At least, I hope things are better. For the short term; they seem to be. There are things I’m still upset with my RP son (who I nearly disowned for a few reasons)– one that’s quite petty, and one that’s legitimate.
So, let’s start…
Wanted to mainly deal with this thing with Jedi, and wanted to arrange a moderated conversation between the two (with myself and Kovo moderating). However it started very odd after I told him goodnight. He asked at 7 in the morning “do you love me ??” Uhh.. as your father, yes. But if you’re seriously asking if I like you.. more than that, uh.. you’re 17 which is still below the age of consent, and the age gap is ridiculous. Plus I explained how I’m old enough to literally be his actual father.
Later, he claimed Kovo asked to be his boyfriend. …WHAT THE FUCK?! Uh son, I think Kovo was messing with you!? He’s straight!! Yet Insanely claims Kovo actually did tell him, which is impossible! Then he shared me a screenshot, which finally made me realize what Kovo was doing; he never actually said this.. Insanely got the wrong idea, which broke his heart even more. Fucking hell, Kovo! Asked Kovo if he was just telling him
that, and he said it was a test to see just how fast Insanely is going to someone else. Ahh. Insanely is just like me, it’s not funny.
This really stings, and Kovo knows this. He says “this is why you can help him, where I cannot. You feel his pain.” …I’ll do my best.
–
Insanely wanted to shift the conversation to VRChat for some odd reason, so I joined him. Saw Cola online, which was bugging me I couldn’t join him.. as I had to deal with my son. 😛
Dragged him into my home world, and tried my damnest to get him to understand that he’s not the only one that feels what pain is like. Yet he shook his head no. I then said “you act like you’re the only one that has ever dealt with pain”, and he nodded. And of course this was seriously frustrating me.. but I wasn’t about to give up on him, not yet. Told him when I got back from dinner, I would show him what true heartbreak feels with the five relationships I had this year (by telling him every single one of them).
Dinnertime took longer than it should had, but I got back on.. he didn’t. Seeing Cola on and knowing I can’t join him because of this, frustrated me even more. Time passed and still Insanely kept ignoring my DMs, increasing my already high frustration.
Decided to try to get my mind off of this and try soloing one of these new climbing worlds they had out for about two weeks ago, that can somewhat simulate Playspace Mover with full body tracking. Soon the creator will make this prefab available for the public, where all world creators can use it.
Anyway, I’m beginning my climb in a Friends Only instance, when a random friend shows up and is somewhat concerned why I’m all by myself. Told him I’m “waiting for certain friends to come online”. After failing for the sixth time to reach one of the
Cubeberries, we’re resting on the main platform. He tells me he’s just checking up on friends and goes somewhere else. A few moments after, Kovo shows up. Odd of him showing up this hour (usually it’s later at night). He tells me of something going on in his IRL. After he finishes, I tell him how I’m still waiting for Insanely. He says “he just got on” and insanely joins us. Kovo comes over to him and asks if he’s feeling OK, I cringe and get ready to say “Kovo, this isn’t a good time to ask that” but Insanely nods yes that he is actually feeling better. ..I’m sure not, but I do the best I can by trying to show them how to use the new climbing mechanic.
Kovo goes AFK to deal with a few things, and Insanely stops trying. I go over to him and ask him if he wants to climb, he shakes his head no and then leaves the world.
No longer interested in climbing, I go back to my home world and try to drag his ass here. I am here, let’s talk. He ignores my DMs. Time passes, so I try to bring any of my friends with benefits to join me (Cola and Ron were on). Ron goes offline without warning, and Cola tells me he’s going to bed. I wish him a good night and he blushes, and logs out too. So now, no-one I want to talk to is online. Okay, I am officially pissed now. I could had joined Cola earlier.. but I had to deal with you. And you won’t FUCKING JOIN so we can discuss this like adults!!! ARGH!!!
I’m nearly about to threaten to disown him, then decide to join the world he’s in. I see him talking to someone with the same avatar. Hear the person say “your dad’s here” while I’m about to completely lose my cool infront of him. He pulls me into a private area and then tries to figure out why I’m here. Tell him I’ve been sending him DMs, asking him to join me. He apologizes, saying he’s trying to get to know this guy (and also saying he’s now taking it really slow). My anger.. turns to depression as he heads out the door (knowing no one that is my coping mechanism is online, and also feeling “my son no longer needs
me, clearly. He can take care of himself. …He’s not my son anymore.”). Don’t know where to go, what to do, just wishing someone could kill this pathetic pain I’m now feeling.
They see me, and run over. I respawn and my son also does, saying “dad, what’s wrong? Why are you all alone?” I say nothing and randomly go to any world I can, just to get the fuck out of there. In a way, you could see it as ‘revenge’ for what happened the day
before.
Finally out of there, I decide to join Kovo who’s online again, preparing to tell him the news with Insanely. But Sparky’s also there, who doesn’t understand this pain that no friend can help with. You’d just be wasting your fucking breath on me. But it doesn’t keep him from giving me a big hug, which.. somewhat did help.
Some time passed and Insanely joined. I stood there, cold while he tried to get my attention. Then I looked down and said “you’re not my son anymore. You won’t listen to me. You act like you know what pain is like.” and walked away, and I thought that was it between us. Yet he came over, continued to be noticed. This time, nearly all my frustration and pain released: “I told you, you’re not my son! You have NO IDEA what true pain
feels, and WHY I’m like this!! Try going through FIVE heartbreaks.. THEN you might understand!!!” He looked down as if he felt like a real asshole as I walked away again. Went back to my original spot, sighing my head off and shaking my head. I saw him slowly walking over to me, trying to hug my leg as if he was saying he’s sorry.
I didn’t look at him this time, only pointed down and said “why are you still here?! Just be with your new boyfriend.” But he wouldn’t leave, he wanted to stay. I could see he was really, really sorry for not listening before, and I let out a heavy sigh and said “fine.. if you still want to be my RP son, then you will follow me.” and I went into an area of the world that was pretty quiet. I didn’t really expect him to follow me, and was quite surprised he was. This proved to me he was sorry.
–
I told him nearly every heartbreak I experienced, from Lunar, to somewhat about Jero. He actually wanted to hug me when I started crying when Wuffer broke up with me the first time. As I was explaining Jero, a group of people started running towards us. ..Ohh come ON!! Do you fuckwads know NOTHING about ‘private conversations’!? One of them was his possible boyfriend or whatever, so I was forced to let them go and said I would tell him the rest later.
Stayed away from the mirror while they all talked (and using a strange Shiba avatar). Adam (another friend) then grabbed my attention about something, I pulled him
away, trying to fight back the remaining pain I have. He’s talking about the avatar, how it belongs to a specific kind of person. I tried to think of what he was talking about when he tried to whisper in my ear “you really want your son to be using that?” Soon I thought I had an idea and whispered in his ear “is this person a… porn star?” And he said yes. Little does Adam know I know something my son told me, that he hasn’t even told Kovo.
Insanely walked over, and I asked him to please switch into something else. I then asked him if he could join me in my private world, and he nodded yes.
We went back and I continued my story. Had just explained when Jero and I became a couple, when he told me he was going to go to bed early tonight, and he said “I love you father benie” as he always did. Told him that I would help with that avatar Kovo made for him tomorrow, even making it small, and then uploading it to his account.
Feeling the pain not anywhere as strong as before, I went back to see Kovo in a much, much better mood. Though I also asked Red Fox if he would like to join me and cuddle a bit.
.
He actually did join, and the rest doesn’t really need to be said. Let’s just say I feel a lot better, because Insanely finally understands that he can come to me whenever he’s dealing with another heartbreak. Though he’s still kind of upset about Jedi, I told him that he should move on, and he agreed.
Thank you son. Thank you for understanding. That’s all I wanted. As for Cola, there’s always another time for that.
As for now, I need to help my son and get his ‘bad wolf’ avatar done. Probably do a separate project folder for it, to not screw up BTD.