Yesterday (as some of you might know from my original post), was a very
questionable day. But at the end, I’m faced with a truth that I can handle; the truth of a relationship that would finally end all of these ‘conflicting thoughts’ I’ve been having. Someone that fully understands me, and tells it to me that feels like it’s trying to pierce through my stubbornness (and might just succeed).
..Wait, does Wuffer want a second chance?
So, if you saw the original post I wrote (which has been completely rewritten), something happened with Wuffer that made me quite uncomfortable. Re-friended him on
Discord, and never expected he would suddenly go to showing his lusty side. Feeling the only way to get my answers of why he’s doing this (and if it means he wants to get back into a relationship with me), I had to play along (twice). And when it was done, he stops talking to me.
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After the second time, came with another surprise. He tells me a friend who ‘wants to play with me’ on Discord. The fuck…? Who are you and what have you done with Wuffer?! This is not the Wuffer who told me that he wanted to “take it slow”. But his response
was “lol it’s still me, I’m just horny AF” Okay, so I know what’s going on now. You don’t love me, you only love my rear. Is that it?
…Or, is he doing some clever reverse physiology of ‘payback’, for going lewd on
him (the reason why he said this was rushed)? That is possible (even though I did tell
him, back then, I would stop and we’ll go back to cuddling).. :/
No response after that. So, I let him go to do what he wants and eventually went into VRChat, thinking he would come on and apologize for what he tried to do. That wasn’t the case. But, Creepery was on. Yay! We went back in time, reminiscing of the Best Boi community. He told me that he wanted to be the new Captain of the BB Discord. Said that Bonnie thought it was a great idea, but felt he would rather see the community die off.
*sighs* Memories. Anyway, Wufy’s boyfriend (‘LoneWolf_Moon’) joined us and stayed with me, feeling that I needed a friend.. like he sensed something was wrong with me.
Told him about the ‘confusing’ day, and he wanted to talk about it more in private.
The real talk about relationships (and then some)
I told him what I could (could had told him everything, but.. I feel certain things are best not said (aka the lewd parts when Wuffer and I were dating). He said there should had been more communication between us (aka when he didn’t want to tell me that this was going too fast, and I didn’t want to tell him that I’m actually straight). And that’s not all he said that made me realize just how desperate I really was for love (aka, I was more desperate that I thought). He said “Wuffer is showing his lusty side, this is never good. Lust is a very hard thing to control. It can easily kill off a relationship“.
…Aka, what ended ours, when Wuffer himself said “I’m not sexually active” when I first met him.
He said Wufy is the same way, and said to not be ashamed of what I did. But said “you know what not to do next time”. Literally what I said, he’s using what I felt was right against me. Aka, giving me a taste of my own medicine. Nice job, that’s all I can say about that.
Then LoneWolf goes to talking about Wufy. And the stories he told.. holy fuck, I could see a lot of myself in Wufy. He says even though they’ve been dating for awhile, Wufy feels alone and unappreciated. Now, this clearly wasn’t the feeling I had with Wuffer, but Wufy… feels… nothing matters in his life. And one time, he stopped talking to LoneWolf for three days, blocking all of his calls, DMs, everything. And Lone told me that despite all of that, he still loves him. And at that point, I swear I was talking to Wuffer (about
myself).
Because I remember when we had broke up, him saying “I don’t care if your legs are broken, nothing will keep me from you”. Lone feels the same. exact. thing for Wufy.
As to Wufy not feeling he accomplished anything in his life, Lone said something that felt like it managed to piece through the outer layers of my stubbornness. I could feel it trying to work its way through. He said “why do you keep going for the answers of your past? Don’t you want a different outcome?” His words were bouncing off of my fear of
driving, knowing what my father is going through (and why my mother is worried sick that one day, he won’t be around anymore).
Lone said he knows the feeling of being too nervous to try, and how Wufy feels the same. But he said, that I have to get out of my comfort zone, and life isn’t supposed to be easy. Hoo boy, he doesn’t know about my life. But, if he’s curious, I will tell him. I’m not going to tell him everything, though.
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As for a relationship, he says the same thing about ‘getting out of my comfort zone’, to look for other groups besides Kovo’s. He claims there has to be someone doing the same thing I’m doing out there in VRChat (and has similar traits), but I just need to look hard. He
said “don’t let someone else look, you have to do the looking. Get out there and talk to people. I did, and I met Wufy. And what’s crazy is how alike we are!”, saying he’s still blown away over it. Which proves, once again.. Wuffer and I just aren’t compatible. But am I shocked with this news? No. It was all desperation.
Finally before I move back to dealing with Wuffer for the 3rd (and final) time, he told me about a girlfriend he had that he said it was his fault how the relationship ended. And the reason wasn’t lust, but not being there for her. Mentioned he had a job and stuff like
that, and I tried to tell him “dude, that’s not your fault! That’s not something you can control.” But he said “I had ample opportunity to be with her, but I just.. didn’t. And it came no surprise when she cheated on me.”
Said he started drinking after that, and how he had a job as a government official in a court setting, he lost his job, his car, everything. And I asked “how did you power through all of that, to get your life back to normal?” He simply said “you can’t”, and “moving on isn’t something you can just ‘do’. It can last for years. The memories can haunt your mind.” I nodded in complete agreement. The guy speaks what I feel, and it’s creepy. One time he even echoed how I try to stay away from couples, and questioned “when is it going to be my time?” Holy fuck.. are you a mind reader?!
Finally he said if I want to talk to someone, he’ll be there to talk to. And I thanked him.
…Now, back to dealing with Wuffer. Next day, I’m finally doing that thing I said I was going to do in Unity, and sure enough, something is definitely wrong with my project folder.
After finding out the results and hopping off VRChat, Wuffer says hey, I say hey, and he repeats his question about the friend. Hoping I would get answers out of this person, I accepted the friend’s request and asked him what the hell is going on with Wuffer.
The guy also refused to tell me, and started to ERP. Told him no and saying “this is a joke. You’re joking. I don’t even know you.” Yet he wouldn’t listen (telling me to relax), and kept doing it.
..How about NO. So I blocked him, and went after Wuffer (quite pissed at him for doing this). Eventually, he confirmed my suspicions by saying “I’m doing what you did” (aka ‘payback’). But to bring this stranger in, like I’m some kind of whore… dude, this is fucked up. I have to put my foot down and told him what was on my mind.
He responded saying “a second chance isn’t going to work out. We should just be best friends”. ..Honestly, I’m not sure if I should accept being friends for what he did. Though half of me feels like ‘move on, get it out of your head’. But worst of all, he didn’t even apologize.
But I will let it go (for now). He just better not do this again.