Half General blog, half Games blog. All filled with me barely able to handle it. And this time, my BF doesn’t really have my back. And that is what scares me this game is going to kill our relationship.
Well, it’s more on the lines of.. guess what? Yep.. my ‘favorite’ thing to do when trying to deal with a game I half like half don’t; whine about it like a spoiled kid. But as of now I’m going to stop doing that. There’s no point anymore to whine to him. Never was really. That’s just asking for him to leave me. I don’t want that.
So to the ones who don’t play this game or don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll explain the game from my perspective. So basically, the game takes place during the prime of piracy in the Caribbean. Think of Assassin’s Creed Black Flag, but with a more ‘toon’ look and of course less stabbing with a hidden blade (and running on rooftops).
You’re pretty much given a ship and, the rest is up to you. You can ready your voyage by grabbing goods from barrels and taking them to your ship (where they go in specific barrels under deck).
You can also do quests from the three traders, such as ‘go to island, go to X on the
map, dig up treasure, come back alive to sell it’, or ‘hunt skeleton captains or sink skeleton ships’. And finally ‘deliver X on time and in good quality’ (aka running as a merchant).
But beware.. for the seas aren’t friendly. You got spirit or skeleton ships. You got a giant fish that can do a lot of damage to your ship.. and then you got the worst of all– actual players as pirates. Yes.. REAL players. Not AI. Actual people.
And holy fuck the things you gotta keep in mind to lower your risk of dealing with hostile players, I could write a small novel on why I do not like this game. Yet it’s like all of that gets thrown overboard when the real thing happens.
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Before Kovo started playing with us, I didn’t think much about other players. Hell I didn’t even think any were around, that it was occasionally a few AI ships to make the sea feel alive.
That was until one encounter I had after my first solo adventure. I call this ‘The Mysterious Ashen Key’. I was on my way to gather my 3rd chest when I saw something catching my eye on the island I needed to go that was shining. Dealt with a few enemies I’ve never seen before (that use actual tactics, such as flanking you behind cover).
One enemy dropped this strange thing called an ‘Ashen Key’. I was sharing my screen with Wolfdog at the time, and we were both confused on what this thing is. Could it be to open a special chest on the island? Having not found anything (and realizing you can’t switch to your weapons while holding something in your hand), I put the key down and found the third treasure. Put the key onboard my ship and then made my way to an outpost. How strange the game listed it as treasure, so I thought “I wonder if I can sell it”.
Got back to the shore and sold my treasure, but none of the traders wanted the
key. Decided to look it up. As I was looking, I heard voices around me. I thought they were coming from Wolfdog’s roommates.. but it was actual players running around.
I freaked out and told Wolf “I thought this instance was closed”. He told me to try a new one, so I made sure everything was set correctly.
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When I got back, I lost the key. Makes sense, so it didn’t bother me. The only thing that did was seeing other players that I assumed I was in a private session.
I’m gathering materials again, and then I see what I assumed was an AI ship heading towards the island. It kept coming, closer and closer until it rammed into the island. The FUCK?! Wolfdog and I both started laughing.. then I stopped when I saw actual players getting out of the ship. …Uhhh. I set it as a ‘closed crew’! So WHAT is going on here?! I should not be seeing players!
…Sadly, that’s the game– there is no way to turn off seeing other players. I uninstalled after that, feeling “yeah, this is clearly not the game for me”. But I decided to give it another chance because I enjoyed the ship mechanics, the way the ship rocks in heavy sea and how realistic of a turning radius it is for a ship of that size. It’s wild.
And now Kovo’s here, putting fear incarnate in my head of all the things you gotta do (at the same time) that can either make you look like a n00b or a pro to other players.
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-Turn off all the lanterns in the ship (so other players cannot see you in the dark).
-Have your cannons pointed to the sky to show you’re friendly.
-Make sure all the ship’s sails are faced into the wind (to show to players there’s more than one person on the ship and that you all are experienced).
-Don’t use the spyglass or sniper rifles, as other players can see the shine from the lens.
-Don’t use powder-type weapons as players can hear them.
-Always check the horizon for any ships.
This is only a rough draft of all the things he told me to be mindful of. ..And you gotta do this AT ALL TIMES. It’s fucking ridiculous!!!
It’s the last thing (always check the horizon for ships) that causes the most anxiety. I see ships going by far in the distance, but it’s hard to tell if they’re coming our way, going somewhere else.. or stalking us. THAT is where my anxiety comes from… of not knowing this shit. What’s worse is they can be all “we’re doing our own thing” by sailing away.. and you never know if they suddenly turn your direction and you’re caught with your pants down.
Reminder: these are REAL players. Unpredictable. They can choose to leave you alone, or they can choose to be absolute assholes. …Isn’t this game FUN?!
You’re not even safe on the island you spawn on. But, chances are very low some ragtag crew of assholes on a Galleon comes by and utterly destroys you and your ship while it’s still in dock (since you have nothing they want).
But if you’re working for the Merchant Alliance a lot.. there’s a chance someone could sneak aboard your ship when you’re not looking and steal the very chest you need to deliver.
Even encountered my own asshole. Or well, we did. We were on a Galleon (was
myself, Wolfdog, Kovo and Phox). Kovo wanted us to loot this sunken ship. But I noticed this Sloop looking like it was kind of following us. So we were forced to abandon the operation and continue with what we were doing.
In the far distance one time, it looked like as if a Galleon was trying to block us from getting to an outpost (so we can sell our stolen plunder). Kovo managed to get us around them to our next island.
We got what we need. Time to get to an outpost. Kovo let me drive the boat. There’s an arch infront of us. We saw a ship with its lights on in the distance.. but none of us expected what would happen next of a second ship heading right for us. It was a small ship, with only one guy. It had a red flag with a red light on it. I remember reading about this and said “we got hostiles!!”
We opened fire first, but the guy got a pretty damn good hit on the bow of our ship. I see the arch as the guy is now right behind us. Thinking “Ok, get through the arch as quick as you can and then go from there.” I head for the arch, then I feel “ugh no no.. we’re not going to make it through” and try to turn the ship around… and we run INTO the fucking arch.
The guy cuts us off before I’m able to get off the rocks. Kovo’s telling us “prepare to be boarded by these guys!” But it was only one guy (as I said before).
They managed to kill him, and Kovo tried to set their ship on fire and sink it. The guy comes back and Wolfdog goes to kill him again and dies. I try to rez him and
managed, only for the guy to kill him a second time. I tried to fight him off and
failed, dying too. Phox, unaware what’s going on (as he’s in a call with another friend who needs help) tries to rez me but it’s too late.
Kovo managed to kill him again. Both me and Wolf get back to our ship as his ship is now sinking, and I see Phox behind the wheel. I’m thinking “ugh… seriously. I screw up once and this is the thanks I get”. Phox gets off and I get back on the wheel, going through the arch (finally).
We thought that was it.. all the sudden OUR ship starts catching on fire. The fucker is on our ship!! I’m failing to get a hit on this quick ass mother fucker (guy’s clearly not a noob).
He tries to steal some of our resources and throw it overboard, but thankfully fails as he dies. And that was it. He was gone.
We got to the outpost safely and started unloading the goods. And then, the real drama starts. As we’re unloading the chests and stuff to sell to the traders, Kovo’s all “next
time, I’m driving. No offense”.. no Kovo, I do take offense to that. “…I had it under control.” I exclaimed, very annoyed by his words. And he says “did you not see the rock?”
….I threw off my headphones in rage, for this is the same reason why I don’t drive IRL. Though when it comes to IRL, yeah. You make one mistake, it could be your last. That is completely correct. …But this is a game, Kovo!
A bit later with everyone leaving the game (I left later), I messaged Kovo in Telegram explaining how I had it, that I knew that I was fucking DOING. He also has put it in my head a few days ago (when I first uninstalled the game over how I didn’t like seeing other players) that if I don’t change who I am, I’m going to lose Wolfdog. And at that time… I didn’t care anymore. I don’t really care. I still don’t. This side of me.. my fear of dying in a game (not just that, but looking like a retard infront of my friends), NO ONE is going to make me change that.
So if he wants to leave me over that, then go ahead.
THIS is what I mean by “this game is going to tear my relationship apart”.
There’s just too much risk VS reward (where the risk is 10 times higher than the reward) to the point I feel too scared to even leave the damn port by myself anymore (let alone with my friends).
And what I said to Wolf last night (with just Kovo and myself playing and I was streaming my screen to Wolf), I felt… why? Why do you love me, Wolfdog? Why do you care about me? Why do you want this failure of a relationship to work? I’m just going to end up using you like an emotional punching bag! :/
You deserve better. Plus, never once he said “awww it’s OK hun. It’s OK. I’ll be there with you”. Not once. Infact he siding with Kovo when he(Kovo) had told me “it’s only going to get more difficult on you the higher you level up”. That is not relationship material (to me).
If you’re going to be by my side, then you need to act like it. ..Make me feel better about this damn game. If you’re not, then honestly you’re wasting not only my time.. but yours in trying to keep this relationship alive.
Though, I feel (since yesterday evening during his ‘OH Pawpets! Show’ stream on Twitch that followed what we went through in that game), that the only.. only reason he wants this to work, is to help him out of getting new roommates (to help him with the bills). I mean sure, this would help me out when my mother dies to get me out of this house forever. But I can’t help than feel used, when it just seems he’s not willing to make me feel better when a game (like this one) treats me like shit (and I get all god damn moody).
I try to do it, when he feels bad. I try to comfort him. ..Yet he can’t with me. ..Yet I’M the one that’s supposed to fucking change (according to Kovo)!
How come I can’t ask Wolf to change, to.. try to be more compassionate when I get in these bad moods? ..Oh, that’s right, because that’s ‘controlling’. *facepalm* Yet it’s OK with me! ..Funny how that works.
Well, I can’t fully say he’s completely void of caring (total). No. He’s always been there for me when shit hit the fan. ..But, you could say that for a true best friend instead of a lover. You don’t have to be a lover to care like that.
*sighs*.. I just wanted to see some compassion from what I go through with these games. Instead he acts like Kovo. ..Not a lover. A lover would do more. A lover would always be there to try your tears. A lover would always be there to give you a hug. A lover would always be there.. yet he wasn’t when I was pissed off at this game. He didn’t seem to care if I uninstalled it forever.
There was also this bit where I was so ashamed, so pissed off at myself over the whole Grok thing. I half expected him to say “oh hun, I wish I was there with you. Is there anything I could do to help you feel better, to erase those bad thoughts?”.. nothing of that. I’m still waiting. Your BF went through hell and.. *sigh* a form of a sexual encounter would had helped to erase it, you know?! It would show true love. True passion to keep this relationship alive. And I don’t know what the fuck I said or did, to cause him to act like this around me.
There was only one time where he actually felt ERP would help me out. One time. Yet when it came with the whole thing with Grok.. nothing. Why? What did I do?
*sigh* ..I never wanted a relationship. I was content, with the whole ‘friends with
benefits’ thing. Didn’t expect to even be in a relationship.
I got this game, to be with Wolfdog. Just like I got No Man’s Sky to be with Jero. I am willing to do that.
But again, I do have feelings for Wolfdog. And I still care about him. I don’t wanna see him get hurt. I do my best to be there for him. I want to show passion for him, beyond friendship.
But I’m also fully ready incase this actually does fall apart. I’m not going to cry my head off like I did when Novice wanted to break up. I’m going to remind him why this would had never worked out in the first place, and there will never be another instance of “you’ll find someone better” being told to myself.
I have friends, with benefits. That’s all I really need. Sorry. Unless, you’re willing to listen to my constant moans and whines.. and try to make me feel better to the best of your abilities (instead of saying “yep.. sorry. But it’s only going to get worse”).
What’s worse is he didn’t even say “love you too” before I went to bed. Now, in his defense he was pretty tired from the stream. So I’m willing to ignore it. At least I hope it was that instead of a “meh” attitude after hearing me whine about things I cannot control.
.
I do not want this relationship to end, by any means. I want him to make that call. However if this doesn’t improve.. I will be forced to make it myself. It will likely hurt him greatly. But my patience is starting to wane since what happened.
However, I will STOP whining to him. This I promise. Maybe it might save this relationship (in my eyes). All I know is my eyes have never been so opened to the truth of why I don’t deserve a relationship. That, or.. maybe I don’t fully know how relationships work as much as I thought I do.
I just don’t get it, when he told me he’s willing to deal with all of the bad shit in my life. Yet he can’t even show some passion when I’m feeling like this. Yet I would. I show it to my friends.
You know, I love how this has gone from ‘game review’ to ’emo’. ..Just another day.