One moment I’m saying to you folks how DJ is like Jero bit a bit weird yet also a kind heart that I’m willing to work around, and the next.. I’m having second thoughts. And these thoughts finally turned into action (before this got out of hand).
At the end, I feel this is partially my fault for allowing my damn desire for a relationship take over my thoughts. Yet I was also ready to get rid of it, remembering who he is and his dark troubled past.
However, unlike Jero.. stopping the relationship didn’t end with him blocking me. It ended on a positive note with us just being friends (and him saying I’m a really good friend to him). Yet it also ended on a very confusing note of him going to Kovo, where he doesn’t even know why. My guess was to let off some steam.
So what the hell happened that lead to this? Him, breaking his desire to show the world a kinder, calmer self. Started a day ago. For some reason, it felt I didn’t get enough sleep. Yet I did get a full 8 hours. It didn’t make sense why I felt so tired, but I did my best to power through it. We played Destiny 2. I was willing to help him get his light level up, as he was willing to help with the raid one day.
However, he wasn’t fully focused. Telling me about a porn discord server he’s a part of and something that started bugging the fuck out of him (can’t discuss it here). He kept rambling about it, and I felt he was.. well, wasting my time when I was here to help him out. That and I didn’t know how to handle it. So I told him “maybe you should lie down and relax” (just something to pull him away from whatever’s bothering him so much), and it’s like he was ignoring me.
..Very annoying. Then one time he gets a call from his brother. I’m patiently waiting for him to come back, thinking it wouldn’t take him that long.. and he leaves to go be with him. Didn’t once tell me “hey Benie, I’m going to be with my brother. You’re free to do your own thing if you want.” Nothing of the sort.
Look, I don’t mind him being with his brother. But.. come on. At least tell me.
Both of these things had bugged me and really made me question if I made the right choice of wanting a relationship. Plus the game itself pissing me off telling me to do a quest that’s 10 light levels higher than me, where the Barrier Hobgoblins are fucking one shotting me.
No, that didn’t help my mood one bit. I also got annoyed at Kovo trying to explain the reasoning behind it.
Did feel somewhat better that evening after spending some time with DJ.
–
But the next day would be the day for action, when I had enough of this. Kovo told me what to tell him, of what he can do to prep himself for the raid. I expected to help him, but my mother needed me more. Yet he hangs out with his brother again, and again not telling me.
Then he tells me about the whole avatar stealing thing, making it seem this is the reason why he isn’t coming back to VRChat. I tried to get sense into him that he cannot prevent this from happening, but he shouldn’t let it deter him from playing.
However it was more than just the stealing, and lists a whole bunch of reasons that I can understand. However I still felt bothered with having to explain the situation with avatar stealing.
Though I told him I understood with all the things he listed, I’m like (to myself): “why did he play VRChat that day anyway? For as long as this shit has been happening, why didn’t he permaban himself from VRChat? Because these are some very legitimate reasons to stay away.” It just bugged me, didn’t know what to say afterwards. Yet at the same time I can answer with “he probably assumed things would get better overtime”. ..Well they aren’t and he should’ve realized this a LONG time ago.
He asked sometime later if “we’re still fine”. Told him “I don’t see why not.” I knew I was lying to myself for saying that, so I eventually decided to do what he did for me.. tell him who I am IRL and see if he’s still interested in a relationship or if we’re better off just being friends. He said “I dont know”.
Sometime after this is when Kovo was available to chat with, and I explained the situation. He said that I should end the relationship now, which I was already planning to do.
Since DJ seemed unsure on what to do, I decided to make things easier on him. Said that we can be friends and explaining the reason why I can’t be his BF– the whole thing of him wanting people to see himself as kind and sweet yet also talking about… well, I’ll be honest with you– I dunno where I was even going with this, as he honestly is doing nothing wrong here. It’s just like Nova having a bad day. Is Kovo going to leave her over that? Absolutely not.
But the thing about DJ is, it seems that if you don’t care about what he goes through, he’s going to get pissed off. That and he seems uninterested in keeping a relationship alive. It just felt toxic to me, and I wanted to get the hell out of there.
I dunno how to handle him when he gets pissed about things, which seems to happen every day (mainly when he streams or goes to these porn discord servers). He’s only asking for trouble, and I have to care because I obligated myself to be supportive. ..Now I regret my decision, when he seems to have trouble understanding me (where it feels he’s ignoring me) and it gets very annoying.
…Does this make me a bad person? I really hope not. And also, a relationship that’s 3 or so hours ahead of me just isn’t going to work when I can’t be with him as much as I can.
He hardly asks how I’m doing anymore. I have to be the one to ask, to motivate him to do something (as he’s usually either pissed or bored looking at his tablet). It overall, just feels a bit toxic and I don’t need this in my life. Kind of like Wufy in a way.
But, he is young. He’s 19. Kovo tells me he’s “inexperienced”, and has even dealt with him in the past. He knows what I’m going through.
DJ was going to block me over my words, but also stated being confused on what to do. So I did what I usually do– I tell him things I should be telling myself but I never listen to myself, and said I’m only trying to help.
I had my phone down when he responded. I thought that was it, then 5-10 minutes later Kovo informs me DJ is now trying to talk to him. I assumed he was trying to get me removed as admin to make me pay for my words. ..Instead, it ended with Kovo being very confused what this was even about. Later I discovered DJ told me I was “a great friend” and has no reason to block me, and that he understood I’m trying to help.
It seemed he was either trying to blow off some steam, or (more likely) went up to Kovo for advice of what to do about VRChat. Kovo suggested he’d join ChilloutVR, which he plans to do so.
..
Overall, DJ is not a bad person. He just needs to really work on some aspects in his
life (especially if he’s going to raid with us). His age (I feel) is playing a part in this, yet he swears he’s living by himself in an apartment (which bugs the fuck out of me).
He doesn’t have a job, or a car. Yet he is able to live on his own. ..How in the fuck is he able to afford rent and food with no income?! My only assumption is a relative doing that for him (maybe an aunt). I might have to pry into this, to figure out the secrets behind
it.
But I guess the best way to explain DJ is he’s like Fluffy (having that lewd side) but a lot less annoying to deal with. He’s not into wanting RL lewd pics.. or wanting to suck your tail, which I really appreciate.
*cringes*