When you’re too depressed to even find enjoyment in watching a Youtube video (over a video game)… you know you need help. And not help in the game, but help from outside of it. Aka, to rethink your life.
And you guys know the game, right? The game I still wish I could go back in time and stop myself from having angry talk me into it.
Came on today, and Saint was on. I told myself to remain calm (and also don’t ask him about getting him to come visit me). Ask him “are you surprised to see I’m back home?” He says “I assumed you got bored and left”. I said “Well.. it’s the fact you logged out and I didn’t know how to get back to my boat.” And he says “ohh, didnt think about that”
…Didn’t….DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THAT?!?! AFTER I FUCKING TOLD YOU THE MAP IS UNRELIABLE?! …Oy. He said he was sorry for leaving me there. I said “luckily I had my alt save me and got me back to my boat”. He said “i have this habit of forgetting that not everyone knows everything i do”
*sighs* I calmed down after that, and forgave him. Honestly, I can’t stay mad. It would be silly. Everyone makes mistakes.
After that, I told him I was going to head back down to the area and attempt to do the mapping, and said “don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to go down there. You do your thing, and I’ll do mine.” I wanted him to do his work; no sense of him having to come down there (again), when he has stuff to do. It’s only fair. Yet I started debating with myself if this was the right thing to do (and I don’t just try to use his map instead). But I feel, that …well, I wanted it done in a way I could see it better, and be able to work with it.
I set sail and went down there. After exiting the canal, I met Lathe who wondered if this means I’m actually going to found the place afterall. I told him that the option is still on the table, but I haven’t 100% decided yet (and this is true). Docked in the canal thing and got out. The horse I tamed, was still tamed (so that means no mobs were here since I left). I looked in my backpack…and noticed I forgot to bring my gear with me. B2 had to come down there to give me it, by the time Sol went down. Since it was dark, I had him stay there until Solrise.
I tried mapping out the first tile in Deedplanner. I adjusted the global height to 25, and started adjusting the slopes. Started having an issue trying to make the tile at the bottom flat, but eventually after much trial and error I figured it out. But as I continued to play with it, the slopes just didn’t match to what I was seeing. Started getting frustrated to the point I want to pull my hair out, and debated about just going on and getting the 13.5s. Someone told me yesterday that “you’ll get a little silver back if you disband”..but I find that hard to believe. It wouldn’t give me a full refund (for not being happy).
I asked GL-Freedom, if there was an easier way to do this without deeding. I spoke to Yaga (dev of WurmClock), who told me that either I deed it up or map it out manually. Another person suggested to try to do a flat plan (and then worry about height afterwards). Thought about it, and looked at Deedplanner. Sure enough, there’s a ‘Water’ ground option! THIS will work, I thought. Went right to it, going from tile to tile, and placing what’s there. Within an hour later, I was DONE! FINALLY.. I have the area mapped out!! Now to go home, and try to think of what my future deed will look like.
Arrived back home, logged out and tried to get to work on a plan. …….And, no. I didn’t know where to start. I had a few ideas, but as usual, my emotions were fighting with me saying “how will this look? How will that look?”, and I couldn’t answer. I had no answer. The main idea I had was to ‘kick’ over the canal thing to face the center of the area, raise up the center, put the token on it, and build a “town square” around it. But the real issue was trying to figure out where my house would go.
That idea went to having the house next to the canal thing, then having a bridge to..something on the other side. But I just could not think of any ideas of where or how to put it. “Time to go in Wurm and bitch to Saint!” I thought. Oy.
And that’s what I did. Told him I had no idea how to start (and everything I just said). So he got to work, and, as usual, none of his ideas I liked (because they just don’t feel ‘normal’ to me. It doesn’t feel like something I would build.
As he worked, I tried to show him what my place looked like in Deedplanner (this is the next best thing of having to come over here).
I also talked to him about Tulsi (though saying “my friend” instead of his name), about me wanting him to build a 3×3 (if he ever got his Carp up). He suggests I plan it, and he makes the planks/nails. Now that plan would work well, if it wasn’t for the fact of having where his house will go being part of the wall keeping mobs out.
I could see myself setting up the 3×3, yet him not logging on for an X amount of days (for whatever reason he has) and trolls able to get through the nice gaping hole in my fence and kill me. When he’s ready (and stays on long enough to build the back walls in order to re-secure the deed) then I will do it.
.
Much later, he asks me “do you need an altar?” I said “I dunno, it’s debatable, but not right now”. And instead of that conversation ending there, he tells me that sacrificing rare items is “a good way to get 99% nutrition”. Ohhh, here. we. go. DRAMA ALERT!!
“Saint”, I said, “I don’t care about nutrition. Keeping my fat layers in check is all I care about”, adding “the less annoyances in my life, the better.” And that goes for real life as well. He keeps trying to convince me that cooking is a good thing, that it will help keep not only your Hunger bar from getting lower, but your Water bar. Told him I don’t care. I don’t FUCKING CARE!! It’s MORE FUCKING GRINDING!!! Watching more numbers go up! FUCK THAT!! I want to do something FUN, like exploring! Not standing in one place, clicking on the same buttons for hours!
That proves he is NOTHING..like me. Stop bullshitting, acting like you are. And since that, I (a lot more dots) dunno. I was waiting for him to defriend me, but he never did. He just continued helping me with trying to plan out the area.
Clearly, this game isn’t for me (and hasn’t since Day 1). I even said “before you tell me ‘maybe Wurm isn’t for you’, there are NO games out there that are for me!!”
He suggested WU. I told him my experience with that game (which wasn’t good). I said even WU is community-based, but I would rather join an official server than the server of someone I’ve never met before (and deal with their BS).
.
.
And..that was basically it. I…I dunno what I’m going to do. I thought of visiting Green Dog and that deed in Exo again to get some much-needed inspiration, yet I feel it’ll be a waste of time. On top of that, I found out I got barely a silver left in my deed. That just proves just how much silver I’ve spent.
My anger with myself, has nearly turned to tears. Why do I refuse to change? There’s been so many great changes to this game (including cooking), and yet I still live life as if it’s still 2010. If I actually did the things Saint does..maybe I might actually.. enjoy it for once. But how can I enjoy watching the QL (and the enchants) of my tools go down upon use? How can I enjoy the fact I’m going to have to get them re-imped (and re-enchanted)? How can I enjoy the fact I have to use the Impalong (again) to do this?
Blacksmithing, is the main bitch in Wurm. Almost everything, relies on working with metal in one form or another. And again, I have to stand infront of a hot forge, clicking on the Create button in the Crafting Window (or imping with various tools, watching their Damage numbers go up until I got to get THEM replaced (such as a pelt). You can never rest. You are ALWAYS doing something! Either having to hunt for a pelt, having to hunt in order so you can get meat to make a meal, or standing infront of a forge! …How is this “fun”, I ask you? But like I said before, I did ask people if they felt this was fun. And their answer was “no, but it has to be done“..just like real life.
This is not the gaming experience I want to have. On the verge of disbanding OR, uninstalling the game, and trying to see if it’s at all possible to go up to a doctor or someone and get my Wurm memories erased. If not, then let’s pay for the research! I want them GONE! I want to forget I ever played Wurm!
I feel for doing so, I would had been much better by now.