Benie's General Blog

With my health post out of the way, I can post about what I did with gaming.
Eversince I updated my drivers due to that thing I saw in Mirror’s Edge, I haven’t played much. I was planning to get Spore Galactic Adventures today, but … lets say things came up.

Anyway, I did get back into Gmod, with help from angry. And I think it was a mistake asking for his help in getting the mess of files I had backupped from my last reinstall of Windows.
There’s a problem with Gmod. It’s not a lock up, but I think I got an “angry virus”. It seems like any Spacebuild map, about…ohh lets say 15-30 seconds after I get in and walk around the start area, my FPS drops like a bag of rocks.
It struggles to get back up to a comfortable level, but something keeps yanking it down to below 20 FPS.
Sometimes it just sits at 10 FPS. The reason why I call it a “virus” is because, it’s happening to him too, and it originally happened with him.
So I’m thinking “You fucking idiot! You fucked up my Gmod!!”, but he is my friend and I shouldn’t be so mad, and thought “Hmmm.. but still, no one in Facepunch is reporting this issue”.

I’m thinking Gmod is saying “HAHAHA.. no” to just copy/pasting my garrysmod folder, and wants me to reinstall every little fucking thing one by one. All I know is this did not happen before.
I will have to go through hell to know what I downloaded, where I downloaded it, and where does it install. And I don’t have the patience to do that.

I’m not even using any SpaceBuild gamemode. Why? Spacebuild is dead to me. It “died” when Version 2 came out which meant bye bye using a Climate Regulator on your ship. It was like a cheat code.
Plus I keep hearing Version 3 is still full of bugs, and I think production of it has stopped before full release. And it’s just not fun anymore when I can’t go on a Spacebuild server without lagging like shit.
That’s why I don’t deal with Spacebuild anymore. However I still enjoy Spacebuild maps. Especially with the flyable SBEP ships.

But anyway, I have to take care of this god damn slowness. Plus… why is it taking 5 fucking minutes to load a map?

My my has this been a busy week since I got my new motherboard and video card.

I really haven’t been gaming today over having other things on my mind. More… personal things I can’t really explain in this blog. But things that refuse to go away. That are much worse than a lock up.
Lets just say that, I don’t think I’m going to live to see my 33rd birthday. It makes me upset to just talk about it. But I guess it’s going to have to come out sometime.
I know what’s wrong with me. And I know how I could overcome this and undo it, but I don’t want to have to do it. Because it means giving away what I have loved doing over the years.
Pretty much, changing my entire life around.

First off, I have a really bad case of GERD, and probably some peptic ulcers in my stomach. Both from my years of drinking my favorite carbonated beverage, 7up.
That’s something that I can live with, and I’ve been doing it for awhile. But the fact it’s gone so many years untreated, now there feels like this lump in the back of my throat, above my atom’s apple. It seems to make me think I got asthma or something.

And then there’s two things I know will be the end of me if I don’t get them looked at, and soon. One is having constant heartburn, and having it on my back, making me think I got a backache. And what feels as if my left arm gets numb alittle bit, and I can feel my heart beating in my chest.

And finally, the big one. The fact I’ve eaten so many sweets over the years and hardly anything good for me, my appendix feels like it wants to be taken out.
I keep getting throbbing, sometimes stabbing pains around my right waist area. And feeling bloating pressure like it’s gas.

All of these problems could be treated if I ever get the guts to tell my parents that I have to go to the hospital.
But I keep thinking “it’s just gas… just gas…it’ll go away”. Even if I went there, the first thing they’re going to say after they take care of my issues is “You have to go on a diet”. And my parents will force me to eat healthy, and I’ll probably ending up killing myself over it because I couldn’t take the stress. :'(

I’m sorry… I just get so emotional over things like this.
But yes. I’m also obese. So I probably have Diabetes too. I seem to have one of those eating disorders, where I just crave junk food and stay away from healthy foods, saying I hate them because they’re not yummy like junk food is.
I couldn’t stand having to do away with doughnuts, and cheese pizza, and plain cheeseburgers with ketchup only.
I’m even starting to stop eating foods I used to like, such as chicken nuggets. Because of my failing teeth not being able to chew it right.

And everytime I see a health commercial, all I do is “Fuck off! Let me die already!”, and hope that when it is my time, that god will have mercy and take me in my sleep. Or if it’s in the day, a quick and painless way.
Maybe I could be reincarnated as another human and undo the mistakes I made in my past life. Because this one can’t be saved, unless I get hypnotized to think healthy food is junk food.

The only good foods I like eating are granola bars, oatmeal creme pies, applesauce, and potatoes. I love potatoes.

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I’m sorry to all of my readers that have just read all of the above. I guess this was my fingers trying to call out for help. But I refuse to help myself by changing my eating habits.

I am trying to lose some weight, by walking around the block once every Wednesday. And I’m trying to limit my intake of junk food. But I think it might be too late for that.
I fucked myself up. And now I have to pay. I can only pray that god will find it in his tender heart to make it as painless as possible when I do pass away.

The reason why I feel like that I may not see my 33rd birthday, is the things I mentioned above are getting worse. It’s like my health is deteriorating.
And all I wanna do is my best to ignore these possible early signs of problems to come in my future, and just continue to live life the way I want by focusing on my computer and it’s problems.

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Or maybe it was that Rootbeer Float I had at Sonic today. Damn they make some good floats. A shame my stomach doesn’t like them.
It feels alittle better to finally get this off my chest. Now if I do pass away, anyone that reads this blog will know why. Kinda morbid, but; life sucks and then… well you know.

And the reason why I posted this? What I’ve been seeing in Facepunch. It just seems like I’m being told a message I have to do something, when I see threads like “10 signs you need to go on a diet”, “The Health Care Plan Explained!”, “Post your BMI!”, and “Swine flu targeting fat people.”.

I just completed my 2nd run of Mirror’s Edge, and it’s as wild as it was on the first run.
… However. I hate to say this but there was a problem. It’s pretty hard to explain.

Anyway, I was in that part in the subway where Merc tells you that blues are in your way and take ’em out.
I’m kickin’ ass (I have a trainer), and suddenly Monitor 2 flashes, then Monitor 1 shows these strange horizontal blocks that go down, then they disappear, and I notice the colors are fucked up alittle bit.
About.. 30 seconds later, it hits. But it hit like it happened in Gmod. I couldn’t see anything but just fucked up graphics, but it wasn’t completely locked up. Just running like 1 FPS all the sudden.
Then I got a BSOD and my computer restarts. The BSOD displayed and disappeared too fast for me to read.

Does this mean my lock up has finally made a come back? I’m not sure. You see, I think I played for something like 2-4 hours when it happened.
But yet when I went back in, I was able to complete it with no problems, and I played it again for 2-4 hours. Maybe it was just a fluke, or maybe it only happens in that game.
Maybe the video card overheated. Yet I checked Hardware Monitor and it was sitting at 47C. That’s cooler than my old 9500GT.

I don’t know if I should try another game after seeing that, even though in a way I was able to play the whole thing. Because it feels like it’s an unfortunate sign that the lock up has possibly mutated into something else now.
God damn fucking thing can’t stay dead! But if it stays like that, that will give me time to exit the game before it does do the fucked up graphics thing. In a way it’ll be a bearable issue.

I don’t know how bad I trashed Spore after I got my hands on it months ago. Even with that game I had lock ups, but just not as severe as they are now.

This idiot bumped a Spore thread in the Video Games section of Facepunch. Everyone knows about EA’s attempt to revive Spore, right? The EP called “Galactic Adventures”.
Curious when I shouldn’t be, I clicked on it and saw the shock of my life. In the Space Stage (basically what this is based around), you can now leave your ship and walk on a planet, and something about even using vehicles like moon rovers.
Finally.. something ELSE than delivering spice and having to hear “OMG HELP US WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!!” from my home planet every 10 fucking minutes or so.

It was like my brain was saying “HOLY SHIT!!! I WANT!!!”, but I told my brain about my lock up. But it continues to nag me, begging me to buy this EP.
This is what happened when I got The Sims 3. I was driven mad by temptation to buy it. And now I see I was right by not getting it. That it was a waste of money.
It pisses me off so, when I have to say NO to my wants of buying/downloading games because of a fucking lock up that will take ’till 2010 to ‘fix’ with a new computer.

Well I was going to call Stewart today about that fan for my Northbridge, but something made me think twice.
I can’t really explain it. I guess it’s a feeling of unsure.
I’m unsure if this is a good idea. Spending money on something I may not need.
(more thoughts below)

Also another reason. I wanted to pretend today was going to be a nice day. That was until that same front that made a shitload of severe weather in the north, was knocking on our door. And it hit.. hard. It just turned day into night.
And it rained for about two hours. Just nonstop heavy rain. It was like dega-vu of last week.

Finally the rain moved off. Then it started right back up again, but it wasn’t bad. Our local weather claims we’ll be under a slight risk tomorrow, but according to the SPC, the slight risk will be southwest of us.
I guess I’ll have to see what tomorrow brings.

Also, I finally got a script, just in a code form. It’s a code used in AutoHotkey. All I had to do was install AHK and let it create a sample script, then copy/paste it into the sample script.
Soon I ran my game and it started quick saving every 5 seconds. Woot! Now if I can’t fix it, I can say FUCK YOU LOCK UP and keep playing after it locks up.

(more thoughts here)
Tonight, angry finally came back. Said he got my CD Case, so that’s good. After my game locked up again I talked with him and tried to think, knowing I had to do something about that Northbridge.
I started thinking about when Stewart said they’ll try a new motherboard. I kept thinking how strange it is how no one else has this motherboard on the web.
All I have seen when I searched several months ago to see if anyone else is having an issue with their Northbridge overheating, is the same motherboard I got, plus an “H” at the end. I’ve talked about this in a post somewhere in this blog.

Angry mentioned that I just try a regular house fan and blow it into my case. I’ve already tried this and my temps didn’t go down that much.
This is what told me that maybe I should get a new motherboard. I began to wonder if Stewart forgot to tell me there’s a chance my games could lock up with that board.

I began to wonder why do I have to reinstall Windows. Angry as usual claimed I don’t have to, but Stewart claimed I did. So I asked Facepunch if I had to, and the only one that replied said that you’ll be lucky if you can get the old motherboard drivers off, and get the new ones on.

Another thing I could do, if I had the patience and guts, is to find someway to remove the motherboard and DOA it. Basically, send it back to Gigabyte and tell them the Northbridge is overheating, and maybe they’ll replace it for free.
But this involves not only knowledge of removing said motherboard without fucking anything up, but patience of not having a computer until they replace it.

One other thing I might wanna invest in, is getting a faster RPM case fan. In my “Cool my Northbridge” thread, this guy posted this link to Newegg with this heatsink fan, that has 3500RPM.
My case fan goes up to 1650RPM on idle. And I had that thing replaced, thinking it was going out on me or something, because I was getting this weird siren noise.
Now I know that noise is coming from my Video Card’s fan.

1650RPM may be OK for a case fan though. I’ll ask Stewart tomorrow if I need something faster. But I could’ve sworn my old fan had a higher RPM.

(sigh) Another night, another blog post. All fucking day I’ve been forum hopping from hardforum, to the Steam forum, to Facepunch, seeing which one would reply first.

The hours went by, got a few replies. But nothing I wanted to see. No “Ok, here’s what you need to do” replies.
Overall, it looks like as of tonight, a script is impossible to make for what I want done, and my best bet is to use a fan to cool the Northbridge down.
Since I’m incapable or have a fan to use, that would blow directly on the Northbridge, I will have to wait ’till Monday to ask Stewart again, and pray he can do it that day.

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On top of it, angry didn’t respond once. I found out from his mom that he had went to his aunt’s, but she forgot to tell me.