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An end to the yelling?
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Another topic I feel embarrassed/ashamed to talk about. It is related to the whole cat thing. The day before I was in a call with Blender and he was showing me this FNF mod he finds very interesting. And I can see why.. it’s hilarious. But as he’s doing the secret boss song, my mother comes in the room. I got my AC on and she asked me if I could turn the temperature up as she felt it was ‘cold’ in here. It was 84*F around me… that is not ‘cold’.
All I’m going to say is it lead me to turning my computer off for a bit, to ‘calm
down’ mostly.
The next morning, she’s telling me a plethora of things about this. She wants to stop yelling at me; trying to work with me. But she warns me that if the cat has to be put down because of me “not caring”… I don’t need to say what the outcome will be, because it wouldn’t be good. And that made me care for someone else instead of myself all the
time. …For the safety of my computer.
Yet that afternoon when it actually was hot even for her, she said I can do whatever I felt best. But I knew that was a ruse to put me in a feeling of control, as she calls the shots when it comes to this cat. And the best thing I can do to avoid conflict and further stress to both of us, is just to do what she says.
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Strange internet issues
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With my computer back on, I got on VRC around 2 in the morning. I felt bad leaving Blender like that but I didn’t know what to say to him. Saw Kovo joinable and went to go see him. Not really much happened there until I saw Dusky (who was also there) run into the movie theater part of the world. Told Kovo and we both went in, only for it to be a brilliant trap for Kovo with “UwU!!” being flashed everywhere. HAHAH!! WOW!! That was a good one, Dusky! Kovo didn’t exactly appreciate being bombarded by the ‘demon word’.
Dusky said he found a Deltarune meme compilation of the whole “GOD FUCKING damnit KRIS where the HELL are we?!” thing, and tried to play it. The video ran perfectly for them, but not for myself. And when Dusky tried to play it for me, I saw “Video player error”. He said I’d have to rejoin. Kovo was quite surprised he wasn’t the one having issues. ..Meh. First Youtube, now it’s happening here. The fuck. It gets to two seconds into the video and stops without warning. Some kind of very strange buffering issue. And then when I came back, it did play but it was lagging like crazy at times and I missed a lot of parts in the video.
But when it comes to VRChat …I don’t fucking get it. When Blender shows me his videos, I have no issues. When I use XSOverlay to paste a video URL in a video player and play it, I have no issues. When I go to a world with a video player that auto plays music when I
join, I have no issues.
Yet when Dusky played that video, I had an issue and they didn’t..? The FUCK?! I..I don’t know how to even ask Spectrum to look into fixing that.
Anyway, we went to another world.
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Don’t mess with Orion / Having to put others infront of yourself… sucks
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It was the new Furhub world. Dusky found the world being unoptimized and needing more work, but I was fine. We found Kovo and found a mirror. Kovo and Dusky were doing their usual shenanigans while I was looking at VRCX, wondering when Blender was going to get on.
The shenanigans got to a point that Dusky took Kovo away from the mirror to “have a word with him over his lewdness” (that I caused. Heheheh)
Orion was with me and asked me how was Blender doing. Said he’s doing really good and there was “a bit of drama” but it’s sorted out. I did feel confident to talk about it and started doing so. Kovo interrupted me a few times (trying to get back at me for the
joking), and Orion defended me by countering it.
–
Went back continuing explaining the entire situation. Kovo heard me and came over and I tried to get him to remember what he told TrojanDragon (aka Brayden). But he couldn’t fully remember. Orion was losing his patience, so I explained what Kovo said. And when I said how Brayden said he “was Blender’s guardian”, Orion was all “WHAT?! ..Benie, he was lying to you!”
…Fuck!! So not only did Brayden put me on the hot seat with Wolfdog, but lied to me. Good thing I blocked him then. Kept explaining how Shaw came up to me and was upset with Blender how he didn’t fully tell me the story (how it happened 10 years ago) and how Blender wouldn’t let me help him get the matter situated. Orion understood my frustration with Blender, and said I should had messaged him. I told him I was hoping to talk to him ingame with Shaw and get the matter taken care of, but said I’ll keep that in mind.
He went AFK, saying before he is talking to Shaw and asking “what is TrojanDragon doing right now?” An hour passed, he pulled me aside and said TrojanDragon has been given a strike, and it’s the first time there’s ever been a strike in their server.
Editor’s Note: A day later, Brayden left the server and saying he feels he’s “not welcomed anymore”. ..In the back of my mind I fear my choices might cause him to commit suicide. I pray I’m wrong, but Brayden is the kind of person that would do that.
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After that, Orion told me that he “got Blender with Shaw” and I said “..oh. Alright.” That disappointed me, a lot. I wanted to see him on, and he in a call with Shaw. I felt like “where’s my input on this?! He’s my soon to be BF. Do I not get a say here?!”
So, I’m supposed to just accept it. I feel like I’m not fully allowed to be a part of Blender’s life.
And.. maybe it’s for the best. I’m 45, and Blender is 20. …Maybe we really shouldn’t be a thing. Blender…, he doesn’t fully think like an adult. Scared to say it almost feels like the entire thing with Fluffy and Aftershock.
–
Kovo left for the night. I stayed on yet once again debating if I should stay on. Checked out the ‘Luminous Isles’ world. It’s not bad. Would look better with people actually in it. It’s got a large area with a screen. I was looking for the video player and stumbled onto a DJ booth.
Used XSOverlay to play Deltarune Chapter 2’s ‘Knock you down !!‘ (GIGA Queen fight song) that’s on a loop and played along with the lights. Was one wild light show!
But yeah, that was wild. But my mind was still on Blender… if he’ll even show up or if Shaw forced him to go to bed.
It was 4:30am, and I was 70% certain Shaw told Blender to get to bed as he “needs to”. But the thought of ‘not letting me make that call’ wasn’t in my mind. Blender being mad at me for telling Orion and getting him(Blender) stressed.. was.
Again not letting me make that call. But around 4:35am, Blender unexpectingly shows up. Thought “holy fuck.. he actually thought for himself!” and spawned to go see him. He was in desktop again, and talking quietly. Asked him if he could speak up. Said he had to be quiet as he was at his grandmother’s house and came on to see me. But said at 5am his grandmother will get up and he’ll be “screwed”. Well hun, then get off and go to sleep before she does. Please use your head.
He talked about things and I told him what Orion told me, and.. how I was worried he was mad at me for going to Orion. He said he wasn’t, that he “was going to go to Orion anyway about it”. Well cool!
It was 4:53am and he said it’s been 10 minutes, and I told him “you better get to bed then if you don’t want your grandmother to catch you”. And he did. I went to bed later.