It’s been a week since I visited the server, and that’s it. I’m done. I’ve officially made up my mind.
I had thought of staying on the server. Yet knowing the only way to build roads is via a town or doing this stupid franchise thing. The more I thought about it, the more I disliked it to the point I’ve convinced myself to leave.
The whole franchise idea would had been too much on me. Even my road planning skills are questionable. Why I never built highways and interstates of my own map. For people to expect top quality would just be too hard on me.
Plus, the thought of having to work with others instead of myself… ugh. Just won’t be the same anymore. It won’t be what I enjoyed doing, which was building roads to express my Creativity.
Now, roads are handled by the Admins. And interstates… you have to have Frumple’s permission. Which of course, is fair if you don’t look at it from my perspective.
People claim they don’t want me to leave again. Yet I know in the back of my mind, they still want me to change. Even though they never say it. I keep getting bothered by a few people in Mumble, asking me if I built a town yet. Really. Why must you harass me like this? This is why I feel I’m being talked about behind people’s backs. This is one main reason I left(again).
I just feel I’m out of place. It reminds me of some movie or game.. dunno what, of being told that you don’t really belong here; that you’re outdated. I think it was the original Austin Powers movie, when they defrosted Austin and told him that the 50’s are dead.
To be honest, it really upsetted me when I left. I was upset at myself; the guy who just refuses to adapt. I don’t wish to feel this is Day 1 all over again, yet in another reality when I never became a Mod.
Roads are my thing. It’s what I do. Hell, I could even do a transit system if RailCraft worked with that server. Heard they tried and it caused the server to crash. But if they could had gotten it working, I could had shown them what the W2TS is like. And they could had shown me a few things.
Sadly, that isn’t going to happen. They’re still using the default way to utilize a transit system. Oh well, I guess.
Another reason I left, it’s what Tom1 told me when I asked him for “advice” on the matter. He said: “You have devoted all of your life to gaming.” He also mentioned how he was tired how I have said over and over that I’m going to quit. Said he could make a book’s worth with it. As true as these two things are, they also feel like a wakeup call… and I hate wakeup calls. They’re worse. :/
Meh. Try to get it out of my head. The best I can do. Just like the server. Though I did undo my ‘mistake’ of visiting. I even went as far as to publicly announce it, saying; “Well, guys. It’s been….. a fun visit. But it must end. I will not return, as too much has changed for me to handle. So, goodbye.”
Then I quickly quit to keep from seeing the shocked responses.
I’m sure even as I type this, mass-“What the hell happened?!” is happening on the server. But at least, no one will be in the dark. Shockingly, I haven’t gotten a single email about this. Maybe they just feel there’s really no need. This is good.
I just want them to know that I’m no ‘celebrity’. Being on since Day 1 is nothing to be proud of anymore. Neither is being an ass and shoving “I’m a former mod!” in people’s faces.
I don’t blame the server for this, as I didn’t blame it before. I, caused this mess. The road rules have been changed four times because of me. They don’t want to see big roads. They want to see towns. That was one of the reasons the server existed in the first place. Again, this is completely understandable! But my selfishness is all “FUCK towns! I want to have fun MY WAY!!” The server doesn’t need this. They need me to not be this. I’m not going to change my ways. I am a road builder. Nothing more.
And I HATE dislike working with others.
Ergo, why I left. They don’t need the drama, even though they got a really good chunk of it when I announced my leaving…. let that be the last bit of drama they ever see from me.
I also asked CG in Mumble, if I could be demoted to Member as I felt I didn’t deserve Trustee. And I found out the only reason I have it, is because I haven’t done anything wrong to the point to warrant a demotion. So it has nothing to do if I “deserve” it or not.
Well, no longer a problem anymore.
Do kind of wish, most MRTers actually played WoW and were on the same server as me. We could do a Guild. That way, they’ll be in my element.
I will return to WoW — where I was before I visited the MRT. Let this be the final MRT-related blog post I will ever make for the rest of my life.