Quite a lot’s been happening this month with me, let’s talk about it.
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Fluffy’s friendship suicide
Interesting topic, huh? It’s been a long time since I brought him up, and it’s true of what he’s been doing to friends of a certain friend of mine (and now some of my own friends).
For security reasons, I’ll call my friend: ‘Larry’.
Fluffy’s reason for ruining his own friendship with his friends remains unclear.. only that something’s probably going on in his life (or in his mind).
Though this aforementioned ‘friendship suicide’ isn’t what caused me to block him; only what I felt my friends were making fun of me of the way I was reacting to something that happened over a year ago (with Fluffy).
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How this started was Larry wanting to speak up to Fluffy against wanting to be a slut and attempt to force-lewd all of his friends. This wasn’t a case of “being there for your
friends’; this was Fluffy selling his body for anyone who’d be interested, not caring of
age. So you can see now why this is a problem, so Larry took it upon himself to talk sense into Fluffy.
Though I’ve already tried (and failed) when one day Kovo told me that Fluffy tried to be lewd with him.. I doubt he’d do any better. But for at least three days, it seemed Larry had succeeded in his task with Fluffy changing his Discord status saying he “won’t be lewd anymore”.
Then one day, Fluffy messaged me. I thought he was going to keep his promise with how he acted…. until showing an NSFW image of a girl with a ‘flesh tail’ and what looked like
a.. for children reading this blog post, I’ll say it was “the no-no spot” for girls.
He wanted my opinion of the first thing I thought of when I saw it. And honestly the first thing I could think of was..
What happened to your promise of not being lewd, Fluffy? That includes NOT sending me images I never asked for (of this nature). 😐
I immediately sent it to Larry as I promised I would (if I see Fluffy being lewd with anyone again). I expected him to pound Fluffy into the ground, but he was all “ehh, I’m just gonna block him. There’s no point.” He added “do what you want with him”.
Hmm. What I ‘want’ is for Fluffy to be more mature, so I tried to talk sense into him saying the image was NSFW. He kept making false claims saying it wasn’t and it’s not lewd. But after awhile he finally changed his tune and deleted the image.
So it was assumed, that was it– Fluffy just can’t change. The only way to stop him is to block him.
About a half an hour later, Larry got back to me of someone named ‘AvoliJack’ starts messaging him out of nowhere, acting like they know him and talking trash. I remember this person joining a server I’m a part of some time ago, and they said nothing for the longest time.
Larry was so confused why all the sudden this person is saying all of this, when he never met them.. ever. He had one theory, that this person might be an alt of Fluffy and showed possible proof to me. Yet he also doubted himself from time to time.
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Another interesting thing is I was in the call with Kovo and some friends of another friend’s Discord server, and Fluffy joins. He’s wanting almost constant cuddles from everyone, almost to the point he was demanding them. Then Larry joins, and Fluffy freaks the fuck out by leaving. Larry is an admin of this server and tried keeping him there, but Fluffy refused. He then tried to be more active around me (for some odd reason), as if he’s trying to ignore Larry’s presence.
Time went on, Fluffy almost constantly wanting to talk to me. I’m also messaging Larry as he continues to find out the origin of this ‘AvoliJack’ person. I’m not sure if I even should be interacting with Fluffy over what Larry said. Eventually Fluffy gets bored and leaves
us.
The owner of the server who was present in the call asks what’s going on, and Larry didn’t really want to disclose this info. The owner didn’t care, they just wanted answers. So Larry revealed what’s going on. Due to the owner’s similar nature of Kovo (not banning unless they cause drama to the server), no bans were placed on Fluffy or this AvoliJack.
I gave my own evidence of Fluffy’s wrongdoing (being an attention whore), which was my mistake for doing so. I mentioned back in July 17th 2019 when Fluffy tried to commit suicide while on vacation in the UK, and showed a bloody knife (which turned out to be fake).
Larry read this, and felt like started laughing at me, saying “how could you not know that was fake blood?! Come ON!! That is so fucking FAKE!!” I tried explaining myself of the way I felt when I saw it. “Benie, seriously.. Fluffy wouldn’t be able to hold the phone if he actually stabbed himself!” Larry said.
And Kovo who was there seemed he was taking Larry’s side, by saying “next time ask one of us”.
That.. hurt. Deeply. I thought you two were my friends. I… I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to leave. I looked at Fluffy’s Discord account, remembering the pain he caused me back then, and blocked him. Then I left, feeling I ‘just needed to calm down’ by playing some VRChat. …It didn’t help. A friend joined me, and I felt nearly hostile to their presence. Felt I couldn’t go to anyone for help over… not knowing. I blamed myself for not knowing that was fake blood.
One time I had enough and took my frustration out on Kovo in Telegram; wanting him to feel what I’m going through. After some time, I eventually did calm down when Kovo explained it took Larry two years to know what real blood looks like, and that he didn’t know I never saw real blood, and how fortunate I am to not see an actual suicide.
-=-
With that over (and all of us moving on from that), Larry told me that both Fluffy and AvoliJack left the server. Huh.. I wonder if it was me that cause this. And this likely seems true. Larry theorized Fluffy was only using me for attention, instead of seeing me as a friend. More of a good reason that I blocked him then.. not to mention Fluffy showing zero remorse when I told him that Jero and I had broken up.
A day after all of this happened, Chris contacts me asking me how I’m doing. Odd, we haven’t spoken in quite a long time. But I told him I’m doing fine and ask him how he’s doing. He said “Well, was good, until” and sends me a pic in the form of a conversation on his phone.. of him and Fluffy. And Fluffy starts calling him “a piece of shit”, treating Chris like shit, and saying “consequences are real”.
Uhh.. what?? Fluffy’s changed, most definitely. But.. again.. WHY?! Why is he doing this to his friends?!
I wasn’t even sure if I should send this to Larry; if he would even care knowing both myself and him have blocked Fluffy, so that would be case closed. But, I did… still confused why Fluffy is even doing this (and questioning myself why I should even care at this point). But the main reason I sent it to Larry was the tone of how he told Chris… it was similar to what AvoliJack said to Larry.
At this point it was pretty much confirmed AvoliJack is Fluffy’s alt. We still do not know why, nor why we should even care about him. And that (as for right now), is all I know about this.
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Internet downtime & Slow download
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An ongoing issue I’m still dealing with, but tomorrow I’m expecting a tech guy out here to hopefully get my speed back up to what it should be.
Was a typical Wednesday afternoon, I’m chilling and watching YouTube videos (mainly from this one Youtuber named ‘SEA’ who does these awesome astronomy documentaries about stars and the universe).
I’m getting ready to watch this one video about his explanation how the Earth
formed, when the video was taking forever to load up. This was happening all over YouTube, possible a DDoS attack. But I also thought it could be my internet connection. I did a speed test just to make sure.. I was very disturbed of the results. 88Mbps down, 23Mbps up. Uhhh… what happened to my 400+Mbps down?!
Tried to call my ISP: “current told time is 23 minutes to 39 minutes from now.” Also warning me of “issues connecting to YouTube”. Looks like I’m not the only one. Yet it bothered me if my slow speed might be linked to this overall shitshow currently going on.
My friends told me to hang up, that it’ll likely clear up with time. ..I didn’t want to believe them. I’m paying $94.90 for 400Mbps down. I WANT my 400Mbps down damnit!!
“Don’t worry about your download speed! You should focus on YouTube being down!” they told me. But I did hang up and tried at a later time, taking off my headphones and no longer listening to them.
Much shorter wait time I got, and the person did a few tests. They didn’t see anything wrong with the line as the ping was pretty good, and mentioned “your upload speed is really good. It’s more than what you should have.” The problem is the download
speed.
The person was about to set up an appointment for a technician to come out here, but
said “we just noticed an outage affecting you”.. uhh, how?? I haven’t completely lost connection for it to be an ‘outage’. The person never explained this, only saying for me to wait ’till tomorrow and “the problem should clear itself up”.. aka what my friends said. UGH! Alright fine, I’ll wait. She said to reset my cable modem in the morning (power cycle it) and try another speed test.
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Tomorrow came (Thursday). I did just that– unplugging my cable modem then my
router, waiting a minute, then plugging my cable modem back in and then my router when all lights on the cable modem are solid green. My computer got the signal as expected, and I did a speed test.
Same. fucking. results. Called up again, earlier than before and got right in to someone. But the first time I explained what happened, the person stopped talking (as if my call was disconnected or he hit the wrong button and muted me). Had to call back and talked to someone else.
This person did the same tests, then almost immediately started setting up the appointment realizing the issue. I told him what happened back on the 9th, of the installer unplugging my internet connection and re-plugging it when the whole TV/Phone bundle just can’t work with how he would have to add new cables and my parents would have to move a lot of furniture out of the way.. the person more than likely didn’t do it right, and it took until now when I realized the issue. I never once thought of doing a speed test right then and there. If I had, this topic would had been different.
I began to realize something was amiss when I was downloading the new Destiny 2 DLC early Wednesday morning, seeing the speed averaging around 82-88Mbps (even on the closest server to me). I assumed it was Steam being bogged down due to how many people were downloading it, not so much as to something had happened to my download
speed.
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The person told me I should get my speed back to what I’m paying by tomorrow, and that he made notes of what I said (to check for a possible coaxial cable failure before anything else). He also told me to MAKE SURE I do a speed test before the person leaves (to undo my fuckup on the 9th).
He also mentioned that something odd may be going on with my router, mentioning
a “low signal” when connecting to my phone via WiFi (even though I was literally infront of my computer when I made the call (where my cable modem/router is), with phone in hand).
The last thing I need to do is tell them to remove this apparent self install order they did for another cable modem line (that they screwed up when they were setting up the TV/phone bundle).
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Cuddly friends are awesome
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There’s really not anything to talk about here, all that I can say is in place of he shall not be named, is a category in VRChat called ‘Snuggle Buddies’; people I can go to for a good snuggle, that help the days when I feel really lonely.
One in particular (a former ‘boyfriend’) has been going a step further. Talking about CybermutT. Yes, him.. or should I say “her” now. She’s still in the relationship she was when we were ‘dating’, and surprisingly she actually managed to break me out of a shell that continues to hilariously confuse my friends. That shell is talking dirty in public (to other like minded people) and not getting embarrassed by it.
One time, Cyber was asking Kovo in our server to yiff with her. I posted “I’ll yiff with you Cyber”. Almost immediately Wufy and Sparky freak the fuck out in the form of “WHO ARE YOU and what have you done with Benie?!” 🤣🤣🤣 Oh lord, Wufy’s reaction was gold! Hahaha… ahh. Too funny.
However, one shell that’s still going to take a LONG time to break out of (unless I have someone willing to push me and not give up), is doing it in public and not feeling I’m being judged (aka not having morals for this).
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Plus, playing VRChat more is allowing me to be with friends I haven’t for awhile (due to constantly playing Destiny 2 with Kovo and Nova).
There’s another, half energetic and half.. “kind of making me uncomfortable” friend who’s also been kind of going beyond being cuddly, that one time it seemed as if he has feelings for me (which is the topic for the final segment).
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A new BF, or a new pain in the ass?
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This person is someone for awhile now I assumed was just like the others; having a job, a car, very mature and smart, having a deep voice, having good teeth etc etc for being in full body (so I mainly stayed away from these ‘upper class’ people). But after learning about their life, they’re only slightly upper class (like he shall not be named).
His name is ‘GreyTheWolf’ (or just ‘Grey’ for short, not to be confused with the Youtube channel ‘GrayStillPlays’). On the outside, he seems quite sweet and loves to hug me (like Suppy did), though he also has this personality that makes me question if it’s worth hanging with him. “Yes and No” is the only thing I can think of, being perfectly honest here.
See, I’m looking for a simple cuddle buddy where I can feel warm to be around.. not a relationship (unless they offer one and accept who I am). That’s all I really want anymore.
Grey, yes he’s a cuddle buddy, but a few times it feels like he’s starting to get attracted to me (hence the title of this segment). Yet I’m not feeling any true connection towards
him (and if I do, it’s very short).
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Plus, this scares me for good reasons. And the reasons is how he tries to find out more about me. He doesn’t ask subtle questions (aka “what music are you into?”)… his questions are much more direct, more personal; as if he’s judging me on my answers. And I do NOT like those kind of questions. Though, one typical direct (and a very smart) question would be to ask “how old are you?” He never asked this. He found out when he friended me on Steam, and seemed to not stop talking about “you’re old enough to be my dad”. All I do is nervously laugh, instead of provide direct answers (not caring if it hurts him).
And the way he responds to certain direct answers, is an “okay..” Like, did I say something wrong? Did I suddenly uninterest you with the way I live my life?
Then he cuddles me and gets in my face to lick and kiss me. It’s like, he has two personalities– a serious side and an energetic side, and I often do not know which he’s
on (or know when he’s going to switch back) as he seems to change on a dime. It disturbs me, and makes me wish someone invited me.. so I can get the fuck out of there.
Sometimes it’s not even a question, but a statement (aka the “you’re old enough to be my dad” and “you’re 25 years older than me”. I do not feel comfortable around him, at
all, when he talks like that.
I’m not sure if his mind is just, blown he’s never met anyone in VRChat my age, or is actually judging my every move for being this old. I mean.. what the hell can I say
to “you’re old enough to be my dad”?? Huh? What could I possibly say that I won’t sound like a fucking retard!?
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The only good thing going for him, is he isn’t judging me for not having a job/car/life. But who’s to say he won’t eventually start doing so? Well if he does, that’s when I leave. That’s when I’ve had enough with the life judging from him.
Mmm… it’s just how I feel when around him. Could just be joking, messing around with me. That’s possible, but if he was.. it would be nice for him to say “I’m just messing with you.” Nope, nothing of that.
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Though last night, he wanted to lewd (and I was alright with it, yet he still brought up that damn age gap and I wasn’t sure if I even should). We also did something I haven’t done since I dated Wuffer; sleep calling on our phones (something I wanted to do with he who shall not be named, but his family wouldn’t allow that).
It went quite good, hell.. I’d say better than all the times I did sleep calls with Wuffer. Though one time he asked a very direct question: “do you love me?” I said “I don’t really know you that well to really say that”. He said the same thing, said he wanted to get that out of the way, and I thought in the morning when he left the call: “well, I won’t need to write this then in the blog. That’s good!”
But as you can see, I did it anyway. Though he did tell me a bit about himself, saying he’s been quite lonely (and an artist). Said he comes on in his homeworld for two
hours, waiting for someone to join him and then leaves. Also said that he has cried a few times.
Mmmm… if you weren’t asking the direct questions that bother me, I’d actually care about this and try to be with you more. I even said this (the “I’ll try to be there with you more then”, and his response was “okay…” I thought when he said that “well, if you don’t want me being there, then that’s fine.”
The way he asks direct questions, and the way he responds with the “okay…”, bugs me very much about him.
Update: I decided to smack him right back with my own direct statements of him, aaannd I regret doing so. 😑 Turns out the ‘judgement’ I felt, was literally.. all jokes. He was never being serious. 😞 ..OY. Why, will I never.. it’s because of how so fucking pessimistic I am.
Mmm. I can’t fully blame myself. Again, he never told me he was joking and… should had known the way I was acting that I seriously never thought he was joking.
But look, it’s both our faults: my fault for still treating everything someone says as a
joke, and his for not telling me he’s joking.
I just hope this isn’t going to mark the end of our friendship. But if it does, then.. I dunno what to say. I really do not. Am I seriously going to learn from this to treat what someone says as joking?? …Probably not. 😖 It’s “just the way I am”, just as Grey’s nature of joking around and feeling the person knows it.
Mmm….
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My ex, my (apparent) stalker
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This is a late entry that I wasn’t even planning for something down here, but something reared its ugly head last night when I was with Grey, that I now have to be extra careful who I talk to (and what is said to me). All of this is what Kovo has told me (that I relayed to Harry).
Kovo was in the call all by himself, and someone showed him. Someone he couldn’t see as he was playing Destiny 2 with Nova, but he recognized.. that voice; the voice I once, fell inlove with. It was ‘he who shall not be named’; Jero, who was on a mission. A mission to do what I will not give him.. the name of Harry, trying to use Kovo to spill the beans about Harry.
Jero asked him a series of questions. Very direct questions, as if he was tracking.. my movements. He mentioned three games, that I’ve played: Destiny 2, No Man’s Sky, and VRChat. Surprisingly, he never once thought I’ve played Phasmophobia. First he asked if he still plays No Man’s Sky, Kovo says no but says “a friend” has been playing the
game.
Jero kept asking him more and more questions, then someone joined the call. This person became neutral to the conversation, and managed to steer it towards Destiny 2. I cannot thank this person enough, for he had saved Harry’s hide.
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This greatly disturbs me that Jero, who I once called “the one”, who I once had the most feelings for.. is stooping this low to find out Harry’s identity. He can’t get it from me, so he tries… other means. Does this means Jero’s now stalking me to uncover this name?
…Though a better question, is why in the FUCK this is bothering him?? Just move on. I have. I don’t fucking need you anymore. You can go to hell, and I won’t even care for what you did to me.
Though I feel Frost is likely calling the shots. I mean, why not? One person finding out dirt on someone, who’s to say there won’t be more, huh? It makes perfect sense when you think about it. This means, I’ve got to be on alert when people walk up to me and start talking about Harry. Instead of Jero being the one that’s getting spied on (and him thinking it’s a friend of mine).. I am (possibly. Maybe. There’s no solid conformation.)
Hopefully this is the only instance it’ll ever happen, but I will stay alert as I said before for anything out of the ordinary (such as BlueDrago or one of Jero’s friends dropping by when I’m with friends). He will get nothing from me, nor my friends. And I will laugh off their pathetic attempts at stalking me.
Feel free to record me, record my movements. You will get NOTHING from it! 😆 I will continue to live my life (RL and Virtual), and you will still never find out Harry’s actual name.
However, they likely might not be going solely after me, but anyone that’s friends with Harry. This is why Harry knows about this as well, and has told me that we need to see eachother less to not raise suspicion.
.
And so, that’s it from me…
Will Fluffy harass more of my friends (and myself finding out)?
Did the previous installer fuck up reconnecting my internet connection (and it’ll be an easy fix)?
Will Grey and I become friends again (and myself to stop assuming what people say is an insult)?
Will Harry be forced to reveal his true name and face Frost’s judgement {I pray this never happens}?
…find out next time I blog! Until then, have a good whatever time it is for you! 🐉