God damn.. three months since I last blogged here. Sadly if you expect more blogs, I’m sorry but it’ll be the same as it is now. Hell, I honestly didn’t even feel like doing this one.
Dunno why I no longer care to post about these. But anyway, let me just get this one out of the way here (as it’ll be pretty short).
Been playing Borderlands 3 again. Just got bored enough and did it, and it wasn’t easy as I’m dealing with ‘mental issues’. But you’re not here to see me ramble on.
So overall, I felt Borderlands 2 was better (storywise). Defeating the Calypso twins, didn’t feel anywhere as satisfying as having Handsome Jack cussing at me while being near death, and all I had to do was pull the trigger for what he did to me.
Fuck saving Pandora– I wanted revenge. When I was forced to kill Bloodwing, that beloved pet from Borderlands 1 that I loved so much and put so many points into, woo boy.. it became personal. I wanted this fucker DEAD.
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But anyway, Borderlands 3, there is no PoNR (Point of No Return). I half expected the duct tape-held ship you and your NPC friends are flying around in, would be badly damaged before the final fight (which would serve as the PoNR), and you would be heading down while the NPCs try to repair the ship.
Nope, none of that. And when I (I think) killed the other Calypso twin.. like, for the longest part I’m thinking “no way, it can’t be over. This is too easy”. Sure enough it was. And before I start getting into spoiler territory, I just.. I didn’t like the ending. Again, didn’t feel as satisfying as all the things I could do to that bird killer.
I didn’t feel like the hero of not just Pandora (but the galaxy)– just a pat on the back, and unlocking ‘mayhem mode’. Pretty much it. We’ll likely never know what happened to a certain someone (that I cannot say due to endgame spoilers, who sacrificed themself to save all of us).
Now, this mayhem mode endgame content is, what I would call the pinnacle of a gun nut. It has modifiers that don’t just benefit you, but your enemies as well.. so it can turn into a fun clusterfuck that you gotta be ready for. But it can give you really powerful
weapons.
Also beating the game, awards ‘Guardian Tokens’ (not to be confused with Destiny 1 and 2) that are used to increase certain stats like weapon reload speed, Fight For Your Life duration, and increasing your chance to get those beautiful, powerful Legendary guns).
And with Season Pack II coming soon, it’s to be assumed this game isn’t going to die out anytime soon (which is good).
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And so I will discuss.. why it took so long to complete compared to 1 and 2. It wasn’t exactly ‘enemies were very hard’.. it was more, of a mental issue this game brought upon me.
Nomatter how much I try to ignore it, I cannot escape it; the feeling of “not being good enough”– this feeling has plagued me for eons, and sadly this version of Borderlands is where it hurts the most.
See, since Borderlands 1 I’ve soloed the campaign and the DLCs. Though I don’t feel like
I ‘sucked’ back then (never blamed myself, just the difficulty of the enemies). Because I had no one else “showing me off” with how ridiculously hard they can hit compared to myself.
Borderlands 3, changed this for the worst. I have a lot more friends who also played it. I wanted to play it solo, so bad.. but my friends had different ideas. Seeing how good they were compared to me, it made me feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself.. angered I will never be as good as them, as I will never be able to share their mentality.
I already know I’m bad at this game, but again I didn’t really feel it’s my fault (just the difficulty of the enemies)… time and time again, they breezed through content I struggle on. Same level as me, just MUCH.. much better skilled.
Let me say this on layman’s terms here..
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Me: Basic skilled, do my best to look at weapon/grenade mod stats; going for high damage, high accuracy and handling over anything else. I understand weapon damage types (blue: shields. corrosive: armor, fire: flesh).
Kovo and Nova: High skilled, Nova alone can tell what a gun’s stats are just by looking at the gun itself (not needing the stats). They’re able to decimate enemies before I can even aim. They also know the world inside out.
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See what I have to go against? I can’t compete with that! Half of me doesn’t really wish
to, but I just can’t help but feel “why am I even here? They’re doing all the work. I don’t even feel I’m contributing.. all I’m doing is being carried by them!!” Kovo swears up and down that they do need me.. yeah, to make THEM look good.
Several times, I decide to just ‘go with it’ by doing absolutely nothing (standing there watching them killing everyone.. I keep hoping that one of these days the two will see “yes there’s a problem” and maybe possibly help me be good as them).
Yet who am I kidding? To get to their level would require something I keep stepping all over, saying it doesn’t exist to be good. But the word won’t go down without a fight, and always overpowers and does the same to me.
That word, is “effort”. The word is a like a boomerang– try to throw it away, and it comes back nearly killing me. And sadly, I kind of NEED their help with how mayhem mode is. This isn’t something I can solo.
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That word REALLY hit me when I played with Wufy. I tried to do an event (part of the main story) called the Circle of Slaughter. Couldn’t get to a high enough level before getting overwhelmed by constantly running out of ammo. Wufy helped, and.. he’s the main reason why I stopped playing for months– telling me things I already fucking know, really didn’t help my mental state.
At least, for the longest time.. this is what I had assumed was the reason why I stopped playing. I was actually with Kovo, and we were working up to nearly completing the entire game. Upon seeing this, is when I decided to get back into it.