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Time to be responsible for once…
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This didn’t happen last night. This is ongoing as I type this. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as it was several hours ago. My mother is recovering well from eating pizza that didn’t reheat properly in the microwave, and it made her very sick where she was throwing up and it made her very dizzy (to the point she could had passed out).
At least that’s what I originally thought happened. What really happened, is she claimed she “ate too much” and her “stomach is getting smaller”. Said the single slice of pizza
was good, but she ate chicken and that’s when she said it started happening. Like she can’t keep down food anymore. But she can drink water and it stays down.
She had thrown up, I would say about 5-7 times. But I gave her some tap water and told her to drink it “very slowly”, according to an article I saw on my phone. And that seemed to keep her from throwing up anymore. But she was still feeling dizzy. She tried to sleep it off and that seemed to help, and said she was going to be OK.
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A day in the ‘future’, she said her dizziness wasn’t going away. It kind of did when she rested but when she walks around it comes back. Also said her vision is kinda
blurry, feeling nauseous, and she also has a fast heartbeat. Instead of calling 911 I gave her
an Alka-Seltzer and she said it “helped a lot”.. thank goodness. But she still feels dizzy.
So we had a talk about if she truly felt she needed to go see the hospital, and how I felt about all of this. I’ve never.. ever went through this. But I know if my father was still
alive (and healthy), he’d be driving her to the hospital without even thinking about it).
But me… in my head I’ve been panicking, while physically trying to stay calm for her. I also felt herself yelling at me, but from the past and the future (at the same time) with “Ben you idiot!! Ben you idiot!!” over and over, followed by “why did you let them poke and prod me?!”
This is why I’ve been desperately trying to think of anything that usually works for me. Anything to keep her ass out of the hospital. But.. she wants to go there. Almost as if this is her dying wish, I have to fulfill it.
Since she feels doctors “aren’t there on Sundays”, we worked out a plan to get there tomorrow (Monday) if she’s not feeling any better. Get an Uber to get us up there. Then I have to go home as the cats will need someone to care for them. ..It’ll be finally time for me to assume my responsibilities for the time if or when she’s no longer around anymore. I won’t like it, at all, but I’ll have to do it. That means feeding them and changing the litter boxes.
This whole thing, I feel it’s my fault. Because the day before this happened I was hanging with Jero and Bubba. To make a long story short, Jero was considering of coming back
to America just to visit me IRL. He also ‘jokenly’ said that Bubba could also come and we would ‘have a threesome’.
But I told him what I told him before, that I wish I could visit him IRL.. but I can’t. I can’t because, I’m “supposed to be retarded”. The moment they find out I have the smarts to use the airport and visit him in the UK, they will cut me off by the time I return back to the states. However they won’t if Jero comes to me.
I also said I can’t “because my mother is still alive”…. it’s like I wished for her not to be. And now she’s having these health issues and needs to see the hospital.
I don’t blame Jero for ‘making me’ say this. Not at all. But I have told him this before, and nothing happened. So.. maybe her time might be coming sooner than I thought. Or it could be nothing serious (as I’m thinking) and she’ll be discharged that evening, and be given medicine. Though she might be told to visit another doctor to do check-ups (like my father was).
Thing is, it’s different as Uber or walking is the only way I can get her up there. Unless they come into our house to do their check-up.
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It’s just freaking me out. A week ago I binge watch a bunch of videos saying how much better ‘walkable cities’ are compared to most of North America (US and Canada). However I never once.. never once did I feel “would be nice to not have to deal with my mother”. It was more of “I wish I could move to experience a car-free future”.
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At the end, hopefully the hospital helps her out and completely rids her of this dizziness that’s also making her want to throw up. But incase the worst comes to worst, I got a list written down by my past self of what to do if she is.. dying.
But let’s not think that!! She will get better! They will help her and she’ll be able to do what she was doing before this mess! I have. to think. positive. I’m doing everything I can to care for her, and tomorrow they’ll make her better, and everything will be ice cream and cute Youtube kitties again.
Got to keep hope. Got to believe. Got to be strong.