So, I’m back at square one; alone, where no-one really loves me. All because I’m choosing to stay straight.. something my brain and my common sense are in an endless war
over.
In addition, I’m no longer friends with Phox over something that happened in the past during the final days of the Best Boi community era (that I never caused). Yet the fact I’m still friends with the person, I’m now an ‘enemy’ in his eyes. So yay!
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But, let’s start from the beginning. I actually was able to hang out with Phox again (after almost a week of not seeing him online). I told him about blueberry (who kind of remembers him), and he was happy that I got a guy that loves me (which made me
cough, and say “I wish blueberry was a girl, then it would feel ‘normal’.”)
He then told me the same thing that blueberry did; he too was once straight, yet became bi and doesn’t know how. And his words, are echoing to mine. His own brain was fighting for what is right, but eventually succumbed to “just being happy”. …Those three words are what caused this mess. It’s what had wanted Lunar again.
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So, moving on from that, the main course: hanging out with blueberry. I was hanging out in Kovo’s latest world, with him on. He’s on some week trip with his family (who don’t like furries). He had to whisper the changes he made to the world.
Anyway, blueberry showed up. He didn’t want to go somewhere more quiet, and I was worried others would see us and get the wrong idea. So he ran to a part of the world that no one goes to, and we made out there. Then he wanted to see the others, saying he prefers the sound of people talking. Followed him into Kovo’s new house.
He was wall-jumping around the house, and ends up crashing near Kovo’s TV. He was unable to rejoin the world since then, saying it was his VR preventing it.
The rest of the conversation went to DMs, where I told him “I love you”. He said how
I’m “slowly turning bi or gay”.
Reminded him of what Phox told me, and what Scooby said. Suddenly he comes clean and says “tbh im not into you”. So, this entire thing.. was nothing but a game to see if he could push me to bend. Terrific. Alright, reaper.. I’m ready. End it, please. But the thing is… I could feel myself bending back and forth, because I couldn’t stop thinking about him. There’s also this song that kept coming to mind everytime we were together.
“..a special love, I have for you..*music*..
my baby Blue!”
I even caught myself muting my mic and singing it, when he went to go do something.
*stabs feelings with straight knife to make himself straight again* GOD DAMNIT!! D:{
Right, today, is when Phox and I stopped being friends. First I told him about blueberry and how I felt for him. He said “you don’t have to be into dicks to be bi”.. yet just like when he said (before) how it’s “just affection”, I don’t believe it.
Then I told him about Aftershock, being a once friend of Creepery. Was going to continue talking, then he’s all “Creepery is a cunt”, and “wants nothing to do with
blueberry / Aftershock”.
Well, if you’re going to act like a child, then I guess we can’t be friends anymore. Told him that I care for Creepery, that he’s like the brother I always wanted. He says “ah
fuck” “god damnit” and “see you”. And that was the last time we spoke.
*sigh* Really, dude? You got let go of the anger. It happened months ago. Yet I worry of the repercussions of this… which is why I’m staying off of VRChat for awhile.
It’s just what I need. First, worrying about turning Bi, now worrying about one of Phox’s friends stabbing me in the back for being a close friend of Creepery.
*sigh*.. I need Creepery more than ever right now. He would be able to kill these two problems for me.