So much for that / ‘Stakeout’ gone *click* / “I don’t want to hurt you, Blender.” / Orion slightly annoyed at me / Beat Saber done right in VRChat

I am single once again. But I hope Jero’s words stick with me of the next time I have the urge for someone else to be my BF (or GF).
And this time I don’t feel like I “have no purpose to be on VRChat anymore”. Friendship, is that purpose. And it should always be that purpose. Jero has proven that to me. I have all the love and caring I want, from friendship. I’ve been ‘lonely’ for all the wrong reasons.
I believe, this is an eye opener.
So nothing’s going to change with me. Infact I’m going to try to see my other friends more often, like Blender does.
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So much for that
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Came on immediately to be with Jero (aka my son. Lordy be it’s going to take awhile to get used to this. lol). ..And he’s on orange status (again). Dag nabit!! Sent a few invites. Nothing.
Then I sent him a message in an invite. And a few seconds after sending that message, he hops off. Thinking he just crashed, I waited, and waited… and waited. 20 minutes
in, he’s still offline. Something’s going on. DM him in Discord. He’s not responding to DMs yet it shows he’s online. 23 minutes later (though it felt like an hour), he says “hi dad everything’s ok” and saying his headset was giving him a headache.
He also says about needing to get a “vice cover”, “those face sponges are cursed. It’s given me so many spots, even after I sanitized it”.
‘So many spots’? Sounds like he has an allergic reaction to that face pad. Fuckin’ hell. Yeah he needs to get a new face cover ASAP. If he wants I’ll even send him the money to do
it, but I have a feeling he’ll say “no dad I’m good. I got this”.
–
So, what now? Blender had come on 10 seconds after Jero went off. Sent him a single message with a sentence, and was able to join a few seconds later.
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‘Stakeout’ gone *click*
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Joined Summer Solitude. They really did a lot of work to this world the last time I saw it. New rooms and redoing old rooms.
Anyway, I was feeling annoyed of having to ask for an invite. Spoke no word and looked around, not seeing Blender anywhere. Finally finding him in the lower floor, hanging with friends while watching a video. Instead of going up to him and saying hi, I pulled out my camera and set the lens to World (in order to anchor where I place it). Put it halfway in a wall and walked away. I was able to see a lot, but nothing lewd (thankfully). I also
noticed Blender was in desktop. So he didn’t bring his VR setup to his grandmother’s house.
After awhile I had put the camera down but never let go of it… little did I know I was accidentally taking pictures. Wasn’t until a few seconds later when I looked at the camera again and I saw…. they moved. OSHI– I’ve been compromised! ABORT!! ABORT!!
Looking back at my screenshot library, I did this three times (which I have deleted
since). FUCK.
Why did I do it? I dunno. I was not in the right mind. I also couldn’t explain myself
to Blender when he found me.
Could this possibly get me in trouble with the VRChat admins (through his friends reporting me)?… I hope not. Maybe I’ll be let off on a warning not to do it again. But if I get nothing from them, I’m warning myself as that was wrong to do. :/
It definitely will not happen again. Honestly, what I did shouldn’t even be allowed. They should had set a limit for the camera to not work, to prevent that from happening. Because what I did was a lot more ‘tame’ compared to what some sick fuck could be doing. Oh god. ..Oh dear god, reminds me of that TJ said. What if the creator is– okay, I don’t want to think that. Fuck that’s sick.
Let’s move on please! I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
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“I don’t want to hurt you, Blender.”
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Okay, well. At least one thing that did happen ‘slightly in my favor’ was being able to talk to Blender alone. I was still very ashamed of myself of the.. way I had to get his attention. But rest assured, it won’t happen again. Though I also didn’t know how to start this conversation. The thought of “remember he has lots of friends” kept going through my mind. God damnit, me. …*sighs* Why am I like this…?!
Okay, okay. Relax. You got this. Remember what Jero told you and use it for Blender. You’re hurting him with this. That’s a no-no. And he’s hurting you by ‘somewhat forgetting’ you exist. This has to end on a peaceful note.
–
So I started with the conversation about how “things haven’t really changed since the last time we dated”. He questioned me, and I said “for example, when I had my naughty ready and came on, and wanted you to be the first one to try it out, you said ‘Oh, I’m at my grandmother’s house’.. like I was just supposed to know this.
His response was his usual “sorry, E…” I said “see what’s going on? You’re hurting me and I’m hurting you. I can’t do that to you.” Halfway in the conversation, Orion decides to join us. “Ohh no… it’s Orion. This conversation’s going to have to wait”.
A few seconds later, he shows up and says “am I interrupting something? I can go if you want.” “Huh? No no, you’re fine Orion. Everything’s good here” I said to protect my ass.
“Well it’s just I heard “oh no, it’s Orion””… how in the fuck did you hear me all the way from spawn!? I wanted to ask that but obviously kept it to myself. Either I wasn’t as quiet as I thought I was, or the volume falloff is a lot further than normal. But I kept insisting him that everything’s alright.
“Well I just came to check up on you, Benie” he said. Really. That’s a surprise. Usually you’re only here for Blender. Not this time though. He was actually worried about me. I’m quite surprised he actually cares.. or so I thought.
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Orion slightly annoyed at me for enjoying being a soloer
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His actual purpose of being here was in an attempt to draft me and Blender to join him and Shaw into playing Sea of Thieves this weekend. …Ohh no. He doesn’t know I stopped playing because of what the devs said to me. Now Mibit also joined us, and his way of trying to counter my desire for a challenge when it comes to soloing a Tall Tale was
to “play Maple Story”. This was starting to annoy Orion of Mibit trying to change the topic to this game he likes.
I eventually explained the entire situation of why I stopped playing Sea of Thieves. Though Mibit actually supported my decision.. Orion did not. He kept saying that I should’ve asked himself and Shaw and “we’ll be glad to help you”. I said “look I appreciate the offer but..” ..he wanted none of this silly soloing BS coming out of my mouth, trying to convince me the game is more than achieving your goal, it’s about the journey. Well fuck the journey when there’s going to be assholes who don’t take kindly to people just trying to enjoy the damn game on their own time (and their own way). 😒
Though he also told me that some of those Tall Tales are time based, that require a crew to complete. “The wiki never mentioned anything about a ‘time limit’ of that tall tale. The only time limit was my patience waiting for a response of their support team to see if it was on my end or not (and if it was worth trying again)” I said. But he wasn’t willing to let it go. He actually started to get annoyed at me for refusing help (of myself saying “I don’t like depending on others”).
Knowing he wasn’t going to convince me in the slightest, I believe he faked saying someone’s inviting him and left (or he actually did have someone invite him. I dunno). He’s so full of community-ness, he will refuse to understand me. It’s like all true SoT players are the same as him.
Well I’m not them… for WoW convinced me I can never depend on others. For the way I depend, I want too much. Aka I’m the one that says “FUCK waiting for support, I’m going in alone!!” ..He doesn’t understand why I’m 70% introvert, which also means I don’t get along well with other people. I was this close from saying that to him but stopped
myself.
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Mibit left sometime afterwards. Couldn’t quite understand his reasoning as his mic was cutting up. So I went back to the original plan of why I came here to see Blender. And what he told me, proved to me he wasn’t happy with this relationship. It was all from when I asked to get back together, and he never told me he was busy and couldn’t hold down a relationship the way I wanted it.
“I just feel, we’re better off being friends. That way, we won’t hurt eachother” I said. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m sure you don’t want to hurt me.” His response was “wow I wish I thought of that. Why didn’t I think of that?” I smiled and said “I wish I knew this too, years ago.” Started explaining all of my previous relationships, that I wish I had that knowledge Jero told me, years ago. I could’ve stopped that ’empty hole in my heart that yearns to be filled’ by just thinking of how they feel about the relationship. It would’ve saved me a lot of heartache, by talking it out like this… especially for someone like Wuffer back in the day.
I just wonder, who gave him this advice? Or did it come to him naturally? …But that shouldn’t be important for me to know. What should, is the lesson.
Thank you, Jero.
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Seeing old friends again / Beat Saber done right in VRChat
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Blender went to go see other friends, and so did I. I could’ve left and said I “have no purpose being on anymore”.. how wrong I was back then. Being with friends, IS a purpose. Infact I had contemplated on trying to get to know Orwin more; to stop being so terrified of him. If Blender can get over his fear of meeting new people, surely I could as well.
I started with visiting my 45th birthday torturer; Inari. I also bumped into another friend who survived my friend purge; Rydenwolf. They were watching old cartoons from the 50’s that were colorized.
I was just glad to be there with them. Later, I joined Toucan.
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He was in a Beat Saber world, and this one has a fail state. It’s not like the tech demos of the past. Though I never took a turn playing. I just watched. Better off then them watching me fail epicly.
When Toucan went to bed, I did my own instance of the world to check it out better. Picked a few songs from Undertale and Deltarune. Sucked hard (got a ‘D’ ranking), but I still had fun. From this I noticed a few things;
-It’s hard to pick a song.
-I like how it shows the difficulty levels of the song in the list.
-You can set the options on the right to lock the sabers in your hand during play. So no more accidentally losing your grip makes the saber leave your hand.
-You can also lock your feet to the floor.
This has potential of being the next best thing of actually playing Beat Saber. Definitely wore me out, but I needed it. Gotta burn that fat.
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With me worn out, I wanted to get off to work on this blog post. But I ended up almost falling asleep a quarter into writing it, and went to bed early.
I’ll likely be on tomorrow evening. This time try to know Orwin better (and base my decision to keep or add him to the friend culling). I’m hoping I can pressure myself to keep him, as he is one of BADDECODE’s good friends.