I’ve had it. Enough is enough. I’ve just reached that point where even the roads I’ve built, I don’t care about anymore (due to the rules). I had said, I would make my decision after the GSM. That decision was to stay through the Mole and see how it treated me, which I got eliminated from. That was near to the last straw.
I knew I would be eventually, but to have ‘Part 2′(yesterday) go so… crappy for me? I’m not even contributing to getting the diamonds of every round, nor have I gotten an exception since Challenge 2 of Episode 1. All I did, was “Uhhh.. what’s going on here? Guys? Where are you? …. Why is this guy shooting at me?! Help!”
And here I call myself a “dragon”. Pathetic. Dragons are wise. Intelligent. Brave. I’m none of that. All I want to do is argue when things don’t go my way, all the time, and not care about the consequences of my actions. And I’m a coward, but not when you annoy me.
To sum it up, I’m a spoiled brat who has yet to grow out of being one. I also feel I’ve been “Trusted” for far too long. I want my recognition for trying to make the server a better place, and not treated poorly.
I’ve also wanted to dare the Mods to ban me when I’m ticked off, looking for an excuse to quit the server. I finally got it this morning. Though it wasn’t a ban nor even a warn, it was enough to think “you know what? Screw it. I can’t handle this anymore.”
It had to do with the results of The Mole. It was Tom1, yeamanator, and myself in Mumble. Though shocked I managed to get up to Episode 6 when I got eliminated, I was also upset due to people I felt that were “lower” than me got eliminated later. That felt quite pathetic.
I’m also half-pissed at Yoshi for making something so… stupid of a game where the Mole is immune to everything and gets to do whatever they want. And even if you suspect (or have solid proof) it’s him or her, or even get to the point where you say “Yoshi, this person is the Mole. Game over”, it really doesn’t work like that, because the Mole can never be eliminated, since there’s no voting on who gets “booted off the island”.
It all has to do with a stupid memory test, and half the questions aren’t even about the two challenges you did of that episode. Whoever invented that game should be shot! The rules are rigged that the Mole always wins nomatter what!
How about we do “Survivor”, hmm? That way it’s fair for everyone, and it’s a battle of whits, survival, and who you can trust not to literally stab you in the back (which I would lose), and not who scored the worst on a stupid test!! If I wanted to do tests, I would go back to school. ….. *sigh* It doesn’t really matter now.
Going back to what I was saying (and the main reason I left), I was trying to fake my anger on Tom1 (who played KittyCat11231 who turned out to be the Mole all along), and told me he wasn’t, and said he wouldn’t lie to me.
So I said “you lied to me. Why should I believe you now?” to get a reaction out of him, but Tom is one to do his best not to get into fights and ignored me, even though I was joking.
Tom would never lie to me. I’ve always trusted him, and he’s a good guy. Yet for him to say “I wouldn’t lie to you” to conceal his Mole identity. Knowing this was why I was half-mad. It felt like a betray of trust. Yes, it’s a game, but I always don’t see it like that, which is pretty obvious with all of this ranting I’m doing.
Moving on, Yeamanator, suddenly reacted as if I was being completely serious (yet, how could he tell I wasn’t?), and then he proceeded to shove Frumple’s rule in my face about ‘how not take things so seriously, that it’s a game’. That… that was my boiling point. The tip of the iceberg. The match to the cannon. The… you get the idea, I was rather ticked and let him know that. Also, at this time, there was a server restart about to happen. The perfect time to conceal quitting and never coming back.
He even tried to scare me by saying he was going to warn me for not treating it as a game. He shouldn’t had done that, because that just made me even more furious. And I was all “Oh?! Uh huh. Ok. Bring it on!!“(didn’t say that, but my attitude was if I did). Even said “I’m just looking for a reason to quit the server. So go on, do it”. Literally daring him. I was that ticked off. He then told me to calm down and and then said wasn’t going to warn me. Guess I surprised him there. In my opinion, he should had. He wasn’t doing his Mod job by keeping the peace. I would had if someone did that to me.
Yet all I wanted was a response from Tom, not lip from yeamanator. And when Tom finally spoke, it was in defense of what yeamanator said. I just couldn’t stand this anymore. It was a wakeup call. Though the call isn’t what you would expect me to do, which is actually see “yeah, it’s a game. I should treat it like one!”.. right. I don’t do that. Not Minecraft. Not any game have I said “it’s just a game!”
I knew what I had to do. So when the server finally restarted, I quit Mumble and the server, then proceeded to remove everything related to it. Emails, Mumble account, server IPs, Skype Friends, Steam Friends… everything. I want no part of the server and its activities anymore. I don’t even want to know it ever existed.
But yeah, you can’t help but to look back on the conversation. I could had did that better by just PMing Tom. Didn’t know yeamanator would react to what I said (should had), and even the way he reacted to me caught me off-guard.
Well, no longer a problem now. I am done, and I’m not coming back. Nomatter how much people beg. And even if they see this post and reply, I’m just going to delete it. Let’s just say it’s best you never knew me. Just forget I even showed up on that server.
And if I have so much as one thought of feeling remorseful and wanting to come back, I’ll just re-read what I said in here to convince myself I made the right decision (once again). Overall, I will never get the respect (as in a proper title and WorldEdit) that I’ve deserved when I “quit” the server as a Mod. I’m definitely not going to get it now.
Yet what’s funny? How I complained about always being in the spotlight when I was a Mod, and wishing I was a Member and treated like one. I got my wish, and I’ve been regretting it. It’s that “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it” thing. Because, mostly the “might get it” is a bad thing, and never good.
I’m just never happy. Always fighting with my emotions. That’s why I just can’t be a part of that server anymore.