Right… so I’ve been getting a few disturbing (yet also true) emails that how I’m uploading my videos, “is flawed”.
How? It’s obvious, really. See, I’ve told everyone who joins from my website, to not share the video. Yet there’s a few that have, and others even question why I’m doing this.
I think it’s time to give a confession. A confession a few people I know IRL(not naming names), would not be surprised at all. All of these “emails” that I claim I’m getting? Yeeeeeeep… they’re all made up. It’s my insecurity. I don’t know how to respond to ACTUAL emails about my website.
I can respond fine in forums and places like this, because they don’t have to do with my videos or any of my content. Yet this… this I can’t handle. Even writing this, I know no one is going to read it. No one comes to my website.
So why have I been making shit up like a unstable retard for several months? Because I like feeling like I have control in my life. I like feeling I can control what people say and do around me. Without control, I feel timid and unsure of myself. For this reason alone, is why I make up these email responses. It makes me feel popular, without having to deal with actual people who have their own opinions.
My main reason, is pretty obvious; there are unkind people in the world. You have to be pretty dumb(and lived under a rock since you were wearing a diaper) to say there isn’t. The internet breeds them like rabbits… rabid rabbits (aka Youtube’s comment section). Pretty much every video I’ve watched, there’s just so…. so much toxicity. And it isn’t just Youtube. It’s pretty much everywhere. This is why I just don’t wish to deal with the toxicity. Can you not blame me?
When it comes to people viewing my content, I have no problem with. Hell, I still remember how famous TheBeaverDam.com was… until I got the big head. You can read all of that in the History page on the website. And how I got that fame, was advertising my website. And the way we advertised websites back then, was using Guestbooks.
Now it’s 2016. Guestbooks are dead. News tickers.. good luck finding one that you don’t have to go through hell to install (and/or it costs money). Those were the old HTML4 days.
Also, that was a fan site of a popular TV show. This site is not related to anything. In my honest opinion, it really has no purpose of its existence. It’s just me, ranting after playing a game or discussing the future of whatever. It’s not a fan site. It’s not somewhere that you can get your sports scores or even give you your 7 day weather forecast… it’s really just, nothing.
To say “does a website HAVE to be something”.. in my eyes, yes. It gives it a purpose. Then you could say “then GIVE it a purpose!!”.. tell me how. I have no idea on how to improve this site. The ‘Blog Portal’ is still not done yet, because I just don’t like it.
So what does the website have to do with the Unlisted videos? I’ve explained this before I started. The reason is because, I want it that people who come to my website can view my videos, not Youtube(the toxicity I mentioned earlier). The only reason I use Youtube to upload, is because I can’t find any other place that will do this.
Yet like I also said earlier, this doesn’t stop people from sharing this with their friends (aka why it’s ‘flawed’). Yet it’s not really, because the source (of new people) is still the website. Even though the videos are on Youtube, you need to come to my website, the reason for said videos, to watch them.
So how do we fix this? Advertising the website. How? Beats me. Plus, who wants to see such a shitty-designed website anyway? Yes, I had that option to drop Arvixe and go to Weebly, but I don’t know what theme would work for my website. Even before, when my contact was showing me all of these templates, I couldn’t really decide. They all looked… not me. I don’t know how to work with them. I like simple designs that are easy to work with, yet I know most people do not.
It’s that unsure feeling; the feeling of not having control. “What will people say/do?” To say “SCREW other people’s opinions!!”… I can’t do that. I hate upsetting people (unless they deserve it).
Plus there’s also going to be people who try to help me by giving constructive criticism. Yet (I feel) often it would be advice that either I’m going to refuse to change (or I can’t do anything about it).
One of those refusals is moving away from SHAREfactory and using another editing program (such as “UGH.. why is this not in 1020p?!?!”). SHAREfactory is all I really need to do these really basic videos. There we go again, stating how I like “basic designs”.. just like my website. Hell, if it wasn’t for SHAREfactory, I wouldn’t even be doing videos.
I don’t even need people telling me how to improve. I know how I can improve, but improving requires effort that either I don’t have the time or the will to do.
So, now you know this, you’re probably asking me “why do you even waste your time doing videos and these reviews when no one watches them?”… consider it a hobby. I don’t need to be paid by Youtube. I don’t need the money. I actually love doing these videos. I love doing reviews. Yet like my blogs for many.. many years, I’m doing them for no one but myself. I guess I can say that this is similar to the way I play MMORPGs; by myself. I’m a loner, and I will always be a loner.
^ This is exactly why I don’t do my videos Public. Replace the clown with me, and the ‘ONK’ with my “Hey everyone!” video intro.
The last frame is me uploading anyway to no one, forever alone.