Not really a bad day as it was before, but if it’s VRChat.. there’s bound to be drama in some form. Still trying to forget about.. that person. Might just play those games I said I should play today. Just need to get away from VRChat for awhile. It helped before to clear my head (even though it’s better than it was back then). I can feel most of the pain has healed (as someone told me)… that is, as long as I don’t go to any worlds I remember us being
in.
But I feel as long as I’m not reminded of him (even from my informants watching his every move), I’ll be fine. Lone once told me: “you can never ‘move on’, the pain will always be there. All you can do is just not think about it.” And that, is what I’m trying to
do.
Anyway, let’s start;
Creepery’s plan
While I was writing the blog post for the day before yesterday, I started getting bombarded with DMs. Most of them were friends checking up on me (my friends are nice 🙂 ), but one was different; Creepery, telling me in a very disturbing tone of “being done”. The love
bug also bit him in the ass (and got burned with the girl leaving him).
Hey, cupid. May I have a word with you, in private…? *clears throat*
Valentine’s Day is OVER! ENOUGH causing heartbreak with me and my friends!!
Now then, as usual I had to do my best to make him feel it’s not his fault and stuff like that.
For security reasons, I cannot explain the rest as this would completely jeopardize what he’s trying to do. All I can say, is things are going to be changing (and hopefully the ones that still think he’s a cunt, might slowly go back to him).
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Best Boi 3.0 coming?!
Given what has happened for pretty much a month, it’s nice to talk about something
else (other than drama caused by love).
Hanging out with Kovo and the others, RustyDustyFox came along. From the request of Creepery, I have unblocked and unmuted him (a long time ago, though). So many people talking infront of the mirror, then I heard them mention “we’re trying to get someone to commission Best Boi 3.0”. Immediately perked up and walked over to their place at the mirror. Can’t remember word for word, but it eventually went into a debate of if Charms had the rights to Best Boi 2.0 (of releasing it to the public). Rusty feels “you’re welcome to download it, just leave a link to the Discord.” I feel this is reasonable.
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Lone’s love problems (and why Wufy is still like me)
Horray, back to love drama. 😛
So this one (as hinted in the title) is Lone talking to a few friends of the struggles he’s having with Wufy. One of these friends is someone from the Best Boi community
era: FOXGRACE, who had some choice words of how to handle the situation (and to whip Wufy into shape). I was there too during this, and (unfortunately) remember a
lot.
The way that Lone was talking, it almost feels that the two are on shaky ground. Lone
said “he does love me, but I swear he doesn’t really mean it”. The meaning is Wufy doesn’t come on VRChat every day. This was literally the same issue I had with Wuffer. Expect, Wuffer was Lone and I’m Wufy. Perhaps he was the clingy one, and I told him “you don’t always have to come on VRChat for me. Do your own thing. Be your own guy.” But by saying that, was showing I.. didn’t really need him so much in my life. Did it?
Meh. Love is complicated.
FOXGRACE’s answer to this, be the one controlling the relationship: show authority, treat him like your bitch. I could see Lone not really wanting to do this. Good on him.. because that’s bad advice. 😛 But he did say that “it’s a good thing being nice, but when you’re too nice, people take advantage of it.” I raised my hand in agreement to show I was wronged from this.
–
Now what I mean by ‘unfortunately’ was after this bit. I said “it’s good to have
emotions, but it’s bad to let those emotions control you.”
What I meant was in the form of a joke to not really be taken literally. Me not smart, as he tore that statement up. One thing that definitely resonated was him saying “if you don’t have your life in order, you don’t need to be seeking a relationship”.
Oh wow, thank you for confirming my negativity was right for a change! (And I’m not even being sarcastic)
Finally, someone gets it instead of hearing “just keep looking, you’ll find someone!” ..Still fucking hurt, though. I appreciate the truth wasn’t sugarcoated, but it still hurt.
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Overcoming my fears with friendship
Went back to Kovo’s world after that, feeling very depressed of what I literally told myself actually being right. Jusper came over and asked how I’m doing, saying that he noticed I’ve been down for awhile. Told him “I’ve been down all my life”. He said “Ahhh” after I told him what I heard from the last world, and to not believe it. I said “it’s the truth, my life isn’t ready for a relationship.” He said “mine isn’t either. Don’t have a car, don’t have a job.” I said “at least you know how to advance your life in a way it suits you. I don’t.”
This conversation lead to my fear of driving. Told him what happened in my 30’s when I got my permit, and the bridge, and how I’ve been scarred for life.
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He told me his stories of driving, that are pretty bad. Followed by “it shook me up, but I didn’t stop driving after that. I power through that fear, something you need to do.” His words are definitely encouraging.
A random overheard our conversation and chirped in on his fears.. which were closely resonating to mine. I told them how “I should be able to get my permit, but I just don’t want to deal with constantly failing the test to get my license.” ..Knowing what my mother told me how they would ‘try’ to get me up to a driver’s ed course to train me, and like dealing with my teeth, I don’t want this to be a constant thing of them taking me up every week to try it again.
They completely understood my concerns and said to “get to know your instructor.” Jusper said he talked with this girl instructor, who managed to make it easy on him and practice in a closed parking lot, claiming the girl said “don’t worry, I’m not going to make you go through actual traffic. I feel you’re good on that regard.”
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Their words are really making me think, that maybe, just maybe.. I’ll have a chance to reach mobile freedom. Thing is, I told them how I would be doing this mainly to support my mother, explaining how my father had a stroke and is the only one that can drive. Jusper said “well.. what’s stopping you? You know what you must do, get it done and be free.” Followed by “I know you can drive, you seem capable.” Told them that I know the basics and all that. He said “you should be good then.”
Would be awesome to get my license, and be able to go anywhere I want; be able to go to the doctor when I want to, or the dentist, or even to the grocery store, without depending on my father. All I have to do, is just get over my fear of failure. Simple, RIGHT?! :/
The random said that I’ll get a lot of confidence in my life for being able to drive, and he’s not wrong. I do need confidence in my life. …I need it now, though.
EDIT: While I was in a relationship, my mother helped me find a link to an online free DMV Driver’s Permit test for my state. It’s not the actual test you take in the DMV, but it helps you with it.
Sadly I failed (but not that hard). Passing score is 84%, and I got 73%. I can try the test
again though. However, it shows I can only make 6 mistakes. If I make more, then no permit. It gives a link that I can study the actual manual of my state.
Personally, I feel I need a tutor for this (to help me study). That failure is now bugging
me, and I need someone to get that failure out of my mind and concentrate.