It still kills me, of trying to figure out what I did or what I said that caused Wolfdog to see me more than a friend. Especially, trying to figure out why he so badly wants to make this relationship work.
I’m just… worried I’m going to have another issue like I had with Jero. Yet.. why? Wolfdog is doing the #1 thing that keeps a relationship alive that Jero had so much trouble
with: communication. And the fact he actually wanted to sit down with me and discuss what I’m going through.. is just more evidence that should be shoved into my skull that he loves me. That there will never be another ‘Jero incident’.
But as they say, the past does have a habit of coming back to bite you in the ass. Especially when certain things feel.. unanswered. Such as one thing that he pointed out when reading my blog post.
The whole ‘He has never shown compassion when I’m bitching about a game’.
He actually did show it. Well, said it. But it was sometime after when I had thrown off my headphones and didn’t want to talk to anyone (feeling embarrassed and ashamed). Though, MY problem with this is.. why he never messaged me to say this. I was waiting for him to DM me and say something. Anything. And I got nothing. Before when this whole mess happened (before Kovo joined us), I waiting for Phox to get done with his game while also waiting for Wolfdog to eat his food.
Wolfdog tried to ask me if I’m still there as I was watching Phox’s stream and didn’t say anything for awhile, but his mic was having major issues. Then he messages me
asking “are you there?” Told him I didn’t hear him, neither did Phox. Yet.. why didn’t he didn’t take the time to message me any compassionate message when I was feeling so fucking pissed at what Kovo said to me? I don’t get that.
Though, ..it was also my fault for not even thinking about asking this (when we had our conversation). Felt (again).. too embarrassed too ashamed. It’s just the tone of his voice sometimes that he sounds frustrated, angry. It’s kind of hard to tell when I’m trying to talk about serious discussions like this.
Anyway… he wanted me to drop it. “Hmm, that sounds pretty sus, Benie. Why does he not want to talk about it? ..He better not had lied to you.” you might be saying. But this time my dear reader, you’d be wrong to think that. He did give me a reason to why. And I’ll admit at first, I felt quite annoyed. Quite annoyed. But then I remembered another key thing when it comes to keeping a relationship alive. And that is, if the reason is legitimate enough, YES.. drop it. Drop it RIGHT then, RIGHT there!
And his reason was very legitimate (as in financial issues of not knowing if he’s going to survive after having to pay the bills). To ignore that would be the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot and your (now ex) boyfriend walking away as you slowly die from blood loss.
No. Rewind that and put the gun down, for this is part of a relationship wherever you like it or not– showing compassion to your partner, by dropping that gun full of being
unsure about them. Sometimes you have to, for the betterment of your relationship. 👍
That and, hoping this never happens again. For whatever his intentions of not messaging me when I was pissed, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t to show he doesn’t care. It’s about damn time to know how he thinks. We’ve been together for almost a month and I really need to do so, before I end up causing this relationship to fall apart.
–
There is one more thing that was discussed (this time in full detail). This is a section of the blog post that I made, which is in need of rewriting (quite badly).
Had to do with.. how I felt I was going to “be used” to help him pay for his financial issues.
This.. this whole thing. Completely untrue. Though he never asked what gave me the impression of why I felt this, he wanted to make it clear.. it’s completely optional to get me out of this house (once my mother passes away).
All he did was put the option on the table. That’s all. Completely explained in a nutshell. We can move on from that and worry about it at a later time. Simple.
.
And that’s it. I hope I don’t have to make any more of these embarrassing blog posts about how I don’t feel right about all of this.
Can we go at least a week without another “I feel ashamed infront of Wolfdog” blog post? Please, brain? Would be nice. :/
One thing I’m glad Wolfdog isn’t doing though (that Jero did).. he’s not all “can we just be friends?” Wolfdog wants this to work out between us (unlike Jero), and that’s highly respectful to me. This is why I love him. 🧡