Another emotional rollercoaster of a day. Started off medium, went high, fell down
low, then went back up. And at the end, I just.. I have no words. Except, I can feel my broken heart being repaired with so much love, to where I feel “pfft, I didn’t need blueberry in my life. Not when I have someone even better. 🙂 ” I.. just. WOW.
*coughs*
Let’s begin, of what started as a hilarious night the day before yesterday (that I actually forgot to mention);
“I need an adult!!”
As I said, something else happened when we were in that voice room the day before yesterday. I was talking to Kovo about something, and he is frozen in fear and then starts laughing like a maniac and saying “OH GOD!!”. He then sends me some.. rather, steamy messages that he got from Melancholy! HAHAHA!! He was doing Sex RP with Kovo! HAH! Ohh my god, Mel is hilarious. And he keeps doing this, further freaking out Kovo.
So I start a DM with Mel, knowing he’s joking but play along with it. I tell him I’m going to tell his boyfriend that you’re cheating on him.
After I say that, now he’s sending these steamy RP messages to me; saying “I need my brother to pound my fox ass!” Oh lordy. I’m also telling his boyfriend, who then starts doing the same thing! Lmao.. wow. Now I know you two are joking! And Kovo’s
all “HAHA they’re going after you! They left me alone!”
Vale overhears all of this and asks me to send what they sent to us, and I do. The next thing I know, he says how he’s ‘playing along’. And about a half an hour later, Mel’s boyfriend tells me how “this was a joke”. Pretty sure I already know that. 🙂
—
Right, now to officially start off this post. Yesterday I got on VRChat and went to go see a few specific people to see if they could help to make me feel better with my heartbreak; as friends are a good way to cope.
In this room is Nappie’s boyfriend, who’s AFK. Eventually he comes back and we’re just randomly talking about things. I told him about the DMs sent that night and he chuckles to himself, then says “I can do it again to Kovo if you want”, and I said “yes”. Heheheh.
He said how it was a joke, that if I was to play along, they would back off. Told him about Vale, and he said “that’s why we backed off, because he tried to go for Mel”. Lmao. Wow.
A bit later, I’m now being chased by Nappie of him trying to ‘rape’ me. Nope! Nope nope nope. But unlike Kovo, I knew he was messing with me and laughed.
Timber then joined us, and suddenly he went all gay and tried to grope me. Lol, wtf?
Dude, you’re straight like me. I said “you’re not into dicks”. He says “maybe so, but I am into ass”.
Ok…
Oh wait, I am an adult. Forgot about it.
———-
Creepery (briefly) returns! (and a possible return of the Best Boi community?)
Later on, only a few people are in this world. Most have gotten bored and went to
others (or went to bed in their own time zone). Was talking to this one friend about random stuff (while waiting for Nappie to come back on), then he went to do his own thing.
Checking who’s online, and my jaw dropped to the floor when I saw Creepery is online! HOLY FUCK!! Ran over there as quick as I could to the world he was in.. didn’t even bother to see who made the world. Spawned in and he saw me. “BENIE!!” he yelled. I hugged him so tightly, happy to see him again. He greatly apologized for not answering to his DMs, after I said I was worried sick about him.
He told me this world we were in.. Kibble made it! And it looked like the original spawn point when I first arrived in VRChat. This is awesome. First, Creepery’s back, and now Kibble is actually caring for the Best Boi’s again! The chapel is back. The only thing is you can’t go any further of the spawn area as the teleporters don’t work.
The stage where occasionally people sung on, now has a podium. Creepery theorized if this could be a sign that Kibble might be considering of recreating the community. Again, it’s just preliminary speculation at this time. Would be awesome, though. But I told him, that I pray that he does it right this time; getting mods that actually care for the community.
–
Others joined us, some still being good friends of Creepery. Did tell him about Phox unfriending me, and he said he wishes he was there for me. *sigh* It’s alright, dude.
Then he told us how college isn’t working out as he hoped, and may return full time. I reminded him what he told us about creating an alias; to wipe out his previous identity (so Rusty won’t go after him). But as for Rusty, he said he’s actually speaking to him
again (but isn’t going to friend him, for good reason). So, this means I too need to drop my anger for Rusty and unblock/unmute him (and I plan to).
———-
Scooby doesn’t need me (But ended on a really, really good note)
Two funny, hilarious news articles I’ve wrote down. But now it’s time for some rather depressing news. Yet at the same time, I can understand (not for what I’ve done, but for caring too much for him).
Was in Kovo’s latest world after Creepery had left. He’s testing the boob jiggle physics of one of his female Best Boi avatars (that he made himself). I wanted to test if they responded to hand colliders of another player, and touched the boob with my avatar’s finger. It didn’t respond, then suddenly everyone starts laughing as I’m running back trying to hide my face, laughing and feeling embarrassed. For the rest of the night, Kovo made sure I wasn’t going to let that down. lmao. I was only TESTING!! Hahaha.
Right, time for the depressing part. Kovo says “Scooby’s here!” and we all come running towards him, with him freaking out of this crowd coming towards him. Get to a point where I’m able to tell Scooby that I care for him, etc etc.. hoping like I said he would help me with my heartbreak. But he doesn’t want to talk about it.
So, I tell him that I understand. He additionally says I don’t need to tell him that he already knows. And this, depressed me.
…Again, I understand. This is his way of coping. More power to him. But what upsets me
is, I stayed with him past my bedtime, to give him all the love I could.. and this is the thanks I get in return? He didn’t even thank me for caring for him. He just wanted to be around Kovo, like it was too much for him. It only broke my heart more, and frustrated me.
I stopped talking to people after that. I could only feel cold, and pain. Kovo occasionally coming up to me with his “Are you doing OKAY?!” saying, and all I wanted to say (with my mic muted) was “just fuck off dude”. When he asked “I just want to know if it was something I said”, I unmuted my mic and said “No Kovo, it’s not you”. I wanted to tell him about Scooby, but I didn’t.
–
Hung around spawn by myself, just wanting to be alone. Dorrvivx came along and knew I needed a good friend, and.. I told him everything that lead up to this (without revealing names). And he stuck with me for all of that, understanding me. All I could do is give him the big bear hug I wanted to give Scooby, and thanked him for promising he would tell noone my deepest, darkest secret (of being in VRChat).
As I was about finished with my conversation, a friend named ‘WufferTheWolf’ came
over, saw my status and gave me a big hug. He could feel my pain, even saying how he’s not interested in sex; just cuddling. Holy fuck, you’re reading my mind. Dorrvivx had to
go, and I stayed with Wuffer. He said how he’s “into older guys”, saying he knows people that are in their 60’s and play VRChat.
I felt really comfortable being around him, and told him what I told Dorrvivx. Except, he stopped when I said how they were underaged. “oh fuck” did my mind go, and sighed heavily. Said “I know, I made mistakes. But I’m doing steps to prevent it from happening again”.
—
The conversation then went to hardware, telling him I need to get my system upgraded. He said he managed to get his.. for under $400. :O WTF?! HOW!? TELL me your secrets!!
He said he got his parts through Amazon, and even helped me figure out an upgrade
plan.. for also under $400. Holy FUCK! I told him that usually it takes $500+ to upgrade in the past!
He recommended that I “upgrade as soon as I can”. That’s the first time anyone’s told me that. But, I’m going to wait to see what Zagro can do for me next month.
He understands the hell I’ve gone through. Wow. …Could this guy be my potential soulmate; someone that doesn’t mind my flaws? It highly looks like it, because I feel myself quite happy with him. It’ll take time until I feel that we actually have an emotional connection to be more than just friends, but it’s looking promising.
———-
I’m inlove (again)! (With someone of legal age this time)
(Replace ‘baby’ with ‘Wuffer’, and ‘loving’ with ‘being with'(or some other non-sexual form), and this is my song to him)
Right now it’s just a crush, and it seems he’s more inlove with me than I am of him. Heh. It’s just.. well, right now I sadly don’t really feel the connection that I had with
blueberry (before finding out he was underaged), but I feel this will change with time. Because he’s really sweet, and he feels I am too. 🙂 I really like being around him. I feel he’s giving me the strength to get over this heartache; always being there for me, cuddling me.
Plus, he likes nearly the same music genre that I do (70’s and 80’s). Yet for some
reason, there’s just something bugging me about it. It being too soon? I can’t really put my finger on it.
…Oh, now I remember. He’s RPing his love to me in DMs. *cough* It’s sweet, yet also kind of makes me nervous at the same time. I feel nervous, because it’s not what I typically do. When I RP, it’s ingame; not in a DM. Especially, affection-based RP. ..Heh.
I just, feel I’ll say the wrong thing when it comes to this. But if he really cares for me, he’ll understand. And at this time, I’m nearly certain he will. He’s given me hugs, kisses, etc.
–
Of course, one of my friends (not Kovo or Vale) who knows I’m straight, saw this and is questioning me. And I told him “I’ll go Bi anytime I feel, depending on the situation”. He says “you don’t become Bi, you are Bi.”
And I said to him “…You know, maybe I am. Maybe this whole ‘straight’ thing was a lie to hide the truth; lying to myself.” But it was only to get him off my back about it.
Its called ‘being happy’, dude. If I have to turn Bi just to be happy, I will.
Hilarious night as I had to go to bed, and Wuffer was hugging me all over. My two friends also there, saying “go to bed, Benie”. Heheh. Whew. After turning off my computer, I wanted to turn it back on and talk about all the awesomeness that happened.
.
So, I am happy, with him. I feel I can fully trust him not to break my heart. Yet at the same time I feel if it doesn’t work afterall, I won’t really be depressed about it.
As sweet as he is, Blueberry and I did a lot more things together (such as going to Oliver’s box world and using team-building exercises to get over the wall without cheating). The drawing of my avatar’s face and my sona, I will treasure even with all of this.