Of all the times I wish Jero would see how lonely I really get without him being on, maybe he would had actually given me that model and his texture.. this was one of those times. But he just doesn’t fully understand and I dunno how to go about making him do so. At least say “I’m sorry but I can’t do it” instead of “I’ll ‘always’ be around”.
*sees everyone watching me”.. Oh shi–! Hey everyone! Heh.. mm. Sorry, about that drama burst there. It was one of ‘those days’ where none of my trusted friends were around, and I kept debating if it was ‘worth getting off early’.
Ohh yeah, one more thing. They still don’t have 2022’s The Bad Guys added to LS Media. Guess I have to wait for another world update notification.
Anyway, on with the blog post.
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Stuck with the same homeworld
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Even though it was 9pm and everything was charged and ready to go, I didn’t get on until much later. I’ve been watching Youtubers play The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe for the first time and hearing their reactions. Honestly I didn’t really feel like getting on at
all, but did anyway when I remembered the apartment themed worlds I selected as potential homeworlds.
Out of the list, only one of them I actually liked. Except, not enough to make it my homeworld over one thing: no way to turn off colliders. Outside of that, the world is pretty big for an apartment. Two bedrooms and one bath. Kitchen/Dining, laundry room. It’s a pretty nice world. It’s what all the other worlds lacked (and more) to look like a proper apartment.
The others, either they’re too big in file size to be used as a homeworld (a few going
like 200-400MB). Like, who the fuck is going to want to download all of that just to join me?! Not many. Some of them were just.. one room and that’s it (looking nothing like an apartment but more like a cheap hotel room). There was even one that looked like something I made (if I used Blender to build SDK 2.0 worlds). It was sad, and the world was so big too.
The very last one I tried.. turned out to be Novice’s homeworld. I just felt ‘done’ after that moment.
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Jelly and Malice ‘level up’ / What to do…
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Back in my homeworld, this is when I started watching those Youtube videos ingame. I noticed Malice was on but left. A bit later Jelly sends me an invite. I’m thinking “he likely has a message from Malice” and let him in. He came in and then said “oh, you’re the only one in here”. I said “yeah”.
He asked if Malice was here, and I said no (and that he left before). But Jelly says “no he hasn’t left. He’s online in a private world and I wanted to see him”. I was confused
as both VRCX (from the wrist feed) and VRChat both show he’s not on. Jelly gets really confused, then says “I don’t care, VRChat’s broken”.
I assumed he was going to leave shortly after. But then he talked about that Malice is having “a really good day today” and that he didn’t care to join him, that all he cares about is the fact he’s happy.
Then he talks about himself, how he’s able to have a full conversation of Spanish for a minute, how others feel it’s such a great accomplishment for him. All I could say
was “I’m happy for you dude” while trying to hide my true feelings of “what the fuck do you want me to do? Kiss the ground you walk on?! Is that it??”
After he left, depression smacked me hard in the head. So I guess I was finally right that it’s a good idea not to talk to you two as much, and put you two on ‘Epislon’ level.
My mood went everywhere, feeling Malice “didn’t ‘need’ me anymore” since he’s in such a good mood, and I don’t want to kill it with my depression. ..I dunno where I was going with this. I didn’t even feel watching anything anymore, or even if I should be
on.
And this is why I usually don’t post at times, when it’s too depressing and I really don’t want to talk about it.
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What to do…
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But I tried to power through it, and go see other friends. Hoping. ..Praying, something will happen in my favor. Joined Stray who was in one of the worlds he made. It was a ‘Driving Simulator’; a car model, with a panorama screen infront of it with videos of some person driving IRL in large cities. It was him and a few other people in the front seats. I sat in the back seat. It was entertaining for awhile then started to get boring (especially how the video would just suddenly ‘warp’ to another location). But I stayed as I didn’t want to leave just like that. At least not now. Kept hoping something interesting would happen.
But as time went on, it really didn’t.
Eventually I did leave, and went to see Lostwolf (thinking Queenie would be there). He wasn’t.
In the world I found a working 8-Ball (one that predicts your future) and went far away from everyone else in order to think. And all I could think of was again how selfish I am of wanting Jero to send me that model and his awtter texture. I literally began to use the 8-ball.. hoping it would tell me something in my favor. I don’t really consider what I was doing was ‘going insane’ from depression, as eventually I got fed up with the 8-ball for giving me BS random answers.
I requested an invite to join Queenie, then of Scooby (as I felt ‘checking up on him’ would be a good idea). A lot of time had passed. JoinNotifier then starts going off with people leaving left and right. Lostwolf likely dropped a portal. Ran back over and I see him waving at me, then he runs back and into the portal. Interesting world on the other side of it.
Two things happened as I waited for something to happen. Dutch joined me, and Scooby accepted my invite request. Shit. I didn’t expect Scooby to actually accept and/or Dutch to join me suddenly. I had to think fast, and sadly I had to say goodbye to one and hello to the other. So I said goodbye to Dutch. Hopefully I made the right choice.
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RIP player made ranks
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And to tell you the truth, it was more like a ‘hit and miss’. Scooby seemed he moved on from what happened to him, focused with working on his avatar. He also told me how busy he’s been with work, doing ‘double overtime’ and possibly getting a raise with how hard he’s been working. “That’s nice, man”, is all I could say.
The only thing that didn’t make him too ‘level up’, is him suddenly asking me “what are your hours?” I’m thinking ‘uhh.. w..w..work.. hours?’, but no: how long I’ve been
playing VRChat. Ok, sure. I don’t mind giving that out. He wanted to know how long it took until I became a Veteran user. I said “well I became Veteran the moment the Trust and Safety system was launched”, and he couldn’t believe it.
It was bugging him so much. And I said “dude, why are you letting this bug you? It’s just a title.” He said “I know, I know. But, it just would be nice to have you know? Something that I know I achieved, that I put the work into.” Aye. That’s understandable.
I told him how I have VRCX and can check if someone has these ranks. Explained what it was and he asked “can you see if I’m a Veteran?” I said “sure” and checked, and it showed he’s Trusted.
Then I decide to check mine.. and I’m also Trusted. Uhh.. McFuckin’Scuse me?! I was
a Legend!! What happened to my rank?! I then remembered the spam from the day before of VRCX saying ‘<player> has ranked from Veteran User > Trusted User’ on my wrist
feed every time someone did anything, and wondered if the two were connected
somehow.
Sure enough, there was a connection (according to something Scooby found but never shared the link with me). But I found something about it through VRCX’s GitHub Page. This also had a picture with Tupper’s statement.
The ‘Legend’ and ‘Veteran’ ranks were never really to be used, likely for good reasons: due to jealousy among people. Honestly, why not just remove the trust system entirely, but keep the security features? What they have now is pointless (IMO). It was never worth adding. I’m not going to look at a New User any different than a Trusted one. It all has to do with the person themself.
I’m sure statements like this were brought to Tupper after him posting this, and he likely ignored them. And I’m sure even as I type this, it’s still being discussed in their discord server.
–
With that out of the way, Scooby later tells me that he’s going to join someone. Something about a ‘cub’. I was somewhat confused, thinking it was a sex thing. It wasn’t. It’s a diaperfur thing. A large majority of myself was trying not to use the word “freak” anywhere in my response. I don’t even know why that word came to mind, when I told him before it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. ..Okay, going to be blunt: it’s weird. But there are fetishes out there that are even more… ‘wtf, humanity. This is why aliens don’t visit us. They’re too busy calling us FREAKS!!’ out there.
Just.. why diapers?! *sighs* Whatever. I shouldn’t criticize when my fetish is wanting to be snuggled. We’re all into weird shit, but that’s what makes us human. It’s OK to be
weird, you know?! We’re expressing ourselves! Plus being a diaperfur isn’t hurting
anyone (outside for our eyes having to stare at a grown furry wearing a toddler’s diaper).
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“Maybe another time”
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Being on my own again, I once again asked Queenie if I may join him. And this time he accepted. Joined him in Prison Escape. I didn’t really feel like playing it. I had, other plans if you couldn’t tell by the title (but without saying anything). But I just couldn’t really get Queenie to respond to it.. until I heard him saying to someone else about beans.
A lightbulb popped up over my head and I laid back on my bed to show my feet. Thought I had something when he almost immediately responded to them, but he still wouldn’t really.. you know, want to go to another world.
Eventually I did ‘play’ the game (more like the game threw me into it), but thought “ehh. It’s whatever” and tried to enjoy myself. And as usual I suck as both a prisoner and a guard. I’m just too nice for this game (and my aiming is shit when I’m forced to defend myself).
Don’t particularly like the change they made when you’re the last prisoner, how they auto-force you to become wanted. But I can see why it was needed. Not really for people like myself who don’t like having to kill other people, but for ones that camp as a prisoner just to extend the game and of ruin it for ones who just want to play.
–
It’s almost 4:30am. I’m a guard and so is Queenie. He stops me and said “I would’ve brought you to another world a long time ago if I wasn’t so tired.” and “Maybe another time”. I completely understood (forcing myself to be considerate towards him). After the round, he again tells me as he’s preparing to head to bed. Again I told him I
understood, that it’s OK. I did hear you the first time Queenie. Not sure why you told me again. Maybe he really wanted to and was upset for me? I doubt that. It just didn’t feel like that to me. It more felt like a reminder.
Ehh, it is whatever. I gave him a hug anyway and wished him a good night. Stayed on a bit longer (three more rounds) until I got sniped by a prisoner that I assumed was a guard. And I couldn’t aim for shit. That was enough for me. Backed out of the room and logged out without anyone seeing me.
.
As for Jero, I remember him saying “you still have my Dutch Angel”. I could very easily apply the blue texture sheet to the old model, for him to look more like
the VictonRoy version Kat made him (just without the eyebrows). There was one time I actually asked if he had the texture (as I have the model thanks to Wufy), and he freaked out. He does, but he doesn’t know which drive it’s in. It might’ve been one of the drives that was destroyed in the fire of his apartment, but he believes it’s safe ‘somewhere’.
If it’s somewhere in his apartment and he’s in his parent’s house, of course that’s
a ‘problem’ for me. But I don’t expect him to travel up to his apartment just to get the
skin. That is beyond being inconsiderate for wanting this.
–
No. I refuse to bug him ever again over this. I just need to get JeroWorks to Unity 2019 first (to (hopefully as I’ve never did this with a 2.0 avatar) fix bugs caused by the PhysBones update). I doubt it’ll let me apply PhysBones because it’s not a 3.0 avatar.