When I saw ‘#mprraccoon‘ trending on Twitter, I thought this was another E3 thing (or a song/movie/tv series I never heard in my life). Instead, it was a raccoon somehow scaling a skyscraper in Saint Paul, Minnesota. Why said raccoon is doing it is unclear, but Twitter is going fucking NUTS over this, with tweets like “I can’t sleep as long as #mprraccoon is still up there!” Or “let us pray for the raccoon”.
*almost laughs his head off of how hilariously fake some of these comments are*
I honestly had no idea how many people are raccoon fans! What’s even funnier, I can see people being sarcastic with other people who are sarcastic about caring for the vermin’s health and well being, even one poking fun that this is more important than stopping World War 3.
The memelords are at work tonight, that’s for sure. Wake UP, internet! This is a fucking WILD ANIMAL, known to be RABID! ..At least, that’s what my parents believe. But since they gave me a fear of wild animals (coupled with my fear of small things that move (outside of flies, and mosquitoes)), I don’t know if they’re actually right (nor do I really want to find out for myself, by trying to pet one).
And of course, the media isn’t helping by being all “OMG!! THIS IS BIG!! Raccoon climbing on a skyscraper! BREAKING NEWS!!”
1950: In the future, there will be flying cars!
2018: BREAKING NEWS! A raccoon is climbing a skyscraper! #PrayForRaccoon
All the more reason to not wish to be on this planet anymore.
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On a serious note, I actually do hope for a positive end for this. I also don’t understand why god damn animal control isn’t doing anything about this. They can.. you know, easily open a window, walk out, lasso the raccoon’s neck, get it in a cage before it bites or claws anyone, and safely take it back to the wild.
If this was a human being, don’t you think the fire department would be doing everything they could to rescue them? Sending a ladder, or making a safe spot for the person to jump off? They could do the same thing for the raccoon, without turning the entire thing into a fucking publicity stunt (which is EXACTLY what they’re doing here).
EDIT: The raccoon is now safe. The daring trash panda managed to scale all the way up to the top of the building, where it was safely captured by wildlife control and taken to an ‘undisclosed location’. And now Twitter can get back to what it does best; being a memelord with stupid (but silly) hashtag roundups.
…I’m just kidding. Now they’re demanding the media to follow wildlife control and film the raccoon being released back into the wild. *facepalm* Why not.