It seems that life thinks I haven’t had enough drama in my life for awhile, so it created some in the form of the person who’s planning to do my commission request, DMing me.
The person started the DM saying “so, I was thinking”, and I’m thinking “oh no, is there a problem with the commission? Do I have to pay you more now?”
There was indeed a problem with it, but not of “I need more details of what you’re looking for” (or) “I’m unable to do the model for you”, it was “You can’t use this for the catwalk event as you didn’t make it, it wouldn’t be fair.” Yet the person said “I’ll still make the model”.
The…whole purpose of asking for the commission, was for the catwalk event. I am paying you to do the work for me… yet you tell me it would had never worked, all because of some invisible rule (that I never heard Twitchin or even Kibble say)?!
Plus, I expected to see “do you still want me to make the model?” (as it would be more of an ‘adult’ response), yet instead you tell me (in my extended sarcastic ways) “but, you’re still going to pay me, so I’ll make it anyway. I still crushed your hopes and dreams, though, and I’m not sorry about that.”
I didn’t know what to think, when I was told (in the first paragraph). I went silent for 10-15 minutes. Except “this was still MY idea, you know!” Then it turned to anger, thinking “okay, fine. Then I guess you don’t get my $20. You should had kept your fucking MOUTH CLOSED if you wanted the money.”
It took longer until I started thinking about what was said, and that’s when the anger turned towards myself (and my obvious failure to use common sense). Just because it wasn’t mentioned by those two, I still should had thought of what would happen if I actually had won, and was asked “did you make that model?”.
That’s not all. The person was also the one that indirectly gave me the idea to do this (after the mention of the catwalk event). The person’s waving their hands, saying “I’ll do commissions for reasonable prices.” It was my fault for assuming “hey, I could get that Best Boi I wanna do, made by someone else for the catwalk event. Yes!”
And with that, I tried to tell the person “Since you feel it wouldn’t be fair (and you’re probably right), then cancel the commission please.” No response, and suddenly I remembered just how ‘fucky’ Discord is for them (and know they wouldn’t see it). So I have to track them down (again), just to tell them “deal’s off. Sorry.”
Later that day, I got someone that helped to track the person down. Got up to them, and asked them to please check their DMs. They claim they can’t do that when on VR, but said they would. That’s all I wanted to hear, and I logged off before they could say anything else. And I’m probably not going to play VRChat for a very long time (until I get over this, which doesn’t feel possible).
Never did get a response from the person, who I assume is quite disappointed in me. But that’s fine, because I’m more disappointed at myself.
To me, not using basic common sense (that commissioned avatars wouldn’t be fair to use), I don’t deserve to play, or even have that commission made as a personal avatar. I’m going back to my stubborn ways of “if I can’t do it myself, it doesn’t get made”.
*sighs* …I wasn’t even in it for the Steam gift card. I.. just wanted to feel appreciated (even with a commissioned avatar). Not to mention, I was also trying to lose the ‘furry’ look (ridiculed by low IQ teens for ‘being a furry’ (when I’m actually a scalie)). Folks, just because I like the Best Boi model, doesn’t make me a furry. I’m not even into the whole fursuit crap; I wouldn’t be caught dead as one.
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But in other ways, I’m actually glad I didn’t go through with the commission. As I said before, it was because of desperation. It was all because of that damn cap, that I went through so much hell with. It would had been a lot easier, if the person didn’t make the background the same fucking color as the hat itself.
I just don’t have the patience for this kind of thing. Plus, what would others think of me, when they saw this thing popping up? Would they feel “I’m happy that you’re happy”, or “you’re an embarrassment”? I personally am fine with commissioned avatars, but I don’t know how others would react.
It’s easy to say “don’t care what others think, only care about what you think”. But what I think, isn’t just getting my money’s worth, but being respected.
As you can see, it’s going to take a lot of convincing to get me back to VRChat. And no one has time for that.
But that’s fine. VRChat’s boring anyway.