A day where I wished to be alone with my thoughts, and I got just that (apart from Shoot joining me). It also was a day where I wanted to run away from my thoughts.
Writing that ‘a lot happened’ post, was around 2:39 in the afternoon (listening to Pandora while working) when Ninja unexpectingly calls me. Tried to go as fast as possible grabbing my audio headset and talked to him (while he’s playing Beat Saber). There’s a reason why I said I was “running away from my thoughts” (him playing ‘Sonata Artica – FullMoon’). It’s a very catchy song.
Since I already talked about this in the previous post, I’ll talk about what happened after I ended the call (as I really wanted to get back to work on the previous blog post). Kovo also talked to me, asking if everything’s alright with ‘my boyfriend’. Not really the best choice of words for what I went through, but he doesn’t know what’s going on. So I briefly explained it, and that was about it of that conversation.
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Did get into VRChat when I finally finished up (had some other RL things to do, plus Shoot wants me to get on for cuddles). Listening to what Ninja told me about being nice to people: “just remember you never have to do anything you dont want”. And having Shoot constantly wanting to be with me is getting annoying. I said this before and I’ll say it
again.. I don’t like clingy people. I can’t stand them.
Tried to join Kovo (his world, in a public instance). It got updated. Joined and.. where’s Kovo? Hell.. where is everyone?! I’m the only one here in a public instance! Hmm. Oh well. Was semi-curious what got changed in the world, so I looked around a bit, then decided to hang around the mirror.
5 or minutes later, Kovo joins. He had no idea why the instance was made public, and created a Friends+ one instead. The usual suspects started joining; Stylez, Jedi Blue Foxy. Etc. Acid and Chris were also here, and it felt like the weekend at the main mirror. So many memes of four people with the Jack Septiceye avatar wanting to do the really spammy one that can lag out an instance if there’s enough of them.
I noticed something was going on between Acid and Chris (again). Acid was trying to avoid being around Chris, and I think it had to do when Chris was talking to me about Acid not being lewd but constantly looking like he was going for his crotch, and I saw this firsthand.
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One time I saw Chris behind the Best Boi statue, and asked if he was doing alright. He said Acid keeps talking to Kovo behind his back about him, and something about “I know he wants me to leave him”. Know those aren’t the exact words he said to me, but I forgot them.
I went to go look for Acid to talk to him, but he’s looking for Chris. And the two met somewhere that I never found them. I’d love to help with your relationship issues, but I got my own to deal with. Sorry.
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A movie made me forgive Fluffy
Decided to go to the movie world (by myself) and watch some of those short animated Christmas movies (hoping Fluffy would come on, and we could talk about this). He never did.
Watching the Disney classics ‘Mickey’s Once Upon A Christmas’ and ‘Mickey’s Twice Upon A Christmas’. The second one (final segment), moved me to where I was in tears. It was about Pluto wanting to help Mickey with the star on the tree, but wants it so bad that he ends up destroying the house. The more I watched it, the more I could imagine Pluto being
Fluffy.. and myself being Mickey. And how Mickey (in a way) didn’t want Pluto around anymore for what he did to the house. The house being destroyed, could be seen as my virtual life. Pluto left, but everywhere he went, he saw Mickey and missed him. This is literally Fluffy.. and thinking about it as I type this, I can feel tears going down my
face.
When it was over, I felt “I can’t hold onto this grudge. What Fluffy did was a boneheaded move, but I still love him.. just like Mickey loves Pluto.”
Another aspect on the movie is the crazy snowplow. This could be seen as my decision to make the group a poly, how it keeps hounding me. And when Goofy and the others came out, saying they were helping Mickey look for Pluto, I could imagine them being the
group, also wanting Fluffy to come back. And it represented how they still love me to
bits, despite the decision.
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After I dried my tears (and the wiped the facepad of my VR Headset to get the water
out), I wanted Fluffy to get on. He however was quite busy IRL to do so. I watched one more movie before looking at my friends list. Saw Jero on, and wondered… as much as I miss him, I kind of wish he would come see me and talk to me (instead of the other way around).
Went to go see him. Spawned in a cabin with some people inside. A few friends were
here (one of them was AFK). I wanted to kind of go looking for Jero, but before I could leave the cabin, one friend saw me and wanted to say hi. Hey there! I was kind of hoping for the friend to get distracted (he was talking to a few other people). Finally it happened and I made a break for the door. Finally outside, I looked around in the snow for Jero.
PHD Mcstuffin’s also here. Sweet! Except I don’t really watch YouTube anymore.
Going around the back of the cabin, said to myself “watch Jero be AFK”. No sooner than a minute later, I stumbled upon an AFK Jero who was laying down on the top of some steps overlooking a waterfall.
Instead of staying with him, I went up the mountain behind him and waited, looking down at him. No one can see me up here. So in a sense I was ‘stalking’ him; more like watching him as I wanted to talk to him.
Time passed and I was falling asleep in VR. If I was to guesstimate how long I’ve been up here, about 15 minutes (though it felt like a half an hour). Fluffy had joined and I tried to get him to follow me, but he was having audio issues. Now he’s on the mountain with
me.
Told him about Ninja, how he in a way ‘dumped’ me, and how I feel the events that happened with Fluffy (and how I felt even if they didn’t), the outcome would had been the same. He hugged me. Then I told him about the movie I watched and how it reminded me of us, and how once again I want him to be like Jero. Told him I didn’t want to leave
him, but I’m tired of giving him these constant chances.
Still looking down at Jero, I noticed two others were there with him. Mcstuffin was one of them. Huh.. what is he doing with Jero? Odd. Speaking of Jero, I saw him wake up and Fluffy hopped off the mountain to talk to him.
I went the other direction, feeling dread in my mind of Jero seeing me (and with Mcstuffin being a YouTuber with a huge fanbase.. yeah). Luckily they never saw me, but I was also semi-curious of what they were talking about (while I’m hearing this one guy upstairs in the cabin talking about sticking five dildos up his ass).
lmao. Anyway, the cabin has a guest room attachment on the side of it. Saw Jero talking to Fluffy and another friend close to the guest houses (Mcstuffin was AFK in the same spot Jero was).
Got close to the wall and used playspace mover to drag my viewpoint over to them, to hear their conversation. I nearly had it until the damn thing resetted on me. Relocated to another part of the cabin and was about to do it again, when Ninja messaged me on Discord to let me know him and Fluffy are just friends now. The notification on my phone alerted Jero to my presence (somehow). When I put my headset back on, I saw Jero waving at me from the window.
…Hi Jero! Heheheh. Asked me what I was doing, so I lied and said “I’m just checking out the world!” Totally wasn’t wanting to talk to you about Fluffy. Left the cabin and went around it, not really wanting to talk about this (infront of the other friend at least). And just like when I got here, I wanted for them to get distracted, respawned, then went to another world. I’m sorry Jero, but I’m not really here for casual talk.
Relaxed while sitting on this island, that was overlooking a city. Most of the people in the world were in other areas of the world, so it was pretty quiet (and I enjoyed it).
But my peace and quiet got interrupted by a few friends who wanted to say hi (and I said hi back). Fluffy then joined, and when he came up to me… I thought I saw Jero coming up to me. Holy. Fluffy. You got Jero’s old avatar?! Oh. my. god. This, this is perfect. Now you can truly be like Jero!!
But I never had a chance to talk to him about it, as a friend wanted to talk to us (and wouldn’t go away). Fluffy then needed to go to bed and left.
Told Fluffy what I wanted to say, how this was really nice of him to do this.
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An idea I should’ve had a LONG time ago
Suddenly a thought came to me, that warmed my heart. Fluffy having this, and remembering how I got the group dancing..
HOLY FUCK.. I just got an idea!! I could have Jero’s old avatar, dance for me!! 😀 All I have to do is ask Kat for the model and texture sheet, and it would be as if Jero’s there, but in spirit.
See, the thought came from the group itself. I was happy at the time to do this, but it didn’t really bring me joy anymore when I kept on feeling drama with the group. Kovo has Nova that he proudly has dancing for him. And to have Jero dancing infront of me..
Words could not express how happy I would feel. Essentially he would be a part of the group (just in spirit). I can feel my heart turning to mush just thinking about what I could do, with those beautiful green eyes of his.
I can’t wait to show him. 🙂
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Early morning talk with Wufy
Almost 4:30 in the morning, working on this very post. I saw Wufy and DJ in general chat. Remembering what I told Wufy the day before (that I would tell him what’s going on), I joined them and explained everything. Wufy told me Fluffy told him their side of the
story, and it seemed they didn’t tell him everything that happened (especially the thing with Lunar).
But… he also tell me “you cannot make Fluffy be like Jeromeah, Benie. We are all special in our own way. Jeromeah has something special to you, and Fluffy has something special when it comes to him. It’s impossible for a person to act like someone else.”
My feelings;
I dunno what to say right now, only that Fluffy is going to be very upset when he hears this. So, I’m going to keep this a secret. Wufy’s right, I…I can’t believe what I’ve done. I’m practically ‘using’ him because I miss Jero so much, and that is so wrong.
I’m going to wait ’till after I get this thing I want to do with Jero’s old avatar, done. I want to show Jero, and then I want to talk to Aftershock about this… what I should do. If I tell Fluffy now, he’s going to be ruined and probably never want to go to school again. I don’t want that (obviously).
Here’s a thought: let’s just be friends, Fluffy. You go back to Ruffy, make him happy. That’s what he needs right now. I got the group. And soon, I’ll have Jero (in spirit). It will end all of this love drama (with me at least).
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What I really want is Aftershock, Ruffy, Fluffy, and myself all talking to eachother about this. Get us all in one spot, sit down and talk about Fluffy and the group. Maybe even Cola if he could come too, as he’s the one that in a sense made me decide to turn it into a
poly.