{"id":8814,"date":"2022-05-04T14:06:46","date_gmt":"2022-05-04T18:06:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/?p=8814"},"modified":"2022-05-05T17:29:47","modified_gmt":"2022-05-05T21:29:47","slug":"thank-you-for-being-a-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/2022\/05\/04\/thank-you-for-being-a-friend\/","title":{"rendered":"“Thank you for being a friend!”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Totally didn’t rip off the Golden Girls theme song to go over the subject of this blog post.
\nFirst the TL;DR version<\/span>:<\/strong> I no longer have to worry about Malice seeing me as ‘boyfriend material’. Infact I never had<\/span> to worry. Sure the tension was definitely there, but thankfully their relationship is still good.
\nBecause for Malice’s own health, he has to ignore what happened: bottle it up and hope it never leaks out. So that’s basically what happened yesterday in a nutshell.
\n–
\nAnd now the normal version, with added material…
\nWhile I was working on yesterday’s blog post, Malice was thanking me for being with him via Discord. He wasn’t really sure what caused him to suddenly unbottle all of his emotions at once. Told him he was having an emotional breakdown. But just incase he had forgotten, I also told him on how uncaring Jelly and Legal were being that night. But I really didn’t have to is he already knew the whole thing.
\nBut after I mentioned why I didn’t sleep in VR with him, he stopped talking and went offline again. Felt I said something wrong, but how? It should be perfectly understandable that I wouldn’t want to damage my headset. Went back to work on my blog post.
\nThe evening came and Malice messages me, and.. again thanks me for being there. My fears start to become realized, especially the fact he’s playing his favorite game solo. but I try to play it cool and just keep working on my blog post.
\n…I forget to charge my trackers and controllers (again) when 9pm came (when I usually get on VRChat), so I had to wait for that. Why, oh why can’t someone invent a wireless Vive tracker charger?! With how frequent most people that have FBT use their
\ntrackers, surely someone would have something like that by now. …But it doesn’t
\nexist.
\nI might want to invest in getting a USB charger strip, some two-sided velcro, and strap it to the top of my dresser. This way, I’ll have an easier way to plug in my trackers and controllers (with shorter cords that won’t get tangled with everything else).<\/p>\n

Wow did I go off-topic there. So anyway, while I was waiting for my trackers\/controllers to charge, I was talking to Jero in Discord about his faulty left controller. I was thinking he was going to pick this day to fix his controller, as ‘tired Jero = risk of damaging stuff’. Instead he worked, as a financial security blanket. So that’s very understandable. Said he would pick the next day and “might stream it”. My prayers for a successful controller surgery go out to you, Jero. \ud83d\ude4f
\nCame on around midnight with everything now charged. I ‘mentally prepared
\nmyself’ for ‘the realization’ that Jero will likely not be on that night (as he would be asleep). Yes.. I know this is likely ‘silly and stupid’ to you. But it helps my mentality.
\nWatched Youtube videos on the TV. A minute later, Malice logs in and shortly after asks for an invite. “Was he actually waiting for me to log in?” I asked myself. Accepting his invite, my mind starts thinking “well fuck, he wants to tell me himself that be dumped Jelly.”
\nKeep trying to play it cool as Malice joins. He says nothing for the longest time. Then Jelly and a friend of theirs joins me. Silence, for a long time. So very odd. Is there something wrong with my headset? Suddenly Jelly says something very random. ..Phew, so it’s not me. You guys were just in a call.
\nIt seemed everything (at the time) was alright between Malice and Jelly. Was very thankful. Infact it was even better than I hoped when we were all on the bed (for some reason). There’s this person that has been coming to Malice’s work place, that he really likes. And he believes of himself being lonely IRL, is what caused his mental breakdown that night. So he starts to message the guy in Telegram.
\nLater on after the guy heads to bed, things start to go a bit sour. I can’t remember what started it, but what I do remember is talking to Malice about relationship stuff. Apparently he’s both in this open (with Jelly).. and<\/em> in a polyrelationship. Uhhh. Although he
\nknows, he KNOWS how messy this is… he stays with it. ..Why?<\/strong><\/em><\/span> I mean I get lonely, but come ON dude!! This is ridiculous!! You don’t NEED this.
\n—
\nSo later on, I’m laying down on my back and Malice is laying next to me. He checks his heart rate and this time.. it’s dangerously low. His heart rate is going from 60 to 47. He also claims he just passed out a few times. Dude, don’t you want to tell Jelly about this? Or contact your mother? Jelly hears me and starts repeatably asking “what’s going on??” Feeling I just fucked up because I wanted Malice to say it instead of me, but Malice did finally tell Jelly.
\nEven later on, Malice and I are talking while Jelly’s looking in the mirror. Then he
\nsays “screw it” and motions Jelly to come on, and tells him “I love you”. After that, his heart rate goes back to normal. Like he managed to re-bottle everything.
\nThis almost feels like what Kovo goes through with Nova, but without the heart rate
\nissues: the whole ‘damned if you do damned if you don’t’ thing of being stuck in a relationship you don’t want but you know leaving will make things worse on you. With Malice, it’s more of a ‘life or death’ thing. He can’t handle it, not just mentally but physically. It’s going to end up literally killing him. Even though he’s 21-years-old.
\nThis is why I felt what he was truly going through, was weed withdraw. He’s been feeling so high, so relaxed and stuff, that it’s become a drug to want more. But like I said
\nbefore, I’m no expert. I’m just guessing, going by how he’s acted.<\/p>\n

One other thing happened last night. Scooby joined us and was depressed about something. After a long time very carefully trying to get him to open up to both myself and Malice. And what he told me, reminded me of the first time I met Garruk in that train world (if Garruk was an asshole). The guy tricked Scooby, how the two had a lot in common. They ERP’d, then later on telling Scooby “by the way I have a BF” and then apologizing for forgetting.
\nScooby blames himself for not seeing this sooner. Malice and I both tried to tell him this is not his fault, but the fault of the guy. But of course it’s going to take him a long time to get over this. Malice believes the guy was lying about having a BF. Sounds like a male black widow.<\/p>\n

5am came. Time for bed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Totally didn’t rip off the Golden Girls theme song to go over the subject of this blog post. First the TL;DR version: I no longer have to worry about Malice seeing me as ‘boyfriend material’. Infact I never had to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,25,26,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8814","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computing","category-drama","category-love-drama","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8814","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8814"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8814\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8816,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8814\/revisions\/8816"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8814"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8814"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/benies-blogs.com\/general\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8814"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}