“Wow”. That’s all I can describe what happened in the past 24 hours. Suppy came when I needed someone the most, and even gave me.. somewhat advice on how to deal with this messed up love drama with Jero.
The love V
Categories: ‘Personal’, ‘Love Drama’
Ahh.. new year new me, huh? More like ‘new year, new love drama’: caught in the middle of a ‘love V’ (two people love me).
(Jero) | (Suppy)
\ /
(Me)
On the upper left, the love of my life (but sadly has collected really heavy baggage). And on the upper right, the one that has fallen madly inlove with me.. and is fighting very hard to win my love (to the point of being obsessed with me).
I look back and ask myself: “what the hell did I do to get myself into this!?” And the answer is literally, nothing. All I was doing, was being myself. I never approached Suppy. He approached me (being the second person in my virtual life to do so).
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Most of the day yesterday (after completing my latest blog post), all I wanted to do was sleep my life away (wishing I could put a bullet in my head), in order to try and forgot what Kandy told me that Chris told him, of what Jero said behind my back when they were dating.
Never before have I been so confused, so… upset. It’s like, I was feeling the pain Jero did when I told him those hurtful four words; “I cheated on you”.
My mind was split in two (still is)– half wanting to get in Unity and get Jero’s old model working again (and have him at least as a hand puppet). But the other side of my mind is all “Benie, Jero said some really mean things about you. Do you really feel doing this is the right thing to do?” And that always stopped me. I feel like I would be wasting my time, and by doing it… that I “don’t care” about the ones he hurt. He did a lot worse than I did, to try and make me jealous. Yet I never felt jealous over it. All I felt was “he’s move on”; never the feeling of jealousy.
…I’m starting to have doubts to this claim that Chris feels he got used. Jero has admitted he went for Scooby to “get me back” (and then said Scooby used him for money).
Yet Scooby, I don’t think, ever mentioned he got used by him. So.. perhaps I need to ask Scoob about this (to further continue my investigation). If Scooby feels he wasn’t
used, then I will say this claim with Chris can be ignored (since he doesn’t like me
anyway) ..which will clear Jero’s name of wrongdoing in my mind (and close the investigation).
…Hopefully I can reach him, as I think he’s at a furry convention right now (as I haven’t seen him since I was talking to Wufy and met Suppy).
Okay, WOW. Sorry for the massive use of digressing here!! Let me continue of what happened yesterday. Got on VRChat later. I wanted to watch movies.. yet I also didn’t (as the movie world I’ve been going to, reminded me of Jero). But, it also reminded me of Suppy. It wasn’t until much later when I just couldn’t handle it anymore and HAD to do something to try and get my mind off of this.
Went to the movie world, made it Friends only (incase Kovo or whoever wants to join). Tried to finally watch John Wick 3 after constantly failing to due to so much going on that night.
3/4 into the movie, Suppy joins. Before I’ve been occasionally talking to him in Discord. He’s been trying to get an MMD model to upload and can’t. And under heavy
hesitation, unsure if I can fully trust him with something so serious… I asked him to please read the blog post I created. But, I also told him “what you read and I what I say to
you, must not leave this world. Do you agree to tell no-one?” He does, and tries to. I have edited out something that could be used to target someone (since my original post).
I go back to watching the movie, occasionally talking about what’s going on. Later on, he says how this is “normal” for Jero to be trying to make me jealous.
Asked him “I just don’t know what to do. Should I ignore these claims and focus on loving him, or should I confront him of these accusations?”
*sigh* … I know asking Suppy this (the one who’s inlove with me), is a dumb idea. Though I hoped he would be able to help me as a friend. Sadly he’s too focused on winning my heart (and feeling jealous over how I was telling Jero how much I loved him) than..
—
Mmmm… I shouldn’t be talking behind his back like this. He does try to help me, he really does. And I appreciate it. Hell, he’s the only one that has ever said “never feel ashamed of who you are, or feel you have to change it.” He’s.. literally been someone I’ve wanted for MANY YEARS; someone who cares for me of the way I am, and doesn’t tell me that I can change my life.
…Yet, like Fluffy, I…I don’t really have any feelings for him!! And,. I guess I doubt him saying all of these really nice things to me (and especially how fast this happened). And I also think it’s the way he acts around me, that doesn’t really make me comfortable around him. …I just don’t know why he loves me so much. Why he loves the way I breath, the way I laugh, the way I– I dunno. I just don’t feel he’s my type.
Jero is more “down to Earth”, and the way he acts makes me want to make sure he doesn’t leave me. I’ve never been used to someone saying all of these positive things and saying how much they love me. I gave up on ever having that luck! Usually it’s always someone else that gets the ‘perfect boyfriend’ or girlfriend… never me! And I.. it just feels so hard to believe! I wish Suppy would understand this, instead of keep on praising the fuck out of me!
–
With the movie almost done, he says that that I shouldn’t let Jero go; claiming that it’ll be better on me if he lets me go first. …I don’t see how?! For 6 months, I have wanted him back… until the extremely embarrassing thing with Chris happened, that forced me to let him go.
He also told me something that, bothered me. He said how he “has more experience with love” than I do. Mmm.. and he’s all “you can ask me for love advice”. Well, it’s actually kind of good not to be “in the spotlight” when it comes to offering relationship advice (aka to Breezy). But he stopped depending on me, which is good (as I am a bad example). 😛
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So, that’s this part (finally) done. Sorry about the thing with Jero, but you must understand how.. obsessed I feel to get these answers; to put this investigation to bed and either be happy with him, or finally move on from him (knowing the terrible things he did to his friends, and what he said about me behind my back). This move he’s doing, is really making things hard on me.
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A ‘gift’ for being a good friend?
Categories: ‘Personal’
Let’s go over something that has nothing to do with love drama, but of someone I haven’t seen in awhile. Still watching the movie with Suppy, a friend named ‘Goku UI’ joins us.
My brain is all “wait.. isn’t this Kovo’s first friend? What’s he doing here? Shouldn’t he be with him?” He was AFK at spawn, so Suppy and I went back to watching the movie.
5 minutes later, Goku pops up in my face waving at me. I turn down the world volume as he’s having to whisper. Said how cool it was to see him again. He said he had some computer problems.
Kept talking for awhile about the issues with his computer, how he’s going to get new hardware and possibly VR very soon. Sweet!
Some time later (Suppy leaves the instance for some reason), he says how he’s giving gifts to really good friends that have been with him for a long time.. a $100 Steam gift card. And he’s acting like, I’m going to get one of them.
…Uhh, I’m confused. “A long time”? I’ve only been friends with you for like, 5 maybe 6 months? I don’t even remember! Besides, I’m sure you got friends even longer than that! Like Kovo! He’s the one that should get it!
Yet he’s all like “you’re a really awesome guy”. Thank you for the compliment, but that alone shouldn’t really award me of something with such value. That is a LOT of money you’re throwing away!! Don’t you got a job? A life, that you need to hold onto that money just to survive day by day, week by week? …I really wish I had said that to him as I typing it right now, but it seemed he wouldn’t really take “I can’t accept this” as an answer.
I mean, hell.. I would definitely appreciate the gift! But, think twice before you do that.
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What’s really odd about this, is I was never asked for my Steam info (or even told when he was going to send it). Hmm. Maybe he suddenly realized he would be wasting his money on someone that doesn’t deserve (or need) it.. at least, I really hope so.
Don’t want to see him waste his money foolishly. And I’m pretty sure Kovo would feel the same way.