…Creepery isn’t dead?!
So, this one is pretty huge. The day before yesterday, I finally played VRChat since 2020 rolled in. So that would be the first time I put on my headset this year. But this means nothing when I noticed something in the three friend groups I have set up (with one now cleaned out)… Creepery’s avatar, changed!! HE’S STILL ALIVE!! 😀
Is this a sign that he’s coming back to VRChat?! Even yesterday, I saw the avatar
change again. This is very promising. I hope one of these times, I can get on and see them on (just to either confirm or deny it’s actually him). Because if it is… we have so much to catch up on.
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When your own words for Fluffy, affect yourself
Yet another one of those sub-topics that I really don’t want to talk about (but I have to). But I can say, that this is the last post you’ll see of the love drama category. This blog is part of the reason why I wanted to be done with love. But like drama, love wants to pull me into its web of pain and sadness.
I’ve been talking to a friend I met a few weeks ago, named “drowsee”; typically a white Best Boi with antlers (that is a mute). Don’t even know their age or gender, but they feel I’m really cute and likes cuddling me. I want to get to know them more (of course), yet I want to distance myself from them at the same time (knowing either they’re going to be underaged, or in their 20’s).
It’s usually the case for VRChat. Extremely rare to find someone closer to my
age (especially one that will tolerate how I have to limit the relationship to online only).
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Yet at the same time, I’m forgetting there is also a thing called “friends-with-benefits”. So even if I find out they’re of legal age and interested in me more than a friend, a relation-ship likely won’t work afterall (unless they also don’t have a life, but that’s somewhat rare).
To describe the rest that I’m feeling, I keep avoiding having to hug and snuggle people. I’ve been also trying to stay out of VRChat as long as I can, claiming I’m “bored” to my
friends (to the point I feel like uninstalling it to prevent myself from joining).
It really feels dumb to me, but I’m “scared” of my feelings wanting another relationship and dealing with more love drama.
Feel I can never say the word “love” ever again. In other words, I guess I’m trying
to ‘reverse-engineer’ Cola’s shell to use it for myself (to feel nothing towards love that leads to a relationship).
I want to delibertly not feel love in this form, for the rest of my life (just like Cola did before I broke him out of his shell). This is not because of what happened with Blue, or with Fluffy.. but with myself and myself only. I doubt asking Cola himself would do much good for me, as he’ll probably ask me “why would you want to do that?”
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But I feel what I wanna do is impossible (to force myself not to show love more than friendship). The only true way, is to avoid it altogether. Though avoiding VRChat only causes friends to miss me. No, I have to use self-control– be willing to say “I’m sorry, but I can’t”. It’ll hurt yes, but that’s what self-discipline is.