Early 2019 is going to go down as a sucky year (after I had just said it’s had highs and lows). So, which is it? Good, sucky, Good, sucky, Good, sucky! And no this is not a porn joke of getting a blowjob. 😛
Let’s just get to the point. So instead of being on VRChat… because, I’m just worried about if my heart would be broken again if I was to see M43STRO more than just a friend, and it doesn’t work out between us (but at least this time, it would be normal).
Honestly, I just wanted some time off. I know I keep saying “I need to take time off of VRChat”, but never actually doing it. But the main reason I joined the chat was because I saw Zagrosect there (who’s becoming somewhat more active in the server).
Wanted to ask of how’s the testing going on the potential hardware that he claims he’ll give to me next month, but I refrained myself from doing so as I felt it would be too
pushy. Kind of wanted him to tell me, but he was too preoccupied with trying to get a Minecraft server working.
So anyway, I was in Unity working on BenieTheDragon and Red Boi 2.0, while also chatting with Kovo and friends in his Discord server’s general voice chat (something we haven’t done since I was playing Warframe).
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During our conversation, I felt a few times (even though it wasn’t directed at me personally) it felt it was striking a chord, about how the furry fandom is “too lenient” on accepting anyone nomatter what they’ve done.. aka Aftershock and Dander saying it was OK with how I was “only trying to be happy”.
Mainly they were talking about Ashi and what he’s done, but I could only say “yeah”. Because, I agree 100% (after what has happened with me). …Meh. Clearly not all furries have the same mindset (which is good, because that would be weird).
Hours pass and the chat was down to three people as it was getting closer to bedtime (for
me).. with myself, Kovo, and Vale being the three. Kovo gets a DM from BlueDrago who wants him to get on VRChat, as something has happened with Scooby. Kovo keeps complaining about this “drama” ruining his night.. which is exactly why I’m forced to lie and say ‘I’m alright’ everytime he asks me if I’m doing OK. But, he got himself in this mess for wanting to help Scooby win Blue back.
Vale leaves for the night, while Kovo goes to deal with Scooby. I have my mic muted, as the things I wanted to say were best not to be heard. It shouldn’t feel like a fucking burden to want to help your friends. The only time it’s a burden (to me), is not being able to help them.
Nearly 15 minutes ’till 5am, Kovo asks if I’m there and I quickly unmute my mic and say Yeah. He sends me what Blue asked him, and feels that Blue has just broken up with Scooby. Something about Scooby being hard-headed. I tell him “maybe he wants me to be there. Maybe he’ll listen to me”. Kovo agrees and I get on (in Desktop mode).
I see Scooby curled up in a ball, crying his heart out. *sigh*.. poor guy. Go over and try to coax him into talking to me (if he’s not comfortable in talking to Kovo), but he doesn’t want to. Kovo discovers him and Blue are in a DM talking to eachother, and tries to join in to figure out what’s going on, while I stay with Scooby and do my best to give him all the love I can (as a best friend would).
Kovo manages to, then I hear Scooby speak while talking to Blue, asking him to give him a second chance. I told him “If I was in VR right now, I’d give you a huge bear hug”. Anything I can do to get the pain out of him, I would. I could even feel myself
crying, because he was crying. That’s what true friendship is; feeling their pain.
It was nearly 6 in the morning.. knew it was time for me to go to bed. Told him that I hope to see him on tomorrow, so I can give him the biggest hug I can and squeeze the pain out of him. Kovo then told me the reason for this: Blue just wasn’t ready for a
relationship (which is why he was in an open relationship). Kovo echoed of himself of why he too isn’t in one, how his life “is too chaotic right now”.
It made me think for the longest time. My life is also chaotic.. not knowing if my father’s going to last to see Spring. Yet I reminded myself, that this is just in VRC that I want a relationship in, and not RL. Heavens no do I want a relationship IRL…
Scooby blamed himself for all of this, but I told him differently. What I did, isn’t what you did. This is NOT your fault, Scooby. This was never, your fault. You only made a mistake. And like me, mistakes can be replaced with action of not doing the mistake again.
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Eventually I had to log for the night, but I could only feel pain for him. I don’t know why. It’s almost like I have an emotional connection to him, yet it’s no relationship. Me and him, as a couple? LOL, nope! I like him, but not that much.
It’s just, for some reason I can see a lot of myself in him, of what I would be if I was of his age, and to tell him “you have a much higher chance of finding that special someone than I do”. Aka, to not go down the same path I did; to warn myself in an alternate universe.
I just feel I’m the only one that can give him the strength to power through this. And in return, he can give me the strength to power through my own heartbreak.
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He helped me, by no longer feeling ashamed of turning Bi for someone.. it’s only right that I help him, with whatever I can possibly do to make him feel better.