVER? ..Honestly, it depends on who you are and if you contribute to society. And it also depends if you wanna see change but are only part of the problem for not getting out there and giving your voice.
You got the big bad scary (but also highly misinformed) Coronavirus/COVID-19 (or as it SHOULD be called ‘SARS-2019’) that’s apparently killed over 200,000 Americans. “Wear your mask! Socially distance!” they tell you. My parents feel it’s only a ploy for the government to control us, that there “is no virus, even one doctor says the vaccine’s worse than the virus”.
You also got the aftermath of the 2020 election, where I’m caught in the middle of two diehard Republican parents and being blamed for voting Biden all because he swears he’ll do something about COVID (unlike Trump). They swear it was rigged, that Republicans weren’t allowed to watch the voting process. They’re crying that Biden’s going to take our guns away, and how he’s going to give China the green light to buy our products for cheap and take over. Apparently I’m “too stupid” to be pretty sure this is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN… seriously, how dumb can my parents be?!
..And then, ending in furry drama of who I thought was “the one” shockingly comes back to me and we have the longest relationship I’ve ever had in my virtual life… yet that was far from the truth when I was informed I’m not the only one he treated like garbage. So not only was I ghosted, but lied to in multiple ways. Isn’t love just AWESOME?!
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So let’s start this blog post off. I dunno how big this thing is gonna get or how many times its edited, but we shall see.
JANUARY 2020:
RL (me): Nothing that I can think of.
VRChat;
-Dealing with the post-aftermath of disbanding the group, Fluffy doesn’t want to let go. Eventually things (kinda) work out with him being my son again.
-Discover Creepery’s still alive, and actually talk to him.
-Jero comes back, and soon I get my answers that he wants to start again.
-Suppy shows up the same time Jero and I get back together. That same month I have a friend deal with him.. which backfires on me and lose him as a friend.
-Jero and I being back together starts the ‘spy games’ to happen with Jero having a grudge against KingKandy.
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FEBRUARY 2020:
RL (me): Nothing really.
VRChat;
-First Dutchie Meetup, won’t be the last.
-“Longest relationship since Wuffer” I mark, making this the longest relationship I ever had (and it kept going).
-Jero’s too busy to enjoy Valentine’s Day with me, but that’s why I have a Jero body pillow in his place.
-Fluffy and I finally become ‘just friends’.
-The “HMMMMMM!!!” attack by my friends in Discord, everyone pinging me and
going “HMMMM!!!”. 😑
-Surviving two ‘banwaves’ of VRChat, that turn out the API’s being over-pinged. This also causes mods to be switched over to MelonLoader.
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MARCH 2020:
RL (me): COVID begins to affect the way I live, forcing me to go online when I do my grocery and food shopping.
VRChat;
-Fluffy admits why he can’t let me go, because I “sound like his departed father”.
-A really hilarious surprise after Jero and I ERP’d the first time since we had broke
up (him as the creepy Sonic avatar).
-Chris606 tells me he’s ‘dying’ from COVID (or something similar). Turns out he was faking.
-Jero’s OK about a VRChat marriage (that never happened).
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APRIL 2020:
RL (me);
-Posts begin to slow down drastically in both the General and Games blogs. But I’m still OK, guys. Still alive. 🙂
-Waiting two hours for a Doordash order to arrive.
-Getting hopeful news full body could work in my room from a friend, using the Vive.
VRChat;
-Kandy joins after my second ERP session with Jero, when he notices Kandy having similar eyes of his avatar (which makes him hate Kandy more).
-Was forced to say hi to Chris606. To this day I’ve been doing my best to avoid them (as it’s usually skewed drama).
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MAY 2020:
RL (me): Nothing recorded.
VRChat;
-The argument Wufy and Avaris had with Jero, over communication (and why I feel he’s not doing it). Things started going downhill from this point, with the next day Jero only wanting to be friends. After giving him what he wanted, he realized I was right and we got back together. After a 3rd ERP session, he promised he “will never hurt me”.
-Begin to notice warning signs of a dying relationship with Jero. No longer checking up on
me, no longer saying he loves me, not even saying “hey”. Nearly two weeks later he apologizes saying he’s “quite busy” with work, and I’m convinced to believe him.
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JUNE 2020;
RL (me): First COVID, now a Kitten. The claimed story of this woman ‘finding’ this kitten and it’s ‘starving’. I care for it and name it ‘Shadow’ and assumed it was a
boy.
VRChat;
-Kovo gives me access to his world, in order to fix what’s causing people to be unable to join. After removing all NPCs, it was discovered the Shaggy model is the culprit. I continue to edit the world since then, fixing long standing bugs and adding long-wanted features.
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JULY 2020:
RL (me);
-We find ‘Shadow’ a new home, and discover it was a girl.
-Water heater issues plaque me and my family.
-Intermittent issues with my cable modem resetting, turns out it was squirrels chewing on the cable.
-I do my first (and likely last) review of an animated movie.
-Want to swap PC cases, Jero’s kind enough to help me with this. Unfortunately this comes at a price; my Line In port’s now malfunctioning.
-My parents and some of my friends say “there is no virus. It’s a hoax!”, which is the first time I seriously broke down in anger over not knowing what to believe in anymore.
-Wanting to extend the range of my WMR headset (via extension cables) causes bluescreens. Was told it’s “a power issue”, and 50% of the time extension cables won’t even work for headsets.. I got SERIOUSLY lucky.
-External drive ‘dying’ (making strange clicking sounds), got all the files off (while dealing with a bunch of “viruses”).
VRChat;
-I discover BlueBio and Wufy are now a couple (and still are as I write this). How far their relationship will go (as in seeing eachother IRL) remains to be seen.
-Losing my patience with Jero not being on, but ‘forced’ to keep believing he’s “too busy” and does wanna join.
-Kovo finds Nova ‘cheating’ on him (even though they aren’t dating) and the two have a fight. I try to be peacekeeper.
-Discover Kovo’s been right about DJ (after what he did to Fluffy) and leave his server/unfriend him.
-Fallout with Kovo, after Vale and Kandy broke up (and Chris606 got involved).
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AUGUST 2020:
RL (me): My 44th birthday.
VRChat;
-The ‘anonymous source’ speaks to me about Jero, convincing me that it’s time to finally do what I didn’t want to last year– let him go.
==
SEPTEMBER 2020:
RL (me): Nothing noted.
VRChat;
-It’s been 9 months, the longest I’ve ever had a relationship. Jero wants to be friends again after being confronted by the truth, saying “you deserve better, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you”. I do let him go, but my brain refused to let go what caused Jero to change from who seemed to love me… to this.
Yet instead of blaming himself for this and swearing he’ll make it up to me, he puts the blame on the anonymous source.
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OCTOBER 2020: (Nothing was posted in the General Blog in this month)
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NOVEMBER 2020:
RL (me);
-Trying to switch from DirecTV to Spectrum, the installer wanted us to move our furniture out of the way. Later we find out it’s because they don’t wanna be sued for
damages.
-Having issues with my internet download speed being 80-90Mbps instead of 400+. The installer that treated me like shit, and the one that fixed the issue by replacing the ethernet cable from the modem to my PC.
-Switched from T-Mobile to Spectrum, saving $44.50/mo for my cell phone’s bill.
VRChat;
-I still want answers to what happened with Jero. Sadly I’ll never get them (from him). Trying to talk to him, he’s still too hellbent in trying to figure out the anonymous source’s name instead of taking blame for not being communicative. Kovo and Nova (now back together as friends) try to help me through this time of
grief.
-GreyTheWolf gets closer to me, I’m assuming he wants a relationship (yet I can’t really stand who he is, feeling he’s too ‘upper class’) and try to give him a fair conversation how I feel we should just go back to being acquaintances. He takes this wrong and blocks
me.
-Kovo feels Jero’s getting desperate to know who the anonymous source is after he joins the server and starts asking specific questions of games I play. But to this day, he hasn’t gone any further.
-Fluffy commits friendship suicide over what a friend of mine said to him, which I managed to convince Fluffy what the person meant and why the lewdness is a
problem.
-Shootandsuch gives me the puppy eyes, asking me to be his dad since Garruk disappeared unexpectingly. I reluctantly agreed, but later just couldn’t do it and tell him the
truth.
-I realize how useless setting up a boundary for my WMR is (with the constant shifting), and since remove it.
-I begin to have romantic feelings for Illunovice (who has similar feelings).
==
DECEMBER 2020:
RL (me): Can’t have my space heater and my computer on at the same time without the fuse blowing. After several tests… so far (as I write this) it seems to have been a faulty power strip. However it claimed the life of my UPS’s battery.
VRChat;
-Within a week later (though he wanted to do it earlier), Novice breaks up with me. Reason being how he sees his life. As much as I appreciate him having the guts to tell me (unlike Jero), it still hurt. It also made me realize where all my failed relationships are coming from.. it’s how I love being snuggled. It just does something to me that makes me “want more” than just being friends. Novice surprisingly felt the same way, but he was “in the moment” and that moment died out.
And since then I vowed to stay off VRChat to protect my friends, from myself. I feel this is the only way I can ‘stop’ what I’ve turned into. I was even trying to do the same thing with Atherian (the one that dumped me because I’m too old for him).
Am I punishing myself, for being myself?
But it might not actually be it, for it could still be the old phrase of “not finding ‘the one’ yet”. The problem though is I keep hoping and praying of ones I’m pretty sure wouldn’t be interested in a relationship.
Their ‘one size fits all’ approach for not wanting romance anymore, doesn’t fit me (as it involves having access to things I don’t.. aka a car and a job to take up my time, to get it out of my mind).
Friends with benefits is nice, but it gets ‘boring’.. I want a relationship. I wanna feel happy calling someone mine. And I can’t fucking get it out of my head.
.
.
And so, that’s it. With Virtual Market 5 now here (and Christmas Day this Friday), I might break my promise and focus on attending (as long as I’m not ‘enticed’ to bring a friend with me).
Wish I had someone there with me that would tell me to not even think about romance. Do that enough and I just might break myself from this crap.