This would be considered a “prequel” of my latest blog post. It was on a Monday (the 29th). I’ve been meaning to do this for a long while, and decided to finally do it.
Yep, that’s right, I’ve resigned from the MRT Server. The main reason is I was bored with Minecraft and Kerbal Space Program really had my interest. But that’s not the only reason.
The secondary reason was me, and me VS the community. Allow me to explain the “me VS the community” part.
When I showed up on Day 1, I was so happy to meet Frumple in person. I wanted to be as helpful for the community as possible. I never wanted to be a moderator. But I got the job. I do admit I was a tiny bit jealous over BioHazard_Stuff getting it before me, but he was more helpful than me on Day 1.
The only reason I got it, I was traveling up the Green Line when I noticed parts of track missing, due to someone placing ice.
And as they say, with great power comes.. well, you know the rest. It wasn’t the fact I couldn’t handle the responsibility of a Moderator, hell no. I was tough, firm, and ready to jump in your shit if you start something. Yes, I was a bit too.. over-protective of the server. But that’s how I am when I care for something a lot.
But one thing that drove me over the edge, was WorldEdit requests. The requests, that never seem to stop coming. And the requests of people who are all “I’m so sorry, but what are you talking about? What points am I supposed to place?”. Even talking about them make me rage a bit inside. I can’t stand utter stupidy.
But this is just one of the many secondary reasons why I left. The other major one, the way I am of what is a threat, and what is just a harmless joke. I am supposed to fucking know this, as a Moderator (who also was seen as a possible Admin).
Oh yes, I forgot to mention that. They saw me as a possible Admin. Being a mod was really all I cared for. An Admin, you have more responsibilities. I tried to tell everyone that wanted me to be one, this. One day I fucked up any chance of being one.
It had to do with NEI. There were features that were only accessible if the server owner would install them.
I begged and pleaded to Frumple to consider installing it. Never happened. Plus this was also during everyone being on and hearing me. Embarrassment level – high. That killed any chance of being an Admin.
Another thing is when ActualFacts, my best friend on the server was banned due to some kind of “identity crisis”. I needed time off, but was never told how long I could take off. I had said I would be back in a week and played WoW. But when that day came near, I felt like I was being ‘forced’ to come back. That’s when I started to get bitter and had a hatred of anyone that asked for WorldEdits. I felt it was becoming a chore, and the fun of helping others died out. I dislike having to do things for other people, and prefer to just be left alone (and used WorldEdit for my own personal game).
In other words, I was somewhat abusing my mod powers. When reality finally hit like a brick to the face, is when I started thinking of just quitting.
Moving back to the whole “what is/isn’t a threat” thing, it hurt who I was trying to represent of my… *facepalm* RPing. It felt shameful to call myself one when I kept screwing up like this, and I was constantly seen with a ‘bag of shame’ over my head; literally, I had a paper bag over my skin’s head.
Not to mention I tend to overreact to certain situations, and that’s part of the ‘tip of the iceburg’. One night, I was notified that a member had an Airport in their city, even though airports are banned.
I talked with said guy who had the airport. He claims, this Admin allowed him to build it.
Do you know what I did? … What I shouldn’t had done (and I wish I could undo it). :/ I overracted, and chewed the Admin out by saying that he wasn’t doing his job enforcing the rules that they wrote.
Let’s just say the response wasn’t pretty. I wasn’t nearly demodded for it (though I should had in my opinion).
I was told by him after deeply apologizing about the whole ordeal, that the Admins, they don’t want to come on because of me. Yes. This is true. I was in tears, after I read that.
It’s because.. well, this has to do with something else: DasNexus’ roads. I’ve always thought of him as a threat, and especially so one day, when I saw him changing one of my old roads! But due to the new road rule, I didn’t have a leg to stand on. Please don’t remind me of the old road rule, or I will have to hurt you.
This isn’t what really caused it (and sorry for not getting to the point. I will, I promise!). The main thing is seeing Das’ elevated roads, piller’less. The new road rule states the Admins were going to check if roads are realistic, and not floating. Again, they weren’t doing their jobs. They weren’t doing what they said they would; what I eventually agreed with. The only reason why I agreed to the new Road Rule, was hearing the Admins would do something about unrealistic roads. And they aren’t doing shit!
The kicker to this, is no one but me, was complaining about them. Not a single person. Every fucking time it’s about roads, I’m the one that whines! Do you know how shitty this makes a person feel?
Hands down, let’s just say of the secondary reasons, I’ve made a lot of bad decisions that I’m not proud of. 🙁 Decisions I wondered I should just quit. Finally the guesswork of that nagging question is dead.
.
And that, my dear readers, are the main reasons why I resigned. Do I regret it, even a tiny bit? I do. The visions of my island, and that awesome treehouse that Yoshi made for me during one of the staff meetings (that I don’t have to attend anymore! WOOT!), keep bugging me.
But those are the only things I’ll miss. The rest… the rest can burn in hell for all I care. I am done. I wasn’t even there for the Anniversary. I could had quit then, but I felt it would be even worse than now.
To say the community cared for me, is BS. All they “cared about”, I was so gullible of doing WorldEdits for everyone.
A handful of people do actually care for me, and that handful I’m still talking to in Skype.
I’m not against the server in anyway. All of this crap had to do with me, not being able to handle being ‘told what to do’ (aka WorldEdit requests) and how I react to people in certain situations. This is why I usually play Single Player whenever I can.
Unfortunately, the server doesn’t seem to want to let me go quietly. I swear somewhere on it, they got some kind of memorial dedicated to me. What I mean is Episode 50 of the Snapshot. Around 4:50 in the video, Chief mentions about “some sad news”. Then I hear my name and I facepalm so hard.
Ontop of that, Frumple’s email of my departure (read it a day after this blog post)… well, it had a few sentences I’d never seen him say anything like this since Day 1. One of them is “I couldn’t had done this without you Benie”.
I doubt I was the glue holding that server together, after all the drama I caused on it. Maybe on the first week, but still… no reason to treat me like a celebrity.