Hey everyone. Once again it has been a long time since I posted anything. The main reason is I’ve been feeling “it’s pointless” to keep talking about myself. Then again I should also see this being my ‘personal journal’ that I decided to not care who reads it. And I do have a few things to say in this personal journal.
First off, I got a new keyboard. My first ‘Unicorn Barf’ (ie: RGB) keyboard, from
Corsair (so it has iCUE compatibility). It’s also a mechanical keyboard (so CLACK CLACK go the keys). It’s something I’ve been wanting for a long time, but couldn’t really find an RGB keyboard that didn’t have macro keys (and couldn’t find one under $100).
But I took another look and found the one I linked. It’s a standard keyboard without the modern bells and whistles I have no need of.
But the main reason why I got this thing wasn’t for the “weeee, colors!!”, but how ‘well’ I take care of my equipment where the letters start to fade away a few weeks after use, and I’m hoping an RGB keyboard.. this won’t happen (and it’ll be the last replacement keyboard I’ll ever need to buy in my life).
However, this keyboard isn’t perfect. I think I should’ve gotten the Low Profile model as my left pinky is usually pressing down on the CTRL key, causing weird shit to happen. I didn’t have this issue with a standard keyboard, but I think that’s because they were Low Profile (to allow my fingers to not accidentally press keys they shouldn’t be.
Plus, I don’t think this thing is spill-proof. So I gotta be real careful with that.
Second thing is I now have something I swore I’d never buy but some good friends talked me into getting one: an Apple Watch (plus a USB Type C to Type A adapter, as the wireless charger uses USB Type C).
I think it’s pretty obvious by now why I never wanted it.. because it measures your vitals. Jero though was the deciding factor, telling me I likely don’t have Diabetes (after telling him the top of my feet and legs are swollen). He said if I did, I’d feel really tired (which I kind of do but it’s mainly from boredom), and be urinating every 10 minutes (thankfully I haven’t).
I got the watch four days earlier than they said I would, and it was free shipping. It pays to live near a state with a distribution center.
When I got the watch, I felt this thing (the moment I put it on), was going to scream “HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE WARNING!!” “HIGH CHOLESTEROL WARNING!!” “ABNORMAL HEART RATE WARNING!!” at me. Caused a lot of anxiety. But once I had the battery fully charged, I thought of just trying it, and I saw my heart rate at a very surprising (but very normal) 85-94 BPM. Ho-lee-FUCK!! So I properly put it on (had a lot of difficulty as the band isn’t exactly of a typical wrist watch), but I figured it out. Went through a lot of ‘fun’ trying to figure out how to get the ECG Test working (which tests your heart rate for Afib). ..And holy fuck that was a tense 30 seconds trying to stay calm and keep my arm still so it can do the test.
But I’m happy to report I tested negative! My heart rhythm is normal! I shared my results to Jero, and he’s pretty sure I’m good. However he tells me what this watch doesn’t do;
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-Tests your Blood Pressure (the band doesn’t have servos that will tighten it around your wrist to do the test properly. Plus your upper arm is usually where you typically do that).
-Tests your Blood Sugar (you have to prick your finger for that).
-Tests your Cholesterol level (Again, gotta prick your finger).
-Tests your Body Temperature. (a shame, because I was so looking forward to being told by my watch “You have a low-grade fever– you might want to get tested for COVID”).
I tend to have occasional ‘hot flashes’ where it feels like I’m burning up. But I’ve had this for many years (even before COVID). So I really doubt it’s because of that.
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It does however, test your Blood Oxygen levels. And my blood oxygen is at 97% (which is in the normal range of 95%-100%).
Looking past the health benefits of this $350+ mini computer on my wrist, let’s talk about the other stuff it has.
This thing, has more max storage than my fucking phone (32GB compared to 16GB). That is crazy, and it’s half the price I paid for my refurbished 6s.
But what I don’t like is music apps (if you want to listen to music using your
watch instead of your phone), require you to have Bluetooth compatible headphones or earbuds. What was assumed to be a headphone jack, isn’t. Quite upsetting but not surprising, as this is Apple we’re talking about. Maybe one day I’ll get some Airpods, but right now I don’t really walk or go out that much to justify paying for them. Plus, all of those reports of Airpods falling out of people’s ears and being damaged. You really think that’s worth $200?
So I’m happy at least this watch is mainly used as a ‘companion app’ to your iPhone.
IE: most things you can do on your phone, show up on your watch. Infact you have to have an iPhone to make this thing work. Lucked out it works with any iPhone, like my 6s.
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So, anything been happening in VRChat lately? Yes. Three and a half things that are note worthy.
First thing: Mibit wanted to make me as an Awtter (not give me the model), which I happily accepted (remembering Jero saying that I’d look cute as one). And so this was the result of him using Paint.net to make the texture sheet (as he doesn’t know about
Gimp).
Before I explain this, I just gotta say: this feels like someone asking me “can I do artwork of your sona?” Like I’m that famous. If I am, that’s pretty awesome. Afterall, I’m (from what I’ve seen so far) the only derg that’s red with blue pokadots.
This feels like “can I do artwork of your sona?” Like I’m that famous. If I am, that’s pretty awesome. Afterall, I’m (from what I’ve seen so far) the only derg that’s red with blue pokadots. But I digress..
So to be fair to him, this is a good attempt of recreating my sona’s colors. But it.. well, it definitely needs some work and I think he knows this, because he asked me as I was typing this if he could work on it next week. I really appreciate this though.
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2nd thing: Been hanging out with Malice quite a lot, since Jero’s been working his tail off. A few weeks ago, I just happen to be in the right instance at the right time. The world was called ‘Midnight Rooftop’. Blender was even with me, and there was a lot of lewdness going on that I decided to go to the other mirror. Some of the other like-minded individuals joined me. There was this shy guy named ‘KepoWorld’ who was with us. He really warmed up to me and swore it was as if “we’ve knew eachother for a long time”. I honestly just went with it, enjoying the snuggles. But as time passed on, I’ve actually been getting feelings towards him.
And now, he’s no longer talking to me (or has been on VRChat since). Now if you’ve been with me for this long since I started blogging, I’m pretty sure you know why (hint: it was his fault for wanting to know the ‘real me’).
Yet what he said after, quite hurt. I know they say “words may never hurt me”, but even though he claimed “yes this is brutal, but you need to think”. Okay, I don’t need a physical manifestation of my common sense, thank you. Clearly you were never a friend to begin with, to use such ‘wake-up call’ words. He doesn’t understand why I.. well, don’t want to change who I am. Maybe if he knew me as long as Jero, he might understand.
And even BADDECODE understands me better than he does. But we’re all different and stuff.
Though I don’t think he stopped playing because of me. There likely were other reasons. Because that same day, he met Jero. And that night there were a lot of people with me. And when he left, he said he ‘felt crowded’. And the day before he told me he was going to do some artist work or something like that (he is an artist by the way), just he hasn’t been back since and I’m kind of worried about him.
(Edit down below)
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3rd thing: This one’s a bit more recent, and it went through lots of micro-edits in order to explain this without sounding like a fucking bratty child who has had one of their best friends ‘taken away’, so their BF can spend more time with them. :/
Talking about Malice and Jelly. Trying to chill with Malice as much as I can (I like him a lot more than Jelly, because he gets me). Jelly’s just… I dunno. Though he doesn’t know me IRL, I feel he’d be a problem if he knew.
He’s the ‘anti-Fluffy’. Horny yes, but very wise for his age. Yesterday, he was discussing real estate to Malice. And this wasn’t just some random conversation, he was trying to plan out their future. Really bugged me, making me wish I had this kind of discussion with who I love. But IMO, if you’re going to have a conversation like that… do it in DMs.
To be fair I didn’t have to come over and listen into what they were talking to. I could’ve gone to another world, hung out with other friends.
…But that’s where my ‘fucking bratty child’ side sadly kicks in, because I wanted to hang with Malice and his BF wanted to be with him. 😛 But you know, maybe Jelly was actually feeling ‘jellyous’ (intentional pun) with how I’ve been hanging with Malice all the time. That is possible, and maybe I’ve been accidentally ‘overstepping my boundary’ with
this.
That’s why spending less time with them is wise. Yet my ‘fucking bratty child’ side is
like “uhh, but Malice’s one of my good friends! Now I got NO ONE now! I don’t have a reason to be on VRChat anymore until Jero or Kepo comes on!”… *sighs*
I claim I care about my friends, but when they change their lives for the better.. I have a fucking temper tantrum?! When am I ever going to grow out of this childish BS?! Yet this is also a dual-edged sword where it can be normal. However.. for my age? I dunno about that. If I was in my 20s again (while this was going on), sure. That’s
understandable.
And that’s why I’m a 10-year-old trapped in a 45-year-old’s body. It’s hilarious how people like Jero don’t believe this. Pretty sure Kepo does now. Why he hasn’t even said “hi” to me in Discord since that night.
And you know what’s even more ‘funny’? I’m going to be living, on my OWN when my mother passes away! I’m totally so not fucked!! 😑
/depression
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4th thing: This is something I forgot to mention. Happened a month ago, which is a bit of a rather touchy subject (about Drag Queenie). Queenie is… an odd fellow to say the least. His status cries out for help, but he doesn’t want anyone to help him. And it seems to really have him talk to you, you need to be in his inner friend circle (which I am not). His inner friend circle is clearly Lostwolf’s ‘Pan Gang’, going by all the artwork of his avatar in the server’s world.
Though thanks to Blender, I’m in Queenie’s ‘semi’-inner friend circle. Anyway, digressing aside, this very thing of his status crying out for help happened again when I was bored and wanted to hang with one of my trusted friends. Saw Queenie alone, looking quite depressed. I tried to be there for him. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him.
Look Queenie, I’m the same here in not really wanting anyone to feel sorry for me. …But I don’t keep setting my status when I’m depressed. How, can he possibly not know doing that causes ‘unwanted’ attention? Either that, or his inner friend circle isn’t really the caring type (so he doesn’t have to deal with that).
So one day I noticed his status as ‘low self-esteem’. And I’m like “bitch please, I’ll show you what it means to have no self-esteem” and joined. What I saw was the exact opposite of someone who has ‘low self-esteem’; talking to friends with no problems. I positioned myself where he could possibly see me, hoping he’d come up to at least say “hi”. ..He never did. And you know what’s really funny? Orwin joined, and he actually came up to say hi to me.
Really. So, someone who’s two years older than me (who I also don’t usually talk to that often), actually came up and said “hi” to me. ..But you can’t, Queenie? So much for
your ‘low self-esteem’. More like ‘low want to tell the truth’. Spend a day with me and I’ll show you true low self-esteem, pal. Well, this is how I felt back then, and it got to a point where I wanted to talk to Lostwolf about this.. but stopped myself every. time. Because I kept reminding myself of how Queenie is, that he goes through these ‘moods’ and I really doubted Lost would’ve told me any different than what Queenie already told me.
Ended up finally unfriending him, because I’m really getting tired of this. However I had recently messaged him and he understands this is a problem, and will try to fix it.
So that’s all I have for you. And the reason I even decided to post is I’ve completed
the Myst series and I’m “bored now”.
EDIT (2nd thing): Last night, after severe weather moved through here (lucked out again. Nearly lost our power but no damage), I came on VRChat (in Desktop) to watch some videos. They do not (yet) have the ‘Sonic The Hedgehog 2’ movie there, but I assume in a few weeks (or a month) from now they will. Anyway, I watched what I did and Malice wanted an invite which I accepted, but it still surprised me after what happened the night before.
He said he was “sorry for taking so long”. …What? You were, waiting for me to get on?? Though this never really clicked in my head, I said “you’re fine, Malice”. However, he wasn’t fine (physically). He was sick and on the verge of throwing up, from drinking something he assumed was water.. it was actually spoiled milk. Though how he didn’t know it was spoiled by the smell and the immediate taste, is beyond me. I actually had doubts if it was actually that, given the history I know of him being high. Then again, we’re all different and his taste buds may not be as active as mine (why he didn’t really notice until it hit his stomach). But.. I’ll come back to this later on (to where my doubts were likely justified and he may’ve been lying).
He didn’t want to throw up, over the reason it comes through his nose and “burns for three hours”. He was very specific about those three hours. And he kept saying he didn’t want this. Jelly joined and tried to comfort him. Then there was a time where it accidentally got a bit messy when Jelly suggested Malice take off his headset. I was agreeing to this but also accidentally twisting my words making it like his headset is the reason he has food poisoning… once again I’m not good at dealing with ongoing moments where your friend’s having a major issue with themself and the right words matter (IE: That suicide thing last year). Finally though, I fixed what I was trying to say.
Some time later, Kepo randomly joins. And when I told him I hadn’t seen him for a
week, he seemed surprised by it. Then he cracks a joke over this whole spoiled milk thing and Jelly takes offense to this. I tried to defuse the situation by trying to side with Jelly here. No offense Kepo, but it’s not really a good idea to crack a joke about something this serious.
Now Kepo’s mad and leaves, which upsets Malice. Jelly tries to calm Malice down, saying to “not worry about Kepo right now”. The reason why I quoted what he told Malice will make sense later. But there was another.. problem: Jelly and Malice are apparently in another call (outside of Jelly’s server). I wanted to help Malice out but I felt left out
here, and finally spoke my mind about this. Malice understood I wanted to help and sent me an invite to a Discord server his friend runs (yet he’s the owner..??), unfortunately after I got the invite, a very pissed off Kepo started messaging me.
I tried to defuse the situation but I was having ZERO luck, but thought about it. I want to side with him but doing so might make me an enemy of Jelly (yet I doubt he’d even care with his attitude).
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Then Kepo said “let’s be real: Malice would had known what spoiled milk smells like”. And he’s right. But again, not everyone’s tastebuds are the same. I don’t believe Malice would lie to me.. until what he did 10 minutes after he threw up. He goes to a light sensitive world that simulates what it’s like being high on ‘acid’. I kept telling Malice in the
call, “are you sure this is wise after what you just went through?” And he never really listened to me. It really made me have doubts.
But with the next day, Malice (in his Discord profile) shows he’s “very sick, trying to visibly be normal.”… why? I..I don’t know what to think here. Malice has a job. He doesn’t have a car but he likes talking about classic cars, and is mature to know how much weed is too much.
Yet he acts like a kid from this…? It’s like another Queenie. But I did talk to him and I’m convinced he was telling the truth. Plus, I think I was wrong about Jelly. It seems to
be Kepo that has an attitude problem, and what Jelly said to defend Malice was justified.