Three things to talk about.
One has been explained by Kovo (yet a lot of it feels broken and Kovo has a very hard time explaining it to my simple mind), what happened last night with me and Cola (and how he surprised me in such a good way. Yet I also feel something could happen), and
finally.. something else going on IRL (but has nothing to do with my AC ‘blowing
up’ or ‘not being given a break’).
—–
Scooby and Jero
This is a continuation after finding out from Kovo that Jero is looking for potential relationships. What a load of BS.. leaves me, then has crushes on Kovo and Scooby (and God knows who else). I even said I would give him all the space he wants to think about
it.
But you know what’s even better? ..Finding out him and Scooby are now a fucking couple! Oh how funny it is when you told me “I cannot handle a relationship!” Lying sack of SHIT!!! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!! You only USED me! On top of that, he has unfriended me. ..Just going to say this: if Jero really cared, he would had come up to me and talked by now. But he’s too fucking scared to face me, because he knows I’m pissed off over this (and it isn’t going to die down until I see him as depressed and frustrated as I am, so he’ll feel what I’m going through).
However, that’s not the whole story; the two had an argument over something. Kovo was showing me that Scooby was worried about Jero. Something that had to do with Frost
and.. sounds like a real mess. And it really was, of trying to understand Kovo’s language as he tried to explain what happened. I seriously need to get a translator that has a ‘Kovospeak to English’ setting, as I still don’t know the full story.
All I know, is we were going to watch some videos in Bedroom Theature.. and Jero shows up, no longer friends with me.
…Let’s just move on, as there’s kind of a bigger issue if I don’t do something about it soon.
Maybe one of these days, I’ll talk to Jero and tell him how I feel. But not right now.
—–
..DAMN, Cola!
This was going to be a very interesting (and rather steamy) section. But now it’s turned into something not as fun (but I’m forced to deal with). Thanks, Kovo. But, I also kind of do actually thank him (without the sarcasm). But lets first get with the first part (and why it almost ended in major disaster).
Was the afternoon, was with Red Fox, trying to get him into a quieter instance. But he kept going AFK. Finally he was active enough that I went to my private world. But when I was about to invite him, I saw him offline (yet still playing according to Discord).
Was quite puzzled why VRChat was ‘cock blocking’ me, then Cola sent an invite to join me. Stopped communication with Red Fox, with him still trying to figure out why he wasn’t showing up online. Feel bad for doing so, but VRChat didn’t want it to work
out. Did apologize for not responding sooner (much later on).
We went to the movie world and tried to watch John Wick 2. Watched the first ten minutes of it before I told him I had to go eat dinner and would be back in an hour. When I came back, he wasn’t on. Told him I was back, no response. But he responded later saying he had a hard crash that did a number on his computer. Big OOF there. That sucks! Said he would be back on in a half an hour, and we “could have some fun”. Oh lord, I’m looking forward to that.
Joined off of another friend, just to say hi. That friend goes to meet someone else, and I don’t know where to go. Cola joins me, trying to get me to do something (don’t know what). Getting the idea to drop a portal, yet he won’t tell me where. I assume he wants to just go anywhere, so I decide to do a private instance of the movie world.
On the other side, Cola comes up to me and asks “of all the worlds, you picked this?” I said in my defense “I didn’t know what world you wanted to go to, so I picked the last one you went to”.
We went back to my home world after that. But discovering laying down on the bed didn’t really give the right results, we went to Bedroom Theature where Cola did his thing and I did mine. And one time he actually blew my mind, showing the power of full body by using his feet. I did my own surprise (giving him a Grade A blowjob).
Wow, that was fun. That definitely made up for the three days I haven’t (virtually) gotten any. I feel very much contented. Like he made sure I wasn’t going to want any for awhile. 🙂
–
However, this might be the last time we do it, for Kovo feels something bad is
coming, especially when I said that I wonder (and this is a very crazed assumption) that Cola might be wishing he didn’t have Luna as his boyfriend.
Kovo tells me that someone told him, there’s another kind of Open relationship, and Cola might be in it. He sent me a long DM with Kovo joking by saying “DAMN, I want that ass!” And Cola said to him “but if you want a piece of this booty I can ask him to give you permission to touch it”.
“Ask him to give you permission”? What? Kovo explained further saying this alternative open relationship, whoever has virtual sex with one, gives the other permission to do it with that person.. aka, me. And if he’s a top (which is likely), well.. I might as well get the lube.
Soon you can be fuck in your ass
By the other guy
-Kovo, figuratively and literally
Said my only way to save myself, is to talk to Luna and Cola in the same room and see if what Kovo says is true (without mentioning his name, of course). I cannot ask Cola directly, as Kovo feels he won’t tell me the truth. So I have to get ahold of
LunaTheWolfie.
Unfortunately when I asked Cola for his Discord name, it has emojis and Discord cannot search like this. So either Cola is going to have to let his BF know I’m looking for him (and I get a DM from them), or I catch Luna ingame and tell him to add me.
I’ll probably have another post just for this, once I can talk to both of them either in a Discord group call or ingame. Kovo’s just worried about me, but wants to stay out of
this (for personal reasons). He’s already dealing with Jero and Scooby, he doesn’t want this to deal with too.
Unfortunately, LunaTheWolfie’s Discord name has emojis, and Discord cannot search like this. So either Cola is going to have to let his BF know I’m looking for him (and I get a DM from them), or I catch Luna ingame and tell him to add me.
—–
Mother’s Jury Duty
Final topic of the day (I’m already going past the time I usually get online): more IRL shenanigans of dealing with my parents. This time, mother is being summoned to jury duty by the local courthouse. The only reason why I’m posting this is… she said they “want me” to also do jury duty. But with my mental disability, I have an excuse why I cannot do it.
She tried talking herself out of it, saying she can’t drive or know anyone that could, but they no longer buy it. No more will they allow her to escape jury duty. So she goes
July 18th (a week from now), and I have to take care of the cats (feeding them, letting them out.. even cleaning up the litter box).
So.. the 10th at night is going to be rough. Better hope nothing exciting happens during that night, because I have to go to bed at midnight.
——
*DOUBLE STORY* Big Aftershock is Watching You / Foley’s folly?
Wow wee wow. Forced late news that was supposed to be for tomorrow’s post (so I could finally play some VRChat), but drama waits for no-one. I feel like Kovo right now, dealing with everyone’s drama (so he won’t).
So let’s get to Story #1, as it’s a doozy.
—
Story #1: Big Aftershock is Watching You
Talking to Joker about why he keeps bugging me about how I’m doing (and working on this blog post), Insanely asks a question that I never expected him to ask… having a crush on me and asking to be his boyfriend. Uhh. Well this just came out of the blue! Told him how it could not possibly work out between us (due to the 25-year age gap). But he persisted, and I decided “fine, fine. But this has to stay in private.” And he was extremely happy with the news.. for a half an hour.
Leaving my computer to eat dinner (and taking my phone with me), he suddenly says that he’s sorry but has to not date me anymore (due to having a crush on someone else). Okay whatever. He acts like he just broke my heart, yet I’m fine. ..Little did I know, someone was snooping through our DMs at this time, for I started receiving DMs from Aftershock.
The fuck? I send what he sent me to Insanely, and Aftershock responds as if he’s seeing them.
At first I feel Insanely is sending our DMs to him, but he says he “knows”. It still didn’t hit me that he’s in a screen share, until later on. And I am getting pissed. Aftershock is saying I’m cheating. INSANELY!! FFS!! I TRUSTED YOU!!! Yet Insanely claims he’s trying to “help” me. Breaching the point of a private message and going behind my back, is HELPING?!?! Seriously?!
Go back to Aftershock, defending myself that I don’t love Insanely any more than a
father (and now I’m not even sure of that…). He finally sees and apologizes to
me. Ohh, you’re going to have to a FUCK more than that, pal. I don’t know what the US law says about looking through someones DMs in Discord, but there’s GOT to be something I could SUE your ass over!!! He greatly apologizes for doing so and swears it’ll never happen again, and I decided to calm down somewhat. I tell him “you listen. If I want help, I would ask.” More apologizing, saying he’s now mad at Insanely for cheating on this guy with me.
Told Aftershock how there’s better ways of dealing with this than looking through someone’s private messages without consent, and he agrees. I wonder just how much he read of our conversations. I swear he’s damn lucky I can’t sue his ass for damages.
Done with Aftershock, forgiving him, and deal with Insanely who’s also extremely sorry and hoping he’ll forgive me. What Insanely did, stinged the most.. even though his intentions are pure of only wanting to help me, this isn’t the way to do it.
Though who started this is the question, and I have a suspicion he told Aftershock, and he wanted to see the DMs to make sure Insanely wasn’t getting into trouble (which he
was).
It took me awhile until I got over the whole intrusion thing. Still kind of blown away Insanity actually had those strong feelings for me, but it just goes to show of just having fun and staying friends, the other would eventually propose their love to you (when they feel ready.. instead of myself). Thing is, I never, ever expected him to have such
feelings. We were just going to stay as Father-Son forever, never any further (as that would be weird).
And that’s possibly how I failed with Jero (and why I have no business being in a relationship)… oof. Having serious regrets now.
—
Story #2: Foley’s folly?
I feel emotionally drained, and one time I even felt myself slipping away from reality… all from a manipulative 16-year-old kid. I will continue this post tomorrow, after I get a good night’s sleep. This has been a LONG day…
–
Now that I’m up, let’s get this one started. It began last Monday (July 8th) of taking to RedJoker (yet again), except he asks me how old Foley is. Strange question, but I can only guesstimate he’s definitely above 18 years old. Then he tells me that someone younger than him lewded with him.
..Who told you this, Joker? This is a pretty serious accusation here. He didn’t want to tell me who, until later; Chris. Wait WHAT?! It reminded me of the message that Chris sent me that same day, saying he was ERPing with friends. Joker also sent proof, showing Chris is 16. OOF. I don’t think Chris knows just how serious this is.. or cares. But Joker wanted me to talk to Foley about this, incase Foley may had not known Chris was 16.
But I had more important things to deal with, and this wasn’t brought up until.. well, now when Joker asked if I’ve spoken to Foley yet. Told him that I actually forgotten about it. To me, what Chris said is he’ll never do this again. But Joker felt this should had never happened in the first place. I was all “yes yes, I know” (trying to get him to just drop this). Yet in the back of my mind as I was writing on this very blog post, I felt I’m not being a ‘true friend’ and said to myself “…FINE, I’ll talk to Foley! Just get off my back about
it, Joker!”
Told him, and Foley freaked the fuck out, getting extremely pissed of the accusation. I went back to Joker, saying “Joker…? I got a VERY pissed off Foley on the other line here! Are you absolutely CERTAIN of what you said?! Because he’s saying he didn’t do it!!” But Joker was having connection issues, which was only making Foley even more frustrated.
I went back to Foley, trying very carefully to calm him down (saying I swear I would get to the bottom of this and clear your name). He thanked me, saying I’m a good friend.
Later on, Joker finally recovered from his connection issues and sent the picture proof again. Showed it to Foley, who shifted the blame from Joker to Chris (feeling he is only trying to start shit).
We continued the conversation in a call, as his hands were shaking too much over this news; over all the good he has brought to VRChat.. only for this news to possibly slander his name. I could understand completely of what he’s going through. Finally got ahold of Chris who confirmed he talked to Joker last Monday (yet it wasn’t about the virtual sex thing). Infact he said “I didn’t have sex dammit! I lewded! That’s not sex!” So you’re lying too, I see.. since Foley would NEVER do this!! Told Joker that Chris possibly lied to
him. Yet instead of saying he’s a liar, I kept hammering him over how he’s a minor and what he did is wrong.
This got to a point where he blocked me, saying I was hurting him. And at the time I
felt I had scored a victory for Foley and blocked Chris too, telling Joker to please remind him of how important the law is. Yet he went a different path– the path I should had
went, going after him for lying.
Told Foley my ‘victory’, he said not to poke at him about it. Suddenly reality came rushing in (but not the way it should had).. feeling I just fucked up. So I just caused someone to commit suicide (or is going to ruin my reputation). FUCK!!!! I started blaming Joker for this, saying if he never asked me to do this (and did it himself), I wouldn’t be in deep shit!
…Then Kovo gets involved. Okay, someone have a gun? I’m ready, because I don’t want to face him. Kept putting the blame on Joker for this, feeling like I was turning
into.. Chris; that I lost the ability to care after what I just went through. Foley goes to Kovo about it, and also personally deals with the situation with Chris, telling me this topic is now over.
I wanted to curl up into a ball and die, knowing Foley just ‘cleaned up my mess’. Went hysterical infront of Joker. Joker was trying to contact everyone he can, trying to bring me back to reality. Eventually went to Kovo who seemed to calm down and just wanted to talk to me. I told him the entire story (up to where I fucked up, still thinking Chris is going to ruin my reputation, and not of the fact he lied to Joker to make Foley look bad). Next time Joker… just get Kovo to deal with it! I was dealing with so. much. shit yesterday (with Aftershock and this thing with Cola and his BF).
And Kovo handled it, but I was still mentally unstable. I. wanted. REVENGE for what I just went through. I actually sawed off one of my (virtual) legs and handed it to
him, telling him to kick Chris out with that leg (so I could feel justice). Kovo really wanted to (for me), but he only gave Chris and his friend Silver a warning for causing drama in his Discord.
Meanwhile, I went back to Joker, talking to him a bit. Suddenly.. something snapped in my mind and reality came back, making me ‘me’ again. That something was feeling that I just got manipulated by a 16-year-old kid that can’t do shit to me.. never the fact I yelled at Chris for the wrong fucking reason.
–
As I write the rest of this post, I still don’t understand why I didn’t follow through with the whole “Chris lied to joker” thing, instead of go BACK to the lie, trying to make him look bad?! WHY, past me.. WHY?! WHY.. did I say “Chris lied to you”, yet suddenly believe the lie?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?
I kind of want to put that blame on Chris, for not understanding (and/or caring) how serious of an accusation he told Joker. He acted like it’s “no big deal”, that there’s minors everywhere that do it. Yes, and there’s laws that are supposed to protecting kids like you from sexual predators. That’s where my mindset ‘locked’ to the lie, instead of trying to get him to admit he lied (like Joker was doing).
If Chris had admitted to the lie, I’m pretty sure my mindset would had switched back to what it should had been in the first place. But no, he claimed lewding =/= virtual sex.
Kovo gave pictures that Foley also showed, further proving Chris lied. There wasn’t even any ‘lewding’ seen in the pictures. Plus with what Foley said, that he hasn’t seen Chris in months, further proves he lied.
…I want to talk to Chris, and apologize to him for the hurtful things I said. My mind was in fucking limbo at the time, not knowing which side to believe.
EDIT: So much for apologies. Chris is trying to convince Kovo I’m the bad guy, saying he never lied. Okay, I no longer feel bad anymore! 😀 Lying sack of shit that needs to be beaten by his parents on how to act on the internet.
.
I feel great. Compared to what I went through yesterday, I feel great! 😀 Maybe I’m losing my mind again, but maybe not.. for I’m seeing the power of true friendship.
Thank you, Kovo. I can finally get on VRChat now, without feeling someone’s going to stab me in the back and say “Chris sends his regards”.